Kaiju Big Battel

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Kaiju Big Battel
Big Battel sticker on Houston in New York City

Kaiju Big Battel is a performance by the Boston, Massachusetts based performance entertainment troupe Studio Kaiju created by Rand Borden and David Borden. The performances are parodies of both professional wrestling and the tokusatsu kaiju kaiju eiga films of Japan. These Battels are presented in the style of professional wrestling events, with the costumed performers playing the roles of giant, city-crushing monsters similar to Godzilla and Gamera. The misspelling of "Battel" is intentional. Originally, Rand Borden misspelled the word "battle" on a T-shirt design. People thought it was funny, so it was left that way. In-jokes are plentiful and are aimed towards fans of professional wrestling (especially Mexican wrestling), superhero comic books and Japanese popular culture. Many of the names of the characters are in mock Spanish or mock Japanese, and Engrish is used liberally for comedic effect.

History of Studio Kaiju[edit]

Studio Kaiju began as a video project by students at the School of the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston. The first character created was Midori no Kaiju (Japanese for "Big Green Monster"). While the video project never came to fruition, another student suggested that more characters be created to fight Midori no Kaiju at live competitions, or, Big Battels. The first Battel occurred on Halloween night in 1996 at the Revolving Museum in Boston and featured Midori No Kaiju, as well as Atomic Cannon, Powa Ranjuru, Force Trooper Robo, Taro "The Mouth" Fuji's commentary, and Anthony Salbino's construction. The first full-scale Kaiju Big Battel event was held in March 1997 in Boston, Massachusetts at the School of the Museum of Fine Arts.[1] The earliest performances in other cities included matches with other troupes of costumed wrestlers at venues such as Fort Thunder in Providence, Rhode Island.

History of Kaiju Big Battel[edit]

Kaiju Big Battel is a modern conflict that involves extremely large creatures. These creatures constantly threatened to destroy the Earth every time they fought. A special committee, called the Kaiju Regulatory Commission (KRC), was formed to figure out how to end the danger that these creatures were causing as well as find a way to use the monsters' destructive capabilities and tendencies for constructive purposes. They appointed a Commissioner to oversee this project and to help control the creatures. The Commissioner thought up the idea of having sanctioned Battels where the creatures could release their anger against one another. This way, the human race would be safe to view these Battels while also being kept out of harm's way.

Characters[edit]

The Heroes[edit]

  • American Beetle: A jingoistic, patriotic giant insect raised by a single mother. He may be the son of Uchu Chu. He has a bug-like face and has a mostly red body and wears shorts with the American Flag designed on them The current Kaiju Grand Champion as of Levelling Las Vegas. First appeared at Atrium Arena Rumble, 1996.
    Danger Strikes Back poster featuring Kaiju Hero Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder
  • Atomic Trooper Robo: Teenage BMX star given a robotic body after a terrible accident. First appeared Mass Destruction at Mass Art, April 1998.
  • Dusto Bunny: Incredibly wise, but fun-loving dust bunny sage. Recently, Dusto has joined Super Wrong as a dancin' member of the Yokusuka Jump Squadron. First appeared Mass Destruction at Mass Art, April 1998.
  • Force Trooper Robo: A motorcycle courier given a robotic body after a terrible accident. One of the original 4 Kaiju battlers. First appeared in Monster Big Battel, Halloween 1996.
  • French Toast: Two thousand tons of rage in a raspberry beret unleashed upon the world by France's top chefs. Despite the fact that he is universally hated (except in France, of course), he is, in fact, a Hero.
  • Metal Wing Black: Formerly known as Hero Intern '08, he debuted at Danger Strikes Back in April, 2008. He graduated and re-emerged under his new name at All Out War 2 in June, 2009. He wields the guitar of legend, Jiro Battellica.
  • Neo Teppen: An astronaut given super-powers by a mysterious substance from Mars, First appeared at Brooklyn Double Danger, December 20, 2003.
  • Powa Ranjuru: A young girl who vowed to fight evil after causing the death of her brother. One of the original 4 Kaiju battelers. First appeared in Monster Big Battel, Halloween 1996.
  • Robox: Low-budget government project to build a giant evil-fighting robot out of cardboard boxes. Created by Dr. Nikolai Orekhov of Robo Dynamics using recycled parts. Finishing and signature moves: Reverse Defragmenter (Front Flip / Rolling Senton) and Whirlwind Whip (Spinning with arms out until striking foe). RoBox beat Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle in his debut match. First appeared at Kaiju Rampage New York, November 14, 2002.
  • Slo Feng: A Swedish fighter who at first fought only for fame but now joins the Heroes in their fight. May have first appeared at Mayhem in the Atrium IV, November 2000. Has murdered 2 monsters in battel: Beefy L'Ox and Multimoog.
  • Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder: One of newest Heroes and unofficial protector of Colorado. He is exactly what his name says he is. His debut match at the G4TV Pilot was interrupted by Giii the Space Pirate, crashing the inaugural ceremonies and thus did not have the chance to be seen by the public. His first appearance was as number 10 in the "Hot 10 at 10" countdown on Louden's "Kaiju360" webshow. He was officially introduced by Louden at a press conference at Anime Boston 2007. Remains undefeated as of June, 2009.
  • Sun Buster: The original Hero Intern, turned solar-Nintendo hero. With previous murmurs of steroid abuse behind him, and a solid record, Sun Buster has become a pillar of the hero community. First appeared at Zero Hour Big Battel, November 21, 2005.
  • Super Wrong: The disco dancing, time traveling hero known for his flamboyant ring entrance and horrible win-loss record. He is the leader of the splinter hero group known as the Yokusuka Jump Squadron. He is often accompanied by (in actuality carrying) a yellow wig-wearing pink stuffed teddy bear named "Jeremiah the Pink Teddy Bear." First appeared at Mayday Boston! Mayday! May 1, 2003. Announced on Kaiju.com that he died of food poisoning, although he may not really be dead...
  • Tadd Bradley, Hawaiian Paddler: A surfer/martial artist/chicken from Hawaii who won a 50-State Hero Invitational and defeated Giii the Space Pirate during his debut match at Shpadoinkel Mania XVIII, October 20, 2006.
  • The Yokosuka Jump Squadron: A biker gang/dance troupe led by Super Wrong after he quit the Kaiju Heroes. The Squadron consists of Super Wrong, Jeremiah the Pink Teddy Bear, the "3-2-1 Dancers", and Dusto Bunny. At Shpadoinkel Mania XVIII, Dusto Bunny was forced to quit the Kaiju Heroes after losing to Super Wrong and his new faction. However, during the time slip incident involving SDS-1 at the G4TV pilot: after Dusto Bunny soundly defeated the Jump Squadron, he graciously joins their ranks. The Jump Squadron then returns the favor by re-joining the Heroes.
  • Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle: A Cantonese worker who gained super-powers (and an armored soup can, which he wears) after falling into a vat of chicken noodle soup in a failed suicide attempt. Due to both his ability inside the ring (including the feared five-fingered chowder fist) and the fact that he has killed at least two Kaiju, he is considered one of the most dangerous kaiju on Earth. Has been known to make temporary alliances with both the Heroes and Cube's Posse, but rarely with Team Space Bug. He is also known as Soup. First appeared at Rumble in the Alley, June 1997. At the "Save the Kaiju event it was announced that Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle is now a member of the Kaiju Heroes.

Dr. Cube's Posse[edit]

Dr. Cube in February 2013.
  • Dr. Cube: A forgotten Nazi experiment-turned-plastic surgeon, disfigured in a self-inflicted surgical accident. As a result, he wears a mask: a white cube with irritated features. First appeared at Atrium Arena Rumble, 1996. It was announced on Kaiju.com that the doctor dies through having a trophy impaled through his body.
  • Dino Kang Jr.: A lazy clone of Dino Kang's dead mother, created by Dr. Cube. Gets along, and often seen doing commentary with both Referee Jingi and Louden Noxious. Kang Jr. lost an arm to Sky Deviler years ago, and once sported a Robox-like prosthetic. The arm has since grown back. First announced Kaiju's NU Steel Cage Catastrophe, May 2001.
  • Gomi-man: A toxic pile of fighting trash from Jersey City. Gomi is notorious for dousing his enemies as well as innocent bystanders with toxic sludge as an act of vandalism. First appeared Matsuri Mass Mayhem, April 2002.
  • The Grudyin: A creature concocted by Dr. Cube from a combination of gorilla and angler fish DNA. Teaming with Hell Monkey, they became The Apes of Wraths. First appeared at Brooklyn Double Danger, December 20, 2003.
  • Hell Monkey: A one-eyed demon monkey who hunts the Plantain Twins due to their resemblance to bananas. At All-Out War!, Hell Monkey won a fiighto against the Grudyin, in a battel over their team name. Monkey decided to keep the team name Apes of Wraths. He and the Grudyin made up, but Hell Monkey is MIA from Kaiju competition at present. First appeared at Atrium Arena Rumble, 1996.
  • Marutambo: A one-armed fighting tree. Well, to say fighting is a bit of an overstatement...
  • Minions: Various brainless human creations of Dr. Cube. Some say they number in the millions, while the Kaiju Commissioner feels that's a conservative guess.
  • Super Minions: Like Minions, only Super-ized. Four recognizable Super Minions are #96, #108, #13, and an unknown nacho-looking minion featured in the "Rouge Soup or Bug" trailer . #96 had cinder blocks for his hands, feet and helmet. #108 is 7 feet tall and has spikes over his orange arms. #13 has sheep fur on his legs and a horricfic blue helmet .
  • Craw: Out-of-shape super minion who appears to have a freakishly deformed left arm and hand resembling a lobster claw. First appeared at Tinsel Town Showdown, September 8, 2004.
  • Napalean: A creation of Dr. Cube. The largest of all the Kaiju monsters and one of the four females that battels in Kaiju. Her saliva acts as a powerful sleep agent, as she is part poppy. First seen at Kaiju Roxy Ruckus, September 25, 2002.
  • Shrooma Tango: An evil fungus who is one of Dr. Cube's newest creations.
  • Tucor: A newer creation of Cube's, Tucor has yet to win a match on his own but still managed to capture the Double Danger Tandem Championship with The Grudyin, forming the team known as the Furious Furries. Debuted at More Better Fighto in 2007.
  • Monger Kingu: A newly created monster, or should I say behemoth with large jawed spartan helmet. Debuted at When Danger Comes To Town, April 9, 2011.
  • Hack and Slash: Dr. Cube's royal minions
  • The Gamblin Bug: An orange bug-like creature, based on the idea that a person can become addicted to gambling by being bitten by such a bug. Debuted at When Danger Comes To Town, April 9, 2011.

Team Space Bug[edit]

Consists of insectoid Kaiju. Space Bugs hate the Heroes, indeed, but hate Dr. Cube's Posse even more.

  • Uchu Chu: Leader of Team Space Bug, a Kaiju from the planet Xertoid. He loves to get drunk on Royal Jelly. Rumor has it that he may secretly be American Beetle's father, but he denies it. Uchu Chu suffered a humiliating defeat at "More Better Fighto" losing to Call-Me-Kevin, a kaiju that never won a match ever. First appeared at Fitchburg State Fricassee, April 1999.
  • Yarsminko: Uchu Chu's old college buddy.He has four arms
  • Mung Wun, the Thai Fly: A female bug, not actually from space, who spits digestive juices at her enemies. Mother of The Swarm. First appearance Broadway Brawl, June 2001
  • Mota Naru: A failed Soviet experiment involving fire ants sent to the planet Mercury. Mota Naru is the trademarked "big guy" of team Space Bug. First appeared at Electric Funeral, October 2000.
  • Dai Hachi Hachi: A rookie bee/human hybrid from outer space. Somehwat of an enigma to Team Space Bug due to his suspicious behavior. First appeared at Zero Hour Big Battel, November 21, 2005.
  • The Swarm: Sons and daughters of Uchu Chu (and possibly American Beetle) who use taser spears called "Sting Sticks" to attack their enemies. First seen on Kaiju DVD, The Shocking Truth.
  • SDS-1 a.k.a. Super Dimensional Slug One: A giant slug designed as a Nazi weapon who time-travelled forward to the present day and fell under Dr. Cube's control. SDS-1 was claimed by Uchu chu sometime after the Tinsel Town Showdown in 2007. First seen at Kaiju Roxy Ruckus, September 25, 2002.

The Rogues[edit]

Although unpredictable in nature, the Rogues are simply classified as being unaffiliated with any other faction.

  • Baby Sky Deviler: The spawn of the egg dropped by Sky Deviler in the battle of the Scottish highlands. Dr. Cube raised him in his "In-Cube-ator", however, he was taken by the rogues' Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle after his first time in the ring. Prophecy states that Baby Sky Deviler will one day become the greatest Kaiju fighter of all time. Soup has taken a hiatus from the Battel to raise him. Hatched at Shpadoinkel Mania XVIII, October 20, 2006.
  • Unibouzu: Gained super-powers and turned into a giant sea urchin after being bitten by an atomic sea urchin. Incredibly strong, but incredibly stupid. Undisputed leader of the "Sea Amigos" with Cycloptopuss. First appeared Matsuri Mass Mayhem, April 2002.
  • D.W. Cycloptopuss III: A sea monster with few friends and many enemies. Makes up one of the members of the unofficial "Sea Amigos" faction, along with Unibouzu. At Shpadoinkelmania, Cycloptopuss and Hell Monkey become the first ever Kaiju Big Battel Tag Team Champions and are dubbed "The One-Eyed Monsters". First seen Davis Square Decathlon, July 1999.
  • Call-Me-Kevin: Hurled from his home planet by an explosion, he lost his memory during the centuries it took him to arrive on Earth. Has only won one Kaiju Big Battel upon his arrival. He joined the "Sea Amigos" and was taken under the wing (or tentacle) of Unibouzu. Despite having one of the most losing records in all of Kaiju, Kevin was once the Kaiju Grand Champion. Since losing the belt, he has been kicked out of the Sea Amigos and is presently flying solo. Kevin first appeared at Warsaw Wafu Fun, June 7, 2002.
  • CIA Plantains: Imposters created by the CIA to ruin the good name of Los Platanos and keep the Sock Puppet Dictator's government in power. The imposter Plantains precede the actual Los Platanos tenure in Kaiju, having first appeared at Atrium Arena Rumble, 1996.
  • Vegetius: A giant bird-turtle creature from a South Pacific island, the most beast-like of all the Kaiju. First appeared at Brooklyn Double Danger, December 20, 2003.
  • Giii the Space Pirate: An alien invader who joined the KBB to "Steal the essance of Kaiju". Giii appears to be an opportunist, joining any team that offers him the right amount of money. At Shpadoinkel Mania XVII, Giii was defeated at the hands of a Kaiju hero newcomer "Tad Bradley, Hawaiian Paddler". First seen at Someone Must Die!, May 26, 2006.
  • Sekmet: A giant lizard-like creature nicknamed "The Monolithic Marauder". One of the biggest Kaiju in the universe, and one of the most feared. The first mate of Giii the Space Pirate. (Not G.D. Lee).
  • Iron Bros.: The Iron Brothers are composed of Brother Claw, Brother Fist and Brother Mace. Each is distinguishable by their weapon-appendage. These three are mercenaries for hire to the rest of the Kaiju Battelers.
  • Pedro Plantain: Half of Los Platanos, recipient of the Golden Banana Award for KBB Tag Team Excellence, Pedro's world was crushed by the knife of Silver Potato, when Silver Potato assassinated his brother Pablo, ending the Plantain's dominating time as a team. Pedro remained a hero for a time, trying to vent his anger towards the enemies of Kaiju, but eventually, he cracked. Pedro has lost his status as a Kaiju Hero, and is now considered to have gone rogue. First appeared at Rumble in the Alley, June 1997, as half of Los Platanos.
  • Paco Plantain: At the San Diego event in 2010 Pedro Plantain went into the cage to fight Iron Brother Fist because he refuses to continue paying the Iron Bros. to work for him. But when the match got dangerous with all 3 Iron Brother fighting Pedro alone, out of nowhere an odd new and unknown plantain came and teamed up with Pedro and defeated the Iron Bros using all the classic moves Pedro did with Pablo. Relation to Pedro is still currently unknown...

Human Co-Stars[edit]

Louden Noxious announcing at a Chikara event in 2008.

These are the humans who are a part of Kaiju Big Battel but do not (typically) fight.

  • The Commissioner: The overseer of all Kaiju Big Battel functions. News of his death reported in April - cause was from eating to much chocolate as a bad diet resulting in heart attack, according to Kaiju.com.
  • Louden Noxious: The announcer for Kaiju Big Battel and The Commissioner's nephew. At All-Out War!, Louden was forced to substitute for Super Wrong and actually won his first Fighto against Call-Me-Kevin with a top rope diving headbutt. In 2008 he became the ring announcer and sometimes commentator for Chikara—under the name Gavin Loudspeaker—in addition to his duties with Kaiju Big Battel. First announced Kaiju's NU Steel Cage Catastrophe, May 2001.
  • Beav Wallace, A.K.A. "The Beav": Louden's sidekick and co-commentator. Apparently a geek, Beav is typically seen wearing a Fez and thick-rimmed glasses.
  • Jimmy Sprinkles: Kaiju's #1 Superfan. Was brutally assaulted by the Sea Amigos after attempting to join them by singing "Stay (I Missed You)" by Lisa Loeb in Brooklyn in 2008.
  • Referee Jingi: The official Kaiju Big Battel Senior Referee. Currently on the run after being accused of murdering the Kaiju Commissioner.
  • Referee Nikuman: The Kaiju Big Battel Junior Referee. Nikkuman has been injured helping Powa Ranjuru from a Zombie Plantain assault, and after being attacked by Vegetius, but continues to come back despite everything.
  • Andy Salbino: A Kaiju Big Battel construction worker, who is responsible for creating the buildings seen in a fighto cityscape, and reconstructing them after the battel. He is aided by other Salbino Industries employees.
  • Anna Dramina: A princess from outer space who only fights when attacked. Her relationship with her boyfriend Silver Potato is uncertain ever since he betrayed the Kaiju Heroes. Anna has not been seen in Kaiju for several years, and it has been implied on Kaiju.com that she is, in fact, dead.
  • Kaiju Regulatory Commission: Kaiju Big Battel's answer to the United Nations that uncovered the threat of monster battels on Earth and have banded together to keep Earth safe from evil Kaiju.
  • Chris Hero: Was ejected from New York Blackout after trying to choke out Louden Noxious. Returned during the RoBox Robolimination Rumble to attack Tadd Bradley, Hawaiian Paddler and Dusto Bunny. Teamed with Dr. Cube at the Brooklyn BBQ Battel in August, 2008 against American Beetle and Hero Intern '08.
  • Munenori Sawa
  • Kota Ibushi

The Graveyard[edit]

The graveyard is a place that contains both monsters and humans that have been killed - or gone missing - in action for some time.

  • Astro Turufu: He's dead, to put it shortly. First appeared at Rumble in the Alley, June 1997.
  • Atomic Cannon: May not actually be dead... Also one of the original 4 Kaiju Battelers. First appeared in Monster Big Battel, Halloween 1996.
  • Beefy L'Ox: a red-horned bull Kaiju that was killed by Slo Feng in the K.I.T (A tournament held in 2003, which led to the Philly Factory Fighto match of Slo Feng and American Beetle vs Sky Deviler and Mota Naru). First seen at Mayhem in the Atrium III, March 2000.
  • Club Sandwich: Melee weapon-wielding, delicatessen-staple of vigilante justice. Club Sandwich was brutally killed in cold mayo by Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle, who pierced his mortal bread with an oversized toothpick at Warsaw Wafu Fun. First appeared at Rumble in the Alley, June 1997.
  • Dino Kang: Dino Kang's DNA was used to create Dino Kang Jr,. thus making Dino Kang, Dr. Cube's late prizefighter, the mother of Dino Kang Jr. Dino Kang died from asbestos poisoning one fight. First appeared at Rumble in the Alley, June 1997.
  • Eargernon: Eargernon, named for the ear on her back, was killed by laser-fire from Shadow Trooper Robo when he went berserk. A second rate wrestler in Kaiju Big Battel, she was on a leave of absence from monster wrestling at the time of her death. Shadow Trooper Robo was convicted of: and responsible for: her murder, and died in prison. First appeared at Fitchburg State Fricassee, April 1999.
  • Goldenrod: Goldenrod was one of the first Kaiju Big Battel females and worked for the Heroes. She was similar to a bounty hunter and detested "all city crushing monsters." She occasionally used a huge gun which blasted opponents which a pollen-like sneezing powder. Met her end at the teeth of Sky Deviler in a karaoke contest gone awry in Uchu Center, Kabuchiko.
  • Midori no Kaiju: This monster was a towering green lizard and the first great champion of Kaiju ever since the conception of Kaiju Big Battel. He was also one of Dr. Cube's greatest fighters. Midori No Kaiju came from Mars on search to find more cities to devastate after he turned all on Mars into a graveyard. While on Earth, he eventually allied with Dr. Cube. They were not best of friends and did fight sometimes, but the quarrels did not stop them from being teammates. Midori's career (and life) ended at the Autumnal Shogun Showdown when Kung Fu Chicken Noodle mutilated Midori with his infamous meat cleaver, his corpse later rendered into millions of his meat. Midori was one of the original 4 Kaiju. First appeared in Monster Big Battel, Halloween 1996.
  • Muffura: This Kaiju Big Batteler was a monster made out of pipes and looked like a muffler - which is the explanation for the bizarre name. Muffura's main goal was simple: "Destructo all Kaiju!" and did not have any known allies. First appeared at Rumble in the Alley, June 1997.
  • Multi-Moog: A giant, multi-faced, hog-like creature created by Dr. Cube. He was killed by Slo Feng, who ripped his heart from his chest at Matsuri Mass Mayhem. First appeared at Fitchburg State Fricassee, April 1999.
  • Polo Cato: A large fighting cat-skunk mutant with an odor as bad as his creator. He is now thought to be deceased. First appeared at Atrium Arena Rumble, 1996.
  • Pablo Plantain: Original member of Los Platanos with brother of Pedro Plantain. Assassinated by Silver Potato.
  • Sentai Jin: An astrophysicist given a robotic body after a freak meteor shower who died later when his laboratory exploded.
  • Shadow Robo Trooper: Shadow Trooper, rebellious teen gone even more rebellious Trooper. Killed during a cafeteria food fight at MS Robo Penitentiary while serving a life sentence for the murder of Eargernon. First appearance: Unknown.
  • Silver Potato: A human given super-powers in a freak accident. At Anime Boston 2006, Silver Potato killed Pablo Plantain and had turned traitor by attacking the Kaiju Heroes. Utilizing a comedically huge bag of money and the Iron Bros., Pedro Plantain had Potato captured, and fed him to his now ravenous, zombified brother. First appeared at Atrium Arena Rumble, 1996.
  • Sky Deviler: A large one-eyed Kaiju with a small cranial capacity and the big ability to devour anything it sees without considering the consequences of doing so. When Sky Deviler died at the end of the Shocking Truth DVD, it gave left behind a mysterious egg which was stolen by The Posse. See entries for Dr. Cube, and Baby Deviler for more information. May have made debut at Bash at Brandeis!, March 2000.

Videography[edit]

Official DVD Releases[edit]

Terebi Sento (2003)Terebisentodvd.jpg Shocking Truth (2005)Shockingtruthdvd.jpg More Better Fighto (2007)Morebetterfightodvd.jpg

Titles[edit]

Championship Champion(s) Defeated Date Won Location Event
Kaiju Grand Championship American Beetle #13 June 4, 2011 Las Vegas Leveling Las Vegas
Kaiju Double Danger Tandem Championship Yokosuka Jump Squadron (Dusto Bunny and Jeremiah the Pink Teddy Bear) Furious Furries (The Grudyin and Tucor) June 20, 2009 Philadelphia, PA All Out War 2
Meisterschaft-Riemen Uchu Chu Herr Kraftprotz Unknown, 2008 Fiolent Stadium, Simferopol Euro-Battel 2008

External links[edit]

References[edit]

  1. ^ "Kaiju FAQs". 2001–2007. "The first full scale Kaiju Big Battel event occurred in February 1995 at the School of the Museum of Fine Arts."