Falling in love

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Music player

In romantic relationships, falling in love is concept of moving from a feeling of neutrality towards a person to one of love. The term is generally used to describe an (eventual) love that is strong.

Terminology[edit]

The use of the term "fall" implies that the process is in some way uncontrollable and risky - as in the phrases "to fall ill" or "to fall into a trap" - and that it leaves the lover in a state of vulnerability.[citation needed]

It may also reflect the importance of the lower brain centers in the process,[1] which can lead the rational, accounting brain to conclude (in John Cleese's words) that "this falling in love routine is very bizarre....It borders on the occult".[2]

Factors: mental and chemical[edit]

Mental[edit]

"Factors known to contribute strongly to falling in love include proximity, similarity, reciprocity, and physical attractiveness",[3] while at the same time, the process involves a re-activation of old childhood patterns of attachment.[4] Deep-set psychological parallels between two people may also underpin their pairing-bonding,[5] which can thus border on mere narcissistic identification".[6]

Jungians view the process of falling in love as one of projecting the anima or animus onto the other person, with all the potential for misunderstanding that can involve.[7]

Chemical[edit]

Two chemical reactions associated with falling in love are increases in oxytocin and vasopressin;[8] and Elisabeth Young-Bruehl has suggested that "when we fall in love we are falling into a stream of naturally occurring amphetamines running through the emotional centres of our very own brains".[9]In support sociobiology has stressed that choices of such importance as mate selection cannot be left to the head alone,[10] and must require complex neurochemical support[11]

Critics of such Neo-Darwinism point out that over-simplistic physical arguments obscure the way sexual passion often leads not to secure attachment but to attachments thwarted, as well as the sheer frightening difficulties of all falling in love.[12]

Biologist Jeremy Griffith suggests that people fall in love in order to abandon themselves to the dream of an ideal state (being one free of the human condition).[citation needed]

Timing[edit]

Stendhal charted the timing of falling in love in terms of what he called crystallization - a first period of crystallization, involving often obsessive brooding, which idealises the other with a coating of desire;[13] a period of doubt; and then a final crystallization of love.[14]

Empirical studies suggest that men fall in love earlier than women, but that women are quicker to fall out of love.[15]

Spiritual[edit]

There exists arguments that "falling in love in the truest sense of the phrase, not just infatuation...is really the closest most of us come to seeing life in its spiritual form".[16]

There is also the view that – in the majority of instances, at least - "the temporary collapse of ego boundaries that constitutes falling in love...is a genetically determined instinctual component of mating behaviour', and so that 'falling in love has little to do with purposively nurturing one's spiritual development".[17]

Both standpoints could perhaps agree with Eric Berne: "Love is a sweet trap from which no one departs without tears".[18]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. ^ Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape Trilogy p. 387
  2. ^ R. Skinner/J. Cleese, Families and how to survive them (1994) p. 13
  3. ^ R. Crooks/K. Baur, Our Sexuality (2010) p. 223
  4. ^ Robert M. Gordon, An Expert Looks at Love, Intimacy and Personal Growth (2008) p. xiv-v
  5. ^ Robin Skynner/John Cleese, Families and how to survive them (London 1994) p. 14
  6. ^ Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 20
  7. ^ Carl Jung, Man and his Symbols (1964) p. 191
  8. ^ S. Kuchinskas, The Chemistry of Connection (2009) p. 88-9
  9. ^ Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 20
  10. ^ Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (London 1996) p. 4
  11. ^ R. Crooks/K. Baur, Our Sexuality (2010) p. 186
  12. ^ Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 5
  13. ^ R. J. Sternberg/K. Weiss, A New Psychology of Love (2013) p. 125-8
  14. ^ I. A. Mabergoj, Reality and Truth in Literature (2013) p. 174
  15. ^ E. R. Smith/D. M. Mackie, Social Psychology (2007) p. 420
  16. ^ J. Bailey/J. V. Bailey, Slowing Down to the Speed of Love (2004) p. 50
  17. ^ M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Travelled (London 1990) p. 94-5
  18. ^ Eric Berne, Sex in Human Loving (Penguin 1970) p. 130

Further reading[edit]