K-I-S-S-I-N-G

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G" or "Kay Eye Ess Ess Eye En Gee" is the (assumed) name of a playground song or taunt. It really only achieves its desired effect—embarrassment—when sung among children to a couple that is in romantic love. The embarrassment is derived from the prospect of romantic contact between a boy and a girl, usually an uncomfortable topic for young children.

The song is learned by oral tradition, yet is almost always recited as:

Max and Mia

sitting in a tree:

K-I-S-S-

I-N-G

First comes love,

then comes marriage,

then comes baby

in a baby carriage!

Occasionally, but rarely, a coda may be added:

That's not it!

That's not all!

The baby's drinking

alcohol!

or

sucking his thumb

peeing his pants

doing the hokey-pokey dance!!

Any names may be used replacing Max and Mia.

Other languages

Another version of this song also exists in Spanish in which the couple is said to be "debajo de un árbol" or under a tree instead of sitting in one.

There is also a German version, where the couple is sitting in snow (der Schnee (with -ay sound at the end)), instead of a tree, due to the fact that the German word for tree (der Baum) doesn't rhyme with the "K-Ü-S-S-E-N-D", the literal translation of "K-I-S-S-I-N-G".

Pop culture

In The Simpsons episode Lisa the Tree Hugger (s12e04) Bart sings this song about Lisa and Jessy (teenage activist). He sings the first two lines of the song. Homer also teasing Lisa sings the third line, but then forgets the text.

In Boston, there is a famous scene that takes place in the back of a car where the character A-O and Chrystally are seen K-I-S-S-I-N-G and then they vehemently deny it.

One scene in Ernest Goes to Jail (1990) where Security Guard Chuck performs this song to the notorious criminal Felix Nash who is mistaken for Ernest P. Worrell when talking about Charlotte by saying "This guy is in love! L-U-V! Ernest is in love. Ernest and Charlotte sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Ernest pushing a baby carriage!".

In Codename: Kids Next Door (2002) in op. B.E.A.C.H., numbuh 3 was kidnapped by King Sandy. Numbuh 4 tries to alert the numbuhs 2 and 4, but the both started to sing "Wally and Kuki sitting at the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!". In op. C.A.K.E.D.-F.I.V.E., numbuh 5 saved numbuh 86 and numbuh 19th Century, but before, she saw them kissing and started to laugh and saying: "Fanny and Finny-pants sitting at the tree...".

In the Rocko's Modern Life episode S.W.A.K., Heffer gets Rocko's letter to the mailwoman and he asks him to deliver it. After Heffer hears Rocko's orders, he sings,

Heffer: Rocko and Alicia sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N...

Rocko: Just deliver the letter, Hef!

In Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001), Jay (Jason Mewes) whispers a dirty variation on the song to Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) after being introduced to Justice (Shannon Elizabeth), an animal-rights activist.

Jay and Justice sitting in a tree

F-U-C-K-I-N-G!

One scene in Cars (2006) where Mater is making fun of Lightning McQueen being in love with Sally. He sings,

McQueen and Sally parked beneath a tree

K-I-S-something-something-something-T!

In the episode Let There Be Light in the HBO series Sex and the City, Carrie sings "Miranda and Steve sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes... well actually, first comes baby", making fun of the fact that Miranda had a baby with Steve long before realising she was in love with him.

In the Little Manhattan movie, there is the same mention of the song by Gabe. He uses it because he is jealous with Rosemary's karate partner Tim. (at 01:09:45)

In the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "MermaidMan and BarnacleBoy V", BarnacleMan, The Dirty Bubble, and Man Ray are harassing two people in a car and they sing,

BarnacleMan, Dirty Bubble, Man Ray: John and Nancy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Also there is a mention of the song in the beginning of the film Flipped.

In Jack (1996), two children sing this song about Jack and his teacher Miss Marquez.

In Never Let Me Go (2010) on the 31st minute, people are watching TV, showing some show in which the song is mentioned. Reply to what was like: "That is so not true... We weren't in a tree."

In Keeping Up With The Kardashians (Season 5, Episode 4) Khloe Kardashian taunts Kim Kardashian about her bodyguard Shengo singing "First comes love, then comes marriage, not in Kourtney's case, then comes the baby in the baby carriage" referring to her sister Kourtney Kardashian who had her baby Mason in 2009 with boyfriend Scott Disick without getting married.

In That '70s Show (Season 5, Episode 06) Fez sings to Hyde his own version of the song:

Fez: [singing] Hyde and Jackie sitting in a tree, they're in love like two monkeys. Steven Hyde: That's not even how it goes. Fez: Well, is it making you mad? Steven Hyde: Yes. Fez: Then, that's how it goes.

It's mentioned on the TV show Criminal Minds, season 3, episode 14, "Damaged". The correct quote would be:

Morgan: What about Penelope?

Reid: I don't know.

JJ: (in sing-song) Garcia and Kevin sitting in a tree.

(she walks away)

Morgan: Get outta here. Are you serious?

Prentiss: Just when I thought nothing scandalous was ever gonna happen around here.

(Morgan walks away)

Reid: What? What does that mean?

Prentiss: Didn't you hear JJ?

Reid: The song meant something? No. No, I missed it.

Prentiss: It... it... it... You know what? Never mind.

In web-comic Cyanide & Happiness, episode #1764 joke is based on continuation of the song:

"Johny and Marissa sitting in a tree,"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G"

"First comes love, then comes marriage."

"Then comes an abrupt, tragic miscarriage"

"Then comes blame, then comes despair."

"Two hearts damaged beyond repair..."

"Johny leaves Marissa, and takes the tree"

"D-I-V-O-R-C-E"