||This article's text uses more words than are necessary. (March 2015)|
December 11, 1964 |
Harvard Law School
|Notable works||Love and Other Impossible Pursuits, Bad Mother: A Chronicle...|
Ayelet Waldman (born December 11, 1964) is an Israeli American novelist and essayist. She has written seven mystery novels in the series The Mommy-Track Mysteries and three other novels. She has also written autobiographical essays about motherhood. Waldman spent three years working as a federal public defender and her fiction draws on her experience as a lawyer.
- 1 Personal
- 2 Fiction
- 3 Nonfiction
- 4 Political activism
- 5 Works
- 6 References
- 7 External links
Education and Early life
Waldman's grandparents on both sides immigrated to North America from Ukraine early in the 20th century. Her father, Leonard, was from Montreal, Canada, but was living in Israel when he met her mother, Ricki. After they married, they moved to Jerusalem, where Waldman was born. After the Six-Day War in 1967, her family moved to Montreal, then Rhode Island, finally settling in Ridgewood, New Jersey when Waldman was in sixth grade. Waldman attended Wesleyan University, where she studied psychology and government and studied in Israel in her junior year, graduating in 1986. She returned to Israel after college, to live on a kibbutz, but found it unsatisfying. Waldman then entered Harvard Law School. She graduated with a J.D. in 1991.
After graduating from law school, Waldman clerked for a federal judge, worked in a large corporate law firm in New York for a year, and then moved to California with Chabon, where she became a criminal defense lawyer. Waldman was a federal public defender for three years in the Central District of California. Chabon mentioned on their first date that it was his intention to care for his children so his wife could pursue her career, which he did after the birth of their first and second children. After the birth of her first child, she tried juggling legal work with mothering, then left her job to be with her husband and child. This was short-lived.
Waldman was an adjunct professor at the Boalt Hall School of Law at the University of California, Berkeley from 1997 to 2003. She also worked as a consultant to the Drug Policy Alliance, a resource center advocating a drug policy based on harm reduction.
Marriage and family
Waldman has been married to author Michael Chabon since 1993. The couple work from the same office in the backyard of their home. They edit each other's work, and offer each other advice on writing, sometimes going on "plot walks" to discuss issues. Waldman and Chabon live in a 1907 Craftsman house in the Elmwood district of Berkeley, California, with their four children, Sophie (b. 1994), Ezekiel "Zeke" Napoleon (b. 1997), Ida-Rose or "Rosie" (b. June 1, 2001), and Abraham "Abie" Wolf Waldman (b. March 31, 2003).
Waldman was raised in a Jewish family, attended Hebrew school and Jewish summer camps, and lived on a kibbutz in Israel for a year while in the tenth grade. She has said that her parents were atheists, but very Jewish, and that her "whole life was immersed in Judaism, but in a very specific kind of Labor–Zionist Judaism." Despite this, she did not celebrate becoming a Bat Mitzvah. Many characters in her fiction are Jewish, and her novel, Love and Treasure, is about the Holocaust. Waldman has written several times about her 2002 diagnosis of bipolar disorder, an illness that runs in her family, and has spoken publicly about parenting while having a mental illness.
Waldman has written often about how she found full-time parenting to be monotonous. She started writing various online and print articles about mothering while at home on maternity leave after the birth of her first child and again after she left her job as a public defender. She has at various times said that she chose to write because it was not as time-consuming a career as the law, because it gave her something to do during naptimes, to keep her entertained, because she was starved of someone to laugh at her jokes and because it gave her a way of putting off going back to work.
While working as a university professor, Waldman attempted to research legal issues with a view to writing articles for legal journals and thus increasing her chances of a tenured job teaching law. She has said that every time she tried to write those scholarly articles she became uninterested or intimidated, so she began writing fiction instead. Waldman has said that her fiction is all about being a bad mother.
Despite vowing at her wedding never to become a writer, in 1997 Waldman started writing mystery novels, thinking they would be "easy . . . light and fluffy." At first she wrote in secret, then with her husband's encouragement. She has said that she chose mysteries because they are primarily about plot. Waldman has said that her first mystery work, eventually published as Nursery Crimes, was her first attempt at creative writing, describing it as her first piece of fiction "aside from my legal briefs."
Waldman is the author of seven novels in a mystery series about the "part-time sleuth and full-time mother" Juliet Applebaum. Waldman has said of Juliet, "She is me, well, she was me," and "They say to write what you know . . . so I wrote exactly what I knew." Like Waldman, Juliet is a 5-foot-tall (1.5 m), red-headed former public defender with a nocturnal writer for a husband, who has become a stay-at-home mother but finds it boring. To relieve her boredom, Juliet works as a part-time detective. The collective title of the series is The Mommy-Track Mysteries. Nursery Crimes (2000) took three years to write. The other books in the series are The Big Nap (2001), Playdate with Death (2002), Death Gets a Time-Out (2003), Murder Plays House (2004), The Cradle Robbers (2005) and Bye-Bye, Black Sheep (2006). The novels are humorous and Waldman has said of her criminals, "My villains aren't villains. They're people whose crime you understand." Waldman has previously said that Bye-Bye, Black Sheep is likely to be the last, but her agent's website notes that she is working on more mysteries. A TV series based on the mysteries is in development.
In addition to her work in the mystery genre, Waldman has published three literary novels of general interest. Waldman has said that, after writing mystery novels, she wanted to "grow as a writer" and write more "serious fiction". She has also said that after experiencing grief over the termination of a pregnancy, when an amniocentesis revealed a chromosomal defect, she wanted to write more than "silly little mysteries."
Daughter's Keeper, published in 2003, drew on Waldman's experience as a criminal defense lawyer, where the majority of her work involved defending people charged with drug offenses. Her first manuscript for the novel was rejected thirty-one times. It features a young woman, Olivia, who inadvertently becomes involved in the trafficking of drugs and then becomes pregnant and her relationship with her emotionally reserved mother, who has to accept her to help her. The book is also about the impact of federal drug policy, particularly mandatory minimum sentencing, on the criminal justice system. The novel was inspired by a case Waldman worked on as a lawyer, in which her innocent client was forced to settle a case. Waldman has said "I set out to write this searing indictment of the war on drugs, and I wrote a novel about the ambivalence one feels when one is a mother. Go figure." The book was critically acclaimed and was a finalist for the 2003 Northern California book Award. An excerpt can be read here.
Love and Other Impossible Pursuits, published in 2006, is about a Harvard-educated lawyer who is dealing with a precocious stepson and the loss of a newborn child to SIDS. She has said that she wanted to write about the loss of a child, and that the impetus for delving into that grief was the loss of her unborn child diagnosed with a genetic abnormality. The book also deals with how mothers criticize each other's mothering, a theme in Waldman's nonfiction too. It also explores the feeling of not liking your child. The novel was also reviewed well, although some reviews were negative. Don Roos has written and directed a film based on the novel, which stars Natalie Portman, Lisa Kudrow and Scott Cohen. The film premiered at the Toronto Film Festival in August 2009.
Waldman's Red Hook Road, published in 2010, is about two bereaved families in a small village in Maine and the effect of a family tragedy and class differences on marriage, styles of motherhood (including the domineering), and family life. It is also about boxing and boat building. The novel was favorably reviewed
Waldman has contributed short stories to the anthologies McSweeney's Stories of Love and Neuroses (2003) and McSweeney's Enchanted Chamber of Astonishing Stories (2004), the latter of which was edited by Michael Chabon. The short story "Minnow," which appeared in McSweeney's Enchanted Chamber of Astonishing Stories, is about a woman who is haunted by her dead baby. Again, she regards this as related to the loss of her own child. A horror film is being developed, based on the short story.
Waldman has written many personal essays for online and print publications on a variety of topics, including aspects of motherhood, such as how women criticize each other's mothering (that is, the "mommy wars"), combining paid work with motherhood, and how the upbringing of those raised in a postfeminist era clashed with the reality of having to make professional sacrifices. Her essays have also explored the sexuality of mothers and of young people, homework, extended family life, body image, aging, literary hoaxes, and Jewish life. Although most of her nonfiction is personal, she has also written on aspects of the criminal justice system.
These essays have been published in a former regular column in Salon.com and in newspapers and magazines, including The New York Times, The Guardian, The San Francisco Chronicle , Elle Magazine, Vogue, Allure, Cookie, Child, Parenting, Real Simple, and Health. Waldman has also recorded radio essays on All Things Considered, The California Report, and other radio programs.
Controversial essay about marriage
Waldman is noted for the controversy that followed the publication of her 2005 essay "Motherlove." The essay was first published in the anthology Because I Said So: 33 Mothers Write About Children, Sex, Men, Aging, Faith, Race and Themselves, where she thought it would have only a small readership. However, it was reprinted in the Modern Love section of the New York Times in March 2005 under the headline "Truly, Madly, Guiltily." It can be read online here. The essay is ostensibly about how she is the only young mother she knows who is "getting any," but it explores Waldman's conviction that a woman should consider her spousal relationship more important than her relationships with her children and that a hierarchy of love is essential to a stable and healthy marriage. In the essay, Waldman famously wrote "I love my husband more than I love my children" and that she could survive the death of her children but not the death of her husband, and summarized her ideal family dynamic as follows: "He [husband Michael Chabon], and I, are the core of what he cherishes . . . the children are satellites, beloved but tangential."
Waldman's essay led to extensive and vitriolic debate, on television shows like The View, on internet blogs, in coffee shops, and elsewhere. Some people even threatened to report Waldman to the Department of Social Services in relation to the perceived mistreatment of her family. However, some of Waldman’s correspondents approved of her comments, regarding them as similar to the Biblical exhortation to "cleave unto your spouse". Of the debate, Waldman has said "It sounds very naive to say I had no idea, but the real truth is I had no idea."
Oprah Winfrey, who said she was "very brave" for speaking out, invited Waldman onto her television show, to discuss her views on love, marriage, and motherhood. Waldman reports that one woman in the (mostly hostile) audience leaped at her yelling "Let me at her." Michael Chabon revisited the controversy in an interview appearing in the January 2006 issue of Pages. He suggested that criticism from the "slagosphere" is responsible for suppressing the publication of challenging and thought-provoking writing.
Bad Mother collection
After Waldman complained about the response to her controversial essay, a friend (Daniel Handler) suggested she write a book about it. In 2009, Waldman published a collection of her personal essays, Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace.
The book argues that no woman can be a perfect mother, that, in fact, competitive, neurotic parenting and having unrealistic expectations may be damaging to children. Waldman contends that society (particularly women, in what she calls the "Bad Mother police") are too hard on other women’s parenting skills. There is a strong theme of maternal ambivalence in the book; Waldman has said "If you give up this career that you've strived for your whole life, then what you've given it up for had damn well better be perfect."
The book includes chapters on women's criticism of the mothering by other women, feminism, motherhood, and associated anxieties, including anxieties about breastfeeding, marriage, sexuality of mothers and teenagers, homework, mental illness, the loss of her unborn child, and her relationship with her mother-in-law. The book was a New York Times best-seller, and generally it received favorable reviews.
For a short time in 2004 and 2005, Waldman wrote a controversial blog under the title "Bad Mother." Her topics included sexuality, gay rights, motherhood, and her bipolar disorder. She said “A blog like this is narcissism in its most obscene flowering. But it's necessary. As a parent your days are consumed by other people's needs. This is payback for driving back and forth to gymnastics all week long.” On her reaction to the criticism that her blogging engendered, she has said "It's ridiculous to be so willing to expose myself and at the same time be so hypersensitive. Those are two contradictory impulses no one person should have." After an incident where she hinted at suicidal thoughts, she decided to discontinue the blog. Although she found it a therapeutic way to channel frustrations – likening the experience to "slashing my wrists and haemorrhaging all over the computer screen" – she found it was having a deleterious effect on her writing.
During the 2008 Presidential primaries and general election campaign, Waldman campaigned and raised funds in support of Barack Obama, acting as a full-time volunteer, speaking at fundraisers; she was appointed as a delegate to the 2008 Democratic National Convention.
"Mommy-Track" mystery novels
- Nursery Crimes (2000)
- The Big Nap (2001)
- Playdate With Death (2002)
- Death Gets a Time-Out (2003)
- Murder Plays House (2004)
- The Cradle Robbers (2005)
- Bye-Bye, Black Sheep (2006)
- Daughter's Keeper (2003)
- Love and Other Impossible Pursuits (2006)
- Red Hook Road (Doubleday, 2010)
- Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace (2009)
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