Misère

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A misère version of a game is a game that is played according to its conventional rules, except that it is "played to lose"; that is, the winner is the one who loses according to the normal game rules. Misère is the French word meaning "poverty".

In combinatorial game theory, a misère game is one played according to the "misère play condition", namely that a player unable to move wins. (This is opposed to the "normal play condition" in which a player unable to move loses.) For most games this is the same as the ordinary use of the word, but a very few games are actually misère games according to their standard rules, for example sylver coinage.

PROLOGUE Now reader, I must tell you this story before I tell you THE STORY! James and Patrick were walking to school as normal. They met Alex there. Alex said, “I have a very important secret to tell you.” Patrick exclaimed excitedly, “What is it?” James said, “I dunno? Who’re you asking?” Patrick replied, “I’m talking to Alex you idiot! Now, TELL US ALEX!” Alex said, “CALM DOWN, calm down! Today at recess I plan to climb the world famous Dinosaur Mountain!” “No way! How are we going to go up in the snow?” Patrick wondered. “Patrick, it’s time to use your lucky foldable snowmobiles,” Alex answered. “Oh, no. You will NEVER use my snowmobiles. You’ll get SNOW ON THEM!” yelled Patrick. “Let me guess what’s coming next, ‘That’s what they’re meant for Patrick, and stop daydreaming!’ Oh brother, here we go again.” “That’s what they’re meant for Patrick, and stop daydreaming!” Alex yelled. “Alright, alright. But JUST THIS ONCE!” screamed Patrick. James was about five feet tall, wasn’t that great in school, and always got straight Ds. His hair went off in 500 different directions and his shirt was always wrinkled or had a big stain. In gym class he would always wear his shoes that his mom had said he’d “grow into,” but he never did. His eyes were a light walnut color as was his hair. Patrick was a bit different. He was the same when it came to report cards, but his hair was neatly parted to the side and his shirt was clean and tucked in. His shoes never came off. The bad thing was his memory. Most of the time it was good, but sometimes it would short-circuit. Anyway, they met after lunch on the playground. “This will be awesome!” exclaimed Alex in excitement. Then he added, “Unless there is an avalanche.”

	All three were ready to go. Patrick asked Miss Sarjint if he could bring his backpack to recess. 

“HHHHMMM! Last time I sent a kid out here with his backpack, he took out some lightweight foldable snowmobiles and drove up the mountain with two other students, and there was an avalanche and the school was destroyed. Let’s see. Oh, alright. Go and get your backpack and bring it out here. BUT MAKE IT SNAPPY BOY! I’m WARNING Y…” The door shut behind Patrick, and he grabbed his backpack and ran back outside. Alex and James grew too impatient. “C’mon James, let’s start up the mountain!” So Alex and James started running up the mountain. Miss Sarjint looked up from her book and said, “My God, those varmints are tearing across the mountainside again!” So she ran after them screaming, “EACH STEP ON THAT MOUNTAIN EQUALS ONE HOUR OF DETENTI…” But she suddenly stopped, for the ground started to break beneath her. Suddenly a streak went by her. “PAAAATRRRRRRRIIIIIIIICCCCCKKKKKKKK!” she screamed. The ground starting vibrating slightly. She cupped her hand over her mouth and said silently, “An avalanche!” Patrick raced up to Alex and James. “Got too impatient, huh?” he said. Alex and James turned around. “Patrick!” they exclaimed. Patrick opened up his pocket, reached inside, and pulled out two cubes. One was red, and the other was green. “Pick one and throw it in the snow,” he told the two friends. So Alex took the red one, and James the green; and together they threw the cubes into the snow. Suddenly the cubes transformed into snowmobiles. “Hop on and let’s rock this house…mountain!” yelled Patrick in excitement. So Alex and James hopped on their snowmobiles, and took off at top speed. At 5439 feet, the snowmobiles started to slow down, and then they…prrrfffttt. The batteries had gone dead. “Great! Just great!” Alex said. “Our batteries are dead, and we still have 543 feet to go!” All of the sudden the mountain started shaking violently, and Patrick screamed, “AVALANCHE!”

	They were slipping and falling down the mountain when Alex yelled over the commotion, “GRAB THE KICKSTAND OF YOUR SNOWMOBILE AND CLIMB UP ONTO IT! THEN LET IT GLIDE ON TOP OF THE SNOW! IF THERE’S TOO MUCH SNOW, WE’LL BE BURIED!” 

So as soon as they reached the snowmobiles, they hopped on them and glided across the top of the snow. “YEEHAH! YIPEE!” cried James. Alex saw fire trucks pull up in front of the mountain, and then dump boulders beside them so that they made two circles around the mountain, the outer one of trucks, and the inner one of boulders. The snow hit the layer of boulders and made a ramp for the snowmobiles. “After we hit the ramp, talk into the speakers on your snowmobiles and say, ‘Inner self’,” said Patrick. So after they hit the ramp, they flew up into the air, and cried, “Inner self!” All of the sudden, the snowmobiles sprouted wings, and an airplane dashboard replaced the snowmobile dashboard. So they all said bye in the air, Patrick said that they could keep the snowmobiles; and then they all flew home.

When Patrick got home, his mom asked him about his day at school. He opened his mouth to say he had skipped some of it, but just ended up telling her that he had had a perfectly normal day.

When Alex got home, nobody was there. So he decided to continue on his blueprints for his latest idea, a laboratory. He marched up the stairs and into his bedroom to work at his desk. But when he got to his desk, he found that every single blueprint and the supplies order forms were on the floor; except for one that he did not recognize! He picked it up and read: Dear Alex, I have snuck into your room, as you might have noticed. I am Harry, Harry Mishu, your long lost father. You probably know me as “Man of the Mountain.” I don’t know why such a good boy like you would do such a thing as climb a mountain. Yes, I am the one who bribed Miss Sarjint into not letting Patrick into the school. But I have failed. You have succeeded. But I warn you, if you ever do such a thing again, I will kidnap a family member, and I will haunt you for the next thirty years.

                                            Sincerely,
                                                         Mr. Harry Mishu

Meanwhile, at James’ house, his mom was yelling at him for kicking the cat-that had chewed his Transformer-up out the door. He had to go to his room, eat Kibbles & Bits for dinner, was forced to read the whole newspaper, and finally was grounded for a week. All he did was kick the cat! When the torture was over, he threw his supersonic-air-creative-awesome-listed-plane up the chimney. It soared through the back yard, and it rocketed into the aviary…BANG! “JAMES GEORGE PROBERTIN!” he heard his mother yell. “Go to your room and don’t come out ‘till tomorrow! You killed my precious canaries!” So James went to his room and sat on his bed, until, ccchhhhrrrrttt, ccccghhhhrrrrtttt! His sister was painting something on his door. Probably a pink unicorn! Thought James. As soon as she left, he secretly opened the door and painted a glow-in-the-dark monster over the unicorn. That night when his sister went to get a glass of water, she screamed and then fainted! That night all three dreamed about their next adventure on the mountain…

	Next morning, Alex awoke LATE! He got ready very, very, very

fast! “I’M LATE!” Alex yelled! As he was running, he tripped on the trapdoor in the floor that led to his new secret lab! He closed it as fast as he could. Alex sighed as he was running to the door. He got to school 2 hours late. His teacher sent him to the principal. He didn’t care. He was just happy that his lab was safe. Once Alex was back from the principal, he heard Patrick talking softly to the new kid, so called Mike. He said, “Hey Patrick, What’s going on?” “James is very ill,” Patrick said.

	“Let me guess. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Is 

it a fever?” “Yep,” said Patrick. “I bet I could come up with some kind of cure!” said Alex. “How?” Patrick said. “I really shouldn’t tell you this, but,” he sighed, “I have a secret lab under our house,” said Alex. “HOLY SMOKES!” Patrick yelled, “YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LAB?” “Sure do!” said Alex.

After school was over, Alex tried 

to make a cure for James. He needed these things, annoying new baby sister hair . . . . . . . 25 200,000 drops of toilet water, 32 smashed toes of hippo, and last but not least 999,000 diapers. “I think I have all that stuff!” said Alex. “Lets see here. 25 annoying sister hairs, 200,000 drops o’ toilet water, 32 mashed toes of hippo, 999,000 diapers.” “Yep!” said Alex. “Sure do!”

The next day he went to school and asked Patrick where James lived. “He lives at the corner of Norris Drive and Hazelnut Avenue,” said Patrick. “About five miles from your house.” The next day it was Saturday. Alex rode his bike to James’ house. When he got inside he told James to take his cure. James said in a croaky voice, “Where did you get this stuff?” “From my secret lab!” Alex said. “HOLY SCHNIEKEIZ!” James said in his loudest, best voice. One day when J.A.P. were riding bikes to climb Dinosaur Mountain a man popped out of smoke coming from the mountain. He yelled, “Beware of the mountain.” He repeated it louder. “BEWARE OF THE MOUNTAIN!” He yelled. “AHHHHHHAHHHHHHAHHHHHHAHHHHHH!” They all screamed as they rode off to Alex’s house.

When they all got safely to Alex’s house, they had a meeting in Alex’s lab. They all planned to get that man. The next day they all got on their bikes. They had danger ahead of them. Once they got to Dinosaur Mountain there he was! Dressed in black robes! Before he could speak they threw a can of toxic waste on him. As he was melting he said, “BEWARE!!!” They rode off to Dinosaur Mountain! Chapter I: Ah Ha! BANG! ER, ER, ER! Alex was in his lab one day, working on his latest idea: A Time Machine. He just couldn’t seem to get it right! The clock in his lab struck midnight. He heard footsteps going up the stairs to his room. He then pressed a button on his watch. VVVVVVVV! He exploded into a million pieces, and came back together in his bed, pajamas on and everything. He pretended to be asleep when his Mom opened the door. “Alex? You awake honey?” she whispered. “I guess not.” And with that she left the room. VVVVVVVV! He appeared back in his lab, and started working on the Time Machine some more. He decided to test it. He knew that if it didn’t work, he’d be gone forever; but, he still wanted to see if his experiment worked or not. He stepped inside, closed the glass sliding door and typed in: July 17, 3500. He carefully turned it on and hit The Button; as it was labeled. Suddenly he started spinning around, and he felt sick. Boom! He hit the ground again. He stepped out, and was amazed by the sight! There was a sign that said: Welcome to Alexville, Alexland! People were popping up everywhere! They had strange watches on. Wait a minute, he thought, those are MY inventions that they’re using! And, they’re all riding in my time machines! I didn’t know that they could fly too?!?!?! And then he could hear a faint music to the left of him. He saw a whole crowd of people circling around a floating chair! He was currently working on that floating chair! Experiment #9999! Wait a minute. The old man on the chair was HIM! But how could he have lived for over 1,000 years? Oh yeah! He was currently working on a LIVE FOR OVER 2,000 YEARS drink. He’d had enough now. He HAD to tell the others. He jumped back into the Time Machine, and turned everything on, and…it just made a fart sound. He’d forgotten to bring the “special gas” that he’d created. Wait, if pretty much everything here was his invention, they must sell the “special gas” at a local store! But how would he know where the local store was located? That’s it! He’d disguise himself, and ask someone! He pressed a button on his watch, and muttered, “Traveler.” He immediately transformed into a traveler. He walked up to a person, and said, “Excuse me, do you know where the local store is?” The guy answered, “Yeah, just about a mile away. It’s down that road.” He pointed to his left. Alex ran back to the Time Machine. One problem-he couldn’t drive! He looked all around him, and miraculously, he saw someone turning on their time machine. He got out his SUPER BINOCULARS and looked across the parking lot, and then diagonally down. He saw the person press the RED BUTTON; and immediately a big silver board popped out. Then Alex put The Binoculars back in his pocket and pressed his red button. A big silver board popped out, and a voice said, “Welcome to your Kokelot Deviluee. If you are a beginner, press the green button to your right. If you are not, please have a safe trip.” Alex pressed the green button, and a suction cup came out with a wire connected to it. The suction cup placed itself on Alex’s forehead, and he was knocked-out for 10 seconds. When he awoke, he knew everything about the Time Machine. He especially knew how to drive one. The suction cup had poured all of the knowledge that you need to drive a Kokelot Deviluee, into Alex’s head. He pressed the RED BUTTON, but the Kokelot Deviluee only made a fart sound. DUH!, thought Alex, I need the “special gas” to make the Kokelot Deviluee work! So he got out of the Kokelot Deviluee, and looked for a taxicab. He saw one. “Taxi, taxi! Over here!” he yelled. The taxi stopped immediately. “How much is it?” said Alex. “Ten dollars per person. Get in the back if you want a ride,” the chauffeur said. Alex handed him ten bucks. “Where do ya wanna go?” the chauffeur asked. “The closest store,” Alex answered. VROOM, VROOM! Suddenly they were very high up in the air. Then they started going down again. It was absolutely amazing. Boom! They hit the ground. In front of them was a big building that said: HAJAK’S STORE OF EVERYTHING. Alex stepped out to see a flier at his feet that had blown out of the store on a windy day. It said: Sale on Kokelot Deviluees and Farsedy! That must be the “special gas” that I created, thought Alex. Then he saw the expiration date for the coupon. 7/19/3500. Whew!, he thought. I came here JUST in time! He tore the paper on the dotted lines of the coupon for Farsedy. Then he took the coupon inside, and picked out a gallon of Farsedy. When he went to check out, he handed over the coupon and the lady said, “You have a total of 50 dollars.” Alex’s eyes widened. He had come with exactly fifty dollars, but had spent ten of it to get a ride here, and he’d have to pay ten more to get back to his Kokelot Deviluee. That left him with only thirty bucks. He felt something paperish with his toe (he had a hole in his shoe). He quickly lied to the lady; “I think there’s a bug on my shoe.” He bent down and found a one hundred dollar bill. He gave it to the lady. She gave him fifty bucks as change. “Thank you for shopping at HAJAK’S STORE OF EVERYTHING! Have a nice day!” Alex could hear her saying as he walked out of the store. He got back into the taxi and they once more took off. When they got back to the parking lot, he saw his Kokelot Deviluee being towed away. He jumped out of the taxi, and yelled, “What are you doing to my Kokelot Deviluee?” “It’s unlicensed! If you don’t want it to be destroyed, you’ll have to pay seventy dollars to get a license! They never expire!” said a policeman. Alex only had seventy bucks left. He gave it all to the policeman. “Good thing you got back here in time. You could have been arrested, and this Kokelot Deviluee of yours would have been destroyed!” said the policeman. He gave Alex a license. He then pointed a finger to it and muttered, “On to the back of Kokelot Deviluee 39101292.” All of the sudden the license plate flew onto the back of Alex’s Kokelot Deviluee. Alex noticed that the number the policeman muttered, was on the license plate. Then the policeman turned to Alex and said, “Here, take this magical finger. It was invented by the great Alex himself!” Alex started crying with delight. This was HIS invention! “What’s wrong?” asked the policeman. “Um-er-I’m happy- that I-er-um got my Kokelot Deviluee back?!?!?! Um-yeah-yeah that’s it!” Alex lied. “I’m very happy for you, too!” answered the policeman. “Have a good ride back to your home!” Alex hopped into the good old Time Machine (Kokelot Deviluee). But he couldn’t do time traveling in broad daylight! He’d just have to fly into outer space and then do it. He pressed the RED BUTTON and the big silver board popped out. He pressed the ultra boost button in the right-hand corner. It just made a fart sound again. Oh yeah! He’d forgotten to put in the Farsedy! He opened the cap on the top of the dashboard, which was labeled Farsedy Tank, and poured in the Farsedy. Then he pushed the Ultra Boost button, and with that, blasted off at the speed of light into outer space. He could see Mars from here, and there were whole cities and countries on it. He couldn’t be seen, so he pressed the Ultra Boost button, and blasted off to Uranus. Then he typed in: July 16, 2003. He once again started to swirl around and around. After about ten minutes, BOOM! He hit the platform in his lab from where he’d started. It was six o’clock in the morning. His alarm would go off in an hour! “Ah Ha!” he said. He’d uncovered the secrets on how to drive his Kokelot Deviluee. He pressed the button on his watch. VVVVVVVV! He exploded into a million pieces, and pieced back together in his bed. “Test successful!” he said to himself. He HAD to tell the others. Chapter II: The Time Machine BBBBRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG! Alex’s alarm clock went off. He woke with a startle. “Huh?” he said in a lazy/croaky voice. Then he REALLY woke up. “Oh yeah!” he had just remembered the night before. He listened for any sign of his parents being awake. Nope. He pressed the button on his watch. VVVVVVVV! He appeared in the kitchen, ready for school. Then he heard his Mom waking up. She walked down the stairs without noticing Alex. Alex secretly pressed the button on his watch. VVVVVVVV! He reappeared in his lab. He patted the Kokelot Deviluee. “Good old Kokelot Deviluee,” he looked at his watch. 8:04, it read. Oh no! Alex was one minute behind being late! VVVVVVVV! He couldn’t be seen doing this, so he reappeared in his locker. Only one problem. His locker was LOCKED. He pounded his fists against the door. Finally, he heard someone coming. Two. No, THREE! It was the bully. Buzz wanted to get the whole school back, for jamming him in the toilet. He had hypnotized the principal. Alex had imagined the other person. BUZZ was now the PRINCIPAL! He could tell the teachers to torture their students! All of the sudden, Alex had a good idea. He couldn’t be seen though. That’s it! He’d reappear under his desk! VVVVVVVV! He quickly got onto his chair. “And just where do you think you’ve been, Alex?!?!” the teacher asked. Alex had been spotted. He had to come up with a lie. “The bully was chasing me in the hallway, and I ran in here to hide from him under my desk. I was the first student here. You were gone Miss Sarjint.”

	“Oh, yes! Now I remember!” she replied. “I was-oh, why do you care?” 

Alex leaned over to tell James. “I built something really cool in my,” he quieted his voice more, “my l.a.b. Meet me at my front door after school. Pass it on.” James quickly told it to Patrick. All of the sudden, Buzz was on the speaker. “Torture your students. The janitor will be coming to Miss Sarjint’s classroom with a rifle. She will shoot the following: James, Alex, Patrick, Ryan, and Frank the nerd. Thank you.” All of the students were steaming mad. They all marched down the corridors, making their way to the principal’s office, with James, Alex, Patrick, and Ryan in the lead (Frank was being trampled over). When they got to the office, they all saw BUZZ! They attacked. All 924 of them. “Mommy! Mommy! I want my Mommy!” Buzz was screaming his head off. The REAL principal was no longer hypnotized. “What’s all the commotion down here?!?!” he barked. Alex said out loud, “Everyone, touch the person in front of you! Quick!” Only six people didn’t. They got in huge trouble. Anyway, 917 students did touch the person in front of them. Alex pressed the button on is watch. VVVVVVVV! Everybody disappeared. They reappeared on the playground. The Baby Bulldog (that’s Buzz’s assistant), who didn’t want to get in trouble, had touched the person in front of him, and had not showed up on the playground. “I must need to make adjustments on this watch.” Alex said to himself. Meanwhile, the principal was yelling at Buzz and the other six kids. They were given a one-month detention each. “As for you John, you will be given two-months of detention!” “No, please, I’ll do anything you tell me to do!” “Okay! You will spend your two-months in detention. STARTING TODAY!” replied the principal. “NNNNNOOOOO!” screamed Buzz.

. . .

“So about the “time machine”?” Patrick asked Alex after school. “Come on guys; I’ll show you!” So James and Patrick followed Alex all the way into his room. “Both of you; hold on to me,” Alex told them. He pressed the button on his watch. VVVVVVVV! They swirled and twirled, but nothing happened! “Wait right here guys. I’ll be right back,” said Alex. He set his watch onto his bed. Then he ran down both of the staircases, and came to the tiny mouse hole in the wall. “Pooseegona!” he said. Then the mouse hole started to grow taller; and then wider! He entered, and pressed his hand against the elevator that stood there. “Access denied,” a computer replied. “I need to make adjustments on that too!” Alex said. Then he tried the voice recognition system. “Computer, this is Alex, Master of the Laboratory,” Alex told the computer. “Welcome Alex!” the computer replied. The doors opened, and Alex stepped in. The elevator then took him down, down, down, to the Control Center of the lab. “Now for the adjustments!” he said. He walked over to the Disappearing/Reappearing Watch section. Then he typed in: Computer, On. A red flashing screen showed up.

  It said: Virus! Virus! Ha, Ha you big jerk! I’ve stolen your watch, and something else valuable! I’ve infected you’re whole computer system! Ha! And discovered your lab! Wait until the whole world finds out! Ha!

The Bulldog!

Just then Alex heard crashing noises. Something was destroying his lab! Then he heard James and Patrick screaming. He had to find out what was going on! He ran over to the elevator. “Open sesame!” he shouted. Nothing happened. Then, all of the lights turned off in the Control Center, except for the computers’ Blue Screens of Death. Alex quickly found a wrench that was lying about. He tried to pry open the doors, but he only bent the wrench! Then he remembered the Emergency Power button. He ran over to it. But on his way, he tripped over some wires. They happened to be the wires that made all of the computers work, including the computer with the Emergency Power button on its side. Oh yeah! Alex remembered something. There was a ladder that led to a trap door in Alex’s bedroom. He started to feel around for it. Ah Ha! There it was! He climbed up the ladder, and into his bedroom. James and Patrick were both lying on the floor, unconscious. Alex heard noises from the

lab. The pressing of buttons, the rattle of the machines shaking; everything was ruined! 

Chapter III: Gone! First Alex tried to wake James and Patrick up. He pulled his Mind-Control Vision-Ray out of his pocket. He had his finger on the button to turn it on; when he remembered that the Control Center was out of power! So then he decided to go check out how bad of shape the lab was in. He opened the trap door, and went down into the lab. What he saw was amazing. Buzz (of course!), and the principal were both standing there. They were using his watch! All of the sudden, Buzz transformed into a dog. He had a huge pink nose, his fur was yellow, with some spots, and he had mean blue eyes, a blue collar, and some pretty big looking teeth! Then his nose moved all around. He smelled something. He smelled Alex! Then he turned around, growling. He started to charge at Alex! He bit Alex’s leg really hard; and it was bleeding. Alex’s mom heard all of this noise; and she knew that it was coming from Alex’s bedroom. She started coming up the stairs. Oh No!, thought Alex, She’s going to find out about my secret lab! Then he heard her scream. She had found James and Patrick! Then he could hear her calm down as she discovered the trap door. “Alex, what is this?!?!” she said. Then she discovered Alex, leg bleeding; and she happened to see him right after the principal had shot a laser out of his KNOCK YOU OUT FOR AN HOUR gun. BOOM! It hit Alex right in the stomach. He fell to the ground. Then when the principal discovered Alex’s mom, he shot again. This time she avoided it. “You nasty little principal! You filthy rat! I knew it all along! You criminal!” she stopped criticizing him. Then she ran down the ladder all of the way. “Come here Buzz!” said the principal. The dog ran to him immediately. They jumped into the time machine, but the principal got his hand stuck in the door, henceforth dropping the gun on the floor. Then they typed in: 2,284,351 B.C. VVVVVVVV! They took off, and landed in the middle of a cave man war. There were spears going through the Time Machine, and all of the sudden they stopped. All of the cave men were scratching their heads, wondering what in the world had landed between the two sides. Then one of them said to one on the other side, “Fungryeteed godrewquin donphanforet!” which means, “Let’s go check it out!”

. . .

Alex’s mom picked up the gun. She saw a REVERSE button, and decided to press it. Then she pointed it at Alex, and BANG! Another laser shot out. It hit Alex, and he woke up. “Huh? What’s going on?” he asked sleepily. Then he remembered everything. “We have to go wake James and Patrick up!” he yelled. “Give me that gun.” She handed it over. Alex shot up through the trapdoor, and the laser bounced off the walls and hit James and Patrick. They both woke up immediately. “What happened?” they both asked Alex when he had gotten up the ladder. “Just wait a few seconds,” he replied. “Oh, now I remember!” they shouted. “Now about this lab thing Alex,” his mom butted in. “I knew I’d have to use this,” he said; and he pulled out of his pocket what looked like a fried chicken leg. “Is this a joke?” his mom asked. “No, I just want to talk to you at the kitchen table, while we have some lunch.” He said. So they sat down, and Alex handed her the chicken leg. “So, get on with it!” She sounded impatient. “First, take a bite,” he replied calmly. So she took a bite. Her eyes went around in circles, and then she looked at Alex. “Who are you? Where am I? This food tastes strange, what is it? What were we talking about? Huh?” She was the thing that wouldn’t shut up. “All of your questions will be answered soon, but would you first just SHUT UP!” he yelled. “Okay, but you don’t have to be so mean about it, you weird-o!” she said snottily. “What’s goin’ on?” James demanded. “You see, that chicken leg had what I call Memory Washing Poison. It basically wipes out every single one of your memories. I had to use it, or else I would have been in BIG trouble.” “I see,” he replied. “So, what exactly happened before you were knocked out?” Alex asked them. “It’s quite simple! We were just standing there, waiting for you, when Buzz and the principal walked into the room from nowhere. ‘And just what do you think you’re doin’?’ I asked, and he replied, ‘I’m here to see Alex, before everything is destroyed!’ the principal had told us. And that’s all we remember; because we were knocked out!” Then James continued on telling the whole story about his stupid dream about a unicorn, which isn’t very important.

“So about that “time machine”?” asked Patrick. “Well, you see guys, the time machine was stolen when the Bulldog was here.” “Ah, nonsense!” shouted James. “You told us you had a “time machine”, and we wanna see it!” “Yeah, we want to see a time machine, Alex!” “Okay, I guess,” said Alex. So he took them upstairs and into his bedroom, and opened the trapdoor. Then he led them down the ladder and into the lab. “See, I told you; the time machine is gone! And with it went my watch!” “Look Alex, I think you were just jokin’ about that “Time Machine” junk! We’re out of here!” yelled Patrick. “No, wait! In need help in the Control Center!” Alex yelled back, as they were walking away. But it was to late. He heard Patrick whisper to James on their way out, “Wait until the whole school of Springfield Elementary hears about this!” And with that he chuckled slightly. This is definitely the end of our friendship! Alex thought to himself. Oh why did I ever create that dumb old Kokelot Deviluee! But that wasn’t right; James and Patrick would join back together someday; maybe. But for now Alex’s biggest problem was that the whole school was going to find out about his lab! So Alex sat there for the next few minutes, eating a pickle as he thought. Suddenly, he had an idea. If the principal is gone, who’s the meanest person I know that could take his place? Hmmmm. Tough one. Wait a minute, Miss Sarjint! And I could possibly get James and Patrick into trouble for running out of the school grounds, and across the street! But how would I get them to do such a thing if they won’t even listen to me? Well, it would take something big to get those two to do something; especially if they wouldn’t talk to you. Candy? No. Getting rid of the lab to forget about the whole thing? NO WAY! Money? Yes! That’s it! Money! But where would I get money? Of course; my bank account! I have exactly one thousand dollars in it, I could possibly pay them each $500. AND double-dog dare them, but that would put the purchasing of lab supplies in jeopardy! But, if it was to win back friendship, Alex was willing to do anything, even if it jeopardized his lab supplies. Everything was on the line now. If it didn’t work, the lab would go bye-bye. Chapter IV: Here’s How The Plan Worked The next morning, Alex quickly rushed out of bed to get to the bank. He could not use his watch, because one, it was gone, and two, it had broken down. So he would have to secretly ride his bike to the bank. Then he got an idea! He went down into the lab and grabbed his supplies hastily. Then he ran into the garage and set to work on his bike. “Alrighty, let’s see. I’m gonna need a rocket booster. Got it. Now I need a wrench, screwdriver, bolts, screws, an invisibility charger, and a hover-motor. Yes, I’ve got it! Now to fix this dumb contraption up!” he muttered. “Ah ha! Time to go!” So he took his Flying-Rocket-Bicycle and turned the keys to see what would happen. He carefully switched gears; and, when he got to the correct gear, he started pedaling. The faster he pedaled the higher he went, until he got to the treetops. Then he leaned on the suspension spring, and the motor turned on! Now he was hovering above the tree. Next he pedaled backwards until the rocket boosters creaked, then held on to the brake. He slowly let go of the brake until…VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV! He blasted off at 300 mph. He had invented something! Now off to the bank. He thought. 3, 2, 1, BOOM! He slammed to the ground like a hammer and sat there for a moment, breathing heavily. Then he got off of the bike and removed his helmet. Then he ran to the doors and saw that they were closed and locked. There was a sign that read: WE WILL BE CLOSED JULY 18, 2003, DUE TO ROBBERY. Alex noticed that at the bottom was a code. It said: Alex got his Electro-Decoder #4 out, and used it to decode the message. He found out that all it said was: Rip need key go safe help. So he thought, One, what’s that supposed to mean? And two, the code is pretty much all fractions and division problems! He sat down on a bench thinking what it could all mean. He decided to see what would happen if he asked his Electro-Decoder #4 to explain. So he quickly explained everything to the computer, and it said, “THIS CODE MEANS TO RIP THE SIGN, AND YOU WILL FIND A KEY. YOU WILL USE IT TO GET INTO TO THE BUILDING AND THEN TO THE SAFE-ROOM. FURTHER INFORMATION DENIED.” Alex got it through his mind, and then tore the sign to shreds. He heard a clink, and a key fell to the ground. He picked it up, and slowly fitted it into the lock on the doors. Then he carefully opened the door, and cautiously walked to the back of the darkened room. He took out his Night-Vision Radars and put them over his eyes. Immediately everything was clear. The safe-room was dead ahead. He walked towards it, and surprisingly, it was open! Inside was a desk and a chair. Alex walked up to it, and someone materialized. It was Buzz! Buzz clapped his hands and said, “Guards, bind him!” All of the sudden, two men grabbed Alex and bound him with ropes! Then they tied a bandana around his head, so that it was covering his mouth. “Ibsh hgatke ygohu Bjusfzjz (I hate you Buzz!)!” yelled Alex. “Would you please stop calling me Buzz already! For I am Matthew Sordet! Your lab has been destroyed; the Kokelot Deviluee, the watch, the secret control center, and James and Patrick confirmed their memberships to the Bulldog Bulldozers Club yesterday! I will force them to stick with me, and I wish to have you thrown to my anaconda, so that I will have freedom to destroy your house; TONIGHT!” With that he gloated evilly. The next thing Alex knew, he was being carried away by the guards, and thrown into a car. Suddenly (after they had started off to their hideout), Alex had an idea. He quickly reached into his pocket, and removed his pocketknife. Then with the freed part of his hand, he slowly cut his binds one by one. When he was free, he shouted to the guards, “Hey look guys! It’s an all you can get violence buffet!” Quickly the guards stuck their tongues out and acted like dogs, and then jumped out of the window, only to fall off of the cliff. “AAAAHHHH!” they yelled. Now Buzz’s car squealed, and picked up speed. Suddenly Alex eyed something in the passengers seat. A parachute and a timed bomb. So Alex took control of the wheel and slammed the accelerator. The hideout was straight ahead. He took a heavy bag and put it on the accelerator. Then he took the bomb and set it for ten seconds. Next he put the parachute on his back. Four seconds. He rolled down the car window and jumped out. “Bombs away!” he yelled at Buzz, who was just getting out of his car. 2, 1, BOOM! The Cliffside started exploding behind him, and he floated safely to the ground. He took his Bike-Magnet out and summoned his Hover-Rocket Bike. In a few minutes, there it was, zooming towards him. Before it hit the ground, he hopped on and set it into action. “Here I come, Springfield!” he yelled. His voice echoed in the valley. Suddenly a guard who had had a parachute, was running towards him. So Alex turned the bike around and zoomed towards the guard. Then once he was two feet away from him, he turned the bike around again. The flame from the rocket boosters in the back set his hair on fire. “AH, AH, AH, AH!” the guard screamed. Lucky for him there was a lake near by. But before he knew it, Alex’s metal claw reached for him, and got his underwear. He was quickly lifted in to the air. “MY BUTT! OW!” he screamed. Alex chuckled at the sight of it. Then he wound the robotic arm up like a pitcher at a baseball game. Then WHOOSH! The guard was whisked into the air and landed in the lake. “CAN’T SWIM! HELP MAuthor of the Pioneers of Time 20:11, 19 March 2006 (UTC)!” he said as he was drowning. Alex laughed and flew away, watching as the mountains started blowing up, one by one behind him. But the mountains kept exploding, picking up speed, and the explosion was headed for Springfield! So Alex reached into his pocket, and grabbed a device that looked like a flattened spoon. He hit the keys to make the small screen read: TIME STOP: ONE WEEK. Then he hit the enter button, and everything stopped, except for a Hover-Rocket Bike in the air. “Time to un-ruin my life!” said Alex.

. . .

At the bank, Alex took one thousand dollars out of the safe, and left a note for when the time stop ended, that he needed a receipt. He went back outside and climbed onto his bike. Then he turned everything on, and leaned on the suspension springs. He flew home to see what the house looked like. When he got there, he could not believe his eyes. There were rescue helicopters frozen in midair, fire trucks stopped in the road. His mom was frozen crying by the pine tree. Then he saw Harry Mishu standing by his mom. The house had been burnt to the ground. The lab was melted! What a pitiful sight, he thought. The lab is gone, the house is gone, and Mom and Dad probably think I’m dead. Think of it: I can’t spend this money on lab stuff, I need James and Patrick! Now it’s friends or lab I guess. But he didn’t see the Kokelot Deviluee sitting in the burnt rubble! Chapter V: The Kokelot Deviluee II Alex zipped down to the ground, and hopped off. He noticed the Kokelot Deviluee at once. “That’s right! It’s fireproof! It made it! Now I must check the yearometer, to see what year this place has ended up in!” said Alex excitedly. So he ran over to the Kokelot Deviluee, and checked the yearometer. It read: END OF THE WORLD 2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. “That’s gonna take two days to get there!” exclaimed Alex. “If I’m supposed to do that and convince James and Patrick in seven days, then I might not get to do the time traveling! Oh, whatever. I’ll get this time traveling over with now.” So he ran over to the Kokelot Deviluee and typed in: END OF THE WORLD 2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Then he climbed inside and opened the Farsedy Jugs compartment and withdrew a gallon of Farsedy. He poured it into the Farsedy tank. He crawled over to the other side of the Kokelot Deviluee, and grabbed the Emergency Chainsaw. He then ran out of the Kokelot Deviluee and turned it on. RrrrrrRRRRVVVVVVV! VPHVPHVPHVPH! VVVVVVVVVV! He ran over to the pine tree, and with a big blow, he cut straight through the tree! “TIMMMMMBERRRRRR!” he yelled. Next he ran by its side, skimming it with the chainsaw, so that it tore off the limbs and bark. He turned it round and round (it took a couple of minutes for one turn), until it was what looked like a giant rounded plank of wood! Then he cut the tree in half, and made boards of pine! He got out his Time-Stopper and fast-forwarded through the next two hours. Suddenly everything blurred in front of him and BOOM! In a flash everything was two hours later. On the back of the Kokelot Deviluee, there was a small cabin made of…pine! Alex ran inside the Kokelot Deviluee and slid the door shut to keep out the cold. It was a great idea, but his feet accidentally hit the Travel button; and blasted off to the end of the world! “AHHH! What’s going on?” As he turned around, his feet hit the buttons again, to make him travel to 2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 B.C.! Suddenly there was darkness, and the engine failed. So it turned around, and started doing a nosedive! Alex was traveling through the darkness before space was even created! But he had other matters to attend to; for fire was now building up on the nose, and was about to melt the engine! Alex had an idea. He grabbed the second to last jug of Farsedy and tried to pour it into the tank. But it all just ended up on the windshield (It’s highly flammable!)! Now the fire was two inches away from burning the windshield, and the Farsedy was starting to bubble! So he grabbed the last jug of Farsedy and successfully poured it into the tank! Tah dah. Alright, whatever. The engine turned back on and was fully functioning. So he fixed the problems and headed off to the future!

. . .

July 18, 2003 Alex’s Kokelot Deviluee: Mission ½ complete. Alex woke up at 9:30 AM the next morning, to the sound of…well, lasers, zapping, some kind of screaming, and laughing in a different language! He got out the Electro-Decoder #4, and hooked up the microphone and headphones. He saw that he had landed on some alien planet, and Dudeoriums were gathered around him. They were pointing and saying, “Yo, like that like dude like has like an like old like fashioned like Suck- like Machine like dude…LIKE!” one of the dudes said. “Uh, like, yah like! Doooooooooodish! Like!” like another dude said. This is hilarious! There are actually alien teens out there! thought Alex. Now I have to get outta here before I’m duded to death! This is getting really annoying! Alex realized that the Kokelot Deviluee was broken down. So he listened to the dudes to see if they said anything about the Time Machine. “Whoa like! This like dude like is like Alex like! My like old like wrinkly like dude like told like me like that like in like three like thousand like five like hundred like that like this like dude like actually like visited like here like once like before! Like!” said Dudeish, an official of the Like Dudey Like Academy Like (L.D.L.A.L.). “Mon like! You’re like talkin’ like ancient like dude like!” shouted a pedestrian named Boblikedude. “No’ ya tawki’ da sevenys!” yelled some dude with an Afro, a peace necklace, and bellbottom pants. Okay, this is getting really annoying now! thought Alex. “Well then, let’s see here.” Alex was saying to himself. “The landing seems to have malfunctioned the engine.” He eyed the dashboard, as a message ran across the screen: MALFUNCTION. OVERHEAT IN CORE SOURCE OF ELECTRONS SURROUNDING POWER JUNCTION AREA. “Hmph,” said Alex. “Very strange. There’s never been an overheat in the electrons surrounding the power junction area!?!? Well, might as well take a look.” So he stepped out of the Kokelot Deviluee, only for the ghost of Elvis Presley to take him by the shoulder and lead him to the dance floor. In the distance he could here Cher and Sonny singing, “I got you babe. I got you babe.” And Weird Al singing, “Why did you have to go an’ make me so constipateeeeed?” “Come on dude! Join da poty!” yelled someone who Alex thought to be from the seventies, because he had no idea who he was. So Alex was forced to go to Elvis’s concert. But he had a master plan forming. He wouldn’t convince James and Patrick with money to get together with him again; he would take them on a vacation, to none other than the Prehistoric. Alex took a scrap of paper out of his pocket, and in minuscule writing, wrote down his plan. After that he listened to the rest of the song that Elvis was singing, and then secretly and quietly ran away to the Kokelot Deviluee.

. . .

At the Kokelot Deviluee, he took out his flashlight and looked around in the main source of power. “Doesn’t look like there’s been any overheat here for ages! Whaaaaaaatever,” he said. So he climbed back into the Kokelot Deviluee and yawned. “Oh, yeah. I forgot to make,” he paused to yawn, “make sure that it will still ru-u-u-un.” He yawned again. He sleepily climbed to the dashboard, and typed the keys so that he would go to the future. Then he slowly pressed the red button, and crawled back to the back of the Kokelot Deviluee; and plop; slammed down in his bed. All through the night he traveled through time, dreaming of the possibilities his new plan could create. First of all, he wouldn’t have to waste all of his lab supplies money. And second of all, he’d get to go on vacation; to a place that mankind didn’t even have history of. But he would soon find out that this was the worst of the plans, for he might never get to come back AGAIN.

Chapter VI: Convincing James and Patrick (with a little adventure) Alex woke to a sudden jolt of the Kokelot Deviluee. “What a night,” he tiredly muttered. Then he realized where he was. He was about halfway to Earth from Mars. But where was the Sun? He looked questioningly out of the window, only to find that the Sun was slowly bouncing from planet to planet like a pinball machine, destroying every planet. Then he took his Super-Calculator out, and showed the sensor to the sun. It said: In approximately one day, twenty-three hours, thirty-two minutes, and seventeen point eight seconds, the Sun will collide with the planet Earth. Oh no! Alex thought. I’ve only but a tad bit of time left to save my house! So he hit the Ultra Boost Button and blasted off right at the Earth!

. . .

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTT! This sound could be heard on Skyway 32,000,000,000,486,391 as someone was unmistakably trying to slam their brakes. It was Alex. He was slamming his brakes just in time to keep from hitting the ground. By the time he got down to 59 mph, he could see that everyone was headed into space. Hmmm. Why are people evacuating planet Earth? thought Alex. Suddenly someone pulled up in front of him and an old man rolled down his window. “Oh, what do you know, it’s me as a kid! Hi me! I remember this day! Oh those were the good old days, when I was you,” he said. “Wait a minute. You say that you’re me, only older? What the heck is goin’ on people?” Alex yelled. “Listen here me, time travel can get really confusing. Why don’t you figure it out when you’re me and another young Alex will meet you? But for now, I must tell you. You should NOT go to the Prehistoric. When I was you, I almost got killed!” replied the calm old man. “I’m not listenin’ to that crap! What a bluff!” And with that, Alex got onto the Skyway, carefully avoiding the insane old man that spit out junk. Now he saw a junkyard. He cautiously approached. There was, good as new; his house! So he got out his Super-Minimize-Thingy 3000 and shot it using his tool. There was a BOOM and a huge flash of light as the huge gelatinous ray zapped the house. Suddenly, it was gone! Alex ran over to the pile where it had been, and saw a little white thing that looked like a small house and was the size of a pebble. He carefully carried it back to the Time Machine, and set it on top of the dashboard. “Time to go back to 2003! But first a little rest.” So Alex returned to his bed and took a short nap (at least he thought it was going to be short).

. . .

He woke with a startle to find people running around, screaming. Sirens were going off everywhere, it felt like it was 1000 degrees in the Kokelot Deviluee, the Sun was unusually close and bright, and the heat was blowing up some buildings in the distance. “Oh no! It’s the end of the World!” yelled a panicky Alex. So he typed in July 18, 2003, and blasted off at the speed of light! Suddenly he was blown into space, and behind him the Milky Way blew up! Then everything started shaking from the explosion, and a ring of fire was destroying the Universe, and gaining on Alex! Then blue fire started forming on the windshield, and ZAP! BOOM! Alex landed safely in his front yard. His front yard. He was home at last! “Now, where’s that house?” he asked himself. “Oh, there you are. Now to fix this up!” So he took his Super-Minimize-Thingy 3000, and zapped all of the rubble into a speck of dirt. Next he got out, and went over to the middle of their property. He then placed the tiny house on the spot, stepped back, and…BOOM! The house was re-maximized to its original state. Alex brushed his hands together and hopped back into the Time Machine. He hit the button, and the big silver board popped out. Then he lifted 4 feet off the ground, and drove to James’ house.

. . .

At James’ house, he let himself in. James was frozen in midair; obviously he had been practicing his Karate moves. Alex got out his Hypnosis-Beam and his Time-Stopper. He pointed the Time-Stopper at James, and hit Un-pause. Immediately he fell to the ground, and said, “Oh, it’s just you. Who wants to be friends with a big fat liar?” “Look, I’m sorry about the Time Machine thing, but would you believe me if I said that it’s outside?” Alex said to James. “Well. Hmmmm. Tough one. How about, NO!” yelled James. “Well then. Looky what I got!” said Alex, waving the Hypnosis-Beam menacingly. “Oh. Well, in that case, sure! Whatever you say! Heh heh, heh heh, heh!” replied James babyishly. “So, what are we waitin’ for? Let’s go on an all-expense-paid trip to. Hmmm. How about, let’s say, the Prehistoric?” said Alex. “Wait a minute. First I gotta see this “Time Machine”.” “Alllllllllrighty then!” said Alex excitedly. So the two headed out of the door and to the Kokelot Deviluee. “Wow! This is awesome! Let me just check if it’s plastic or cardboard first.” James said. “James, come on. Would I really make something like that?” “No! I was just jokin’!” And with that, James ran over to Alex and hugged him. “I’m sorry!” James said. “Now let’s go get Patrick!” Alex replied. So they ran over to the Kokelot Deviluee and climbed inside. “This is really cool, Alex!” James complimented. “Oh, it was nothin’ really. Why don’t I get you some extra room?” And he hit a button on the dashboard to unveil an extra room. “But Alex, now this thing is bigger than it appears to be on the outside!” James exclaimed. “Oh, so someone finally believes me that I invented that! It’s just an optical illusion on the outside. Pretty cool, huh? Now let’s see here. Rockets, on. Engine, on. Fly-Power-let’s see…engaged! Looks like we’re ready to go!” Now the two friends lifted off of the ground, soaring through the sky like a red and blue bird.

. . . At Patrick’s house, Alex and James stepped out of the Kokelot Deviluee only to step on a crack in the sidewalk. This was not just ANY everyday crack in the sidewalk; it led to the world of Neroni. So Alex and James stepped onto this crack, when Alex paused and said, “James, do you feel, well, the crack under our feet is splitting apart? I’ve heard of something like it before; I think it leads to some Prehistoric village of Neroni. Oh, whatever.” Alex sighed. But he was wrong, for suddenly the earth below them crumbled into tiny pieces. Then the two were lowered on a platform down, down, down, until…POOF! They were “poofed” into the village of Neroni, were there was a small fire in the middle of the huts. “ALEX, THE PORTAL IS CLOSING! QUICK, YOUR TIME-STOPPER!” yelled James. So Alex quickly shot his Time-Stopper up the hole in the air, and, he hoped he had aimed right so that he would un-freeze Patrick, and keep the Portal open. What a perfect shot, thought Alex. I got both of my targets hit. All of the sudden, Patrick jumped down into the hole, and said to Alex, “I saw your Time Machine Alex! You weren’t lying after all!” “Yeah, I told ya so! I knew you’d believe me someday!” said Alex. So Alex told him that he was in Neroni, and that if he promised never to befriend Alex again, he could stay in the Prehistoric, un-frozen. So let’s see them in the next chapter now. In the Prehistoric finally, hence the title of this book. Now I’ve got two words. Read on! Chapter VII: Prehistoric Conversations and Findings Let’s see, where was I? Oh, yes. Here we are. “Hey, Alex, what should we do now?” asked James. “Well, there’s only one thing to do guys.” “What?!?!” James and Patrick asked excitedly. “Well, I was thinking. We could either go to Dinosaur Mountain and make it into a kingdom inside, or we could throw away historians and make their mouths open in awe when three fifth graders tell them everything about the Prehistoric. Or both? I think personally it would be cool to watch dumbfounded “smart people” to stare at us in awe. But, I’m going to leave it up to you two.” There was silence for a moment, and then James and Patrick starting blabbering away. “Hold it a minute! Now, one at a time please. James, you go first.” Alex said impatiently to them. “Well, Alex I thin…did you hear that?” James exclaimed. “No, what?” said Patrick. Then someone suddenly emerged from the nearby bush. “And just who do you think you are? Wait, you’re wearing modern clothes!” said Alex anxiously. “I, Alex. Well, don’t you know? I’m Harry Mishu, your dad! I wrote you that letter, and I want to stop you from staying here! Neroni is currently at war, and there is danger that lurks in every mountain hideout around here!” Harry said. “Wait, how the heck did you get down here in the first place? I had a Time-Stop going up there,” he pointed to the almost closed portal, “and nobody could of broken it! I mean, how? I’m sure everything that I make is programmed right!” “Hold your horses Alex. It’s a little bit of a story. Let’s see, it was July 24, 1994, when I ran away. Ya know where I went. I joined the evil side of this world, which we called “The Empty Thieves”, because most of us hadn’t stolen anything yet. And as the years went by, I realized that this life wasn’t quite as good as it was when I lived with your mom, and you of course. This should answer your question about “How do you know about my lab?” Well, there’s this guy who’s quite an evil leader and his name is Michael Sordet. Have you heard of him?” He shuttered at the name. “Do I know the name? Uh, DUH! Does he pretend to be a kid named “Buzz”?” said Alex. “Yes, in fact he does go to Springfield Elementary School, so he could capture Alex Mishu. Oh, DUH! I didn’t realize that was you, Alex!” Mr. Mishu said. “I knew it! He tried to kill me about a day ago, I think. It all fits now! I’m okay with the info, not the canceling for my vacation. If ya really think it’s gonna be that bad, then you can come too dad, as long as you shut up about the whole thing!” So James, Alex, Patrick, and Harry set out to go to the capital of Neroni; Dinosaur Mountain.

. . .

That night, they reached a village called Zeruc, where they spent the night. Harry Mishu said that he could speak fluent Zerucian, but Alex thought that he was making it up. “Oh, man, this has been one heck of a day!” said Alex. “Hey Alex, let me see where we are.” said his dad. “Yeah right, has he gone mad? Nobody knows Prehistoric languages!” “Alex! This guy says that in daylight we can see Dino Mountain from here! Isn’t that great?” yelled Harry from across the field. “Oh yeah, just great.” Muttered Alex. “Were approximately ¾ of the way to Dinosaur Mountain, or as they say, “Muchiongi Dinogutyrihf”!” Harry yelled. Alex paid NO attention whatsoever, and just scrambled through the crowd to his hut. His hut. What a peaceful thought. So he said goodnight to James and Patrick, and he forced himself to go over to his dad and tell him that he was going back to his hut; but he made a bad decision. His dad quickly pulled him into the conversation, where he acted as an interpreter for Alex. “He says that someone named Buzz and someone named, well, he just said “the principal”, showed up in some odd thing made of colored rock. Let me see what he’s saying now.” This was Alex’s chance. Once again he ran back to his hut, where he slammed onto his bed, and noticed that it was cold. Oh yeah! Doors and soft beds haven’t been invented yet! So he used what tools he could, along with some rocks, branches, and motors that he had brought in his pocket, along with some of his other doodads, he created the Modern-Izer 3000! Next he set it for year…he thought about 2003…but he hit 2300. Next he hit Enter Command, and the hut started shaking, and blasted off into outer space. The Zerucians were totally amazed that a hut was flying! Alex said to himself, “Huh, there must be a malfunction!” But he was wrong, for soon he started falling again. Once he hit the ground, the hut emitted sparks and fire, and then blew up! He had attracted a crowd of what looked like thousands of Zerucians, and they stared at him like people in an old-fashioned classroom would watch a Dunce walk to the back of the room. Alex stood in the middle of the black ring, shocked by what had happened. Then, when it seemed like fifteen minutes had gone by, there was a low rumbling sound in the shaky ground, and they all heard what sounded like an airplane! Suddenly a giant beam shot down from Dinosaur Mountain, and zapped where the hut had been. Then a mansion appeared with a 3-HovaSkoota garage. Three HovaScootas appeared, and zoomed into the garage. Then everyone was lifted into the air, and below appeared HovaScootas! “WOW!” cried Alex, dressed in a futuristic space/robot suit. He was suddenly moved by an automatic sidewalk, into a glass tube where he pressed some buttons and shot down into the 24,000,000,634,837,287,434rd level: called THE LAB. “Ah, ha! Here we are! Now let’s see if I can make the computers fix my lab so that I can send it back to the future!” So he set to work telling the computers and robots what to fix in the lab, so he could send it back in time!

. . .

When the adjustments were made, he stepped back into the Rocket-Elevator, and went to the main level. Next he looked at his watch. It read: 12:07 AM, Putoris 2534th, 377,473,986,827 B.C. So Alex turned out all of the lights, and went to sleep… Chapter VIII: The Pet Tyrannosaurus Rex (Part 1) In his dreams, he wondered why the 2300 technology was better than the 3500. He kept racking his brain trying to find out. But it was no use. Oh well; I’ll just have to think about what to do while we’re here. So he thought about what to do…YES! He had an idea! After they’d gotten to Dino Mt., they’d capture a T-rex as a pet. But maybe that was too difficult. But NO! It was perfectly dangerous, adventurous, and probably exciting!

. . .

“Oh, poo! Is it already time to get up? I hate this! Mughjf.” James whined and muttered when his alarm watch went off. “What a crappy shack!” James always complained when he woke up, and especially when he didn’t get enough sleep. Meanwhile, at Alex’s palace, he got dressed and ran outside to meet the caller of the whistle. “Oh, it’s just you.” He mumbled when he saw Harry standing there, wearing his famous wide cheery grin. “Alex, come on! Get James and Patrick; we need to leave before those mischievous soldiers get up! HURRY!” he yelled. So Alex trudged over to the other two huts and took out of his pocket…a sound affect recording from the Matrix! He naughtily turned the volume dial, and tiptoed into James’ room. Next he turned it on EERRRTjhH…POOBOOM! “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” screamed James. He turned to Alex. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! They’re attacking! Help me Neo!” he screamed again, in fright. “SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE, JAMES! It was,” he sighed, “just a joke!” “Well ya don’t have to play your little recording right in the middle of a nightmare about the Matrix!” “Your allowed to watch that?” asked Alex. “Well-uh-whatever! You’re losing the point! Okay, okay, I’m up now! God!” he said. So Alex told James about his plan, and they set off to Patrick’s hut. “Don’t dilly-dally! There’s no time!” they could here Harry yell from around the corner. They secretly and cautiously tiptoed into Patrick’s hut, where Alex turned on his switch…EERRRTjhH…POOBOOM! Chapter VIII: The Pet Tyrannosaurus Rex (Part 2) To make a long story short, Patrick, was, let’s say ANGRY! He repeated what James had said, only more harshly, and I shouldn’t repeat it myself. He got so mad, Alex had thought that he’d skin them alive, but instead he said, “I’LL GET OUTTA BED ALREADY! AND ONCE I’M AWAKE, I’LL THROW YOU BOTH OFF MT. EVEREST!” So they waited, and he went back to sleep, only to wake up again to his hut being blown up by hand-grenades from Alex’s Prehistoric lab. “Alright, I’M UP!” he screamed. “Where are we headed?” “Six Flags!” said Alex. “REALLY? Wait, Six Flags won’t be built for millions of years you idiot!” “C’mon! I’ll leave without you!” shouted Harry, from 100 yards away. So they ran off, when all of the sudden, about 500 miles (6.876 HovaScoota minutes) from Zeruc, Alex said, “Wait, I forgot some thing!” “Oh, great! What a way to start a vacation!” complained Patrick. Alex turned the HovaScoota dial to full speed, and a wildly licking flame developed on the front. He was going to be there and back, in about 10 seconds! On the outskirts of Zeruc, Neroni, he stole a well-raised tame T-rex. Maybe I didn’t have to wait till the end of the trip! He thought. Now this trip has REALLY begun. And true was he, for the trip to Dinosaur Mountain, had just begun, and it definitely wasn’t going to end just like THAT!

1 minute away from the next village (Detromniuphonu Grutyerfal), there lies a cliff. This was, no ordinary cliff, it was The Cliff of No Return. In order to cross the “bridge”, you must have the talent of performing three songs chosen by the guard there, to use your best instruments: Appendageo Armthoven, and Smellyach Armpitousky. Yes, you arm and your armpit. The guard must hope and pray that you are wearing deodorant. Ooohhh. Scary thought, huh? Alex caught up to James and Patrick, with a giant jammed trunk that had the sides of a bag poking out, and was roaring. “Get rid of that thin…” James couldn’t be heard of the roaring of the dinosaur. “What the heck is that?” exclaimed Patrick. Before Alex could say anything, there came the sound of a scope-gun from behind. BETEW, BETEW, BETEW! “DUCK!” they yelled they each other. One of the shots hit James’ HovaScoota’s engine, and it soared down to the ground, picking up speed and twirling. It landed in a tree. “III’m O.K.!” came the familiar voice. Next another two bullets came and shot Mr. Mishu’s and Patrick’s HovaScoota engines. Soon Alex’s was hit and the trunk burst open, letting a roaring T-rex zoom towards the ground. Alex quickly turned around to see who was there. It was Matthew Sordet.

. . .

James woke up to see one of Sordet’s guards standing.

	“Who-who are you?” he asked.

“I am Hate U. Aton, or Salkin, the loyal and noble guard under the sworn leadership of Matthew Franklin Sordet, Captain and Emperor of the Empty Thieves, thank you very much. You shall refer to me as sir, or Guardian of the Cliff.” Salkin replied. James noticed that he was in a canyon, a bridge above him, gently running to and fro with the breeze. Alex was lying next to him, asleep. “Alex, get up!” he said, shaking Alex. “There’s this cool guy who claims to work for-for the,” he lowered his voice, “the Empty Thieves.” Alex suddenly jumped up, and yelled, “I’ll cut your head off if it’s the last thing I DO, SORDET!” Matthew Sordet could be seen in the distance, rising into the air, his cape rippling in the wind. His eyes were deep and merciless, his face burning red hot with rage. Suddenly a spear flew from the right side of the cliff. It didn’t kill Sordet, but it did make him fall to the ground. He got back and called his guards. Soon they were gone. Harry Mishu slowly turned his head upward, and…just as he’d thought. Cave Men. Chapter IX: The Cave Man War Somehow the cave men had gotten hold of their T-rex, and were about to throw it off the cliff when…Patrick woke up. It was as if he had been awake the whole time, for he said, “I know what to do guys!” “What the?” James exclaimed. “What the? What? Anyway, Alex, use your stopwatch doodad to transport your Time Machine to here. That’s if it’s not a cardboard statue and can really do time travel. Once it’s here, we’ll fly it over the cave men, and set their heads on fire!” he replied. “But Patrick, you know I’ve never gotten the stopwatch to work!” “Shut up! Just try already!” Patrick was impatient. “Alright, here goes.” Alex pulled out his Teleporter (disguised as a stopwatch) and typed in 39. Wait, what’s the license plate number on my Kokelot Deviluee? 39-39-39 what? “Patrick, what your birthday?” he asked Patrick. “October the twelfth. Uh, 1992. Why?” There was no time. Alex typed in: 39101292 ENTER>. There was a sudden blinding flash as the Kokelot Deviluee appeared out of thin air. “Alright, now what? Should we scream ‘AAAAHHHHH!’ in a deep voice as we lunge into the army up there while a pitiful choir sings ‘UhAHUhuh!’ in the background? Like the Lord of the Rings?” asked a curious James. “No, you idiot! ‘Member the plan?” said Patrick. “Oh, yeah!” “Oh, and before we do this we need to…” Alex’s voice was drowned by the shouts of the other three. They don’t know how to work that thing! He thought. So he ran over to the Kokelot Deviluee-which was containing its capacity-only on time to grab a hold of the trunk. He started to bite his lip as they raised a mile above the ground, his fingers were getting sweaty, and he was slowly slipping off. He quickly inserted his fingernail in the keyhole, now five miles above ground. They were going to high! But then they started to decline. Alex sighed as they started going down. About 7 minutes later, they were about a mile away from the cave men. James, followed by Patrick, then Harry, came out of the Time Machine with parachutes. “Grab on!” said Harry. Alex jumped on to his dad’s parachute and said, “Maybe you’re not that bad after all!” “Maybe WE’RE about to have a war with the cave men!” mimicked Patrick. “Don’t get mushy, we’re on a mission.” “Right.” Said Alex, clearing his throat. They lightly landed on the ground, all in one gesture. “We may live, we may die, but only on one account are we here. To defeat these dumb-dumb, and then to kill that retarded rat Sordet.” Alex told to them. They had approximately 43.967 seconds, but victory would be a simple win this time. These idiotic cave men hadn’t even invented the cave painting yet! Alex withdrew three laser-guns from his shirt. James was going to use karate. It was a David and Goliath kind of situation. A bucktoothed cave man with one hand stepped forth and waved his hand in the air, like he was holding a flag. Suddenly a low rumbling sound was heard, as the Time machine approached. “QUICK! BEHIND THAT ROCK!” yelled Harry. Everyone dodged a tree and went inside a cave-shaped rock. They peeked out to see the Kokelot Deviluee slow down and let the fire kill the cave men, then zoomed towards the ground at 200 mph. “NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” cried Alex, tears forming in his eyes. He watched as the precious Kokelot Deviluee, their only chance of getting back to 2003 was smashed to smithereens. And inside that was the mini-control-center to all of his technology that he’d brought with him. Everything in his pockets disappeared, and the Time-Stopper was stuck on freezing, so that the frozen time would never be undone. “Face it, we’re cave men!” said Alex. Chapter X: Trapped with the Cave Men! At the next village (Neronia, or Outskirts of Mountain), they traded in everything they had for: Four Reptilian Loincloths, 40 Long Spears, 4 bales of hay, 1 log, and 1 luxurious (2-roomed) wooden hut. Once Dinosaur Mountain was their playground. Now it was their home. The hay was made into beds, and to the cave men’s amazement they built a door with hinges out of a log. “Ka, nee sup ingut jus mapka unogut!” said one of them. I haven’t gotten the exact words yet, but it meant something like this, “Look, the new comers have brought gifts!”

. . .

Alex and James had created a giant campfire, and they all sat around it, singing a new song Patrick had invented:

Beware of the dinosaurs, (Ah, huh) As we sit here cookin’ s’mores. (Ah, huh) The cave men will catch you! If ya don’t, fight them too, You have the right, to throw at them some poo.

It’s doom! Pure doom! I’d rather ride the scariest log flume!

We’re trapped with the cave men! We threw our lives to the trash bin. We didn’t even get along with our own kin.

It’s doom! Pure doom! I’d rather ride the scariest log flume! (Ah, huh; ah, huh, ah, huuuuh!)

We’re trapped here, trapped here with the cave men!

Sordet, he did come down on us! (Ah, huh) And he looked like he wanted to cuss. (Ah, huh)

And with him he brought two guards, Who were so tired they would of played cards If we hadn’t but beat the retards!

It’s danger! Pure danger! I’d rather sleep in a scratchy old manger, With a scraggly old stranger!

Beware of the dinosaurs, (Ah, huh) As we sit here cookin’ s’mores. (Ah, huh) The cave men will catch you! If ya don’t, fight them too, They will, totally catch you! (Ah, huuuuuuuuuuh!)

“Dude, aren’t you tired dude?” Alex asked James, who was tired. “Uh, oh! I’m like totally like catching the Dudeorium like disease! Like!” he added (it was an excuse for going to the hut). So he ran away, leaving Mr. Mishu, James, and Patrick. “You know what, I think I’ll retreat for the night. My throat’s sore.” “Me too.” Said James. Alex had a plan of infinite escape. 3 miles away, was Dinosaur Mountain. He had heard legends of a gem within the core of the mountain, but nothing had ever been found. Alex knew that if he tried, he would eventually succeed. He believed.

. . .

Alex escaped the village at midnight to seek the gem. It was a dangerous mission, but he had set out with a few slices of venison, and a jug full of water (the jug was made of wood). Dinosaur Mountain loomed in the distance showing a sparkling top as if sprayed with morning dew. He at the last-minute he decided to rouse his dad and take him with him. “Dad, get up! I wanna go to get the Cretaceous Crystal!” “Huh? What? Ahmuphsufd.” Mr. Mishu rolled over. “Come ON!” yelled Alex. A yawn emitted its claim over the broken silence. Maybe James and Patrick would be a better idea! He thought. It was decided. The Plan had been plotted. The supplies had been supplied. The persons attending the mission…on Alex’s Memo Pad. The destination was confirmed. And last but not least, the danger was unknown. Alex cautiously crept into James and Patrick’s room and… EERRRTjhH…POOBOOM! Alex had kept one modern thing that hadn’t been destroyed, his tape recorder! “CHDUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” James steamed like a dinosaur. “OYAOYAOYA!” Patrick chanted, moving his tongue in and out. “Calm down! It’s just my recording! Now, I’ve got a secret mission on hand. IF, and I repeat, IF I can drag you imbeciles out of your be-hay bales, we are going to find the Cretaceous Crystal!” Alex shoved his fist into the air. “Yeah, whatever. I hope this is a dream anyway.” Said Patrick. So they secretly and tiredly set out for none other than: Dinosaur Mountain

. . .

   	“I’m tired.”

“My armpits are in lack of deodorant.” These were the complaints of the complainers: James and Patrick. “Shut up, will you!” exclaimed Alex. They were only half-a-mile from Dinosaur Mountain. It wouldn’t take much to get the Crystal, as they thought. But no, it was difficult. There were many unbelievable tales of a monster within: Sordet! Chapter XI: Danger Lurks in the Corners of every Mountain “Disgusting! What died around here, man?” complained James. “Probably just the dank interior, you numbskull.” Said Alex. Yes, they were (thought to be) nearing the end of their awesome adventure. Yes, they were homesick. And yes, they were tired. But suddenly something awoke them from their daydreams. Sordet was near. They could sense it. “Gee, did Sordet crap somewhere around here?” asked Patrick. “SSSSHHHH! He’ll here you!” hissed Alex. They started to make up a new song making fun of Sordet:

Sordet, he did come down on us! And he looked like he wanted to cuss. And with him he brought two guards, Who were so tired they would of played cards If we hadn’t but beat these retards!

Oh James had said, ‘Did somethin’ die?’ And we all shouted ‘Me, oh my!’ ‘Cause it sure doesn’t smell like pecan pie! Eeww!

Well then James said, ‘Who IS out here? THAT smells bad!’ with a tear, It’s rancid! Burns your nose like acid!

We’re almost there, We’ve had our stare, At this ugly, smelly, smugly, alley!

We hate it! We think it, Smells like horse…whatever! IT’S SMELLY HERE! YUCHT!

They were so busy singing that they had opened a secret passageway and now, before them was the Cretaceous Crystal! Little did they know that they all had tranquilizer darts aimed at their backs. James was just two mere seconds away from grabbing it when…

. . .

They all woke up about a day later. “What’s goin’ on?” Patrick demanded. Sordet stood over all of them, like a watchful mother eagle. “What’s goin’ on? Is that what you said.” He mimicked menacingly. “What’s happened is you’ve all been captured!” he screamed in their ears. James tried to get up, but he was chained to the ground. “You scoundrel! I’ll kill you one of these days!” he roared. “Well, before you can make a wish and say, ‘I wish I was free of this dumb chains!’ I’m going to feed you to my Tyrannosaurus Rex!” With that Sordet winked at Alex. The next thing he did was press a button on a remote and James, Alex, and Patrick were falling through the earth below them! They could hear roars below them, and when they looked down there was a hungry-looking T-rex waiting for them! “Hold on guys! I have a plan!” yelled Alex. “We’re going to be eaten anyway, but we will still live!” And with that he threw his tape recorder like a Frisbee. It skimmed through the T-rex’s mouth, chopping all of the teeth down to stubs. “AAAAHHHH!” they yelled, as the dinosaur ate them. In the distance, they could here the dinosaur belch loudly. “Whew,” said Patrick, “that guy could really use a Tic-Tac!” “No, an Altoid!” James said repetitively. “Tic-Tac!” “Altoid!” “TIIIIIC-TAAAAAC!” screamed Alex. “Stop! If were going to survive, we don’t have to fight!” “He started it!” argued James. “And, oh yeah, I’m not eatin’ him!” he pointed at Patrick. “He’s poisonous.” He added. “We are not cannibals! Are you retarded or something? Let’s get a fire going.” “Like in Pinocchio?” asked Patrick. “You watch that? What are you, a baby? Gees, you’re dumber than I thought!” said James. “Oh ye…” Patrick fell down, because James had punched him in the chest.

. . .

Alex had gotten a small spark that had caught fire to the dinosaur’s stomach. But there was one error. If the dinosaur died, they wouldn’t be able to escape through the mouth. If the fire burned long enough, it would burn through the skin, but that might take too long. As for now, they were roasting a dead guard that had accidentally fallen in. “I claim the brain! I’ve always wanted to eat one of those,” said James. “Gross! I personally want the bladder. Just kidding. I want the arm. I’ve always wanted to chew on an arm like corn!” said Patrick. “I call the leg!” said Alex. “Uh, the guard might have peed on that!” James reminded him. “Guards don’t wet their pants!” exclaimed Alex. “Well, you never know!” “Okay, okay. I’ll take the other arm!” “You mean the smelly sweaty filthy appendage?” “I’ll stick to the leg.” “He’s gross.” James leaned over to tell Patrick, but Patrick wasn’t there! “Where’s Patrick?” James asked. “Up your butt and around the corner. I don’t know!” answered Alex. “He wouldn’t betray me!” “Well you better hope I won’t too!” yelled Alex in fury. Chapter XII: The Cretaceous Crystal is lost Yes. It was true. The dinosaur had been lead down a tunnel that took them back to the Cliff. While James, Alex, and Patrick (who had been hiding in a corner the whole time), Sordet had snatched up his remote control and had made the dinosaur walk through a tunnel to regurgitate his visitors off of The Cliff. Meanwhile, Alex had been hearing a soft voice in his head, ‘Yes, yes. The fun is over, but you shall not survivvvvvveeeee…yesssss…yesssss…yessss…’ He woke with a startle, to see that two figures were singing like Girl Scouts around the fire. “Oh, look! Dere are those darn kidsh who never gave me dem Girl Shcout cookiesh!” he said to them in a mimicking old lady voice. “Uh, oh. It’s the wrath of the Tagalong lady!” whimpered one in terror. “Yeah, I know. What if she zaps us with her evil Melted-Thin- Mint-Ray, Jenny?” whispered the other. Wait, those figures aren’t James and Patrick! That’s Jennifer The Bully and Jo the Whiner from school! “I wish we had never been sucked from that crack in the sidewalk!” said Jo. “Uh-oh!” breathed Alex.

. . .

“Ha, ha, ha, ha!” the girls chanted. “Oh, shut up! We’ll make that Sordet beat you up!” shouted Patrick. “Well, hah! He won’t!” “Oh, yeah!” James squealed as Jenny tackled Patrick, and started ripping his hair out! “Ha! I’ll give him this so he won’t!” she told him triumphantly. “Humph!” Patrick screamed and hid in the corner as Jenny started to attack James. Then it was Alex’s turn to get pounded on. But before she knew it, Jenny was hit upside the head and knocked into the fire! “Fat Brat is my name, and dying in a fire is my game!” James teased. “Uh, oh,” murmured Alex. “What now?” asked James. “The voice,” said Alex. “Voice…” ‘Alex, where are you? The Cretaceous Crystal is far behind!’ It was his dad.

. . .

	“Alex, wake up!” Alex could hear James yell.

He got up and saw two dead girls by the fire. “James, Patrick. Your moms are going to kill you!” he managed to say. “What happened?” “Your dad’s voice sounded from somewhere, and then the fire went out, and there was a blinding flash, and smoke everywhere! Then the dinosaur blew up, and from the shining wonder, Sordet appeared. He said, and I quote, ‘Alex, you have done well! Meet your final challenge! THE GUARDIAN, HISHET!’ And then this terrible picture appeared and there was a roaring sound in our ears and…TCSHHH! We were free!” Patrick explained. Then, in the corner of his eye, Alex saw a shadow lurking in the distance. Sordet! He thought.

. . .

“Guys, look at this!” exclaimed James, when they were looking for Sordet. It was a code. But it was a shame, because they had discarded all modern things in their possession, including Alex’s De-Coder thing. This was the code:    

“Guys, I know what this is!” exclaimed Alex. “It’s some sort of Sordet language, I discovered it right before time froze…” He hit his head. “DANG!” he yelled. The Time Freeze! It’s almost over, and if we don’t get this over with in time, oh, I cannot even think of it!” Suddenly there was a boom from the clouds and a giant piece of paper fell down to their feet. “What the…?” said Alex reaching down to touch it. But when he touched it, it shriveled up into a smaller piece of paper. They jumped back and flinched, ready for attack. But nothing happened. So cautiously Alex picked it up and read:

Alex, Stop messing with my affairs! You suddenly protruded from the shadows and snuck on me! Under all circumstances, you must not take another step forward! That will mean I win because Hishet will devour you! If you don’t, you shall live and be forced to surrender! It’s an all around no possible escape plan! With all regret I am writing This letter, and I will dearly miss you, but I must do it. Master will be pleased. Master will take over the world. Master, will kill all Anti-Empty Thieve people, including you! And Master, Master will succeed in finally destroying the universe! Sincerely, Harry Mishu P.S. To give you a good start (even though Master wouldn’t like it), I will give you your first clue. My human form is Harry Mishu. But my Hirnisk form is Tehsih.

“I just don’t get it,” said Alex, “First of all, why does my dad want me dead? And who’s Tehsih? And what does he mean by “Hirnisk form?”” “Well, we do know one thing, Alex.” Said a misty booming voice. “Master is I, Sordet.” All of the companions wheeled around. Patrick got whapped on the head by a tentacle. Same with James. Suddenly Sordet appeared. “YOU!” shrieked Alex. “YOUR’RE HISHET!” “YES!” he sneered. “And I want to have the pleasure of killing you myself!” James and Patrick had now lost their color and their eyes were squinted. When they tried to talk they choked, and the tentacles were squeezing tighter around their necks. “LET GO!” yelled Alex, panicked. “Only if you figure out the puzzle in the letter! Time’s running out!” Sordet clicked his tongue. Millions of things raced through Alex’s mind at that moment, how…? Why? Suddenly he got it! “The first part isn’t a puzzle, Sordet!” he started. “Correct.” Came the reply. “And…and a Hirnisk is a thing that can take four forms…and your forms are Matthew Sordet, Harry Mishu, Hishet, and Tehsih, which is Hishet spelled backwards!” Amazed, Sordet lunged for Alex’s throat. Chapter XIII: The Guardian Hishet He had no weapons. He had no sidekicks. It was only Alex, just plain old Alex. And then there was Sordet. He had guns. He had boa constrictor-like tentacles. And he had powers that could easily overcome a child. Anyway, Alex leaped out of the way in terror. He didn’t know what to do. Sordet was simply going to tire him out and then kill him. Then he’d blow up the universe, and he’d gloat until he died. Then there would be darkness forever, and no people at all. He shook his head, cleared his mind, and then quickly sprung out of the way. Wait, I’ll win if I perform armpit sounds for him! Thought Alex. “HOLD IT! Sordet, you’re cheating. You have to give me one chance to play my songs. OR ELSE!” he said. “Alright, alright. One chance ONLY!” Sordet replied with a tinge of bitterness. So Alex started his first song, “Chopsticks.” Then it was “Aztec Huts.” And his final challenge (“A Thousand Miles”), when Sordet yelled, “You played C and D together in D Major! INCORRECT! DIE! DIE! DIE!” he hissed. “More like duh, Sordet! See that remote connected to the bomb that will kill us all? I’m gonna break the wire!” And he took off like lightning when a slimy tentacle grabbed hold of him! “Let go!” he screamed, gasping for air. “You really think I’m going to let go because you told me too? No way!” Alex’s hands were inches away from the wire, but he was slowly being pulled away! Just a little farther… Suddenly there was a war cry, and James roundhouse-punched Sordet in the stomach. He flinched and let go of Alex. “Alex, grab the wire and snap it!” he yelled to Alex. So Alex reached for the wire and snatched it into his hand triumphantly. Then he lifted it up off of the ground and put his foot on it. “It won’t break!” he said. “You really think I would make that wire breakable? The only thing that can penetrate it is the Cretaceous Crystal!” And then he muttered, “I should not have said that.” Now Hishet (who’s tentacles were transforming into hands), was fumbling in his pocket for something. Suddenly he withdrew a grenade and a Rubik’s Cube. He threw the cube to the ground and was suddenly shielded with a clear armor! Then he pulled the grenade trigger, and threw it at Alex. It blew up right at his feet…

. . .

He woke up in a stretcher at a modern hospital. I’m back! I’M BACK! He shouted in his head. I’m in 2003 again! Then his mom was at his side. “Are you okay, honey?” she said. She rubbed his forehead and then told him, “That was a nasty car accident you were in; your arm is wounded.” “What car accident?” he asked. “Oh dear, it must have taken away part of your memory. Why’d you run away for a day anyway?” “What, I didn-…” he lifted up his head and then let it back down onto the pillow. Oh, no! The time stop’s over! Suddenly two stretchers went by with a blanket covering whoever was under them. “Where’s James and Patrick?” he asked. “Well…I don’t know…we’ll-er-uh-um-we’ll uh, figure this out later!” she said. Alex could tell she was hiding something. They were now approaching his room, where he was asked questions and told to rest. I need to get home! He thought. If I could get to the lab, then I could build another time machine! But first, where are James and Patrick… He drifted off to sleep, and dreamed of the new plans.

. . .

“Alex, wake up!” he heard his mom say. He slowly opened his eyes and said, “What?” “Do you really want to know about James and Patrick?” she asked. “YES, YES!” he yelled, sitting up in his bed. “Well, to start, let me say that…that they weren’t as fortunate.” “What’s that supposed to mean? Did they get severely injured?’ “Well, no. I urged them to do all they could, but Patrick had a head injury, and…and…oh, I can’t say it…okay, I’ll try to tell you.” She cleared her throat, and in a soft quivering voice she said, “They died.”

“HEY!” screamed Sordet. “WHERE’D MY PREY GO?” “I-I have spotted th-them on th-the Time Radar, my lord.” Said a shaking guard named Jampey. “Well, where are they?” “Two-thousand three, my lord. The two named James and Patrick died, sir, and it was thought to be a car crash. It’s all being hushed up, and the one that lived, Mishu, is trying to escape the hospital to make a time machine to save them.” “Well, make sure it doesn’t happen!” Sordet shrieked. “Yes, yes my lord. They will be stopped from winning.”

Alex was in the hospital courtyard. He knew that there was a tunnel somewhere around there. Come on, come on… Suddenly the grenade ended its time travel turn, and Alex was back in the Prehistoric Era! There was Sordet, ready to throw the grenade. But just as he threw it, Alex jumped like Babe Ruth sliding into home. Leaped through the air, and caught it just in time! Then he reset the settings on the side from TIME TRAVEL to REGULAR STYLE, and threw it at Sordet. He opened his mouth (which was breaking the heat-sensitive shield), and laughed hard. Suddenly, he started to choke on something, and was gagging, when the bottom half of his body blew off. “You! YOU!” he screamed, pointing at Alex. “Oh, you want your little toy bomb that’s so powerful?” “NO! STOP!” But Alex was walking away now. He got the bomb and started to come back when guards vaporized from thin air. “HOOOOOY, YA, YA, YA!” they shrieked. But Alex remembered that James was still alive here. “JAMES!” he screamed at the top of his lungs. Then there was a boom from somewhere, and a speck that was James was flying through the air towards them. He surprise-attacked the guards and they screamed and writhed and groaned in pain as they were flung against the wall. “Hurry, Alex! More guards will be here soon!” So Alex snatched up the bomb and ran across the rugged terrain for his life. “Surprise, Sordet!” he said. And with that he shoved it down Sordet’s throat as he tried to manage to scream. Then he picked up the metallic remote. “Here goes Buzz’s history,” he muttered. Then the pad of his right index finger rested on the button, and, BOOOOOOM! Hishet was defeated.

Chapter XIV: Problems It seemed as though this problem was solved. As if the adventure was closing. As if all that was needed was the Cretaceous Crystal. But none of it was true. The first challenge had been a victory. The second challenge would await them. And the third challenge would be ten times harder than the first two put together. But the three companions did not know any of this. They thought they would be able to go home. There were lots of problems. The time-stop had been tampered with and broken. They were stuck in the Prehistoric. If they didn’t get back in time, they’d be thought dead. What were three eleven-year-old kids, stuck in the Prehistoric, with two more challenges left, supposed to do? Should they find a shortcut around the challenges? This answer was to come soon, very soon…

. . .

“Well that was easy!” complained James. “James, don’t complain. If this would of not been easy, we would have been…hmmm…KILLED!” yelled Alex. “Hey, kid,” said a voice. “Oh, my name is not kid,” said Patrick.

“Yeah, and my name’s not Sordet. It’s Tehsih.” “No way,” breathed Alex. “WE KILLED YOU ALREADY! SHOULD I START INSULTING YOU NOW? HUH? HUH, ALEX? I COULDN’T HEAR YOU ALEX! YES? OKAY! IMBECILE, MONKEY, BUFFOON, IDIOT, AND, LET ME SEE… OH YES! DEAD!” shouted James. “James, calm down!” soothed Alex. “CALM DOWN?” James sighed. “OKAY! I’LL CALM DOWN, BY TELLING YOU THAT THIS IS A GHOST!” “James, we’ll settle that later!” said Patrick. “OH, YEAH! Oh…” he cleared his throat, “oh, right.” There was a loud boom in the distance, followed by a puff of smoke and screams. The ground was cracking beneath them! “What is going on?” said Alex. “The universe is being destroyed. ALL HAIL TEHSIH, THE ALMIGHTY HIRNISK!” yelled Tehsih. James jumped at Sordet and did a roundhouse kick, but his foot just went right through him! “You’re next challenge is to figure out my weakness.” Said Tehsih. “But you are puny, as I can see, and weak; very weak.” “Let’s do the old, ‘Hey, what’s that joke’, and run when he looks around.” Alex whispered to James and Patrick. “Hey, what’s THAT?” yelled Patrick. “Like I’m going for that one again,” said Tehsih. He jumped at them, and they started to run. But Tehsih was faster. He was slowly gaining on him, and they had to do something quick. “Wait, I have an idea!” yelled Alex. He quieted his voice. “Let’s split up and meet at The Cliff.” They all veered off in different directions, and Tehsih ran into at tree. At the Cliff, Alex whispered, “Tehsih, Hishet, whatever; you know who I’m talking about, well, they aren’t exactly the Guardian, or Guardians, of Dino Mountain. So, we need to hurry and find the real Guardian, then Tehsih will have to get past him!” So they ran like bullets, grazing trees and skimming across the ground. There wasn’t much time left, and one mistake would get them all killed. There was a small hut in the distance, smoke curling nearby. Now they had to take a chance. If that wasn’t the Guardian’s hut, Tehsih’d catch them. Finally they reached the mystery hut, and walked inside. There was somebody under a green cloak. “ALEX!” a voice yelled. It sounded like Alex’s mom. “ALEX MISHU, COME HERE NOW!” it screamed. The figure spoke up again. “Tehsih is on his way, and I will show you a shortcut.” “What the? Who are you? SHOW YOURSELF!” said Alex. The person stood up. It was his mom! “Although I am married to Sordet,” she said, “I will give away some secrets to help you out of this. You’re the only one that can save the world.” “Then why didn’t dad just invade my lab?” “Because he knew that if he did, you’d know.” “So my dad, is trying to kill me?” “Only if necessary. To get your lab, of course.” “So I’m the one that can save the world, because I’m related to Sordet?” “Yes. Now, the secrets, okay?” “Sure.” “Okay, I brought a gadget that I made that will get you out of trouble anywhere, anyhow, anytime. It could free you from dying. But, you must give something extremely special to it for it to work. So, here’s my plan. “You will have to go back to your huts, and you’ll find Sordet in Harry Mishu form there. Then, while he’s sleeping, you’ll sneak up on him, and use my laser-gun.” “I have to kill my dad?” asked Alex. “Yes.” “But what good will it do?” “It will defeat Sordet half way, and will give you the opportunity to sneak around all of your problems.” “Okay, I’ll do it!” said Alex. “Good,” replied his mom. They shook hands on it. Just then Tehsih crashed through the door and yelled, “EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! I’M GOING TO TELEPORT YOU TO MY TORTURE CHAMBER!” Just then Alex, James, Patrick, and Alex’s mom temporarily surrendered. They were transported to Sordet’s chamber of doom. Chapter XV: Crystal Revealed! “What now?” asked Patrick. “You know, I’m not really sure,” replied Alex. They were in Sordet’s torture chamber, and mechanical rats were biting them ferociously. They were all bound up with rope, so that they couldn’t escape, and now they were trying to form a plan. “I know!” said James. “We could breathe out as much air as we could, making us skinny so that we could slide out!” “No, no. ‘Got it all wrong!” complained Patrick. “When the spiky walls come, they’ll break our binds, and we’ll be free!” “You’re not thinking enough, Patrick,” said Alex. “The spiky walls go too fast; we wouldn’t make it out on time.” So they kept on whispering and debating over what should become their plan. They decided on James’ plan. They all blew out as much air as they could and slid through their binds! “Now what?” asked James. “To the Cretaceous Crystal!” said Mrs. Sordet/Mishu. The Cretaceous Crystal was only just below the torture chamber. Suddenly the spiky walls started to close. They ran to their cell door, and broke through just as their former-binds were being smashed into a billion pieces! Then they started searching for an exit leading to the floor below them. “Hey!” they heard Tehsih yell. “Run faster!” screeched James. There was a door ahead. Faster! they all thought. They were just a yard away, and…YES! They made it! They burst through the door, barricading it with a boulder before they ran down the stairs. Alex snatched it up in his hands. He started to cry with delight. “YES!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. “THIS IS OUR ONE WAY TICKET TO 2003!” He held it up in the air, allowing everyone else to look at its magnificence in the small bit of light shining in from the chamber. All of the sudden, the boulder started to roll down the stairs, and it hit James square in the back! “JAMES!” they all yelled. “Here, let’s try the powers of the crystal,” said a panicky Alex. So he lowered the Crystal and dropped it onto James’ back, rubbing it around. The surprisingly James jumped up to his feet, un-harmed! “Well, now we know that it works!” said Patrick. “Okay, now I’m going to travel to the huts for the night, ‘cause you all remember my mom’s plan, right?” Everyone nodded. “Okay, here goes.” He touched the crystal, and thought in his head, Neronia, Neronia. Suddenly he started to swirl all around, and he was transported to Neronia! From there he ran to the hut, making sure that it wasn’t a dream. Nope! Then he remembered something. He had forgotten the laser-gun! There was a sound outside of the hut. Alex tiptoed over to it. It was only a rabbit. Then he had an idea. He would sneak into Sordet’s hut and grab a weapon! So he ran over to the target, and picked up some useful things that he had once been threatened or tortured with. Another noise. He ran back to his hut in fright, only to find Sordet in his own form there on his bed. “DROP THE WEAPONS!” he yelled. “No.” said Alex, freaked out. “Give ‘em here, or the Crystal is gone!” screamed Sordet. Then Alex realized that Sordet had the Crystal! He was being forced to surrender. But still he didn’t drop the weapons; instead he crept closer to Sordet, spotting his secret Hirnisk growth on the back of his neck. It was shaped like a lever, and next to it were tattoos that said (in this order): T H HM S. The lever was now on S. All he had to do was move it up a little to HM, and he’d change form. So he said, “Bring it on.” And they started to fight, only Alex made sure that the lever was pushed up. But he pushed it too high, to H, which was Hishet, and he had been destroyed. So suddenly Sordet disappeared completely!

Tehsih had suddenly disappeared, too. James, Patrick, and Mrs. Mishu had seen him aiming a laser at them, and then he just disappeared!

Alex picked up the Cretaceous Crystal. “Whew!” he said. Then he murmured (touching the middle of the Crystal), “2003.” He was quickly transported to a giant calendar, where he pressed a button that flipped the pages, until he came along July. Then he pressed the 18th space, and the calendar fell down. Behind it was a big long tube, and the Cretaceous Crystal started to fly through it, Alex trailing behind it, hanging on for dear life. He flew right into his bedroom, and scrambled down into his lab. It was still pretty messy, as always. Everything was back to normal, hopefully. Wait, there was one problem. The Time-Stop! It had frozen itself back up, and Alex didn’t have it with him! And he noticed another problem. He had revealed the Prehistoric, and it was now in history books! Another problem was James, Patrick, and his mom were stuck in the Prehistoric, unless he could get back to them. But that was too risky. He’d just have to make sure first. He ran downstairs, and sure enough, there was his mom by the pine tree out side, and the Kokelot Deviluee in the burnt rubble! “Yes!” he said to himself. “Now to rescue James and Patrick!” He ran outside, staring at the Kokelot Deviluee. Then he started it up, and flew back to the Prehistoric! He was inside Dinosaur Mountain again, but the time machine wasn’t there, because it had been destroyed! And the Crystal wasn’t there, it was in 2003. “Now what?” he asked James. “I don’ know,” James said. “Now our last chance of getting back home is gone.” “Wait, my mom is still there, and she knows how to run the Kokelot Deviluee! She’s the only one that can save us now!”

So the next couple of days went, and they stayed with the cave men, waiting for the time-stop to come undone, and Alex’s mom to come. But when it was over, there was still no sign of her. “Wait!” said Alex. “I have a plan. We just need one of Sordet’s time grenade things. Then we’ll be transported back to 2003, and I’ll tell her where to come to get us. OR, I’ll grab the Crystal off of my bed, and when we end up back here, we’ll just go back!” So this was to be their plan now. If it worked, they’d be back where they came from, but if it didn’t, then they’d be stuck in the Prehistoric forever! They all shuddered at the thought. Now they just had to rescue Sordet, grab a time grenade, and be on their way! But then Sordet would become human again, and they’d have to defeat him, again! So they helped the cave men, figuring what to do in their heads. Whew! Chapter XVI: The Dread Door (part 1) James, Alex, and Patrick were debating on how to get Sordet. First of all, they needed to know where the heck he was. Then, after finding out, they’d have to somehow get to him, and take him back, so that they could get a grenade off of him. Patrick had suggested that they try the portal, but it was closed by now. James said that probably the cave men held some secrets, but you never knew when it came to butt-scratching primitives. Alex told them that if they would just drop the whole thing, it would suddenly appear. None of them knew the real answer, but guesses were constantly being thrown out. “Like I said,” said Alex, “let’s just go back to being regular cave men, and suddenly…POOF! Our answer.” “No, no, NO!” replied Patrick. “’Got it all wrong. We gotta get that portal open!” “But, did you use your bad side of your brain? HOW are we supposed to get that portal open? We need tools! And to get tools, that takes us back to getting the portal open!” “Oh, I didn’t think about that,” said Patrick, ashamed of yelling at Alex. “Wait,” said James. “Alex, remember those stories that you used to tell us about Neroni? Well, I know the scientist gave it that name, but how’d you know everything about it? I mean, you described Neronia and Zeruc, and all those other places, and you talked about ‘The Dread Door.’ What’s that supposed to mean?” “Well, to begin…no, wait…I shouldn’t be telling you this,” said Alex. “But my dad, awhile back, hypnotized me into a secret mission for the Empties, as I call them. This secret mission was to come here, to the Prehistoric, and capture the almighty Cretaceous Crystal. Well, I fell out of my hypnosis, and went directly back to 2001. But, seeing that I had no Crystal, dad earned his Hirnisk powers somehow. And now, not only is he after my lab, but mostly after me.” “Wow! I never knew that!” exclaimed James. “Well, your getting off the question. Is there, or is there not, a real Dread Door?” “Yes. There is. To tell you the truth, I know where Sordet is now. You’ve just reminded me. You see the Empties have been trying to get the Cretaceous Crystal for years, so they have a secret base here. You may have already seen it. It’s in the back of the room within Dinosaur Mountain, and they call it the Dread Door for a reason. When you walk up to it, it shoots cannonballs at you, and if you can terminate the cannons, you have to pass through firing bazookas and flamethrowers. That’s where we’ll probably need the cave men’s help. Anyway, ‘member when my dad was talking to that cave man? Well, he’s Sordet’s right hand man, or maybe you know him as the Baby Bulldog. Now, do you remember when “Buzz” was the principal for a while? Well, the Baby Bulldog, or Teresonai, was secretly transported here for a mission by my watch. I’m still wondering if it was his Hirnisk powers or what… “Anyway, that’s how we’ll save ourselves. We would all die immediately before we got past the first door if it weren’t for this.” He stuck his hand into the dirt. Deeper, deeper, deeper. Then his hand broke through, just when his shoulder was almost in the ground. “Found it!” he yelled. “Found what?” asked James and Patrick. “Found the hallway that leads to the Dread Lab!” said Alex. “So, now we know that it’s there, so now we need to get some cave men to get us past the last door, and then guard us in the Dread Lab, so that we can go to the…the…” he lowered his voice, “the Dread Chamber.” Everybody gulped. Alex had once told them about this Dread Chamber. It was also known as The Living Dead Hirnisk Country, for everyone that had disappeared due to a malfunction of their powers (like Sordet), and no living thing had ever set foot in it without dying. Maybe, just maybe, since Alex had secret unknown Hirnisk powers, they could get in. So they drew out a plan in the sand:

1. 1: get some cave men
2. 2: go to Dread Hallway
3. 3: capture Sordet from Place

“Okay,” said Alex, “this is our plan-if you can read Webdings-and we’re going to have to use it, even if you don’t like it. It may be simple, but it’s just too simple for the Empties. They’ll hopefully be stumped. Everyone in favor of the plan say ‘I.’” Patrick and Alex said “I,” but James just glared at the plan. “You don’t say ‘I,’ James, and I’ll make sure that you’re given as a pet to Sordet,” said James. “I love this plan! It’s TOTALLY AWESOME! I,” replied Patrick, faking an enthusiastic smile. “Alright, now we’re going to go to Neronia, where I’ll see to it that we get our HovaScootas. Then we’ll travel around Neroni for exactly a week, searching the villages. The village with the biggest army will be transported by HovaScoota to Neronia, where the plan will be explained and introduced to them, and then, the raid!” Alex told the two. They were ready. They’d take every chance they could to get the one thing they wanted: home.

. . .

Neronia was surprisingly busy with strange-looking cave men. Alex looked at all of them. They were pure cave men. James pointed out a strange lump on the back of someone’s neck and Alex said that that meant he was working for the Empties. Alex took a closer look. They were all Hirnisks! “They’re all after me!” Alex whispered to James and Patrick. “What are they?” asked Patrick. “They work for the Empties, and they’re called Hirnisks. There is not much left of them, but they thought-about a couple hundred years ago-to join the bad side. The Empty Thieves was born. “Sordet is a Hirnisk,” said Alex. “So that means that you’re a Hirnisk, Alex,” said James. Alex had never thought of that before. “James, feel the back of my neck,” he said. “It’s got a lever shaped bump that says B A T,” James replied. Alex pushed the lever down to T. There was a blinding flash. Alex transformed into a girl. Theresa Fort to be exact. “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Alex screamed like a girl! He and Patrick knew who she was, known her since pre-k. “Awesome!” said James. “You can go into the Girls’ Bathroom,” he paused to gulp, “and sabotage the place. I mean we’re talking cool! You could get the latest news out of the Glamour Girls club leaders, and take it to the leaders of the High School’s Mutant Men club! Sweet victory in next years Tournament of the Girls and Boys is ours!” “Shut UP! Can’t you see, I am a GIRL!” yelled Alex. “Look at my hair!” Patrick puffed his cheeks and pretended to puke into his hands. James looked at it and made a horror-movie type scream. Alex kicked them both. “James, push the lever back to A, please,” said Alex. James whispered to Patrick and they both smiled. “Sure,” said James, putting on a serious/I-am-hiding-something-horrible kind of face. He quickly pushed it to B, to see what would happen. Alex transformed into Bob from the old Chicken House commercial! “Why im I wearins a chicken soo?” asked Bob. “’Ames, I’s a gunna kicker you!” James and Patrick chuckled, and then burst out laughing, rolling around on the ground. Suddenly a mysterious giant chicken beak lifted them up! Alex was hurling them around in the air, and they both threw-up! “Tun meeza backs inta Olex!” yelled Bob. So James and Patrick pushed the lever to A. Alex was Alex again. “I should put a chain lock on that lever, AND THEN STRANGLE YOU!” yelled Alex. “But first I’ll just get us all back to our houses.” “So, we need to go to your hut, Patrick, it looks like there was a war and the other ones were burnt,” said James. So they all walked over to their temporary hut, discussing details of the plan on their way. Now it was time for a cave man military. Chapter XVI: The Dread Door (part 2) The “Prehistoric Primitive Army of Neronia” was beginning to form. So far the three had visited one village, Zeruc, and had gathered 26 cave men, who thought it was a hunting trip. On day two, they visited Nukuk, where they got 34 cave men; and on day three, they visited Ogacihc (now Chicago), and got a surprising 76 cave men! Now the P.P.A.N. was started. They had 136 men now, and that was a start. “Maybe we won’t need to travel for a week,” said Alex, “’cause these cave men are numerous, and we don’t want them figuring out optical illusion rooms yet, either, ‘cause they won’t be invented until 2003!” “Well, I’d say that we stop at one more village, so that we can at least have 150 men,” James said. “But what about weapons?” asked Patrick, “Where are we supposed to get guns in the Prehistoric? I don’t think those cheapy spears are going to help much.” “Oh, I’ve got an answer there, Patrick,” said Alex, “Sordet left some for us.” Patrick raised his eyebrows and grinned. Fantastic, he thought.

. . .

The last village visited was one about two miles away from Dinosaur Mountain, although it was on the opposite side of Neronia. It was to be later called Fungryeteed Gothumpsa, but the three companions called it Rees. Don’t ask why it’s just Rees, but I’ll probably never know. Anyway, they flew down to the ground, where they attracted cave men. The trap they had set was that any man with fighting experience was drawn into the Ilo-Room (Illusion-Room), where they’d be taken back to Neronia. There was a beep on the dashboard of Alex’s HovaScoota, and he realized that there was no more room for anyone else. “Well, here we go!” he said to James and Patrick. “We’re off to-Neronia!” Chapter XVII: Some Help From the Cave Men The P.P.A.N. was complete. Now it was time for a raid. James, Alex, and Patrick, were forming the cave men into lines. They showed them how to march, and fight properly, and they showed them the functions of a gun, and how to shoot. Of course the whole group started hooting excitedly once they saw it work its magic on a deer, and then they all wanted to try. There was an open chance for drilling. They even learned some English, and learned what it meant, too. “Ready,” said Alex. The cave men loaded. “Aim,” said James. They got their guns on their shoulders. “FIRE!” cried Patrick. Shots rang out. By now the people of the village were used to it, but the cave men were still freaked out at the sound. One guy put the butt of the gun aiming towards the woods, and shot himself. Another went nuts, shooting stuff all over town. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” mumbled James. “We had to do it,” said Alex, “it was our only chance.” “Well, I guess you’re right.” “Uh-oh, Alex, look!” exclaimed Patrick. “It looks like an Orc!” And it did, too. It was Jampey, now Chief Guard, and he was not pretty. He had the longest sword imaginable, and he had only but a few teeth. His clothes were like black rags, for he had fought in the War of Darkness, and his cape flowed ruggedly in the wind. He had thick black hair, hanging down to his shoulders. “MISHU!” he screeched. “Oh great,” said Alex. “The Empties have learned our plan.” “But how?” asked Patrick. “Don’t you remember the time when we went over to Alex’s house for a sleepover, and he told us the story about ‘There is such a place that exists, where the Enemy knows everything,’ Patrick?” said James. “Oh, yeah,” said Patrick.

. . .

The P.P.A.N. had set out. They were to travel half-a-mile 47 degrees North-West of Neronia, and dig there. They moved very quickly. “I bet scientists will be amazed if they ever find out about a cave man army,” chuckled Patrick. “Compared to you, Alex, they’re just a bunch of hillbillies with straw hats saying, ‘Duh!’” “Oh, they’ll find out,” said Alex. “And when they find that we founded it, we’ll be on National TV. Eyewitness News will be all over our houses, trying to get an interview through chimneys and other places. We’ll live the high-life for years!” “Hopefully,” said James. “I’ve been dying for one of those awesome Matrix DVDs for years!” “James, you’re not allowed to see those.” “I know, but who cares! If you can, I can. Humph!” “Whatever.” The destination was in sight. James and Alex yelled some stuff to the cave men, and the P.P.A.N. started to run. Alex ran ahead, and stuck his hand into the now cold ground. He summoned the cave men to help dig. There was lots of hooting and scraping sounds, but finally a cave man started to hoot, and hoot, and hoot. Alex gave up and went over to him. He had dug to the hallway! On command, the cave men dug faster. There was a ton of dust as the whole thing collapsed at once. They had made it so thin in other spots that it created a trench in the earth about a mile long, later now as the Dread Ditch. Now the cave men were jumping down into the hole. Taking the lead, J, A, and P led them through the narrow passageway. There were faint sounds in the distance, such as small explosions, and people yelling at each other. This was obviously the Dread Lab. Some of the cave men chickened out, and tried to run, so James was sent to the back to make sure that none escaped. “You idiot!” rang through the hallway. “Don’t open it, even if Master’s there!” That was James, Alex, and Patrick’s clue as to Sordet was truthfully inside the Dread Chamber. Then Patrick remembered something. Jampey had been following them. He was disguised as a cave man that was with them! He quickly told Alex that Jampey was hiding somewhere, and seconds later there was a scream. James! “JAMES!” the two yelled. They ran for him, even if it meant the P.P.A.N. getting away. “Jampey’s here!” he said weakly. “He has…” he trailed off. “Has what? HAS WHAT?” yelled Alex. James was definitely unconscious. What could this mean? What was he trying to say? “Maybe he tried to say bazooka, or something,” said Patrick. “Let’s just hope that he’s alright,” answered Alex. “If we don’t get the Crystal on time, he won’t make it.” They picked up their lasers and ran back through the corridor, summoning the army to defeat Jampey. “You’ll never catch me, Mishu!” someone yelled from about around three feet away. Jampey! “OYOYOYOYOY!” yelled the P.P.A.N. They charged. In a few minutes there was a scream, and Jampey was dead. They turned around and quickly ran towards the lab. The voices were growing louder, and they got closer. Alex saw a door in front of them, and told James and Patrick to guard themselves. They charged at the door…CRASH! It gave way as the army of cave men walked in, surprising the Empties. “You’re goin’ down, Empty Thieves!” yelled Patrick. The war started. The workers were armed and ready in seconds, but the cave men were faster. Many lab people fell, and when they were armed, many more cave men were lost. “C’mon!” screamed Alex. “Concentrate!” The machines were collapsing: the Dread Lab was being destroyed completely. After about a half hour, the fighting stopped. The last Enemy in the Lab took off his shirt and used it as a surrender flag. The Dread Lab was captured! “On to the Chamber!” said Alex. There was a giant spiky door with about three hundred locks on it in front of them. Only Hirnisks could gain entry. Of course! Alex could get in! And pull the rest of the group in with him before the doors shut! He touched the main lock. The army retreated as the humongous door creaked open. Inside there was a little moonlight, and white mist and sand flying in whirlwinds. When part of the ground showed through the ugliness, there were people that were in rags, and half their faces were still human, and their bones showed through the rags. Freaky! Thought Alex. Slowly the P.P.A.N. crept into the darkness. There was screeching and horrible yelling and the dead Hirnisks started to crawl out of the ditches and other things they were in. Then they were hissing, and Alex realized that they didn’t like live things in here. “Okay,” he said, shivering, “on command, ATTACK! GO, GO, GO!” The P.P.A.N. roared, and went into action. The Hirnisks were very simple to defeat, although some were stronger then all of the others. There were screeches as the horrible creatures fell. It was going to be yet another victory for the P.P.A.N.! How simple could things be? Suddenly the tide turned as the Hirnisks coming from the back got stronger. The cave men were starting to be pushed back, little by little. Every second about two cave men fell, and one Hirnisk. That was bad. They were losing the army quickly. They only had 24, 22, 20, 18, 16, 14, 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, GONE! The P.P.A.N. was destroyed. Now it was up to JAP (that’s what J, A, and P call themselves)! They snatched up the guns and ammo, and started beating the Hirnisks. They were slow, but had power when they got to their target. All of the Hirnisks were being beaten, until once again more, and more, and MORE hordes of them came. “This is like the realm of everlasting Hirnisks!” said Alex. And it was, too. More Hirnisks were STILL popping up everywhere! It was becoming impossible to win! Chapter XVIII: The Return of Sordet In the back of the cave was Sordet. He wasn’t fighting, because he was commanding. The Hirnisks weren’t ever going to stop, so JAP had to go around them, capture Sordet, bring him back to life, get a time grenade, kill him again, go to 2003, get the crystal, come back, and go permanently back to 2003! The fighting was ferocious now. Alex had not realized that Hirnisks had been around since the beginning of time, so there had been lots of dead ones. Maybe if they fought for a few thousand years they could defeat them, but that would be to long. It would be around 6003 at home! Anyway, nobody yet realized the possibilities, and they kept on fighting, until… “Alex!” James and Patrick squealed. A Hirnisk had strangled Alex, and now he was unconscious. Now JP was going to have to work this out. Patrick fell unconscious too. Now James was left to fight them off! Suddenly, he was being strangled! The three were carried off to Sordet, and they didn’t realize that the Hirnisks were helping them.

. . .

When they woke up, they were in Sordet’s lair. It was underground, and it looked like a fancy dining/living room, although it was used to mainly hold people hostage. “So, you three, I finally have you. And you, Alex, not only failed on my mission, but on yours too!” chuckled Sordet. “Either you hate me, or you jusht can’t manage to get to yuw wittle objective, ain’t that cute!” he added babyishly. “Shut up!” yelled James. “He’ll never fail a mission,” then he whispered very quietly, “right?” “Yes, I do believe Sordet, that you have won,” said Alex, “so I will not put up a surrender flag, but I tell you congratulations.” “HHHAAAAA!” yelled Sordet. He thought he had won! Alex leaped out of his binds, after some help from James and Patrick, who were behind him, and tackled Sordet. “YOU WILL SURRENDER, NOW!” yelled Alex, face turning red. “I HAVE SPENT TOOOOOO MUCH TIME ON THIS MISSION, AND YOU ARE A PEST!” It scared Sordet so suddenly, that in his confusion, he held up a white flag and, “Alex, you’ve won,” jumbled out of his mouth! “NOW I WANT ONE THING!” yelled Alex, eyes wide and narrow. “A TIME GRENADE, NOW, SORDET!” Sordet handed him one and jumped back into the fire, lighting himself! Suddenly, he dropped confusion and saw that he had surrendered. “NNNNOOOO!” he yelled. “AFTER ALL THES YEARS, NNNNOOOO!” Then Alex shoved him back into the fire, where he closed the door and locked it. The Hirnisk Matthew Sordet/Buzz/Tehsih/Hishet was never to be heard from, or seen, again. “It was obvious,” Alex later said, “he was dead.” There were three cheering people in the room at that moment. The Dread Hallway became Neroni Staircase, the Dread Lab became The Official JAP Prehistoric Headquarters, the Dread Chamber became Six Flags: Kentucky Kingdom (Well, later on), and Dinosaur Mountain was known as JAP Memorial Mountain, as to remember what happened that day. The world’s biggest bad guy was gone! James, Alex, and Patrick walked back to Neronia and told the village that the Evil Sordet had been defeated! All of the villages heard this and were name JAPonia, JAPuc, JAPago, and JAPees. “JAP!” was being yelled in villages.

. . .

“Okay, guys,” said Alex. “We still have one last mission, remember?” “Yep,” answered the two. “So, hold on to me, and we’ll pay a visit to 2003!” He set the time grenade to 2003, and James and Patrick held on to him. Then he threw it onto the ground, and they were transported! When they landed in Alex’s house, they all thought, Fantastic! Because Alex’s mom was out in the yard, and his dad was gone, never to be seen again. They quickly ran up the stairs, and into Alex’s bedroom, where the Cretaceous Crystal was lying on his bed! “Okay, here it goes!” said Alex. They all flew back to the Prehistoric immediately, only to fall into the roof of a hut. Inside, a family was having dinner, when suddenly three boys fell into their food! “Humdehsif gonsundu! Humdehsif gonsundu!” yelled the man. “Oops,” said Alex. “AAAAAHHHHH!” They ran down into their headquarters where they locked the door and set the Crystal on a table. “Whew!” said Alex. “Alright, let’s get down to business.” There was banging and clanking as they set to work on a Kokelot Deviluee, powered by a Crystal, of course. Alex had to give his secrets away to them, and told them never to tell anybody about this. “Now that our missions are over, and we’re building this, we’ll be home in a day, I promise! If you work harder, that is!” said Alex. The Kokelot Deviluee looked much different than the one that Alex had made. “Well, don’t we need to give it a name?” asked Patrick. “It’s a Kokelot Deviluee 2.0,” replied James. “But it could be something like The JAPmobile or something.” “Just keep working!” said Alex. “Don’t you want to go home?” “Oh, yeah, and Alex, remind me to put it in my memo pad, never to go on vacation to a different age with a genius again,” chuckled Patrick. Alex and James laughed. Then James got an idea. He put his shoulder around Alex and said, “You know, I really liked this!” and flicked the switch from A to T! There was another blinding flash as Alex disappeared and Theresa Fort appeared! “Hey!” yelled Theresa. “What did you…” Alex burst out laughing. He knew that the missions were over, so now he could take some advice. “Hey, James, could I borrow some of your sister’s shirts and pants, if you can sneak them in? I’ve got an idea,” he said. They didn’t realize that there were five Hirnisks left in Six Flags, and they were crawling out! “So…” “But they’d be too small!” said James. “I know! But girls in fifth grade always wear small stuff!” The Hirnisks were closing in, very quietly. “Okay, now, about the Glamour Girls invasion?” asked Alex. The Hirnisks were about to pounce. “Yeah, it’ll be awesome! Okay, here’s my plan…group huddle,” said Patrick. The Hirnisks attacked the half of a Kokelot Deviluee! “What the?!?!” exclaimed Alex. “Hirnisks! ATTACK!” They used everything in sight; tools, testing tubes, bottles, even desk drawers to fight them off. But the Hirnisks continued to destroy the headquarters! “The Crystal!” cried James. He snatched it up and put it in a safe hiding place: a safe. Then he ran to help the others. One Hirnisk fell. Then another, and another. There were two left. Alex got a big test tube and killed one of them. The last one said, “You’ll never catch me, Mishu!” Alex recognized the froggy voice. It was Jampey! “It’s Jampey!” yelled Alex at the top of his lungs. James and Patrick became more ferocious. Jampey was slowly retreating, and stumbling with every whack. Finally he was rammed onto a giant spike that was left on the door by James. His final hopes were gone. Now Alex was the one to continue the Hirnisk race. “I’m the only one left,” said Alex. “The only Hirnisk in existence.” “Cool!” said Patrick. “My best friend’s the last of the Hirnisk race!” “Okay, now, OH, NO!” yelled Alex. “Our Kokelot Deviluee!” The three looked at it, and sure enough, it was smashed. “Get to work, now!” said Alex. “Oh yeah, and somebody please morph me, would you?” The bangs and clanks and other extra loud noises were resumed, and Alex returned to being male.

. . .

“Alex, is this ever going to end?” complained James. “I mean, we’ve been working for hours, and we only have the preliminary frame done. Can this get any harder?” “Just work, and the faster, the less time we’ll take,” replied Alex. Pretty soon the secondary parts were done, and they only had about 496,285,313,290 steps to go. How quick can you work? “Okay, James, hold the frame,” came from Alex. “Patrick, see this little section of steel frame?” he pointed to a section in the directions, “I need you to insert Screw Q into the small slot there. After that, James will continue to hold the frame in place while me and Patrick install the first plate.” “And Alex?” asked Patrick curiously, “How many more pages in the instruction booklet?” “Well, we’re on page 340, and there’s 56,340 pages…well that makes an easy math problem! Fifty-six thousand!” said Alex. Patrick moaned, and James followed. Chapter XIX: The Crystal-Max 3000 The Kokelot Deviluee was taking form. Slowly the plates were being added to the frame, and screwed on. Then they had to install everything inside. James and Patrick would read directions and put it together, while Alex would create optical-illusion rooms. “How’s this look?” asked James. Alex walked over to them. “Oh, no! You have screw Z-14 in the Crystal Tank! You need Z-13!” “Gotcha,” replied James. Alex started to inspect for any malfunctions or errors in the machinery. Then he looked at the frame. “Please don’t interrupt me while I’m creating optical-illusion rooms; I just turned I bedroom into a My Little Pony room by spilling some, oh…” “Okay, WHATEVER! We will NOT bother you, unless it’s an emergency,” said Patrick. “Oh, bathroom’s over there,” laughed Alex. “I meant a tool or part emergency.” Alex created three bedrooms, a dining room, a living room, a kitchen, and basic stuff that’s in a house. After that, he took the Crystal in his hands, and delicately dropped it into a machine that he had invented. It took the Crystal through, chopped it up, ground it, sanded it, and then added two drops of water to liquidize it. Alex waited until there was a loud BBBBBBEEEEEEPPPPPP! as the Crystal-Gas was poured into a bucket. Then he put it into a freezer, and helped James and Patrick with their work. Once Alex joined in, they talked about the origin of the Hirnisk race, shared secrets, and Alex told them the complete truth about Sordet. In 1989, he had owned a homeless shelter and was declared The Maker of Peace until his Hirnisk powers got the best of him and turned him to evil. Then he heard of former captain of the Empty Thieves, Ronald Turner, had died, and he stepped up from his low-rank evil position and soon became captain. “Remember that scared look he threw me when I yelled at him?” said Alex. James and Patrick nodded. “Well, that brought the Hirnisk back out of him more, so he became good for just a moment, and forgot about the Empty Thieves, but we had to destroy him, before he turned evil again. “Anyway, he was not used to being yelled at, so he looked at me, his son, and remembered me as a baby, probably; and then he saw me screaming at him, 10 years later. I can see how he was scared. But like I said, the Hirnisk burst out of him, and he turned evil just before he died.” They continued their work, until finally it was done! “Holy mackerel! It looks like a bus with tentacles!” exclaimed Patrick. “I know, I know,” said Alex, “but who cares what it looks like? We’re going home!” There were cheers that could be heard from miles away that night. They decided to sleep in the Lab, so they told ghost stories and made sure that the three hundred locks were secure.

. . .

“Well, we’re done!” said Alex, as they were flying through the air. They didn’t want cave men to see them, so they were flying to a spot where no cave man liked: Dread Volcano. It was built by the Empties in 1674, and designed to squirt lava at anything that dared come within twenty miles of it. “Isn’t this dangerous?” asked James. “I mean, going up to the most dangerous volcano in the world, and taking off from there? I really don’t think it will be expecting a tea party when we come into the vicinity.” “It’ll be fine with the lava-proof steel that we have,” said Alex. “If your so sure, I guess we’re okay,” said James, trembling. The engine was starting to make a HOOOOOOOOOF…HOOOOOOOOOF…sound, and Alex started to worry. “The engines aren’t supposed to make that sound,” he said. “James, are you sure you didn’t put screw F-349 in the muffler instead of F-346?” “Yep.” “And are you sure that you put Z-13 instead of Z-18 in the Crystal-Gas Tank?” “Yep.” “Okay.” You could tell that Alex was worried about something. Nobody knew what, though. The engine was now starting to cough, and there was smoke coming from the grille. “Okay, James, you takeover, I’m checkin’ this out,” said Alex. He climbed out of the Kokelot Deviluee, and peeked under the floor. The gas tank was bent down and spilling! “We’re going down, we’re going down!” yelled Alex fearfully. Chapter XX: The Volcano “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” the three were screaming. Sure enough, the wind was forcing them down, and at the same time, drawing them nearer to the Dread Volcano. Bits of lava were all over the windshield and roof! “Patrick, you got the wrong drawer! It was 432, not 431! Remind me never to get you to help with a time machine!” exclaimed Alex. The lava was melting the steel, and the Crystal-Gas was completely gone! Then they landed with a thud right behind a boulder, and the Kokelot Deviluee melted before their eyes! “Let’s remember it as the Crystal-Max 3000, the machine that saved our lives…” said James. The Volcano was violently shaking. “Or not,” said Alex. The Volcano exploded behind them, a smoke and lava mixture rising into the air! “Okay, stay calm, you guys, let’s just stay behind the rock and the lava won’t touch us,” said Alex, trying to keep them calm. The lava was rushing past them now, and they all were scrunched up together, backs to the boulder. “Okay, on second thought, let’s give away were we’ve hidden each others stuff over the years, mention a couple embarrassing moments, and say our prayers before we die,” said James. “Patrick, your Childhood Memorial Diaper is under my mattress,” said Alex. “I’ve had to withstand the stench for years. “Alex, your Thomas the Tank Engine Choo-Choo Version 3.0 toy is in my top dresser drawer,” said James. “Who cares about that?” “I don’t know.”

. . .

The three were sleeping, lava still pouring down and around them quickly. “James, Patrick,” yawned Alex, “the lava’s closing in on us.” “Wha-WHAT?” exclaimed James. “Oh, NO!” yelled Patrick.

	“Okay, Alex what are we supposed to do now?”

“Wait.” “C’mon, tell us! “Just wait.” “Okay. They sat in silence for about two minutes, until the lava was centimeters away from them, and it was splashing off of the top of the rock. “Okay, so you really want to know what I would do in this situation?” said Alex. “Yeah, Alex, burp it up. This depends on our lives,” said Patrick. “Okay…I’ll tell you,” said Alex. “I don’t know.” “Say what?” exclaimed James. “I said, James,” repeated Alex angrily, “I don’t know.” But as he finished this last sentence, there was a hint of hope falling from the sky…literally. Maybe, just maybe, the three friends would survive. Chapter XXI: To Be Saved, Or Not To Be Saved “Alex, we’re going to be burnt!” yelled James. “I just do NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!” answered Alex. “Okay, let’s try climbing the rock.” So they held on to the rock, shaking and slipping, and successfully managed to stay until…FFFFFFFF! The lava started pouring over the rock, burning the spot were they had previously been, and sparing the spot where they were now! There was a swirling noise from the sky as the Volcano became more and more ferocious. “ALEX!” yelled someone. It was his mom! She had a glowing rope in her hands. It was a Doom Rope. “JUST GRAB ON!” she yelled. Alex motioned for James and Patrick to hold onto him. He climbed up the rope, and it took them to 2003! “Now everything’s back to normal!” said Patrick calmly. “Alex’s mom, you saved us!” said James. “Uh, oh!” exclaimed Alex. “What?” said Patrick. “That was a Doom Rope that we held on to.” “So what?” asked James. “Look outside,” said Alex. They all looked outside, and just as Alex had thought, sitting right outside of the window was the Dread Volcano. “Oh, no,” said James. “My house is on fire!” “And pretty soon the world will be destroyed, and it’s all our fault! If we would have just stayed there and died, we would have been heroes; but now, we’re villains.” “Uh, Alex!” said Patrick. “We got ourselves another problem. There’s an explosion of rock that’s headed for Springfield.” “My fault,” said Alex. “But if I hadn’t done it, Sordet would have won.” “Quick, the Time-Stopper!” exclaimed James. “We destroyed it, nutcase.” “Wait, I know! The lab! To the lab!” James marched triumphantly down the ladder into the lab. “The Control Center’s out of power!” yelled Alex. “Even if I had the time to fix the lab, it would take a lot longer to fix the Control Center. Face it James, we’re doomed. Everybody’s doomed.” “You sure?” asked Patrick. “Yep.” Suddenly the house caught fire, and James, Alex, and Patrick ran into the lab and took cover. “Well, this is it!” said James. The top of the lab started melting, and the explosion was rattling the rubble surrounding them. Patrick looked ahead, and there, standing with an explosion of fire and lava in the background, ripped cape, robe torn, gun bent, and frowning ferociously; was Sordet. “Oh, no,” muttered Alex.

Alex was an 11-year-old boy that was extremely smart and had his own lab. In recent events, he had messed up the future and the Prehistoric and had brought them to a point where they were in the shelter of a boulder while lava poured around them. So, I guess he is dumb, in some ways. In his case Sordet, the bad guy and his father, had been after them for some time. James was a scrawny and short for his 11-year-old age boy. He was daft in most cases, but he can also come in handy. Some describe him as short, with ruffled hair and deep brown eyes, but when people asked Alex or Patrick for a description of him, they would reply, “Just imagine an idiot.” Patrick was somewhat smart, being a straight – B+ student. In previous moments, he had ruined the whole plan, due to his “knowledge” of technology. He can be described mostly as a 12-year-old with blonde hair hangs over his ears and eyebrows. He is very tall with glasses, braces, and light blue eyes. Now, we continue:

Twenty miles away, Brian Compsin, a scruffy 12-year-old, heard bangs and shouts in the distance. He appeared to be retarded, but was one of the world’s greatest geniuses. In 1998, Brian had met Alex, and they were great friends, until one day when a mysterious force of black by the name of “Sordet’s Hirnisks” had attacked Brian’s family, and he had never seen them since. Now he lived in his underground lab. He recognized one of the shouts as belonging to James, whom he had once known. He quickly rushed into his lab and activated the Emergency Shield. The red siren alarm above his lab went off, and warned the city of Springfield of great danger. A big blue shield went between Sordet and the flaming debris, right before it hit Alex. “Wait, where’s my mom?” asked Alex. “Look,” said James, pointing to the shield. Alex’s mom was backed up against the shield, screaming and trying to break through. The explosion reached her, and there was an earsplitting boom as the fire washed up against the side of the shield. “NOOO!” shouted Alex. “Now what are we going to do? We have nothing to help us defeat Sordet (again)!” “What about Brian?” asked Patrick. “Wha-? Oh, Brian! What about him?” said James. “He’s got a lab!” cried Alex hopefully. Brian was driving in his newly invented Dumen Deften, disguised as a Fed-Ex truck driver. In the distance he could see the shield caving in, probably from the weight of mountains on its side. He slammed the accelerator harder, and the wheels screeched as he popped a wheelie. “Hey, what’s that?” said James. They were walking in the direction of the Compsin lab, and a speck of white had appeared on the horizon, and apparently smashing everything in its path. “It looks like an airplane,” said Patrick. “Let’s move out of its way!” They jumped off of the road just in time, for a Fed-Ex truck slammed its brakes right before them. Out jumped Brian Compsin. “BRIAN!” the three yelled. “I know there’s a need of help around here; good thing the lab’s handy!” said Brian. “Brian, your shield’s about to break!” said James impatiently. They all headed off in the screeching Fed-Ex truck, and when they were seconds away from the Springfield city limits, the shield exploded with a giant BOOM! The four started to talk amongst themselves. “Okay, we need to make plans here, and set our brains into action at the lab, because we’re going to have to stay ahead of the Dread Lava and destroy the flow before it blows up Springfield!” started Alex. “Well, what happens if it blows up Springfield, and possibly Missouri! And then…” said James. “Enough,” said Alex, “we need plans; plans that will save the world.”

. . .

“Okay, now what?” asked James, when they landed on the manhole that would take them to the lab. “Well,” said Brian, “we could stay at the lab and let the lava pour over us, or…” “Or transport the lab to a different spot!” shouted Alex. “But then we’d have Sordet to deal with…hhhhmmmmmm…yeah, I like that plan.” The lab was still faint on the horizon, but the manhole would take them a lot faster to the lab. Brian lifted the lid and climbed inside followed by the rest of the group. “Hop in!” he said. They jumped down and landed in an advanced hovercar. A speaker announced, “Buckle your Safety Device Code 391!” A shield that was transparent steel appeared in front of them, and metal bars went across their shins, waists, and over their shoulders. “Hold on tight! This baby’s going to take us to Mach 2, so hold on!” yelled Brian. Suddenly they blasted off at such a speed that the metal shields started to collapse, and the front of the hovercar was being ripped apart! “We’re going down!” yelled Alex. Brian was frantically trying to slow it down, but it was no use. They spun around quickly and rammed right through the steel tube, causing it to collapse completely. They sat there for a moment, before Alex broke the silence and said, “I thought this had been tested, Brian.” “It has been tested…at 40 MPH,” Brian said glumly. “I just want to know what the heck we’re supposed to do when we’re stuck here with Sordet right in front of us,” said James. Everybody gasped as they looked up and saw Sordet standing right there. “How’d you get into this underground chamber?” yelled Brian. “A disguise. An ingenious one. And do you know what it was? My new disguise is James George Probertin!” he yelled. Alex looked to his side and James was gone! “What have you done to him?” he asked. “You idiot, I thought you were a genius! I am James, you imbecile! I have been all along! I can be in more than one form with the power of the Cretaceous Crystal!” Next thing they knew, the whole group of fifth-graders had been whacked on the head. Chapter XXII: Escaping a Tragedy Patrick was the first to wake up. The first thing he noticed was the horrible pain in his head, so he took his hand and brushed his face which was covered in blood. “Alex!” he managed to cry out. “Alex!” There was a horrible screeching sound from down the hallway and a human scream; to Patrick it sounded like Alex. He crawled until he got to tired, but could clearly define who was screaming. It was Alex. He tried to get back onto his hands and knees, but just fell down. “Brian! James!” he yelled. But there was no answer. He laid his head down on the stone floor and thought back to the beginning of this all. He and James had befriended Alex, and he tried to cheer them up with the trip to the Prehistoric; and now, after hard work to make it here, they were in trouble again. Only this was much worse. It was mostly his fault that this had happened. And now his friends were somewhere out there, dying; and the world was being destroyed. All of it was because of him. Well, almost. Suddenly he paused. There were footsteps coming his way, and the voices of James and Brian were heard. Patrick managed a grin. He was going to make it to Alex. “Patrick!” exclaimed James. “You’re alive! We were just looking for Alex, do you know where he is?” “Keep walking,” said Patrick weakly as he pointed down the hallway. There was another awful screech as Patrick was hoisted up by Brian and James, carried down the hallway, and into a dim-lit room filled with screaming! “Alex!” yelled Brian. Alex was dangling over a bubbling mess of black mud, were the screeching came from. Suddenly a giant creature lashed its tentacles out of the mud, trying to grasp its prey: Alex. Alex screamed again as he was lowered by his feet ever more closer to the creature. In the corner Sordet had a rope that he was letting slip through his fingers. “Now, Mishu, die!” yelled Sordet. James spun around, dropping Patrick. “And so will you, Compsin.” “Dangit, I forgot!” exclaimed Brian, as James grasped his shoulders and tied a rope around his hands. “Let her rip!” yelled Sordet. James quickly hoisted Brian up and flung him over the mud. “Two people, with the same Gunthur!” yelled Sordet and James in unison. “Gunthur?” asked Alex. “The creature that will devour you,” explained Sordet. “In 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO!” The ropes were loosened and the two friends yelled. “NOOO!” said Patrick. There was another terrible screeching noise followed by a tremendous ripping and tearing sound and suddenly the screaming ended. Patrick stood up, hot with rage. He ran over to Sordet (James had disappeared), and shoved him over into the depths of the mud. The Gunthur didn’t move though. “Thought it would be that easy, did you?” asked Sordet. Suddenly there was a loud burp and a clucking noise as Brian and Alex were thrust up into the air, covered in slime. Alex was dressed in a chicken suit. “What’s with the chicken costume?” said Patrick. “The little growth on the back of my neck got pushed halfway between Alex and Bob!” said Alex, coughing up some slime. The ground started shaking beneath them as Sordet fired some kind of laser at Alex, causing the chicken suit to melt off of him. “AH!” yelled Alex. “I’m in my underwear!” “And you know why, don’t you?” asked Sordet. “Because Gunthurs like the smell of human flesh that’s out in the open.” The screeching sound was heard again and the gigantic Gunthur came out of the mud. “AAAAHHHHHH!” the three yelled. BOOM! The Gunthur smashed right through the wooden floor, leaving Alex, Patrick, and Brian unconscious in the mud.

They woke up not having any memory of anything, and they couldn’t remember that James was Sordet, so they automatically let him be with them. “Oh, alright now, run along!” yelled Sordet. “GET OUT!” He was wearing that evil grin of his, but the four friends were clueless. “Okay, then. Come on!” yelled Alex. They all started skipping and whistling down the long stone corridor. “I wonder,” exclaimed Patrick, “does he live here? Such a colorful happy place!” “I don’t know! Let’s go look for an ice cream parlor!” shouted James. “Ha! They are clueless. It surprises me they even know English,” murmured Sordet. “SALKIN! JAMPEY! Turn on the radar! We’re going to trap them!” “Sir, reporting for duty! The Grim Group at your service!” said Jampey stoutly. “Just turn it on, or I’ll turn on my chainsaw!” yelled Sordet. The room shook as the giant screen rose from the mud and a map of Sordet’s lair flicked on. “Send out the spy bug!” yelled Sordet. The spy bug ran down the long corridor and finally reached the four skipping, whistling fifth-graders. “Oh, look! It’s a ladybug!” yelled Alex. The camera turned on revealing Alex’s face on the screen. “Perfect!” said Sordet. He closed his eyes and there was a huge blinding flash as he transformed into James. “Oh, look! It’s hurt!” said James/Sordet. “A dot is poking out from its shell!” He slammed his finger on the button and the laser-eyes started to heat up! “It wants to be free! Fly, bug, fly!” said Patrick, quickly grabbing the bug and throwing it. BAM! It hit the ground, activating a voice that said: BOMB WILL ACTIVATE IN 10, 9, 8, 7, 6… “No!” yelled James. “You idiots!” 4, 3… The smart remark of James brought the intelligence back into Alex, Patrick, and Brian in a flash. 2, 1… “Hold on!” yelled Alex, squeezing his eyes shut in thought and using his Hirnisk powers to teleport them to a much safer place: Kansas City. BOOM! BAM! CLANG! Springfield blew up into a million pieces, tearing apart the Dread Volcano and stopping the lava flow. But what nobody knew is that every pebble and rock from the Dread Volcano would grow a new one, only in different parts of the world. In this case there was much more disaster brewing for one gigantic Lava Disaster. Chapter XXIII: BCI Labs Hong Kong: A top secret meeting was called 34 minutes ago concerning the condition of the Earth. A computer recording will now activate: “Gentleman, I have called this meeting for one important cause,” says President George Bush. “(translation) Eh, Mr. Bush, sir, even though you can not understand me, I think that the condition of our planet is perfectly fine; I mean, consider the shape that your country’s in! Shoving war on Iraq! Could they do anything about it? NO! But after we withdrew, they were fine. It is a similar situation here, as Mr. Matthew Sordet is not one to mess with, so, we need to wait for his withdrawal!” said Pervez Musharraf, President of Pakistan. “ATTENTION! I have what may be answers to all your problems. I have brought with me, to BCI Labs (Brian Compsin Industries), the one and only Brian Compsin, along with all time genius, Alex Mishu!” said President George Bush. “Ahem! May I have your attention! I have come here not only to make my speech but to let Alex Mishu take part in this!” said Brian Compsin. “Thank you, thank you. Now, as we all know, the Hirnisk population, thought to have vanished, is once more on the Earth. It was recently brought to my attention that Sordet, the big bad guy, so to say in all of this, is my own father. Now, with Hirnisks, this is a known fact through out our race. We have the ability to transform into three to six different people or things. But, these are very limited, as if the little growth on the back of your neck is damaged, then all hope is lost. Recently, Sordet has kept a special metal case around his neck, so in order to win this war, we must rid of it. Although it is vital, that is not the reason I am here. Grandfather Mishu was always a horrible person, smuggling different types of contraband into our country. He was thought to have died in 1967, when he was shot and “didn’t recover” at the hospital. Now, you must not tell another soul, but I am afraid that Grandfather Mishu has once more risen. You may know him as Lord Magma. I will now  Hello, this is a reporter from Channel 13, bringing horrifying news. The power has gone out and the city of hong kong is collapsing ! I m not speling thngs rite in the hopes that I wil get out of her! AAHH! Wir al guna die!

“What the heck just happened?” yelled Brian Compsin on a Kansas TV station, secretly getting the Hong Kong meeting. “Patrick, get your butt off the hotel’s couch and get over here!” Patrick sleepily got off the couch and crawled over to the TV and replied to Brian, “What now?” “Look at the TV!” “Holy shi – “ “Watch your mouth!” “What’s happening?” “Hong Kong! That’s where Alex is!” The TV made all kinds of strange noises until a fuzzy camera feed of President Bush came from it. “This is a warning! The entire world will now be evacuated. A Mr. Alex Mishu has just informed me that he has five giant ships that will need to be activated immediately by Brian Compsin! Do you read my Brian? Hopefully! These are the instructions: Tear the antennae off of your TV. I repeat: Tear the antennae off of your TV! Now, in order to evac – “ The screen went blank. Patrick and Brian stood in awe. “Our country needs our help!” said Brian, turning off the TV. “Patrick, you have the honors. Rip that sucker off!” Patrick went over to the TV and introduced his strong hands. The antennae squeaked and twisted and finally gave way. Once he did, the hotel blasted through everyone feet, leaving them on the ground but shooting itself into the air; then from the ground rose five ships!

Lord Magma’s Lair: “You blithering idiot!” screamed Lord Magma. “Uh, sorry sir, yes, I am very sorry sir, yes!” squealed Sordet. “But couldn’t you be nicer as a father?” “SHUT UP! Did you just see what happened? A PUBLIC FEED OF RESCUE NEEDS! And do you know – “ “The Muffin Man?” “SHUT UP! IT’S THAT PUNK, YOUR SON! WHAT HAVE YOU CREATED? OUR PLANS ARE DETERIORATING BY THE SECOND! NOW WE MUST MOVE TO PLAN B, OPERATION SUN MELTDOWN!” “But father, the Earth is collapsing anyway!” “How many times do I have to tell-“ “The Muffin Man?” Lord Magma screamed in rage and beat his fists on his desk, causing a ring of fire to burn Sordet. “Now, where is my Hirnisk-Twister?” he asked. “I’ll get it,” croaked Sordet. Sordet ran off and within seconds was back. “Now, we shall see who will win, Mr. Mishu!” Lord Magma zapped Sordet, causing all of his supernatural Hirnisk morphs to be pushed out of him. Sordet fell to the floor as Harry Mishu, Matthew Sordet, Eric Compsin, Tehsih, Hishet, and Contemporary Hirni all appeared. “Now, I have one of you for each continent, except for Antarctica,” soothed Lord Magma in his deep voice. “Now get to work! Hishet, Europe; Tehsih, North America; Contemporary Hirni, Australia; Eric, South America; Sordet II, mmm, Asia; and Mr. Mishu, Africa. Now, do as I say or you’ll all be dead before you can say “Oh God give me mercy.” “Oh God give me mercy,” they whispered. “SHUT UP!”

Hong Kong, BCI Labs: Hello, this is a report from Alex Mishu right after the recent disaster. I am flying over Hong Kong where part of the plate has apparently slipped into the mantle. Oh my God! There’s a fire beam coming from the sky; OK, stay calm, it’s hitting the ground! Burning people alive! Now, wait, it’s caused ripples that appear to be disrupting lands further than the Chinese portion of the Eurasian Plate! Sorry, must go.

Alex was right; very right, indeed. For the core of the Earth had begun to expand, causing the crust to melt into the heated mantle.

“Attention, people of the world! There will be a ship coming to your continent very soon! You will need to board these ships immediately, as you will be computerized and put into .zip files! Europe, Asia, your ship is combined! Thank you!” The broadcaster’s voice died away. “Wow!” said Brian. “I hope Alex ain’t hurt!” “Whoa, get over here!” said Patrick. “The sun’s getting closer!” “Holy shi – “ “Watch your mouth!” “Shut up.” The Earth had apparently been hurtling for the sun for a while now, because the buildings on the horizon were up in flames. “Whew!” said Brian. “Shut that curtain before it – “ “WHOA!” screamed Patrick. The curtain had caught fire, and so did Patrick! Patrick rolled around and around and finally put the fire out, but Brian discovered something else. Their room had frozen into ice, but the invading heat took over. “AAAHHH!” he said. “Patrick, GET out of here!” The fire alarm went off in the hall and they ran for their lives, sprinting down the stairs, running, sprinting…

Chapter XXIV: 3…2…1…Blast Off?

Sydney Beach, Australia: “Whoa, me mate! Smashing ocean view!” exclaimed (I’ll just call him Hirni from here on out) Hirni, disguised as a tourist. “Bloke, this’d be sea lion pen!” replied the tour guide. “Why must ya be so sure abou’ dis, mate?” “’Cause it’s the bloody sea lion pen!” “Crikey, mate! It’s a alligata!” The tour guide asked where it was but when he turned around, the tourist was gone! The tour guide immediately looked into the sea lion’s pen then jumped in after he saw bubbles.

“Bonjour, bonjour! Mes invités, accepteriez-vous gentillement le champagne? Le vin? Le café? Le thé? Merci, merci vous; maintenant sonner cette cloche pour mon assistance! (Hello, hello! My guests, would you kindly accept champagne? Wine? Coffee? Tea? Thank you, thank you; now ring this bell for my assistance!)” said Hishet to some customers he was serving at a French restaurant (he was disguised as a waiter). “Monstre! Monstre! Quelqu'un obtient le garçon ou la sécurité! Un monstre visqueux mortel est sur le point d'attaquer le bâtiment! (Monster! Monster! Someone get the waiter or security! A deadly slimy monster is about to attack the building!)” shouted a customer. When Hishet looked up, Hirni had destroyed part of the building.

You have just experienced two of the six situations that our enemies our in. Starting now at the beginning of each chapter, I, the author, will report two more accounts of these dastardly people. Now, we continue.

Alex breathed hard as he hurtled down the streets of the sinking Hong Kong. He was headed for the beach where a new HovaScoota was waiting. A HovaScoota is like a, well, it’s basically a hovering scooter that goes ten times faster than a jet. The HovaScoota was waiting for him right on schedule. He hopped right on and sped off, leaving Hong Kong on the horizon. Hence, when Brian looked up, the ships were rolling in six different directions, until they were in a quarter-mile radius. Alex was now in sight, a small black dot at first, but after five minutes, the familiar outline of his HovaScoota was faint, yet visible. Alex was now turning off the ships engines, although Brian didn’t get what he was up to. Brian even took the time to go over to Alex and ask. Once, they were done, Alex asked, “Where the heck is Patrick?” “Well, either he ran over to pee in a bush over there.” He pointed to his left. “Or, he ran over to the Big Bubby’s Hot Diggity Dogs place over there.” “OK, whatever.” Alex walked over to the edge of the forest and touched his watch. A plastic suit appeared on his body, protecting his skin from dangerous plants and thorns. This suit was not necessary because he stepped on Patrick about three seconds into the forest. “You little!” he yelled. “Don’t run off again!” Patrick replied. “You think that I ran off? I HAD AN IMPORTANT BCI LABS MEETING WITH PRESIDENT BUSH!” “Well, I mean after that.” Alex pulled out a roll of masking tape, cut off a piece, and carefully placed it over Patrick’s mouth. “Hey, turn around!” he yelled. “Wll yu lukd frsd!” said Patrick. Alex sighed and walked off toward the ships, leaving Patrick in the bush. He walked into each individual one and typed the codes of the continents, such as EURASI for Eurasia, SOUAMER for South America, AUSTRA for Australia, and so on. Meanwhile, Brian was worried because the horizon was blowing into the air in a wave of debris. “ALEX!” he yelled, not because of the fact that he was mad already, but the fact that the motors churning were at least two hundred decibels. “HOLD ON!” screamed Alex. He rummaged through the cockpit, throwing things out the door until he found earplugs and threw them to Brian. “THANKS!” Alex hopped out of the last ship and gave “the signal” to Brian. Brian had been told that this signal meant business. He pulled a remote out of his pocket and hit six buttons on it. The ships lifted about fifty yards into the air, getting higher, higher, higher, until finally, they started flying off. But after a few seconds, Alex and Brian both realized the problem. The wave of debris on the horizon was now audible and large walls and shards of glass flew through the air. The three ships that were headed in that direction were immediately hit, and although it caused dents, they moved on…for five seconds. One particular wall was about five hundred feet tall, and now it didn’t matter what happened to the three ships; they were going to be destroyed. “WHOA!” yelled Brian. “RUN!” It was too late for Brian too. A big shard of glass flew at him and he was hit unconscious then continued flying with the glass. “BRIAN!” Alex yelled. He looked up at the ships and saw, amazingly, that they had beaten the wall of bricks and debris. “Thank you, life and luck,” he said as he too was swept away, unconscious.

In the forest Patrick was shouting. He zipped his pants and ran away from the wave. When he turned around, he saw a hole in the wave and thought to himself, Do or die, Patrick! “’K, here goes,” he said. When the debris came he jumped through the hole, barely making it through, even though it stripped his clothing. Again there was a problem, as when he was through the wave, still in the air, he saw that there was an ocean of magma below him. He frantically looked around, finding nothing to land on until a quickly accelerating volcano appeared on the horizon. “Hal – “ he started saying, but he was cut off as he hit the ground of the volcano and was saved.

Eurasia, Africa, and Australia: The ground in the four (three if preferred) listed continents had turned to magma already, and three billion people were dead. So when the ships tried to land, they landed in the magma and were immediately destroyed/melted.

Brian, Alex, and Patrick were flying through the air at around one hundred fifty miles per hour, yet they were now waking up. They were many miles apart, yet only one mile off the ground. “Hey,” said Brian. “Wha-What the heck? He was now flying higher in the air, and the pressure in his ears was unbearable. Pretty soon he was almost into space, so he quickly pressed his watch and was covered with an oxygen/anti-pressure spray. Meanwhile, Patrick on the volcano, was coming down out of the sky and back into the magma. Lucky for him the volcano didn’t sink, since it was going so fast. Because it was going so fast, the forests had disintegrated in the front, but after Patrick managed to walk to the other side of the mountain, he saw great vast trees, tall, broad, and healthy. He also saw some tools and a small home! “ALEX!” he yelled as he ran toward the house. “ALEX, YOU THERE?” But as soon as he walked to the door, it opened a crack and the familiar voices of all of the Hirnisk morphs of Sordet (except one) were the only things heard. “Hello, bait,” they hissed. “We were supposed to terrorize continents, but our own plans foiled ourselves. Now we shall terrorize you!”

Moon: “Oy, mate!” screamed Like-Dude I, ultimate ruler of the Dudeoriums. The Dudeoriums were the typical alien-green, with large white and blue eyes, a sucking mouth/hole on their neck, two dents in their head, and a bad skate-punk attitude. “Uh, dudes, like uh bow dude before his dudelyish powers, yo!” proclaimed the Secret Dudes, bodyguards of Like-Dude I and Like-Dude II. “Dude. Dude. Dude,” the crowd chanted as they worshipped their king. In this particular situation, the Dudeoriums were performing their weekly ceremony right after they had landed on the moon. Their plan was to destroy it so that scientists would stop pointing “shiny tubes” at them. Like-Dude I & II were the king and prince of all they surveyed with their unusual nine eyes. Why? you may ask, are these aliens involved in this story? I’ll tell you now: They are going to destroy the moon after the ceremony.

Mars: PPPSSZSHHH! The TV in ship #1 was turned on. A TV show about the Dudeoriums (made by Alex) was now showing, and most of the people facing its monotony were asleep. Outside their misty windows, a distant dust storm showed signs of destruction. With no leader, these poor people were stuck with meager rations, two cups of water, and the thought of death constantly running through their head. One particular person on this ship was Eric Compsin, father of Brian Compsin and henchman of Lord Magma. He was a very tall thin man, with a balding head of black hair, and brown eyes; today he wore a leather suit coat and periwinkle dress shirt under that. His appearance was very classy, for he grinned and gave you a look that you would never forget. Maria Compsin, his wife, was also on the ship. The story of the Compsin family is heart-rendering. They started as a cheerful, playful, happy family; now they are separated and didn’t even know that the rest of their family was alive. In 1989, Maria and Eric had been married, and then in 1991, they had their first child, Brian. Brian was loved by them very much and was very happy with them. Then, in 1994, his father, Eric, had gone off for a week with friends. When he returned, he was pale, drunk, and crazy. Brian’s mother was very concerned and he was rushed to the hospital. Once out of the hospital, he was fine, and their happiness resumed, although Brian always felt suspicion about his father. Eventually it would turn out that he had met Sordet, but that’s a whole other story. 1996 came, and Joseph Compsin was born. It would take chapters to tell the year of ’97, so I will skip to 1998; when Alex met Brian. Alex and Brian were both in second grade, and Alex was not yet aware of Sordet; so, when he came to attack, Alex wasn’t ready. Sordet terrorized him and tried to kill him, but let him go at the last second and turned to the Compsins. Brian’s father was afraid at first, but he made Brian think he died by transforming and hiding behind Sordet’s Hirnisks. As for his mother, she was almost immediately shot. 2-year-old Joseph was not very fortunate either. He survived the battle but didn’t recover from wounds at the hospital. Brian was horrified and so he screamed at Alex and left their friendship for the birds. He built a lab and an underground house. For a few years, he made his own food and never came out of the ground. But after he heard the screams in 2003, he finally came out and, wile holding his arm against the sunshine, he got out the Dumen Deften. Anyway, Eric Compsin turned and paced on the rough beige carpet of the ship. He walked over to one of the passengers on the ship and shook his shoulder. “Excuse me,” said Eric. “Yes?” replied the passenger. “Joseph, you idiot, wake up!” “Dad, you know if I wake up that the other passengers might realize my identity,” whispered the passenger. “We need to talk.” “OK, Pop,” answered Joseph Compsin. The two walked off, headed to Conference Room 1, for some sort of conversation. Once there, Eric opened the door and walked in after his son. “Joseph – “ He stopped to close the curtains and activate the sound-proof walls. “I, well, to make a long story short, um, I kind of found; I found mom.” “What?” “I’ve lied to you, Joseph. This isn’t a vacation. I brought you back from the dead, and well, I was the one that killed mom. Now I’ve brought her back too.” “I-I just can’t believe this. I mean, you killed mom?” Joseph burst into sobs. “No, Joseph, don’t cry. I’m bringing her back from the dead too; just understand that fact, okay.” Joseph ran over to him and hugged him. “What could you possibly want?” he said. “I just, I just want a family again.” “Thank you.” Chapter XXV: War? Dudeoriums? Where? Alex and Brian were hurtling through the air, going towards Mars. But as soon as they passed the moon, Brian realized something. “What the heck?” he exclaimed. “Holy Cow! Aliens, Alex; no wait, they’re Dudeoriums!” “Dudeoriums, where? I don’t want to believe you, Brian,” said Alex. “Just trust me, OK?” “All right, let’s go!” Alex pulled on Brian’s leg and started “swimming” through space toward the moon. The moon was incredible so up close. It was, well, big. And by now Alex was sure that the Dudeoriums were there, because there was a faint, beeping, like a bomb about to blow. He watched the dudes carefully as they took off in their ships. When the last ship took off, he noticed that there was a faint voice, overpowering the beeping. It squeaked: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, bomb will now activate. “Uh-oh,” said Alex. “Run!” He tugged at Brian again as the moon made rumbling sounds and started the crack from the core. It started to blow up, and Alex and Brian were in its path! …

Patrick gasped in horror as the voices came out of the hut. “What do you want from me?” he asked. “We want the location of Alex Mishu,” they told him. “What of him?” “If you do not in five seconds, we will blow the universe up.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ALEX!” …2…1…BBBBBBBOOOOOOOMMMMM! “NNNNOOOO!” yelled Patrick. “Yes.” All of the sudden the sun died, the light was extinguished, and the planets started splitting! The substances from the core of them spilled out, gravity disappeared, oxygen disappeared, and everything was ruined! Patrick was now flying through a world of no air and all disaster, so when he found an air pocket, he was greatly relieved. But when Lord Magma appeared above, his hope was gone. Lord Magma had Alex and Brian in his hands, both unconscious. “What’d you do?” Patrick yelled at him. “Ha! I have been sucking life and power from them for two hours now, so I am all powerful, and they are almost dead!” said Lord Magma. “You jerk! Let go!” “You’ll have to break your air pocket. Ha, ha!” Patrick was really stuck now. Would he have to die to save his friends, or have his friends die? For now, he couldn’t do anything, for the planets smashed through the “sun.” Alex was the first to cough, and he got up, yawning. “You idiot!” Lord Magma whispered audibly. “You’re ruining it! Ruining my scheme!” “Ah ha!” exclaimed Patrick. “You were faking it the whole time to make me run away!” “NNNNOOOO!” screamed Lord Magma. “Well, punk, you haven’t won yet!” With that, he ran away screaming. “Crybaby,” Patrick said to himself.

Lord Magma’s Spaceship: “Ha! The little twerp thought that he had ruined my plans! Thank you, guys,” exclaimed Lord Magma. Jampey and Salkin shriveled back from Patrick and Alex form to their own selves. Six other leaders stood in the shadows, silent. But when their earphones rang with the sound of a doorbell, they quietly walked out of the room and turned the microphone on in the air capsule. “Hey, go away!” shouted one. “Heshyiopan yamigon shebd tcGchU?” asked Alex in the Hirnisk tongue. “Alex Mishu?” “Hedst, tcGchU!” “Heshetfrey, he’s a Hirnisk?” asked Heshetfrey’s partner.. Heshetfrey shrugged his shoulders and said, “Oy, if ‘e ‘tis, than I’d say we bes’ run! “Stop talking Australian.” “Well, if he is a Hirnisk, than we need to – “ KABLAM! Alex burst through the air lock and the two henchmen put their hands in the air. “Alright, say good-bye!” said Alex. “NOOO! Don’t you want to know our true identity?’ asked Heshetfrey. “OK, but you’re staying at gunpoint!” “OK, we are really Mrs. Mishu and, uh Patrick! Yeah, that’s it!” “Like I’m gonna believe that.” Alex jumped up and kicked them both in the stomach. They doubled over and writhed on the floor. “IuGanda, septrguts! Nuhyf, tcHugHy, tu nifres dr tsuonjk hematteklu!” Alex shouted once more in the Hirnisk tongue. A white cloud appeared, and disappeared carrying Alex with it…

Mars: The Dudeoriums had now found the colony of people from Earth and are now attacking. Meanwhile, Joseph and Eric were continuing their talk. “Where, Dad?” asked Joseph. “Where what?” Eric sniffed. “Where is she?” “Right over in the First Class section of the ship. Joseph got up and started to open the door. “No, son,” said Eric. “Wait until she is complete. For now, sit back down. I need something from you.” “What do you need?” “A blood sample. We need to find Brian, right? Well, this will help, I think. And it won’t hurt either.” Eric Compsin pulled a needle from his coat pocket and grabbed Joseph’s arm. He stuck the needle up by the shoulder, collected a little blood, then took the needle out. “All right, now, Joseph, watch this,” he said. He took a little silver device from his pocket and dropped the blood onto it. The Computer made a few sounds then spoke. “Blood identified as Compsin. Joseph Compsin: relatives Brian Compsin, Eric Compsin, and Maria Compsin. Locations of Compsin family:” A map appeared and showed four dots, three of them still. “Joseph, get up and walk around,” commanded Eric. Joseph did so while watching the screen and saw the J labeled dot moving. “Awesome!” said Joseph, sitting down. “Alright, you’re free to go anywhere you want while I study this for a while,” explained Eric. Joseph got up and left while Eric studied the screen. The M dot was just down the hallway. The J dot was slowly moving toward the cafeteria. The E dot was staying put. But the B dot was only feet away! It was even closer than the M! And not only that but the J dot had met up with him and they were rapidly heading for the room that he was in! But after Eric’s excitement, he saw an S dot moving for the J and B. “Sordet, that little – “ he started saying, but the door burst open. “Dad!” yelled Brian. After him came Joseph, Alex, and Patrick. “Excuse me, Mr. Compsin,” said Alex. “We have slight problem with the Dudeoriums.” “YOU!” Eric hissed. “You are that Alex Mishu!” “Dad, calm down! You’re not evil anymore, remember?” yelled Joseph. “Right, right, OK, I need to calm down.” Around the corner, Sordet boiled over with anger. He tried to hold it in but he couldn’t, so he burst into the room, glaring at Eric. “COMPSIN!” he screeched. “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?” Eric stood up. “I DON’T LIKE WHAT YOU’RE DOING! ALL OF YOUR IDEAS – “ “SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOUR PLANS DO, IDEAS DO, YOUR MIND DOES FOR GOD’S SAKES!” screamed Alex. Eric looked over at him in awe and winked. “Yeah, what he said.” “You, Alex, son, whatever; Grandpa has risen and there’s nothing you can do about it! So go back to being yourself and everything will b e, um, er, great!” soothed Sordet. “SHUT UP!” Alex screamed at Sordet. “COMPSIN, OUT OF MY WAY! YOU WILL NOT WORM YOUR WAY OUT OF EVERY LITTLE PROBLEM AND PUT ME IN JEOPARDY BECAUSE OF IT! I AM TICKED OFF ABOUT EVERY FREAKING PLAN THAT YOUR DUMB MIND PROCESSES! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” “Yes, ma’m,” said Sordet. Alex was now hovering over Sordet and Sordet was so frightened that his eyes were the size of tennis balls. “What did, you call me, punk,” asked Alex when Sordet had turned around and started walking away. “Uh, ma’m,” he squeaked. “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” Alex had a rush of adrenaline and he grabbed Sordet’s shirt collar in his right hand. “I’d take that back if I were you.” Alex gritted his teeth. Alex lifted up Sordet and was throwing him when the wall of the ship in front of them was torn off by the Dudeoriums. Midway through the air, Sordet was hit by a laser and fell to the ground with a bloody nose. “Oh my God,” whispered Eric Compsin. “Dudes of the Dudelyish Dudeness, bow before my Dudelyish Dude Powers! Dude!” said the King. “What do you want now?” complained Alex. “We dudelyishly want your Dudeish-Like Planet.” “This isn’t our planet, just for now.” Meanwhile, the janitor aboard the ship was rolling the trash cart down the hallway to the trash chute, which happened to be where the wall was ripped. He had his eyes closed, daydreaming, and was whistling, when he heard the sound of the outside world. He blindly hit a button on his cart and it threw the trash all over the Dudeoriums! “AH! I’m un-dudeish-like melting!” screamed the King. The other Dudeoriums writhed in the trash for a moment before disintegrating. “Whoa, trash , guy!” said Eric. “No problem,” said the trash guy in a high pitched voice, as he came toward Eric. “Surprise!” he said. He pulled off his hat, shirt, and overalls to reveal that he was Mrs. Compsin! “Mom!” Brian and Joseph said in unison. Chapter XXVI: James! James? “Well, let’s all go back to The Cubbo!” announced Alex. “Cubbo?” asked Mrs. Compsin. Eric turned to his wife. “I’ll explain everything later, OK? For now, no more questions.” “Well, Mrs. Compsin, the Cubbo is a miniature spacecraft that I invented. It can hold eight people, so let’s go!” explained Alex. They ran down the hallway with Alex in the lead and climbed into a wooden elevator. “He gave it an older theme,” said Brian. When they got off the elevator, there was a junky Soapbox Derby car in front them. “Well, here she is, isn’t she a ‘beaut?” “That is it?” asked Patrick. “No, not really. Would I ever use a Crapbox Derby car for space travel?” Alex pushed a button on the dash and the car transformed into a gigantic chrome hover craft! “Now that’s what I call a Soapbox Derby car,” laughed Alex. The first five crawled in while Alex was checking things off on a checklist. When Alex was ready to climb in, he screamed! James was sitting on his seat! Despite the fact that James was unconscious, bruised, pale, bloody, scratched, filthy, and distorted, he was in great shape! “Hey, get me my gun!” yelled Alex, stepping out of his seat. “Why?” asked Brian. “I found Sordet!” “Really?” “Yep.” “Sordet, where?” exclaimed a voice from behind Alex. Alex wheeled around and saw James, alive, walking around and searching. It appeared as if it was a trick. As if Sordet was the James in the Cubbo and the James outside was really James. So Brian tossed Alex his gun and walked over to him. “Well, in my opinion, you shouldn’t be shooting people who you don’t know. I mean, how do you know that this is Sordet that you want to shoot, ‘cause the idiot over there looks like an impostor,” he said. “I think that this is a trick,” said Alex. “I mean, really, do you think Sordet would make it that obvious? Or would he pretend to be strangled and to have the real James be pushed into the room with us?” “Well, the real James would have greeted us.” Alex loaded the gun and had his hand on the trigger. Brian just stood by him and shook his head. Suddenly, Alex turned around and shot the other James. The live James, now dead, fell to the ground and shriveled. In a minute, he had disappeared and there was Sordet with a hole through him! “YOU IDIOTS!” yelled Sordet. “WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?” “WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO US?” screamed Brian. “WE ALMOST SHOT JAMES BECAUSE OF YOU!” added Alex. Sordet looked at them for a moment then started crying and ran away. “YOU LITTLE CRYBABY! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE HECK YOU’RE GOING!” “What do you want from me now, Lord Magma?” Alex said with caution. A miniature laser shot from the darkness and melted a hole in the Cubbo. “Show yourself, Lord Magma,” said Brian. “NOW!” Even though he was afraid, Brian walked over to the shadows and clenched his fist. “All right, I will, but you have to come closer,” said Lord Magma. Brian took a step closer and Lord Magma came out and grabbed him by his shirt collar. He was so ugly that Brian screamed, was dropped, and became unconscious. “Lord Magma, grandpa, whatever you are,” said Alex, walking up to Lord Magma. “Happy Birthday.” Alex punched Lord Magma in the gut, and Lord Magma blew a whistle from his pocket. In a moment, millions of beetles were in the room, looking at the injured Lord Magma. “Ha,” said Patrick, who had been watching the whole thing with the Compsins. “He’s gonna kill us with these bugs?” “These aren’t just any bugs,” said Mr. Compsin. “They’re Magma Bugs!” “Magma – “ The first few beetles froze on the floor, expanded, then blew up with a burst of lava. The next few did the same, then more and more until there was a steady flow of lava in the room. “Brian! Alex! Get out of there!” yelled Mrs. Compsin. But it was too late. Brian and Alex were on the elevator which was surrounded by lava! The elevator was wooden, so it caught on fire at the bottom! Chapter XXVII: The Universe Part I (The Fight) “Oh, God,” said Brian. By now the elevator was two feet away from the lava flow, and Brian and Alex’s feet were scorched. There was a sudden bump under their feet, and the floor collapsed beneath the flow! “Oh, man, the crust of Mars is collapsing!” said Alex. Sure enough, the crust of Mars was collapsing, and melting into the core. Little did they know that the universe was starting to fold and warp, and the galaxies were colliding at speeds greater than Mach 5! Before they had time to do anything, the universe would be dead, the people dead, the aliens dead, and there would be nothing left of anything. Mr. Compsin looked down at his computer screen and saw that the B dot was blinking red and green, which meant severe condition. “Maria, our son’s dying,” he said to Mrs. Compsin. He flipped over Patrick and jumped onto a steel platform over the lava. He carefully stepped over the railing and slowly slid toward the wooden elevator. Brian and Alex were laying there, half-dead, scorched, and all-around in bad shape. Mr. Compsin first grabbed Alex by the arm and pulled him onto the platform. Then, when he tried to get Brian, those years of donuts and ice cream were really showing in him. He was too heavy to lift, so instead Mr. Compsin had to pick up Brian’s arm and put it on the platform. Then he jumped off the platform into the lava, and while he was drowning and screaming, opened the grille on the floor. The lava immediately was sucked away along with the ashes of Mr. Compsin. Brian’s hand fell off the platform and he fell six feet to the floor, now bleeding from the head. “BRIAN! ALEX!” yelled Mrs. Compsin from the ledge above. “COME ON! LET’S GO BACK TO THE SHELTER OF THE FIRST CLASS AREA IN THE FRONT OF THE SHIP!” “No,” Alex managed. “NO!” “WHY NOT?” “WE HAVE A MISSION! WE NEED TO DEFEAT LORD MAGMA AND SORDET FIRST!” “GET BRIAN UP!” Alex limped over to Brian who was now starting to open his eyes. He took his pocketknife out of his pocket, took his shirt off, and cut the sleeves off. Next he wrapped the shirt around the top of Brian’s head and held it. “THROW ME THE MEDICAL KIT FROM THE CUBBO!” Alex commanded. In a minute a big plastic box came flying at Alex, and he caught it. Inside there was some medical tape that he used to tape the shirt to Brian’s head. The sleeves were used for big bandages, taped down with medical tape, of course. When he was done, Alex got up and decided to use his Hirnisk powers to make him wake up. He rose his hands to the sky and said, “HIshet, Tehsih, Sordet, Mishu, Hedsh ung jkfg fert tyri noklju ghyru grogru!” A giant serpent/Hirnisk appeared, and slithered around them. “Humph, maybe I did the wrong spell,” said Alex. The serpent kept circling Brian, who was awake anyway. Alex did not realize that he had said the names of all his enemies, when he was supposed to say the names of his Hirnisk allies/companions. So instead of making Brian come to life, the serpent was going to eat him! Before it was too late, Alex realized what was happening and used his Hirnisk powers to transform into Theresa Fort, one of his Hirnisk abilities and also one of his classmates. He (now she) jumped up and kicked the serpent. The serpent hissed loudly and grew feet, then bit Alex in the leg. This had happened before, as when Sordet was in a dog form, he bit Alex in the leg. Alex had had to live with it through the Prehistoric, and the future, and it had just healed. But now, that horrible pain had returned, just the same. Theresa took her pocketknife and stabbed the serpent in the head. “There, you filthy little animal, take that!” The serpent was now dead, and Alex transformed back into himself. Chapter XXVII: The Universe Part II (The Rebellion) When the right spell was applied and Brian was up, he and Alex climbed the concrete wall using ladders that they had found until they reached the Mrs. Compsin and Joseph. “Mom, you know that we can’t be a family until this is all over, right?” asked Brian. “Yes, dear, I do, Alex explained that to me while you were asleep,” replied Mrs. Compsin. “All right, now – “ Brian paused when there were crashing sounds coming from down the hallway. “What’s that?” asked Alex. “S’pose it’s an old guy trying to use the loo! Hey, let’s play a trick on ‘im! “Like what? Oh, what am I thinking, that isn’t no old guy, come on!” They ran over to the steel door and typed in the code. What awaited them was to be greatly surprising, for it was not an old guy going to the bathroom; it was a mob of about forty people! The mob was constantly throwing things and shouting curses about the Mishu family and the Compsins. Meanwhile, Alex and Brian ran down the hallway and the sounds were getting louder! “YOU SON OF - ” “LOOK AT THIS - !” “GO TO - !” Do not be surprised or disturbed at all. If you were paying attention at all, you would have noted that I said that they were cursing. So to help you without the memo pads, I cut off the cussing. Anyway, Alex and Brian were listening in on the mob, and they decided to hide in the bathroom. They ran inside and locked the door as the sounds got closer. “Hey,” whispered Brian. “We need to derive a plan to get rid of these people in case they come in here.” “I got your answer in my pocket, but it’s a lot to do in a little bit of time. Alright, here’s the plan. First, we take the soap container, bust it open and take the bag of soap out. Remember, there’re two of them, one for each of us. Second, we practice changing our voices into old men voices. Third, we go into the stall, take our pants, underwear, and shoes off and put them on the floor, to make it look like someone’s in there. Fourth, we come out of the stall and hide in that dark corner, then when they come… “Five, we bust a hole in our bags of soap with my knife and dump the soap in a toilet. Sixth, when they get here, we blow the bags up, answer questions in our old guy voices, and occasionally squeeze the air in our bag out of a little hole to simulate “bowel disturbance.” Got it?” Brian nodded. “Roger that!” They ran over to the soap containers and beat them to death until finally the soap bags came out. There was a problem, though. The mob had already passed, but had left six men to break down the bathroom doors. They quickly moved on to step two, despite the shouts from the Women’s restroom. Apparently the men broke down the doors while there were still women in them. “Ahem! Dang nabbit! Them a-peoples er at it er-gin!” said Alex, pretending to walk with a cane. “Hello, Boy Shcoutsh erv Ermorica? Wert kinda cookies er ya a-sellin dish year?” said Brian. They patted each other on the back and quickly moved on to step three. Both took a stall and peeled down until they were half-naked and walked out of their stalls into the dark corner. “Good idea,” said Alex when he saw Brian crouch down and pull his shirt over his knees. “I wasn’t doing that for protection, it’s for – never mind,” answered Brian. “D’oh! I forgot the soap!” said Alex. He grabbed the soap bags and popped them, dumping their contents into the toilet. “Whew!” he said. He went back to the corner, pulled his shirt over his knees, and sat quietly on the cold floor. “Dang!” exclaimed Brian. “They’re bust ing down the doors! What if they find our clothes but no person?” “OK, wait,” replied Alex. “Ah ha! I’ve got an idea! Brian, you need to take your shirt off.” “What do you think this is, a stripping party?” “No, it – OK, it is turning into a stripping place, but, you’ll put your legs through the armholes. Got it? OK, now stand up, and wait for me.” Alex took medical tape out of his pants and had Brian hold his knees. Then he handed Brian the tape, as to tape the shirts together. Alex stood up and put the soap bag over his head, to blur it out like in the Cops shows. “Your butt is in my face!” muttered Brian. “Well, breathe through your mouth, then, Brian, and stop complaining!” commanded Alex. “HEY, YOU NASTY LITTLE VARMINTS! WE KNOW YOU IS IN THERE!” yelled a voice from the hallway. “Dang nabbit! Them a-peoples er at it er-gin!” said Alex. “Hello?” said Brian, his voice identical to Alex’s. “Er you da Boy Shcoutsh erv Ermorica? Wert kinda cokkies er ya a-sellin’ dish year? Hehe! Cookiesh, hehe!” “YOU LITTLE SON – “ Dang! They’re at it again! “WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!” Just then Brian squeezed the bag of air and a loud “bowel disturbance” (constipated) sound emitted from the bathroom. “Dang!” whispered Brian. “What about the smell?” “I’m on it,” came the answer. Alex took his pocketknife and threw it backwards into a stall. With years of practice, he hoped that he would hit the target. And, BOOM! The knife hit the pipe directly in the center and it burst with the smell of sewage. This, however, was not about to stop the men. They knocked down the door and saw Brian and Alex standing there, seven feet tall with a blurred face and strange clothes. “Hehe! Cookiesh, cookiesh!” yelled Alex in his old guy voice. “SHUT UP!” Brian could no longer stand with the weight of Alex so he purposely fell to the ground. Both of the shirts were ripped into pieces as they strangled to get out of the bathroom. Just then Theresa Fort walked in along with her friend, Miranda Osborne, who was Alex’s girlfriend. They both started beating the men with their purses. “Take that!” said Theresa. “That’s what you get for going into the Women’s Restroom!” “Die, squirrels, die, filthy animals!” said Miranda. When the men had fainted, the girls decided to look for more prey, so they walked toward Brian and Alex. Alex took the bag off of his head and said, “Miranda? Osborne? Oh my God! Brian, hide!” Miranda and Theresa and said in unison, “OH MY GOD! BRIAN AND ALEX!” “AH, GET OUT OF HERE!” screamed Brian. But on their way out, Alex ran into Miranda. “BRIAN! WAIT!” It was way too late tough, because there was nothing that would have stopped Brian from streaking down the hallway at Mach 200,000. “AAAAAHHHHH!” yelled Alex, now laying on the floor with a badly sprained ankle, knee, and elbow. “Get out of here!” yelled Theresa. “And just get away from me, sicko!” But Alex did not pay attention. Instead, he used his Hirnisk powers to transform into Bob the Guy-In-A-Chicken-Suit from TV. “Aaahhh, there we go, clothes,” he sighed. The girls sighed too. “Now I’m out of here!” He limped his way out of the restroom and quietly the girls followed him. “Brian, come out of the janitor’s closet before I come in after. I’ve got clothes!” The door creaked open a foot, and the girls jumped into the shadows, but they still peered around the corner. Brian unzipped the back of the chicken suit and climbed into it with Alex. He zipped it up and put both legs in one of the chicken legs. They both stuck their head out the chicken’s mouth. “Instead of Left and Right, we’ll say our names, and when we hear them, we hop forward,” said Alex. “OK? Brian!” “Alex!” ”Brian!” “Alex!” “Brian!” “What?” “SHUT UP! Brian!” “Alex!” “Brian!” “I’m hungry!” “What the heck!” “Taco Bell!” “ARGH!” Alex tackled Brian inside the chicken suit and feathers flew, making the girls laugh. The fighting stopped, and Alex poked his head out of the hole. “Go away already!” he yelled. Chapter XXVIII: The SSS Outside of the Milky Way, a Super Space Storm (SSS), or black hole, was looming. It was sucking away at the stars and Pluto, and so far had succeeded in destroying half the galaxy. On Mars, the wind had started to pick up speed and everyone was forced to stay inside the ship for emergency winds of 240 MPH. Alex and Brian had faired well in the chicken suit with the fact that the girls had made the zipper stuck. They cut a bigger hole around the mouth so that they could live without sweating up a storm. Every night Alex pulled a blanket in the suit through the hole, and every night a passenger seeking revenge would try to invade the chicken suit. When the winds reached 500 MPH, the heating and air conditioning systems blew away, and Brian and Alex were constantly sweating. One night, a passenger cabin blew away, and the struggling passengers looked for shelter in the Captain’s Quarters (a.k.a. Brian and Alex’s room). It had gotten so crowded that Alex got frustrated and rolled off the bed at night. When he and Brian woke up, there was teddy bear fluff in their mouths. DING! DING! “Time to get up, you pigs!” shouted Alex. “It looks like another windy day, so be prepared and keep those Oxy-Packs on (an Oxy-Pack is an airbag that envelopes your body in a bubble when the string is pulled)!” Miranda walked up to him. “You want to join me for breakfast?” she said. “Not with a slug breathing down my neck,” said Alex, nodding toward Brian. “But when we get this chicken suit removed, heck yes!” “I’m so sorry that Theresa did that zipper thing to you. Is there any way I can pay you back?” “Well, I was thinking – “ Old McDonald had a farm, EIEIOOOOOO! “Not now!” complained a sleepy Brian. He hit a button on his cell and the song stopped. “What the heck was that?” exclaimed Alex. “Uh, ahem, nothing! Hehe!” Brian’s face went red. “Just a little alarm clock o’ mine, that’s all.” Miranda giggled. “I’ll see you at the breakfast table.” She pointed at Alex, then walked off. “Brian, we’re going to get this danged thing off of us!” For a half hour they struggled until finally they decided that Alex would climb out of the hole while Brian crouched in the bottom of the suit. In five minutes Alex was out, followed by James. They also had planned “fashionable” clothing. They busted all of the teddy bears left by the people who slept there and took the stuffing out, then used the tape to tape it to their skin until they looked like the Abominable Snowmen. When Alex started into the hallway, a door slammed behind him, and out came James, Patrick, and the Compsins. “Hey, you! Yeah, the snowman!” yelled Mr. Compsin. “Hey, fat guy, keep your blubber to yourself, or it’s the liposuction for you! Wow! You got James all fixed?” “Yep, blubber boy! What’s with the costume?” “This ain’t no costume, well, to shorten my story, me and Brian were running from a mob and we ended up in the nude so I transformed into Bob the chicken guy and we wore the suit until today when we taped cotton to ourselves for clothing.” “So, we can talk at breakfast, including James.” “Well, actually, I, uh, was planning something else, but maybe for lunch.” Alex walked up to the wheelchair containing James and said, “Hi, James!” “Hi, Alex! Say, was I in a coma?” “Yes.” “So, what’s happened?” “Well, I created a lab, advanced a few grades, went to the Prehistoric and the future because I was winning friendships, and now that got me here on Mars in a storm with one lifeline. Whew!” “Wow! I’ll ask questions later. So, what year is it?” “2003, of course!” “WHOA! You mean Mr. Phelps, the second grade teacher was wrong when he said that everybody was going to die in 2000?” “Just go to breakfast.” “Bye!” And with that Alex ran ahead of James and ran on to breakfast. “OK, Miranda, I’m here,” said Alex as he sat down at a table. Miranda looked him up and down. “So, did you teleport yourself to the mountains and roll down a cliff?” “No, of course not. It just took a few teddy bears and a roll of tape.” Miranda laughed, then started sobbing. “What’s wrong?” “I – I just want to stay in the comfort of your ship but – but – “ “But – “ “But Theresa is – is dead!” “DEAD?” “Y – yes, she and I slept on the end of the cabin that blew away and – and I lived but she died. “I can save her!” said Alex triumphantly.

           “Really?”

“Yes, I’ll do it or die trying! Good – bye world!” Alex got up from the table and re – taped a cotton ball. “Thank you. What about breakfast?” “What about it?” Alex was finally off.

Alex was getting ready to go outside and find Theresa. He was in the Air/Wind Lock and had a heavily equipped Oxy-Pack on him. He hit the button on the intercom and said, “PPPPSSSSHHHH! Brian, do you read me? I repeat, Brian, do you read me?” “Roger that,” came Brian’s voice. Alex took the intercom off the wall and unplugged, reinstalling the antenna. “Can you hear me now?” “Yes.” “Good!” “Good-bye!” came Miranda’s voice. Alex hooked the intercom onto his helmet then opened the door to the 2500 MPH winds outside. He jumped out the opening, shutting the door behind him and setting his boots into lock mode. His feet stayed put, but his body bent back, so he decided to go with the wind. He jumped off the ground and flew through the air until he came to a giant boulder. With a few calculations, he decided that he had come fifty miles, and that Theresa was probably 14350 miles away from him. It might take him about fifteen hours to travel to Theresa and get back. But he was wrong. Up ahead on the horizon, a pink dot appeared and got closer and closer until Alex slammed into Theresa who was now seconds from death. He took the second mouthpiece on the oxygen tank and then unzipped his suit. She was grabbed by him and pulled into the suit for safekeeping. Next Alex zipped up the suit and hit the reverse button. Slowly he backed up, facing the wind, and when he looked up, the clouds had parted and there was a black hole looming over him! Chapter XXIX: I Fix, You Kill; I Mix, You Grill (Don’t Worry, There is Meaning Behind It) “Mayday, mayday!” screamed Alex. “What?” panicked Brian. “Well, I found Theresa, and – “ “Great!” “Not great! I found out why there’re windy conditions, there’s a giant black hole that’s sucking us all to our deaths!” “Oh my God!” “Exactly my thoughts!” “Hey, Alex, we got another problemo!” “What now?” “You know that cussing mob of forty people?” “Yeah?” “Well, they quadrupled their size, and if you don’t get back soon, they claim that they’re going to shoot any followers of you!” “Oh, God!” “Exactly my thoughts!” “Shut up, I’m going in!” Alex noticed that Theresa had woke up and that she was normal again. “Get off of me, you puffy freak!” she screamed. “Whoa! Look who woke up on the wrong side of the bed! Do you realized that if I didn’t exist, you would be long gone! The whole world would be gone years ago!” “Where’s Miranda?” she yelled. “Hey, Brian!” Alex turned the intercom on again. “Yes, sir?” “We need Miranda or Theresa’s going to blow up!” “OK, got ya. Miranda? Get over here!” “Theresa?” said Miranda, her voice slightly fuzzy with friction. “What the heck am I doing here?” yelled Theresa. “Alex just saved you from death!” “Well, I still don’t like him!” There was a sigh on the other end and then it was just friction noises. The connection was lost, but Alex moved on. In about five minutes the station was in sight, and be the sixteenth hour, Alex was back! “Brian, I know this is weird, with all the celebrations and stuff,” Alex said two days after his return. “But, why must I live with this phrase in my head: ‘I fix, you kill; I mix, you grill.’” “Well, first you tell me what the heck that’s supposed to mean.” “Well it means that there is a problem, OK, and I fix it, then people are not happy with it even though I saved their butts. So they start a new problem, and this just goes on and on and on, and I am sick of it! So, what I want is for us to make a plan and the machinery so that the people can carry it out and they won’t be mad at us.” “So that there’s not another problem.” “Exactly.” “Well, I’m getting on the microphone, ‘cause there’s going to be a conference the size of Alaska in the Cafeteria/Gym/Lobby!” “Go ahead.” This is a computer recording of the meeting in the three now connected ships: “Hello fellow citizens. You other continents in the back, I know this is being translated, so you still need to listen. I come here today, not to only inform you of things but to punish you also. First off, I must tell you to take any crying babies or ringing cellphones out of the room immediately. “OK, now, I must warn you not to scream: The force that has created all of this wind is called a black hole. For the uneducated, a black hole is basically a super strength storm in space that sucks all of the things in its path to another galaxy or universe. Second, I must announce this saying: ‘I fix, you kill; I mix, you grill.’ I’d like the mob that was chasing me to please stand and collect their rewards up here. There we go, come along now. Alright now, you all stand in a square and, GO Brian, GO! You see, this cage that I just dropped on you is for what you did! Now, Theresa Fort, please stand and come forth. Thank you, Theresa. Now, this young lady has done some very bad things lately, including locking the captains in a chicken suit for days. For that Theresa, you have ten days in jail. Brian! There we go! “Now, that saying: ‘I fix, you kill; I mix, you grill.’ It basically means that I fixed a problem, for instance, I kept the ship from melting and from Lord Magma, yet this mob tries to kill me. Theresa here locked me and Brian in a chicken suit for days, yet I still took my time to save the worm. What you don’t realize is that I’m helping, and you’re fighting it. What I want now is teamwork. This is not a first class vacation, I’m turning it into a giant factory where new technology will be made to save the Earth and all our butts. Thank you, and goodnight everybody!”

“Well, that went well, I think,” said Alex, walking of the platform toward Brian. “Nice job with the cages.” “Did you see Theresa?” asked Brian excitedly. “You killed the crap out of her. Her face went pale and she fainted, so publicly! That was totally awesome!” Miranda walked up to Alex and said, “I loved what you did to that brat! Did you see her? I was choking to hold back laughter!” “Yeah, Brian was just talking about that!” Just then Theresa sneaked up on them and tossed a knife at Alex that hit him square in the back. He stopped breathing and his eyes rolled back: he was dead. Chapter XXX: The Civil War “ALEX!” yelled Miranda. Alex was lying on his stomach with the knife in his back, blood gushing from the hole. Theresa decided to walk out from the shadows. “Oh, hello!” she said. Miranda wheeled around and picked Theresa up by the shirt. “You,” she whispered menacingly. “I didn’t know he would die,” whimpered Theresa. Brian immediately pulled a whistle out of his pocket and blew hard. Soon ten black ninjas with metal armor and laser machine-guns were circling Miranda and Theresa. “Miranda, slowly put the girl down and get out of here, but no sudden movements, or they’ll shoot,” commanded Brian. Miranda tiptoed out of the ring and made her way down the hallway. Brian got out a pager and paged the doctors on board, who came immediately to help Alex. While they were doing that, Theresa put her hands in the air. “I’m sorry! Now can I go?” she asked. “Please? Pretty please?” “Huies (the Ninjas), hold your fire!” said Brian. “All right, Huies, keep your guns handy and if she moves, shoot her. Take her to the steel magma prison platform!” The steel magma prison is where all of the magma from the death of Mr. Compsin was deposited. There is absolutely no escape, and it’s immediate death to the people that enter. Brian ran over to the intercom. “Alright, for those of you who knew Theresa Fort in any way and would like to see her before her death, please report to the basement immediately!” Within minutes there were about a hundred people, with the Fort family in front, standing by Miranda. Brian came down from the ceiling on a wooden (held up with ropes) platform with Theresa chained to the floor of it. “Before we release Theresa to her death, we must notify you of the crime!” announced Brian. “Theresa Fort, aged eleven, committed murder in this ship approximately ten minutes ago. The victim was our very own Captain Alex Mishu and the tool used was a knife. Thank you.” He got off the platform by grabbing a rope ladder that was tossed from the ceiling and climbing. A few minutes passed and a recording of Chopin’s Funeral March started playing. The ropes on the platform loosened as four mice gnawed at them. “MOMMY! DADDY! MIRANDA! SAVE ME! I DIDN’T DO IT! I DIDN’T!” she screamed. Her parents blew kisses and Miranda waved as three ropes were released, the last one had only a little bit left. SNAP! “It’s too late for Mommy and Daddy now, sucker!” Brian yelled as she fell to her immediate death. Then he got back on the speaker. “Please remove all hats as we sing the Star-Spangled Banner.”

The doctors muttered to one another as they inspected the area where the knife had hit. “Ah, this guy’s already dead,” said one. “Yeah, let’s notify Mr. Compsin of his death. We did all we could,” agreed another. They walked down the hallway with the dead body toward the basement door, but stopped when they heard foot steps. Alex turned around the corner in his puffy suit, whistling. “What the – “ said one. “Hold the language, big boy!” said Alex. “I see you’ve found my other body!” “How – “ “I’m a Hirnisk, I don’t die, I live forever!” said Alex. “You mean you’re a Hernia’s International Rights Not International Society of Ketchup member?” “No, I’m the medical phenomenon, the creature Hirnisk.” The doctors looked at each other in awe. “We didn’t know they still existed!” they said. “Or did they? Ha ha ha!” said someone in the shadows. Two fiery arms reached and ripped the doctors’ skins off, revealing that they were robots. “You see Alex, you just can’t win. You never will, because I never die, unless fire is used – never mind,” said Lord Magma. Lord Magma blew a steamy breath over Alex, making the cotton balls singe. “The war is not over,” he said. “Like I just said, it’s impossible for you to win, so there’s nothing that you can do about it.” “Yes there is! You said that if I used fire against you, you’d die, so – “ Lord Magma steamed up with rage and malice and roared. “YOU WILL NOT USE IT AGAINST ME OR I’LL, I’LL – “ “You can’t do a thing about it, because you’ll be dead before you know it.” “But you’re Hirnisk so I CAN USE – “ “Nothing against me. I’m invincible.” “Just shoot me,” said Lord Magma. “I can’t take it anymore. I’ll just lose!” “Grandpa, get a hold of yourself, I mean, why are you evil in the first place?” Lord Magma jumped up and grabbed Alex. “Because your snotty little brain wasn’t!” he hissed. “BRIAN!” yelled Alex. Lord Magma threw his hand over Alex’s mouth, yet Alex still screamed. “No! Shut up! SHUT UP!” But it was too late for Lord Magma. The black hole outside combined with the people running at him made him teleport himself to his own ship. Brian ran toward Alex. “Are you OK?” he asked. “Yep. Everything’s fine! But look what I got!” Alex produced a remote from his pocket with one button. “What’s it do?” “Deletes any plans or damage that Lord Magma has ever done. The con is that it excludes stuff on Earth. But still, it will keep us from blowing away!” The ship took a sudden jolt as it was lifted off the Martian ground. The steel plates of walls were peeled away, and all of the Oxy-Packs were activated. In a few minutes, there were almost two billion bubbles floating around, and the remains of the ship, now sucked into the black hole. “Hit the button!” yelled Brian. “OK, here goes.” Alex hit the button and all of the Oxy-Packs blew up, sending everyone back to Earth, even though it was still full of volcanoes.

Day One: Back On Earth

Alex had built station at which to work and the satellite was now sending signals across the world to notify of bombing activities near Missouri and Indiana. Outside, security guards were stationed, since rebels had conquered Kansas and Arkansas and were now using the resources there against the PurplyTech Army (Alex’s). Alex cracked his knuckles and turned the Rebel Radar back on. For minutes he watched until a steady stream of red was showing against the green. He was in a camouflage uniform and had a big table at which the captain’s were working on a military strategy. “We got ourselves a Code 42, I repeat a Code 42 at eight o’clock. That is all,” Alex muttered over the walkie-talkie. “We need a strategy to get ‘em out of here,” said Brian. ‘You working on it?” “Yep.” “How many are there?” “Le’me check the computer.” Alex typed a couple things and the computer screen said: ERROR: OVERLOAD! LIMIT 1000000! “Well, it says that there’re definitely more than a million!” said Alex. “That’s like all of them!” “Exactly.” “Exactly?” “Yes. We’re gonna get ‘em all in one hit!” Alex swiveled over to the captain’s strategy. “We heard it,” said Captain Moore. “And we’re working on it.” “They’re working on it right now,” Alex told Brian. Miranda walked in with a tray. “Coffee, tea, lemonade anyone?” All of the captains grunted and Alex got lemonade. “Gimme an update,” said Alex, sipping his lemonade. “Well, we got the robot armies out, so tell those captains to send me that strategy! The rebels are about five miles away from Watch Post One, so hurry!” The captains heard the info and sent the strategy to Brian immediately. “Got it,” Brian said. “Alright, use hyperspeed on the robots and let ‘em fly to the rebels.”

The robots flew out the battlefield and Brian immediately commanded them to shoot. In five minutes, the rebel army was dead. “VICTORY!” yelled Brian. “Really?” asked Alex. “Yes, we won!” Chapter XXXI: Exile, Battle, and the Last Exit “OUT!” Alex yelled at his captains. The radar that had been created by his captains had been, well, failing. “But, sir you just said – “ “I DON’T CARE WHAT THE HECK I JUST SAID! Uh, sorry.” “Look, Captain Mishu, it’s beeping.” Alex turned to the computer screen and saw a red glob half the size of the map coming in. His radio spit static and Brian’s voice. “Alex, there’s a black cloud headed this way,” said Brian. “Jesus, Brian, get out of there! THAT’S THE EMPTY THIEVES!” Alex beckoned to the captains and they started packing… When Sordet saw the little building in the distance, he knew that it was time to attack. “All right Jampey, throw me another drink, and then…we move in,” he said. “Yes, master,” soothed Jampey. “So, what is next?” “Ah, Jampey, Jampey; this!” A map appeared and Sordet shouted out Alex’s full name. The electronic map squared off a country, a state, a city, a square mile, and then a slightly fuzzy image was transferred. “This, Jampey.” Sordet clapped his hands and a menu appeared of thousands of torturous buttons. Sordet thought for a second and then hit the Triple Lighting Shake-Up button. In the distance, there was a flash and the ground shook slightly beneath them… “What the?” yelled Brian. Alex had been struck by a flash of lighting, and an earthquake was happening… “Having fun, Jampey? Look! On the screen! Mr. Magma is sneaking up on them to try to win my glory! Bye-bye, daddy!” said Sordet. He pushed the Ultimate Flood button and a huge cloud blacker than black flew over their heads… “ALEX!” the three remaining kids yelled. “I bet it was that son of a –“ “Me?” said Lord Magma, jumping out of thin air. “Good guess, my little imbecile friend, but I’m afraid that I am the father of that idiot, and I must kill you.” “Um, mister bad guy, sir, look up,” said Brian. Lord Magma looked up at the giant cloud and dropped Brian immediately. Brian picked up Alex and the three ran, carrying Alex, and occasionally looking back. Lord Magma had gotten a drop of water on him from the cloud and was writhing on the ground as the cloud dropped, as if on a rope, and water burst out of it in a flood. “Quick everybody! Grab on!” Brian yelled, still holding Alex. He boosted up his rocket propeller and lifted everyone up as a flood rushed under them and covered the whole Earth. “Thank God,” croaked Alex, opening his eyes halfway. “The volcanoes are gone!” “You’re alive!” yelled the other three. “Oh yeah, and I’m ready to go kick some Magma butt.” “The flood did it,” said Brian. “Good thing too, I was getting tired of staring at a rotten apple!” “Glad to hear that you guys like what I did,” said a voice, recognizably Sordet’s. “I ditched the Hirnisks and they were all flooded out in my underground lab. I’m not kidding this time, so let’s clean this place up. What do you say, Alex?” “I say…well.” Alex leaned over to Brian and whispered to him for a few moments. “I say…we say that, well, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but: sure.” Sordet immediately made the water disappear by snapping his fingers. “I know this is all of the sudden, but now we are the only life on this planet, except for maybe a few Dudeoriums; but hey, Alex, Brian, I think we can make it through and do this. Maybe with a little time travel though…”

. . .

The next thing Alex knew he was flying in a car and in the distance heard a loud screeching noise. Immediately his eyes shot open and he noticed that he was very old and was in some kind of sky car. “You okay, Mr. Mishu?” his driver asked. “Yes,” replied Alex, hearing his new croaky voice for the first time. “No, wait, STOP!” He remembered where he was now. When all his problems started, when he had first traveled to the future; he remembered. The time machine had come to a halt and so had another car with an old man inside. The old man had claimed to be Alex Mishu, but he had not believed himself until now. Suddenly he found himself being pulled by some force, like the force of time and before he realized what was happening, he was rolling down his window and talking to himself! “Oh, what do you know, it’s me as a kid! Hi me! I remember this day! Oh those were the good old days, when I was you!” he blabbered. “Wait a minute. You say that you’re me, only older? What the heck is goin’ on people?” yelled the younger Alex. “Listen here me, time travel can get really confusing. Why don’t you figure it out when you’re me and another young Alex will meet you? But for now, I must tell you. You should NOT go to the Prehistoric. When I was you, I almost got killed!” the older Alex cautiously replied. “I’m not listening to that crap, what a bluff!” said the young Alex, starting the Kokelot Deviluee once more. The older Alex watched the time machine race off into the distance and dozed once more into a nap…pondering the thoughts of what had happened… Alex woke up to sirens and screams and saw the Kokelot Deviluee speeding off in front of him. His driver was dead, as were many other people. In the distance, Alex could tell that the effects of the disaster on Earth were indentical to those of a black hole. “Oh my God,” he said shutting his eyes. Within seconds, the sound diminished to nothing, his life becoming just a big memory. He was flying now, through a vast tunnel of black. But there was a light at the end, a spectacular white light. But after staring away from the light, he noticed other people flying around him, too. He was not old anymore, he was young again, but more important than that was the fact that his dad, the formerly evil Sordet, was beside him. “I’ve been wondering, dad, why did you do this?” he asked, turning to his father. “I knew this was going to happen,” he replied. “I transported us to that time at the end of the world so that you could remember and figure out that one memory. But most importantly, I did it because I knew that sooner or later there was going to be another evil outbreak.” But before anything else was said, everyone was flung into the white light. All Alex could see around him was himself, no one else. He tried to talk, but nothing came out of his mouth. This was just silence. Not an eerie or disturbing silence, just a relaxing silence. Yet in this silence there was another, different colored light at the end of this white tunnel, and as it grew nearer, he saw that it was his view of a hospital, where he was being born. All of his questions were suddenly answered. Alex was being reborn to continue the long cycle all over again. That’s when the memories came back. Since the beginning of time, he had been going through this cycle. And now, it was that time, again.