Christian Rock Hard
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| "Christian Rock Hard" | |
|---|---|
| South Park episode | |
 Faith + 1 first album cover. |
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| Episode no. | Season 7 Episode 9 |
| Written by | Trey Parker |
| Directed by | Trey Parker |
| Production no. | 709 |
| Original airdate | October 29, 2003 |
| Season 7 episodes | |
| South Park – Season 7 March 19, 2003 – December 17, 2003 |
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| ← Season 6 | Season 8 → |
| List of South Park episodes | |
"Christian Rock Hard" is episode 709 of Comedy Central's South Park. It originally aired on October 29, 2003.
[edit] Plot
When the other boys kick Cartman out of their band, "Moop", for suggesting that they play Christian rock, Cartman forms his own group to make music not for Jesus or spiritual rewards, but to profit from the wide audience for this kind of music. Cartman and Kyle bet each other $10 that their respective band will be the first to go platinum by selling one million records.
Stan, Kyle and Kenny, seeking "inspiration", decide to download various free (and illegal) songs from the Internet (because CDs are too expensive) and they are charged by the FBI for illegal downloading. A man later revealed to be Sergeant Yates shows them how serious the consequences of downloading can be, as musicians like Lars Ulrich (drummer of metal band Metallica) and Britney Spears are not paid and therefore are so affected by loss of income from music piracy that they must substitute extremely luxurious purchases for slightly less luxurious ones or wait until they can afford an extremely luxurious purchase (Lars wants to have a gold-plated shark tank bar installed next to his pool, but must now wait a few months, and Britney does not have the sufficient funds to keep a Gulfstream IV, so she replaces it with a smaller Gulfstream III, which doesn't have a remote control for its surround sound DVD system). As budding musicians, Moop decides to go on strike until fans stop downloading and are joined by a large number of pop and rock stars, including Britney Spears, Ozzy Osbourne, Missy Elliott, Master P, Blink-182, Metallica, Alanis Morissette, Meat Loaf, Rancid and Skylar's band (Lords of the Underworld) from the season three episode "Cat Orgy" and the season four episode "Timmy 2000".
Meanwhile, Cartman, Butters and Token (who, according to Cartman, can play bass because he is black, and it turns out that he can), build up a following with Cartman simply tweaking the lyrics of love ballads, changing words such as "Baby" to "Jesus". While effective, the band eventually comes under some scrutiny when one of the songs involves more passionate lyrics. Cartman manages to manipulate his way out and the band continues in its success.
Their band, Faith + 1, soon celebrates the sale of its millionth album. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny realize that the satisfaction of having fans should surely be more important to musicians than fighting against fans, who make them popular and come to see their concerts. They decide that touring still brings in revenue and decide to stop striking. However, the other (more famous) musicians decline, because, according to Britney Spears, "We're just about the money."
At an expensive awards ceremony to celebrate Faith + 1's success, their record label present them with a myrrh album. This means Kyle hasn't lost the bet; Christian record companies only hand out gold, frankincense and myrrh records, so Cartman can never have a platinum album but can "go double myrrh". Cartman's frustration gets the myrrh album destroyed and leads him to scream "God damn it!" as well as "Oh, fuck Jesus!", making the fans scream and flee. Butters then says, "Eric, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say the 'F' word about Jesus". Token becomes mad because Cartman had spent all of the band's record profits on the elaborate ceremony and is now driving away their fans. Cartman doesn't care and calls Token a "black asshole". At that point, Token mercilessly beats Cartman to the ground and walks away. The boys felt that Cartman got what he deserved and left. As Cartman is on the ground in pain, Butters hesitates, then barely farts in his face, gives him the finger and says "Fuck you, Eric." before leaving Cartman to recover from his beating alone.
[edit] Footnotes
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Wikiquote has a collection of quotations related to: Christian Rock Hard |
[edit] External links
- SouthParkStudios.com Official Website. All episodes available for free via streaming.
| Preceded by “South Park Is Gay!” |
South Park episodes | Followed by “Grey Dawn” |
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