Burnistoun

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Burnistoun
Genre Sketch show
Directed by Iain Davidson
Starring Robert Florence
Iain Connell
Louise Stewart
Kirsty Strain
Allan Miller
Richard Rankin
Theme music composer John Mark Williams (Series 1), Over the Wall (Series 2)
Opening theme "Stripadilla" (Series 1), "Thurso" (Series 2)
Country of origin Scotland
Original language(s) Scots &
English
No. of series 3
No. of episodes 18
Production
Executive producer(s) Colin Gilbert
Ewan Angus
Producer(s) Rab Christie
The Comedy Unit
Editor(s) Calum Ross
Location(s) Greater Glasgow
Running time 30 minutes
Broadcast
Original channel BBC Two Scotland (Series 1 & 3)
BBC One Scotland (Series 2)
Audio format Stereo
Original airing 25 February 2009 – 17 September 2012
External links
Website

Burnistoun is a comedy sketch show broadcast by BBC Scotland, written by the Scottish comedians Iain Connell and Robert Florence. The show is produced by The Comedy Unit.[1]

Burnistoun is set in a fictional Scottish town/city in the greater Glasgow area. Characters include Kelly McGlade; Burnistoun's answer to Beyoncé; Paul and Walter, the disturbingly odd brothers that run an ice cream van; Jolly Boy John, who tells the things that make him "For Real" to the accompaniment of a happy hardcore soundtrack ; McGregor and Toshan (the "quality polis"), best friends Scott and Peter and the Burnistoun Butcher, a serial killer who is unhappy with the way he is being portrayed by the media. The town/city's name is derived from the Springburn and Dennistoun areas of Glasgow.[2]

Connell and Florence have previously written sitcoms Empty and Legit and created characters for Chewin' the Fat and The Karen Dunbar Show.

The third series started filming in January 2012 and began its run in August 2012. It has been confirmed on the show's Facebook page that series 3 will be the last.

Broadcast[edit]

The pilot was broadcast by BBC Two Scotland on 25 February 2009 and repeated on 29 March 2010. On 20, 22 and 25 January 2010, audience reaction screenings were shown at the Odeon Cinema, Springfield Quay, Glasgow, where approximately 240 minutes of unfinalised sketches (missing music, sound effects and visual effects) were shown to assist the production team in their choice of material for the forthcoming series. The first episode of series one aired on 1 March 2010 at 10pm on BBC Two Scotland.

Recurring characters and situations[edit]

  • "Scott and Peter" – two friends that live in the town
  • Kelly McGlade and the Sloppy Seconds – aspiring girl band
  • DJ Jesus
  • The Burnistoun Herald – the town's newspaper
  • Paul and Walter – two seventeen-year-old brothers who constantly argue whilst running the ice-cream van
  • "The Burnistoun Butcher" – the murderer of Burnistoun
  • "The Burnistoun Butcher" – the town butcher who coincidentally shares his nickname with the murderer
  • "MC Hottie Boxtrot" – a DJ from the town; he once called the town a shithole
  • "Jolly Boy John" – a man who does strange things 'FOR REAL'
  • "Alex Ciderson" – owner of Alex Ciderson corporation
  • "Biscuty Boyle" – Burnistoun's favourite son
  • "McGregor and Toshan" – The "quality polis"
  • "Doberman Man" – The towns superhero
  • "Big Sanny Tolan's boy" – Doberman Man's archenemy and nemesis
  • BBC Burnistoun - The local TV station
  • Burnistoun United - The local football team
  • "Joe and Barry" - two working class men who often go 'up eh road'

Episode guide[edit]

Series 1[edit]

Episode 1[edit]

First broadcast 1 March 2010 at 10pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: Scott and Peter's buffet embarrassment; the horror of being a cat mind-reader; Jumpstyle Furnishings; single-policy candidate; DJ Jesus hits the decks; the saga of the 2 litre bottle of ginger; greasy radio "psychic"

Episode 2[edit]

First broadcast 8 March 2010 at 10pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: singing sensation Wee Frank; "What's THIS I See?" extreme theatre experience; the Burnistoun Butcher at The Burnistoun Herald; Scott and Peter's Chinese takeaway; "Town Street" the true-to-life soap opera

Episode 3[edit]

First broadcast 15 March 2010 at 10pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: Scott and Peter meet and greet; Alex Ciderson Warehouse; sniper; Jolly Boy John; hard-hitting Scottish drama "The Drugs"; Biscuity Boyle's sex lessons; helpline/sexline?; emergency Burnistoun Council meeting; a man's terrible dilemma on a bus; Kelly McGlade photoshoot; World's best quotes; a man home alone

Episode 4[edit]

First broadcast 22 March 2010 at 10pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: "Nae rolls!"; the trials of a man desperate to avoid a charity worker; Kelly and the Sloppy Seconds play a pub gig; prolific sperm donor; Walter takes over the ice-cream van; pints; The Burnistoun Herald's problematic new motto; Glasgow scout wars; Scott and Peter's big night in.

Episode 5[edit]

First broadcast 31 March 2010 at 10pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: Google Doctor; Kelly McGlade at The Burnistoun Herald; the world's worst salesman; Superhero talk; Sarcasmaholics Anonymous; chatting up 18 year olds; gangster talk in the pub; The Burnistoun Herald goes digital.

Episode 6[edit]

First broadcast 5 April 2010 at 10pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: Debating Burnistoun MSPs; Ladies' Night at the pub; Polly bag fashion parade; Kelly McGlade goes solo; Acceptable patter.

Series 2[edit]

Episode 1[edit]

First broadcast 4 April 2011 at 10:35pm on BBC One Scotland

Sketches include: Scott and Peter at the gym; the two Kenny Rogers lookalikes; Jolly Boy John; Paul and Walter in the ice-cream van; McGregor and Toshan tackling a crime scene.

Episode 2[edit]

First broadcast 11 April 2011 at 10:40pm on BBC One Scotland

Sketches include: The Barr Family; Scott and Peter talking about what they would do if they fainted in the toilets; Jolly Boy John; Walter copying everything that Paul says; Frankie Boyle starring in a ground-breaking advert for pies; McGregor and Toshan having a pepper spray battle.

Episode 3[edit]

First broadcast 18 April 2011 at 10:40pm on BBC One Scotland

Sketches include: Alex Ciderson's new invention; Ronnie Dreech's Murder Song; The consequences of eating a ready meal well past its use-by date; Paul and Walter's mum's birthday and McGregor and Toshan tackling teenagers.

Episode 4[edit]

First broadcast 25 April 2011 at 10:15pm on BBC One Scotland

Sketches include: A martial arts superhero Doberman Man tracking down his nemesis; £15.20 Bonnet Catcher

Episode 5[edit]

First broadcast 2 May 2011 at 10:40pm on BBC One Scotland

Sketches include: Doberman Man comes face-to-face with his archenemy Big Sanny Tolan's boy. Carlos Zumba...Zumba, Zumba, Zumba

Episode 6[edit]

First broadcast 9 May 2011 at 10:35pm on BBC One Scotland

Sketches include: A gullible customer at a car-boot sale gets fleeced over a "quality denim jaeskit"

Series 3[edit]

Episode 1[edit]

First broadcast 13 August 2012 at 10:00pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: A coffee shop customer receives an unusual cappuccino; Jolly Boy John plank sniffing; Derek's new Satnav with a customised voice; observant dad; Widden Palettes

Episode 2[edit]

First broadcast 20 August 2012 at 10:00pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: Putting out the bins; Jolly Boy John; Scottish History; "studenty place"; nice benefits office ; Fight or Dirty Bit; Jumpstyle ads; Mann on Mann; Rebellious baker

Episode 3[edit]

First broadcast 27 August 2012 at 10:00pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: Jolly Boy John; Toshan and McGregor at a house party; new alarm clock; "lassies' chocolate"; failed taxidermy; extension problems; eighties cash machine; Scott and Peter

Episode 4[edit]

First broadcast 3 September 2012 at 10:00pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: Dad's Porn Stash; Jolly Boy John; "Some Banter Fae the Big Man!"; Alex Ciderson's Cut About The House range; interactive ice cream van; gasping skills; date meal; How to Punch A Guy; Scott's existential philosophy; Biscuity Boyle in the wrong studio

Episode 5[edit]

First broadcast 10 September 2012 at 10:00pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include: Jolly Boy John; Toshan and McGregor at the football; aggressive car salesmen; Marky Boy; "Let Me See You Dance"; "Old Man's Pub"; conspiracy theorist; DJ Bertie Booster collects debts; "What d'ye want to do today, mate?"; Burnistoun time capsule

Episode 6[edit]

First broadcast 17 September 2012 at 10:00pm on BBC Two Scotland

Sketches include:

Mad Wullie & the Sword Excalibur; Jolly Boy John; Alex Ciderson's Screambox; "is this a snobby joint?"; Toshan & McGregor get suspended; Big Des Murphy: I'll Dae It; Dom and Tom Toms; Burnistoun United: Are Our Fan's The Ugly Ones?; Funeral Interruption; cavity search; Scott & Peter contemplate death

References[edit]