Lil' Crime Stoppers
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|"Lil' Crime Stoppers"|
|South Park episode|
|Episode no.||Season 7
|Written by||Trey Parker|
|Original air date||April 23, 2003|
|List of South Park episodes|
Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny decide to play detective; they go around the town solving minor "crimes" for a dollar. They first investigate the disappearance of a pie left sitting on the windowsill of an elderly couple's home. After examining the scene of the crime, they come to the conclusion (based on no evidence at all) that the husband planned to murder and dismember his wife to have the pie for himself; however, before he could go through with the plan, the pie had already been eaten by their dog, where the boys found it. Horrified by their outrageous accusations, the couple hurriedly send them away, but not before giving them the dollar they had promised.
The boys' next case involves the recovery of a little girl's stolen doll. After suspecting Butters for no particular reason and having him produce a semen sample, they get a tip that Bill and Fosse have the doll. They manage to recover the doll from them, but several kids playing FBI assert jurisdictional privilege and take over the boys' case.
The recovery gets the boys recognized by the Park County PD, and they are made Junior Detectives. However, it's not just honorary. Lieutenant Dawson, the department's head lieutenant, flat-out hires them and then assigns them to bust a meth lab, something that should be reserved for actual detectives. With the boys not knowing what a meth lab is, Stan knocks on the door of the lab and simply calls out, "Uh, police. Open up." The criminals open fire at the boys, but end up killing themselves, destroying the lab, and causing a great deal of property damage to the surrounding area.
Because of this incident, Dawson chews the boys out for "getting careless!" Meanwhile, other detectives mock the boys, and it is revealed to them that many of the cops on the force are corrupt. The boys are then sent to a strip club owned by the leader of Colorado's greatest drug cartel, who was behind the original meth lab. When they arrive, a bouncer takes them to the owner. As the cartel members notice that the boys are cops, an intense shoot-out ensues, though the boys have nothing more than make-believe guns.
Cops show up to give the boys backup, but it turns out that two of them (named Murphy and Jenkins) are working with the cartel leader. During the shoot-out, they injure Hopkins, the one good cop that defended the boys earlier, though he later survives. They then kill the cartel owner, so that together they get all the money. However, Murphy kills Jenkins, turns to the boys, announces that the only person he cannot trust is himself, and commits suicide.
Finally, the boys are credited by Dawson with cleaning up the police force and are offered positions as full detectives. The boys, however, find reality more intense than their game, and decide go back to playing laundromat instead. Butters later announces that he was finally able to produce a semen sample by imagining Stan's mom's breasts; however, because the boys are no longer playing detective anymore, they no longer want a semen sample, and thus, the entire ordeal is forgotten. Cartman, though, offers Butters to have his pants cleaned for $4.95.
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- Lil' Crime Stoppers Full episode at South Park Studios
- Lil' Crime Stoppers Episode guide at South Park Studios