Crazy as a Soup Sandwich
|"Crazy as a Soup Sandwich"|
|The New Twilight Zone episode|
|Episode no.||Season 3
|Directed by||Paul Lynch|
|Written by||Harlan Ellison|
|Original air date||April 2, 1989|
A petty con man named Arky Lochner fumbles and stumbles down a dark alley with something following him. A thing that appears as a colorful cloud that moves quickly on Arky. The cloud, a demon, in rather colorful language, claims Arky is a fool and shouldn't have tried to outwit him. Arky claims he still has two days before the demon has the right to do anything to him. In the demon's moment of indecision, Arky runs off and into a building housing Nino's Toys and Imports. He runs into the office of Mr. Nino Lancaster and begs Nino for help from the demon, even though he owes Nino a great deal of money. Arky tries to explain that the money lent to him by Nino was spent to make a deal with a demon named Volkerps to pick horse winners in exchange for his soul. The only problem is the horses all died as they crossed the finish line, either packed full of dope or of other maladies, which caused Arky to not win a cent despite the fact the horses won.
Nino, oddly enough, doesn't appear surprised and decides to help Arky. First, Nino wants to know how Arky found this demon. Arky claims a woman named Cassandra Fishbein who runs a beauty shop located the demon for him. When she refuses to help, Nino finds a way to persuade her and demands a meeting with Volkerps immediately. Cassandra calls on Volkerps, but he kills her and then turns his eyes to Nino. Arky runs out of the shop with one of Nino's goons. They go back to the Toy and Import building, thinking that Nino is dead. But Nino shows up, dusting himself off and smoke coming off him. Apparently, Nino managed to get away but just barely. He sends his goons to get a hundred gallons of lead paint and cover every inch of the office, ten times over. Nino then leaves to presumably get something to help him defeat the demon.
Nino returns with a small stone box and waits for Volkerps to arrive around midnight. As midnight rolls around, Volkerps appears in the office with a flash of light. Nino tells Volkerps to cancel the contract with Arky and give him a million dollars, so as to avoid a severe punishment. Volkerps laughs at this, but Nino has Arky and his secretary close the door. Then Nino pulls something out of the stone box and uses it to strike Volkerps with bolts of energy. It damages Volkerps and then Nino uses the bolts of energy to drive Volkerps into confinement within the stone box. Apparently, Nino had dealt with Volkerps' father and trapped him within the box too. Now, all Arky has to do is make a deal with Nino.
- The episode's teleplay later appeared in Ellison's short story collection Slippage.
- Wayne Robson would go on to play Mike Hamar, a somewhat similar character to Arky, in The Red Green Show.