|This article does not cite any references or sources. (August 2013)|
In BDSM, limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about, usually referring to prohibited activities.
Participants typically negotiate an outline of what activities will and will not take place. The participants outline what they desire and/or will not tolerate, including the determination of limits. For example, it is common to set a safe word and to establish certain types of play as prohibited.
The BDSM usage of the terminology "limits" derives from the concept of 'off limits', the idea of limiting a scene to a specific set of activities, and the limitations (in terms of both interest and tolerance) of the participants.
Both dominants and submissives can set limits. Limits can be agreed to verbally or they can be incorporated into a formal contract. Sometimes the participants engage in a formal conversation about limits and boundaries called "negotiation". Other couples discuss their likes and dislikes in a similar manner to 'vanilla' relationships.
Some partners choose not to set limits. This is commonly seen in total power exchange dynamics, consensual non-consent, and edge play. Whether or not this type of arrangement is considered "safe, sane, and consensual" is a matter of some controversy in BDSM communities.
Types of limits
The terminology varies slightly across different local communities and Internet forums. However, there are general usages recognized across most BDSM populations.
A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. Examples include “scat is a hard limit for me” or “I have a back injury, so striking on the back is a hard limit”.
A soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for which they will still give informed consent. An action could be prohibited except under specific circumstances or an area of discomfort that someone wishes to avoid. Soft limits can also be something that requires a cautious approach or while appealing, still generates an uncomfortable amount of fear.
A requirement limit, or must limit, is something that a person will not do the scene without. Examples include “lots of hair pulling is a must-limit for me” or “If you’re going to flog me, I’ll need lots of aftercare.”
Some couples practice time limitations for relationships. They can be used to set time limits on phases of relationships, such as training or consideration.
- Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, and Jon Jacobs. Different Loving: An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission. New York: Villard Books, 1993. ISBN 0-679-40873-8.
- Philip Miller and Molly Devon, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism. Mystic Rose Books, 1995. ISBN 0-9645960-0-8.