'Allo 'Allo! (series 4)

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The fourth series of the British sitcom series 'Allo 'Allo! contains six episodes which first aired between 7 November and 12 December 1987.

Series 4 marks the last regular appearance of Sam Kelly as Captain Hans Geering; though he returned for a one-off special appearance in series 7. Francesca Gonshaw left at the end of the third series; though the exit of her character, Maria, is not explained until the second episode of this series. This series also sees the first appearances of Sue Hodge as Mimi Labonq in the third episode, as the new café waitress; and in the same episode Gavin Richards as Captain Alberto Bertorelli, the seconded Italian captain.

The following episode names are the ones found on the British R2 DVDs with alternate region titles given below them.

Series No. Episode No. Episode title Original UK airdate
4.01 22 Prisoners of War 7 November 1987
4.02 23 Camp Dance 14 November 1987
4.03 24 Good Staff Are Hard to Find 21 November 1987
4.04 25 The Flying Nun 28 November 1987
4.05 26 The Sausages in the Trousers 5 December 1987
4.06 27 The Jet-Propelled Mother-In-Law 12 December 1987

Prisoners of War[edit]

Part of the café gang (René, Edith and Yvette), Michelle, the German officers (Strohm and Geering) and the two British airmen (Carstairs and Fairfax) are all trapped inside the Stalag Luft IV prisoner of war camp. While the German officers and the airmen participate in a game of cricket to keep themselves occupied, Edith and Michelle are digging their way through the caved in tunnel. René has the task of disposing of the dug up earth from it. He also manages to notify Yvette and the officers that the escape committee will soon be having a meeting. The colonel happens to hit the ball too far and break the German commandant's window - which is why the commandant stops the game. When he breaks one of the wicket gates in two, Geering gets angry and stomps on the other. These stomps are heard underground - where Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are digging a tunnel into the camp to investigate.

Back at the café, Fanny and monsieur LeClerc are running the bar, when monsieur Alfonse enters, to speak with Fanny urgently. After some time, when he has found out she has got neither her ear trumpet or her spectacles, he writes down his message and makes her read it by looking through a glass filled with gin (making it a magnifying glass). This way, he informs her that René has been imprisoned, but she has no idea of how to get him or the others out.

Some of the British prisoners are having a meeting discussing escape plans, together with the airmen and Michelle. She then explains the plan to René, Yvette, Edith and Strohm. The idea is to put a barrel near the barbed wire fence of the camp, put a plank over the barrel and then let somebody stand at one of the ends of the plank, while somebody else jumps on the other end - projecting the first person over the fence. They decide Hans will be the one to be sent over the fence and René will be then one to jump - from the roof of the nearest hut.

Gruber is sitting at the café, not enjoying Fanny's song, when Helga enters, disguised as a nun. She informs him that the officers - and René - are held prisoner in the camp. She has a plan for rescuing them, but requires Hubert's help - which he offers without hesitation. Before she can continue, officer Crabtree enters the café. He approaches monsieurs Alfonse and LeClerc with his own rescue plan.

In the camp, the plan is carried out. Yvette and Edith help René on the roof and his trousers are filled with earth, to make him extra heavy. Before he jumps, Strohm and Geering go through their own plan, which is for Geering to get Gruber's tank, squash the fence and get the colonel out. The first time René jumps, Geering is not sent flying into the air, because the plank breaks in two. The second time (when they have produced a stronger plank), Hans goes up - but lands on the hut roof in René's place. The third time, they manage to get him out to the other side of the fence, where some resistance girls immediately show up and take him with them.

Meanwhile, the different escape parties approach the tent. Helga is dressed as a woman of loose virtue, while Hubert is dressed as a nun. They have a pram with a gramophone inside it with them. As Helga distracts the guard into the camp (by showing her legs and playing Lili Marleen on the gramophone, the guard lets in the nun "to distribute some religious pamphlets" in the camp. Meanwhile, Crabtree, Fanny and monsieurs Alfonse and LeClerc arrive outside the camp.

Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen check if they are under the camp, by sticking herr Flick's Gestapo telescope up through the ground. Herr Flick happens to stick it up right between Gruber's legs, but thinks he is a nun. Gruber has entered the camp and finds Edith outside a hut. She is surprised to see him, but shows him in, where he informs her and the rest of the gang of his and Helga's rescue plan. He will drive the refuse truck into the camp and they will all jump into it, whereupon he will drive it out again. They agree to persuade the prisoners to create a diversion. When Gruber has left, they are driven out of the hut to exercise.

Meanwhile, Fanny has been put to steer a crane, which is standing at the roadside, because some drain pipes are being laid down at the moment. She lifts one of the pipes - inside which Crabtree is hiding - over the fence. René, Edith and Yvette spot her and go to see what is happening. As they talk to Crabtree and learn of his rescue plan, they tell him they already have another plan. Therefore, he and the others cancel their plan and go home. Meanwhile, the commanding officer of the prisoners informs Michelle that they cannot make a diversion that same night - because they are due to perform a stage play which they have been rehearsing for weeks. In order still to take advantage of this, it is decided that the airmen, Kurt, Michelle and the café gang will also participate in this stage play.

That same evening, Gruber comes into the camp, driving the refuse truck, while the play is under way. When the commanding officer has performed a number, he presents "the lovely ladies from hut four: Les Girls", whereupon the café gang, Michelle, Kurt and the airmen dance on the stage - all dressed as women. The colonel spots general Von Klinkerhoffen in the audience, but there is nothing to do - they just have to keep dancing and hope they are not discovered.

  • Note: Since Francesca Gonshaw left after series 3, Maria is not in this episode. However, her absence is not explained until the next episode.
  • Note: The prisoner-of-war camp is called Stalag Luft IV. That camp is in Poland.
  • Note: In this episode, the shows timeline is revealed to be 1941.

Camp Dance[edit]

Fairfax, Yvette, Edith, Kurt, René, Carstairs and Michelle are all performing their dance on stage, clad in dresses (of which René happens to drop his skirt). Meanwhile, Hubert drives the refuse truck to the back of the "theatre" and as they have finished, they go out the back way and all hide inside the truck, where Helga awaits them. As they drive out of the camp, Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen break through in the tunnel and come out in hut where it ends. When they try to leave by the camp gates, the guards do not believe they are Gestapo agents and therefore they leave the camp by the tunnel.

When the engine of the refuse truck dies, the gang all go out to stretch their legs. It is then discovered that the airmen did not stay behind as they were supposed to have, but have come with the others. When they have all returned to the café, everyone can dress in ordinary clothes - except for the colonel, who has to hide in the cellar, still wearing a dress, until a German uniform has been found for him. As Edith brings him food, René and Yvette have a little cuddle in the café - interrupted by Gruber, who arrives with a uniform for the colonel. While he goes down the cellar with it, René, Edith and Yvette have a rendezvous with Michelle in the backroom. She informs them why Maria was not with them when they escaped. Apparently, she came up with her own escape plan and disguised herself as a Red Cross parcel, but did not put on enough stamps and was hence "returned" to Switzerland. They light a candle and have a few seconds of silence for her, after which René swiftly blows out the candle (presumably not wishing to waste an expensive rationed item) and points out they shall have to advertise for a new girl. Once they have assured Michelle that the airmen are there (hidden under the table in the backroom), they go upstairs to await London's call on the radio.

Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen have brought a radio device and a big battery to the roof of the chateau, where they will jam the signal from London. Meanwhile, the café gang and Michelle find Fanny sleeping in her bed, but René harshly wakes her up. As the bedknobs start flashing, they also discover officer Crabtree in her bed, with bandages on his head. It turns out that he hit his head while crawling through the drain pipe and Fanny let him sleep in her bed to get some rest. As they are going to talk to London, the Gestapo agents jam the radio and broadcast themselves instead, claiming to be "London calling". Herr Flick tries to lure "Nighthawk" into giving him the names and addresses of the resistance, but in vain, since René does not know them. As the café gang thinks it sounds suspicious, the Gestapo agents try to convince them they are calling from London, by making sound effects, supposedly coming from Piccadilly Circus (car horns honking, news criers, flower girls calling "lovely violets" et cetera). However, Von Smallhausen slips off the roof and as he does so, he shouts "Herr Flick, I'm falling off the roof!" so the café gang discover it is the Gestapo agents. Since they believe they have been discovered, René throws the radio out the window in panic, breaking it. Michelle points out they have not been discovered, since herr Flick does not know their position. However, it is too late, since the radio has already been thrown out.

Colonel Von Strohm and lieutenant Gruber enter the café. The colonel reveals that he is very worried about Geering who, it is revealed, has not been seen since he was catapulted over the wire. Helga enters the café giving the colonel Hans's glasses, which was all she found after searching the vicinity of the camp. When the café gang comes downstairs and discover the Germans, René is wondering if they find it suspicious that he has been upstairs with his wife and the policeman, but they do not - "in France, I'm not surprised at anything" says the colonel. Crabtree leaves, but the next moment, Michelle comes downstairs, disguised in René's hat and coat. He claims she is the "gas inspector" and quickly hurries her into the kitchen. There, Edith comes up with a plan how to contact London for the moment - by diverting the Germans and getting into Gruber's little tank (in which there is a radio transmitter). René is hesitant about the idea, but soon gets other things to think about. The colonel wants to speak to him, and monsieur LeClerc (whom René had sent across the square to buy more gin) comes staggering into the café with the bottles. He explains he passed out in the bushes for some time, since he was hit on the head by a falling radio. René explains that it must have fallen out of a British plane because the Germans are always shooting them down. (This is factually inaccurate: after the Battle of Britain, British aeroplanes ruled the skies above northern France.)

As René finally sits down to talk to the Germans, it turns out that Hans has probably been captured by the communist resistance. However, he cannot talk to them for long, since he, Edith and Michelle are to use the radio in Gruber's tank. They need a diversion for the Germans, but reject LeClerc's suggestion of his performing his famous blindfolded knife-throwing act. However, Edith asks Gruber to play something on the piano. Gruber plays the classic Noël Coward song Mad About the Boy, and René acts emotionally struck, needing to go outside for a while. When they get out to the tank, Michelle is already there and the radio is ready for them to use - they just need a higher aerial, which she fixes by throwing the aerial cable, attached to a rock, into the bathroom window on the second floor of the café. After she has left, René and Edith go into the tank and manage to get in touch with London. However, Crabtree passes by and hears sounds from the tank. He goes into the café and asks for the owner, and when Gruber says he is the owner, informs him of the sounds. Therefore, Gruber, Von Strohm and Helga Geerhart go out to the tank, just as René and Edith are getting out of it. They try to explain they heard the telephone ringing and answered it for them.

A voice can be heard on the radio and as the colonel answers, it turns out to be Hans Geering. Gerring says the resistance took him away and he is now in an office overlooking Picadilly Square (the same sound effects as Von Smallhausen was making earlier can be hard, but this time, more realistic and credible). Geering reveals that the war is over for him and the resistance mistook him for an English airmen and had him sent to England. Von Strohm orders him to escape and return, but Hans says that will not be easy - since he does not have his glasses. Von Strohm asks him how things are over there; Geering replies that the food is very good, and that the English are looking after him very well. He signs out saying the war is over for him. Very downhearted, Rene, Edith, Helga, Gruber and Von Strohm slowly walk away from the tank.

  • Note: This episode does not start with the theme tune but with the music the gang are dancing to.

Good Staff Are Hard to Find[edit]

As many as nine girls of various ages are waiting outside the café to be interviewed for the post as a new waitress, while René makes himself look his very best. Then he, Edith and Yvette sit down to look at them. Monsieur LeClerc shows them in and René likes those who are young and have good looking bodies - whereas Edith and Yvette (thinking of René's fondness of young girls) disapprove of them and take a bigger liking to the plain looking ones.

General Von Klinkerhoffen pays a visit to colonel Von Strohm's office. He tells him of the imminent invasion of England and that the chateau will be the centre of operations, so the area around it is very important. When the general asks about captain Geering, the colonel tells him he volunteered for the Russian front. The general then informs him he is to have a new assistant. As the Italians will join in the invasion, the colonel is to cooperate with the Italian captain Alberto Bertorelli, who is shown into the room. He turns out to be a very happy, emotional and passionate man, to whom the Germans take an instant dislike.

The interviews at the café continue and LeClerc keeps announcing the girls, until he announces "Michelle of the resistance" (much to her annoyance). She first tells them that a new radio has arrived for them (with a new wavelength, which the Germans do not know) and will be delivered by a man disguised as a mountaineer (despite René pointing out the nearest mountain is 100 miles away). Secondly, she brusquely informs them that their new waitress is to be one of the resistance girls – a former gang leader from Paris. She blows a whistle and a small, fierce looking girl, dressed just as her, enters the room. Her name turns out to be Mimi Labonq and as Michelle explains to her that René is very important to them, she is to guard him with her life. He finds it ridiculous to have a "body guard" who is much smaller than he is, but she then shows them what she can do, by striking René to the floor, shouting. Edith hires her on the spot.

That same night herr Flick and Helga arrive at the café to have a private dinner in the backroom. The airmen, who are hiding in there, have to leave the room and go out through the window. As the Germans sit down, René asks Mimi for a bottle of wine and she says, in an angry tone, that she has already prepared a bottle for the Gestapo. As René opens the window to let in some air, he finds Crabtree outside, who show him where the airmen are - hiding in a dustbin. As Mimi enters the room with the wine, she tells herr Flick he will never have a better bottle in his life. She and René leave the room.

While herr Flick informs Helga that he has decided to marry her, Mimi explains to René what she meant by herr Flick never having a better bottle - namely, that she has poisoned the wine. Desperate, René hurries in and at the last second, he manages to grab the wine glasses, pour out the wine and throw the bottle out the window, explaining that "it was not a good year". At the same moment, Gruber enters the café and when René comes out of the backroom and explains to Mimi that she must not kill the customers, he also tells her that Gruber is the one who fancies him. It then turns out she also fancies him.

Gruber asks René for some dark red lipstick - in order to finish the forging of the paintings. After René has agreed to this, colonel Von Strohm enters the café, introducing to René his new Italian assistant, who knows nothing of the airmen, the paintings or the cuckoo clock - or even about the colonel's visits upstairs with Yvette. As the cheerful Bertorelli enters, he embraces Yvette, thinking she is René's wife and almost embraces Edith, thinking she is his mother-in-law. As he spots Gruber, he thinks he looks very handsome - like a film star. However, when the colonel tells Bertorelli his name, he remembers hearing about him and decides not to embrace him, but only shakes hands with him.

Edith brings Fanny some food and she complains that nobody comes up to her room anymore, because there is no radio under her bed at the moment. Edith tells her to pass the time by reading, but she does not want to, since her hands are shaking from reading the book she has with her, which turns out to be Lady Chatterley's Lover.

Yvette asks the colonel to come upstairs, to look at some paintings "of a flying helmet and some wet celery". When they have left, LeClerc enters the café, disguised as a mountaineer. He informs René that new radio is in his backpack, already connected to the batteries and the pickaxe in his hand is the aerial. This makes the radio "go off" from time to time, when music and different sounds come out of the backpack. As he can not go to neither Fanny's room ("she is doing private things") nor Yvette's room ("she is doing officer things"), René places him at Bertorelli's table. Finally, the disguising of the sounds coming from the radio becomes too difficult, and they manage to get him into the kitchen.

Herr Flick promptly informs Helga of what their wedding will be like, but she is not very keen on the idea of marrying him. Meanwhile, the colonel comes down, bearing a few traces of his adventures with Yvette (some lipstick on his cheek and some wet celery behind his ear). The captain then tries to make him arrange so the girls will "show him some paintings" too, but he will not hear of it. However, Mimi offers to do so, telling him "you will not see better paintings for as long as you live". They go upstairs, after which Michelle comes in, dressed in a German uniform. She informs René, that London will be calling on the new radio in ten minutes and also asks how the new girl is. He tells her of how she tried to kill herr Flick and then asks Yvette where she is. When she tells him that Mimi is upstairs with Bertorelli and that he will never see better paintings in his life, René realises what she is up to and is about to rush upstairs to stop the whole thing. However, this is not necessary, since Bertorelli, panicking, that same moment comes charging down the stairs and faints.

  • Note: In the office, Captain Bertorelli tells General von Klinkerhoffen that he has a medal for fighting in Abyssinia. But Abyssinia was renamed Ethiopia in the 1920s and this was set in 1941.
  • Note: This episode features the first appearance of Sue Hodge as Mimi Labonq.
  • Note: This episode features the first appearance of Gavin Richards as Captain Alberto Bertorelli.

The Flying Nun[edit]

Things are looking up for René. The colonel has spilled the beans that the Germans are about to invade England, hence the war will soon be over. As he has said this to the airmen (who are hiding inside the bar and have no idea what he is talking about), Edith comes down the stairs, with a wedding veil in front of her face. It is for their upcoming wedding, which René is not too keen about.

Herr Flick is in his office, playing the violin. There is a knock in the door, but he takes no notice. After a second knock, still without him taking notice, the door is blown up and Von Smallhausen enters the room, announcing Helga, whom herr Flick had sent for. When Von Smallhausen has left, herr Flick orders Helga to undress, while he explains why. He has reasons to believe that general Von Klinkerhoffen and colonel Von Strohm are plotting to assassinate Hitler. In order to gather evidence, he will, disguised as "the colonel's temporary typist", place a listening device in the colonel's office. He had intended to lock Helga in his room, in order for her not to show up (hence the colonel's need for a temporary typist), and not to reveal his identity, but since he no longer has a door to it, he instead locks her wrists to the chair.

At the café, they are about to open, but before doing so, Michelle comes in to tell them of her new plan. They inform her that the new radio is useless, because they cannot hear anything but crackling on it. However, Michelle knows why - it is because the Gestapo are jamming it and they need a higher aerial. This will be acquired by flying it with a kite, which is being made at the nunnery and which Mimi will collect from there, disguised as a nun. René is then to fly the kite and tell London that the radio is working and that they need some plastic explosives. These are to be used to break into general Von Klinkerhoffen's safe, where he keeps the detailed invasion plans. René asks her why she cannot do some of these tasks, at which she asks him why he always questions her decisions and bursts into tears over how difficult it is to come up with these plans and organise everything in the resistance - "keeping everyone 'appy, deciding 'o to shoot, making threatening phone calls". They try to comfort her and René, desperate, promises to do as she asks. Hearing that someone is coming, Yvette and Mimi take her into the kitchen.

At the same moment, officer Crabtree enters the café with a bouquet of flowers for Edith. They turn out to be from captain Bertorelli, who has even written a little poem on a card attached to the bouquet. As she goes into the kitchen to put them in water, René and Yvette have a little cuddle. However, at that very moment, monsieur Alfonse enters the café, seeing them with their arms around each other. He becomes very upset at this and decides to tell Edith everything and continue his wooing of her. René and Yvette try to talk him out of it, but it is no use.

Gruber turns up at the colonel's office, just as the colonel wanted. They both wonder where Helga is, but then, the colonel starts discussing plans to get rid of Bertorelli, since he thinks the captain is a nuisance. Gruber also finds him irritating, since he is disturbed and cannot continue with the forging of the paintings because of him. The colonel considers having René ask the resistance to blow him up - just enough to make him a nervous wreck, so he will be sent home. The next moment, Bertorelli enters the room, with a newspaper in his hand. He is soon followed by a female soldier, who kicks down the door, limps and has a cane very similar to that of herr Flick. "She" tells them that her name is Irma Von Kinkenrotten and that she is one of Helga's "most intimate female girlfriends" and will be her temporary replacement. She puts a pot of daffodills on the table and tells Von Strohm and Gruber that they are to report to general Von Klinkerhoffen at the chateau immediately. They and Bertorelli leave, whereupon Von Kinkenrotten (who is really herr Flick) starts attaching earphones to the pot.

At the same time, Helga enters the colonel's office, dressed in herr Flick's black leather coat and hat, glasses and cane, limping like herr Flick. She has managed to unlock the wrist locks of the chair and get out. After she has passed the earphones through the window, herr Flick shows her that one of the daffodills is really a small microphone, with which he will listen in on the officers. Von Smallhausen turns up outside the window, hearing everything they say.

At the café, Edith is overwhelmed that Bertorelli actually seems to appreciate her singing and applauds her. However, René interrupts her and reminds her they are to go light a candle in the church (which he says in order to fool the Germans; what he means is they are off to contact London by the kite). However, before they do, Mimi turns up, dressed as a nun, carrying the kite. René shows her into the kitchen, after which general Von Klinkerhoffen shows up, complaining to the colonel and the lieutenant that they spend more time in the café than attending the war. They and the captain are therefore to accompany him on his inspection tour around the country side.

René, Edith, Yvette and Mimi carry the radio and kite into an open field, where they are contacted by Crabtree. Meanwhile, the Germans drive around in the area, and the general points out certain places that will be used for training camps etcetera. After the café gang have assembled the kite, they let it up and Edith almost manages to contact London. However, the wind grabs hold of the kite and the wire burns René's hand, making him drop it. As the wire is attached to the radio, which Mimi is carrying on her back, she is soon swept away by the kite, disconnecting the radio from the microphone, which Edith is holding in her hand. They all run after her.

The colonel, the lieutenant and the captain all observe the flying nun, but do not say anything to the general, who is looking the other way.

The Sausages in the Trousers[edit]

Edith and Mimi are downstairs in the café, preparing for opening. As Edith goes into the kitchen, Mimi sneaks upstairs and joins René in his bed. As Edith enters with his breakfast, Mimi hides in it, under the cover.

Monsieur Alfonse enters the café, bringing flowers for Edith. He is still angry with René for cheating on her with Yvette. When she comes down, he gives her the flowers and says he has a message for her, which he is to tell privately. Therefore, they go into the backroom, where they are alone - apart from the airmen hiding behind the curtains, but who do not understand French - and monsieur Alfonse asks if he may kiss her. As she agrees to this, he becomse overwhelmed and his "dicky ticker" (bad heart) sets in. He starts trembling with movement and falls down on the floor, where Edith wakes him up by pouring water on his face.

Meanwhile, René has come down from the bedroom and is met by Michelle, who comes in with one of her assistants, who is carrying a bicycle. This is to be a dynamo for the radio, since they have lost the batteries when chasing the nun-dressed Mimi. However, she informs him, Yvette and Mimi, it will not be for long, since new batteries are on their way - stolen from a German midget submarine - and will be delivered by one of their agents. Secondly, they have received the explosives they ask for from London, which are to be hidden in René's cellar and will be delivered by another one of their agents. He will have them down his trousers and therefore, he will have a gingerly walk. As lieutenant Gruber enters the café, Michelle leaves by the kitchen door. He walks rather gingerly and at first, René suspects he has the dynamite. However, it is only because he has been exercising one of general Von Klinkerhoffen's horses.

As he sits down, Edith shows monsieur Alfonse into the café and gives him a cognac to settle his nerves. The next moment, herr Flick enters the café, but it turns out to be Helga in herr Flick's clothes. She reveals that she is wearing nothing but underwear under the black coat, because herr Flick has taken her clothes. This makes monsieur Alfonse's "dicky ticker" to set in again and he goes into the backroom - followed by Edith with some water. Helga then tells the others of herr Flick's plan and about the listening device in the daffodill. Gruber leaves to warn colonel Von Strohm and the general at once.

The general comes to the colonel's office, where they discuss plans to celebrate Hitler's birthday. Meanwhile, herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are listening in on them, but as they cannot see what they are doing, only hear it, they get the impression, that the two officers are plotting to assassinate Hitler. However, after a while, Gruber rushes in and covers the listening daffodill with one of his gloves. After he has given an explanation for his odd behaviour and the general learns that the colonel's temporary secretary "Irma Von Kinkenrotten" is actually herr Flick, he has him arrested and place in a dungeon.

In Fanny's bedroom, René and Yvette ride the bicycle to generate the power, while Edith and Mimi is operating the radio, informing London they need spy cameras, with which to photograph the German invasion plans of England. When this is cleared out, London wants to speak to the airmen. One of their commanding officers reads a letter for Fairfax, from his girlfriend. However, while he is reading, René and Yvette grow too tired and stop peddling for a while, which breaks the connection for a while, before they start again. Therefore, Fairfax only hears the beginning and the end of the letter and misunderstands it.

Von Smallhausen has disguised himself as a nurse and so visits herr Flick in the dungeon. He brings herr Flick a suicide pill, whereas he instructs Von Smallhausen to contact his godfather Henrich Himmler to get him out of there.

Later that same day, Gruber comes into the café and as Helga, the colonel and René gather round, he tells them that he has completed the forgeries of the paintings and hidden them inside sausages. He has brought seven sausages, two of which contains the original paintings and four of which contains the forgeries (René is to have the original Van Gogh and the general and Hitler are to have the forgeries, whereas the colonel is to have the original Van Clomp and herr Flick and Hitler are to have the forgeries). To know which is which, Gruber has put secret markings on them - known only to him. When captain Bertorelli enters the café, they all hide the sausages under the table. He has brought a parcel, which he puts on the table. It turns out to contain eight salami sausages, which look exactly the same as the "painting sausages", sent to him by his mother. When he soon thereafter leaves, the others accidentally mix them up with their knockwurst sausages. As if this was not enough, monsieur LeClerc enters, disguised as a sausage seller. He gives René another four sausages, also looking exactly like the others, containing batteries for the radio. After he has left, officer Crabtree enters with the explosives (dynamite), concealed in four similar sausages, which he places with the others, making it a total of 23 sausages, all looking the same. As the general is approaching, Helga, Gruber and Kurt hide most of the sausages on their persons and René keeps a few in his apron. As the general has learned that the submarine batteries have been stolen, he orders the three Germans to accompany him on a search of the town.

  • Note: Even though René is the third person to appear in this episode, Gorden Kaye is first in the "cast in order of appearance" list at the end of it.

The Jet-Propelled Mother-In-Law[edit]

René is about to run away to Spain, but Michelle stops him. She tells him that the spy camera sent by London was accidentally dropped in monsieur Alfonse's vineyard, which the Germans have requisitioned. The villagers refuse to work for them, because if they do, they will be shot by the communist resistance. Therefore, they must call London to tell them there is a delay. However, Michelle becomes very disappointed when René informs her that the batteries for the radio are in lieutenant Gruber's trousers and the dynamite is in colonel Von Strohm's trousers. As she becomes rather upset with him, she denies knowing him when, at the next moment, two German soldiers barge in and arrest him, on the colonel's orders.

René is brought to the colonel's office, where he, Gruber and Helga await him, with all the sausages lined up on the table. It turns out they have discovered the submarine batteries and the dynamite concealed in some of the sausages and the demand an explanation from René. He gives a not entirely convincing one, but, as Gruber points out, general Von Klinkerhoffen will be very pleased to have the batteries back and they would not have got them back without René, which is why they let him go, on the condition he hide the original fallen madonna painting. Gruber sorts out the sausages (dynamite, batteries, original Van Gogh and Van Clomp paintings and forged Van Gogh and Van Clomp paintings). The Germans decide not to give the original Van Gogh to René, but to put it in one of the desk drawers instead. Then, René is given the rest of the paintings and the salami, to hide in the café.

In the dungeon, herr Flick (dressed as "Irma Von Kinkenrotten") is on the rack, when Von Smallhausen enters. He says he ordered it, so they could discuss herr Flick's escape.

At the café, Mimi finds Yvette crying because René has been arrested. Officer Crabtree enters and it turns out he already knows about the arrest and agrees they must rescue René. The next moment, Edith comes downstairs, disguised as a German soldier. Apparently, she will rescue René by storming into the colonel's office with a handgranade and force him to release René. As she goes outside, captain Bertorelli shows up. Edith then tries to hide in the public outdoor toilet on the square, but the captain also goes in there, as nature calls. Fortunately, he does not recognise her. After he has left, René, who has been released, enters the toilet and he and Edith recognise each other. She tells him of her plan, which now will not have to be carried out. However, when they have left the public facility, she says she will keep the pin of the handgranade as a souvenir. René, realising she has pulled it out, throws the handgranade into the toilet, blowing it up.

Later, Yvette is hanging the sausages in the larder, when René comes in and they have a little cuddle. Edith walks in on them, but René explains that Yvette accidentally locked herself in and was struck with claustrophobia, which is why he is comforting her. Edith remembers that happening to her once, but René says they thought she was singing, when she was crying for help that time. At the cafe, Mimi takes a bottle to a young German officer who is eating with a female companion. Mimi gives the officer her card which gives her address (the upstairs bedroom past the linen cupboard), and tells him she costs 1000 francs. Roger then approaches the female, mentioning his services are also available for half the price, and the companion stands up, showing her to be very tall, she then stamps on Roger's foot.

When they are out in the café, monsieur Alfonse enters, bringing flowers for Edith. Fanny and the airmen also enter the café, all dressed in black. It turns out Edith had to clean Fanny's bedroom and to get her and the airmen out of the way, she let them participate in a funeral. Therefore they, and Michelle, are in the café, when the Germans, headed by the general, enter. The general requisitions everyone for work in the vineyard, because nobody will work there voluntarily.

The next day, a big group of people are assembled in the town square and are to be led by Gruber in his little tank to the vineyard to work there. However, the cannot get it started and they must push it there. As they are working in the vinyeard, monsieur LeClerc finds the spy camera and the next moment, Michelle turns up, disguised as a nurse, bringing Fanny there in a wheelchair. Michelle informs René, Edith and Yvette that she has brought some poisoned pills, which she gives to monsieur Alfonse. He is to put one in the general's wine, when he tests it. When the German officers arrive by car to taste the wine, the Frenchmen are all trodding the wine in the big barrels, but Mimi gets out of her barrel.

As the Germans come up to monsieur Alfonse, he pours the general a glass of wine and puts a pill in it. However, while he is doing this, the general opens another bottle and pours himself, the colonel and Helga a glass each. As he is about to toast, monsieur Alfonse is forced to have the poisoned glass he just poured. In order not to be poisoned, he tastes it, but spits it out. This leads the general to believe he does like the connaisseurs, who only taste the wine but do not consume it, but spit it out. In order not to seem barbaric, the Germans do the same. As monsieur Alfonse manages to pour a glass, put a pill in it and give it to the general, he follows this example and spits it out. Michelle tells the others that the plan is about to go wrong, but she also tells them of the reserve plan. In the wheelchair, which is parked just a few feet away from the Germans, they have placed some explosives, which Mimi sets to go off in a few moments. A bell will ring and then, Fanny will have five seconds to get out of the chair and take cover. As Mimi is done, she comes up to Michelle, telling her that she has set the time device and that she found a stick on the floor. It turns out to be the detonator, without which there will be no explosion - just a lot of fizzing.

As the general is tasting the wine, he notices Fanny and offers her to try it too. As she drinks a glass, he holds her ear trumpet and thus, she does not hear the alarm going off. Therefore, she does not get out of the wheelchair when it does and as the fizzing makes it roll away, she goes along with it.