Frozen Assets (film)
|Directed by||George T. Miller|
|Written by||Don Klein
|Music by||Michael Tavera|
|Edited by||Larry Bock|
|Distributed by||RKO Pictures
Twentieth Century Fox
|October 23, 1992|
|Box office||$376,008 (USA)|
Zach Shepard, an executive at a Los Angeles bank, gets a new job in Oregon, running one. What he doesn't realize is that his new place of business is a bank, all right—a sperm bank.
After a lot of initial confusion, Zach and his nurse, Grace Murdock, deal with a shortage of donations by holding a contest with a $100,000 prize. Citizens abstain from sex to save themselves for bank "deposits," while a local brothel protests the sperm bank for ruining its business.
Zach is assisted in assorted ways by Newton, an escaped mental patient who lives with his mother, and before his work is done, Zach and Grace are ready to open up a joint account.
- Shelley Long as Dr. Grace Murdock
- Corbin Bernsen as Zach Shepard
- Larry Miller as Newton Patterson
- Dody Goodman as Mrs. Patterson
- Matt Clark as J.F. Hughes
The film wasn't reviewed by many critics- but it received almost entirely negative reviews, and was lambasted by famed Chicago film critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert. Siskel described the film "a step way down in quality- one of the dumbest comedies I have ever seen. It was as depressing an experience as I've ever had at the movies" and Ebert also said "I've been a movie critic since 1967- and there was nothing that I saw that even approaches this in its abysmal awfulness. This is perhaps the worst comedy ever made. After having seen this movie, I want months and months and months in a valley with honey and nectar and zephyr-like breezes (referring to his desperate need for happiness after seeing this film)." Both critics named it the worst film of 1992 and Ebert also gave the film the rare zero stars rating in the Chicago Sun-Times, writing "I felt like I was an eyewitness to a disaster. If I had been an actor in the film, I would have wondered why all the characters in this movie seem dumber than the average roadkill. What puzzles me is this film's tone. It's essentially a children's film with a dirty mind. This is a movie to watch in appalled silence. To call it the year's worst would be a kindness."
The film bombed at the box office- only earning $376,008 in the United States.
- Frozen Assets at the Internet Movie Database
- Frozen Assets at Rotten Tomatoes
- Frozen Assets at Box Office Mojo