Etiquette in Indonesia
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The code of etiquette in Indonesia governs the expectations of social behavior in the country and is considered very important. Etiquette demonstrate respect (Indonesian: hormat ), and considered as one of the key factor in social interactions. Like many social cultures, etiquette varies greatly depending on one's status relative to the person in question. Some conventions may be very regional practices, and thus may not exist in all regions of Indonesia. The following are generally accepted contemporary customs in Indonesia.
Indonesia is a vast tropical country of sprawling archipelago with extremely diverse culture and demographic make-up with over 300 ethnic groups, and speaking more than 700 living languages. Indonesia has the largest Muslim population in the world. Indonesia also has considerably significant numbers[clarification needed] of Christian Protestant and Catholics population, also Hindu that mostly inhabit the island of Bali, and Buddhist that mostly Chinese Indonesians. In some remote areas, tribal animism still survives.
Each of these Indonesian ethnic groups has its own culture and tradition and may speak their own mother language. Each of them may adhere different religions that have their own rules. These combinations made Indonesia a complex mixture of traditions that may differ from one place to another.
Some ethnic groups such as Javanese have a complex set of etiquette and rather constrained to express their true feeling, while other such as Batak and Betawi people are more open and straightforward. Nevertheless, there is some similarity and common traits that can be used to identify and used as guide to interact with Indonesians.
Most Indonesians uphold harmony, so direct confrontation is best avoided. Yet today in the relatively new atmosphere of democracy, expressing disagreement, performing demonstration, and openly arguing in debate are getting more acceptable in public. However if it done too harsh and excessive in rudeness, it might draw public condemnation.
When interacting with other people, one should avoid expressing negative air of resentment, arrogance or hostility. Smiling, even toward strangers that you are interacting with, or someone that accidentally met your eyes, is considered polite and could be a social ice-breaker and to sign that you are approachable. Probably that is why Indonesians are rated highly as the most smiling people in the world.
Hierarchy and honoring the elder
Indonesians are family and group (community) oriented. Several ethnic group has knit-tight relations that its member are expected to involved actively in many of their community events. Individualism, especially among traditional community is considered arrogancy and shunned upon. Politeness as well as respect, modesty and loyalty, is prevalent in the culture. As with most group orientated cultures, hierarchy plays a great role in Indonesian culture. Hierarchical relationships are respected, emphasised and maintained. Respect is usually shown to those with status, power, position, and age. Elders are must be respected through performing salim, for example when shaking the hand of older persons, such as parents, grandparents and teachers, the youngsters are expected to touch the top of the elder's palm with the tip of their nose or forehead to express respect to elders. This salim gesture is similar to how a gentleman kissing the hand of a lady, with exception it is only tip of nose or forehead that touch the hand, not the lips. This can be seen in both the village and families.
The ritualized gesture of paying respect and honoring the elders is the sungkem gesture. It is the utmost gesture of respect in Javanese and Sundanese tradition, mostly performed between parents and children. The parents place their hands on their laps and the children hold their parents hands and bow deep to put their nose in their parents hands, almost placing one's head upon the elder's lap. Ritualized sungkem often performed in wedding or during Hari Raya Eid al Fitr. Senior is expected to make group decisions, although Indonesians are advocates of group discussion and consensus. This ties back to the idea of maintaining strong group cohesiveness and harmonious relationships.
Saving one's face means one should carefully consider others' dignity and avoid them experiencing shame or humiliation. Openly airing your displeasure at certain circumstances would be considered extremely disrespectful and bad etiquette. In the event that you are disgruntled or angry with a person, it is best to discuss the matter privately. This way you are allowing them to ‘save face’ and retain their dignity and honour amongst their peers. Openly correcting or pointing out one's mistake in front of other people would cause someone to feel ashamed, and humiliating someone is considered extremely rude.
If someone is invited for eating, it is considered a sign for very good relationship. Sometimes Indonesians prefer to eat in a group, and if there is someone who eats alone, the elder one will call the one who eat alone to join with them. Many traditional Indonesians eats with their bare hands and sit in a floor, surrounding the food. The elders must get the food first, and the younger must treat the elders like pouring the water, share the food, etc. In some of parts of Indonesia, there is a small bowl with water and lime on it, named "Kobokan". Usually before and after eating, Indonesians rinse their hands first before touching the food. After they rinse their hands, they can pick the nearest food from their sitting place. You must ask permission on nearest person to take the food, even if it is too far from your place. Do not leave the room before the elders because it is considered rude by some Indonesians. Bringing your dirty plates to the sink by yourself is accepted, but most Indonesians left their plates and let the younger clean it. It is very common to offer and refuse the food. It is considered rude to throw away your remaining food in your plate, since Indonesians pays respect on traditional farmers across Indonesia and Islam teachings on wasting food is a mistake.
When greeting or introducing oneself, smiling, handshake (salam) and slightly nod is a good gesture. A medium handshake grip is sufficient, since gripping too hard could be considered as rude or an act of aggression, while on the other hand passive 'dead fish' handshake is considered as not interested or unenthusiasthic. Salam is also a standard greeting between Muslims, and it would perhaps be considered polite to follow this form of salutation. Generally in Salam, the equivalent of the handshake is to proffer both hands and gently touch your counterpart’s extended hands, before finally bringing one’s hands back to the chest to demonstrate that you welcome from the heart.
Both the Muslim and Hindu faiths somewhat abhor the use of the left hand. It is considered as ‘unclean’, left hand is traditionally perceived as the hand used to clean yourself in the toilet. So when shaking hands, offering a gift, handing or receiving something, eating, pointing or generally touching another person, it is considered proper etiquette to always use your right hand.
Although it is not written, some Indonesians believe that body gestures represents someone's personality. Standing with both hands on both side with holding onto the waist (Kacak Pinggang) represents someone who is greedy. Pointing someone with an object using left hand represents dislike or anger with another person. In formal situations, standing with both hands locking in front of waist is considered polite, although some locks it behind the waist. When somebody wants to borrow something, you must give it directly, or with a "helping hand" with another person if it's too far. It is very rude to throw it in the air.
Speaking softly but clear with somewhat subdued tone is recommended, while on the other hand speaking too loud are considered rude. However it is worthy to note that the tone standard is not the same across Indonesia. Javanese, Sundanese and Balinese are speaking softly, Minang and Malay are medium toned, while people of Batak, Betawi, Bugis and Makassar, Ambonese, Chinese Indonesian and people of Eastern Indonesia speak slightly louder.
When youngsters call someone who is older, they must use titles "Pak", "Mas", "Bu", dan "Mba" (Mr, Mrs, and Ms, in order.) before their names. If it is the same age, you can call it by their names only. It is uncommon to call someone older with their names only, since most Indonesians pays respect on people whose social titles are higher. These are the highest titles given automatically by Indonesians: "Pak Haji", "Ustadz", and "Kiai". Those social titles are given when somebody have done the Hajj, must be written in front of their names and use those titles before calling their names. In government hiearchies, it is also a good manner if you call someone with their working titles, such as "Pak RT", "Pak RW", "Pak Camat", "Pak Lurah", "Pak Bupati", "Pak Walikota", "Pak Gubernur", "Pak Presiden", and "Pak Menteri". Not only during governmental hierarchies, but also during business hierarchies. "Pak Manajer", "Pak Direktur", and "Pak Kepala" are the most commonly used. Note that "Pak" can be changed into "Ibu" according by gender.
Overall, conservative and modest dress sense are adopted in Indonesia, however it might differ from one place to another. For example, Aceh that adopt Sharia law are more strict and conservative compared to Bali.
Business dress code are pretty much the same as international standard. Most of Indonesian offices are air conditioned, so the heat is not a problem on wearing suits indoor. When in Indonesia, by and large a conservative and modest dress sense should be adopted — especially by women. Skirt hemlines should fall below the knee and the shoulders should always be covered. Business attire is generally conservative. Women should dress conservatively ensuring that they are well covered from ankle to neck. Tight fitting clothes are best avoided. Indonesia is hot tropical country, so cotton or at least light clothing is best.
Attending parties, dinner, wedding reception or official event with international standard dresscode are acceptable, such as to wear suit, shirt and trousers for men and dress for women. However wearing batik shirt for men and batik dress for women, or any Indonesian traditional textile are recommended, since it demonstrate your appreciation to Indonesian culture and your commendable effort to blend in.
Attending religious events or visiting religious sites require utmost care. When visiting a place of worship, such as candi and pura (temples), mosques, and churches, the proper dress etiquette for such places is of utmost importance. Some non religious sites such as keratons (sultan's palace) and museums may require modest dress almost similar to religious sites. It is best to dress modestly and well covered. Wearing shorts, sleeveless shirts or tanktops should be avoided. When entering a mosque, always remove your shoes. Women should cover their heads with a scarf – some mosques may provide these beforehand, but it is best to always come prepared. Likewise, removing shoes is also expected when visiting Hindu temples, with the toe of the shoe pointing to the outside from inside the entrance or lobby area. If wishing to visit a place of worship it should be confirmed prior to entry whether the particular shrine, temple, mosque or church is open to touristic visits or the curious.
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