If You Were a Sailboat

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"If You Were a Sailboat"
Single by Katie Melua
from the album Pictures
B-side "Junk Mail", "Straight to DVD", "This Year's Love"
Released 24 September 2007
Format CD
Genre Acoustic/Blues
Label Dramatico
Producer(s) Mike Batt
Katie Melua singles chronology
"Shy Boy"
"If You Were a Sailboat"
"Mary Pickford"
Pictures track listing
"Ghost Town"
"If You Were a Sailboat"
"Dirty Dice"

"If You Were a Sailboat" is a song by British singer Katie Melua. Written and produced by Mike Batt, it is Melua's ninth single and the first from her third album, Pictures (2007). Melua said of the song:

What I liked about the song is the fact that a lot of love songs tend to deal with the fluffy nice side of love, but this one deals with how you get very selfish when you fall in love with someone, and you don't want to share them with the world, you just want them all about yourself. What's genius about Mike's lyrics is that instead of saying that directly he uses these crazy strange metaphors, "if you were a piece of wood I'd nail you to the floor" and quite bizarre stuff and I like that. Musically it sounds like a really nice smooth love song, but the message is pretty intense and quite dark.[1]

It was released as a single on September 24, 2007. The CD single has three extra tracks exclusive to the release, including a version of David Gray's "This Year's Love". In the week of 30 September, the song debuted at number twenty-three on the UK Singles Chart.

Parody version[edit]

Mark Radcliffe of BBC Radio 2 was amused by the lyric 'If you were a piece of wood, I'd nail you to the floor', and asked his listeners to send in equally strange lyrics and compose a parody song for her to sing, not expecting her to actually do so.

However, as she also did on another show with "Nine Million Bicycles", Melua contacted the show and agreed to play the song. The lyrics included 'If you were some tiling, I would grout you.' and 'If you were ten pints of beer, I would drink you down my dear'.

Track listings[edit]

  1. "If You Were a Sailboat"
  2. "Junk Mail"
  3. "Straight to DVD"
  4. "This Year's Love"


Chart (2007) Peak
Belgium (Ultratop 50 Flanders)[2] 15
Belgium (Ultratop 50 Wallonia)[3] 20
Denmark (Tracklisten)[4] 31
Germany (Media Control Charts)[5] 62
Norway (VG-lista)[6] 5
Poland (Airplay Chart)[7] 4
Switzerland (Schweizer Hitparade)[8] 12
UK Singles (Official Charts Company)[9] 23


  1. ^ "Interviews - Katie Melua chats to I Like Music". I Like Music. 2007.
  2. ^ "Ultratop.be – Katie Melua – If You Were A Sailboat" (in Dutch). Ultratop 50.
  3. ^ "Ultratop.be – Katie Melua – If You Were A Sailboat" (in French). Ultratop 50.
  4. ^ "Danishcharts.com – Katie Melua – If You Were A Sailboat". Tracklisten.
  5. ^ "Die ganze Musik im Internet: Charts, News, Neuerscheinungen, Tickets, Genres, Genresuche, Genrelexikon, Künstler-Suche, Musik-Suche, Track-Suche, Ticket-Suche – musicline.de" (in German). Media Control Charts. PhonoNet GmbH.
  6. ^ "Norwegiancharts.com – Katie Melua – If You Were A Sailboat". VG-lista.
  7. ^ "Nielsen Music Control". Archived from the original on 2008-02-06. 
  8. ^ "Katie Melua – If You Were A Sailboat – swisscharts.com". Swiss Singles Chart.
  9. ^ "Katie Melua" UK Singles Chart.

External links[edit]