List of South Park Elementary staff
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This page is a list of staff at South Park Elementary from the characters in the American animated television series South Park.
Mr. Adler 
Mr. Richard Adler is the puffy cheeked, lisping shop-class teacher at South Park Elementary. During "Tweek vs. Craig," he is plagued by memories of his fiancé's death and chews copious amounts of nicotine gum to deal with them. When he runs out of gum, he plans to commit suicide. After writing his suicide note, he lies on a large table saw with a moving feed, but is interrupted by a fight between Tweek and Craig entering his classroom, killing Kenny in the process. Afterwards, he communicates with his finance's spirit through Kenny's corpse, and she helps him move on from his mourning. Now it seems he has relaxed a bit and put his past behind him, and has not featured prominently in an episode since "Tweek vs. Craig," although he has appeared in the background of many scenes and was one of the teachers supporting the move to teach sex education to the younger students in "Proper Condom Use", and also spoke his views on 9/11 in "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce." He also commented on the country's inevitable doom in "About Last Night." His teaching method consists primarily of telling the children to "quit screwing around," and "don't screw around, you screw around too much!" The episode "Mysterion Rises" reveals Adler to be a member of the Cult of Cthulhu. Adler always has a visible bandage covering a scar on his forehead after his suicide attempt. Mr. Adler's character was based on an old shop teacher who taught co-creator Matt Stone. His name was referenced in DVD commentary, but was censored because the real teacher did not give South Park permission to reveal his name.
Mr. Mackey 
Mr. Mackey, voiced by Trey Parker, is the school counsellor. He has a disproportionately large head and mumbles "M'kay" into most sentences. He speaks with a Southern accent, and he is believed to be from Louisiana. It is assumed he is at least 40 years old (he once said he had sex at 19 and that it has been about 21 years since). He is based on Trey Parker's junior high school counselor, Stan Lackey. He has occasionally taught classes at the school, and taught sex education with Ms. Choksondik. During this time he had a sexual relationship with Ms. Choksondik until her death. After her death, he took over the fourth grade class until Mr. Garrison returned. In the episode "Erection Day" he is shown to be left-handed.
Despite his slightly odd appearance and catchphrase, Mr. Mackey seems to be an able counselor who actually cares about the children, much unlike Mr. Garrison. He sometimes appears with Principal Victoria when punishing a student or announcing an important message. His methods as a counselor reflect real-life controversy in education, for example, when Kyle talks about seeing Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, he places Kyle on a heavy dose prescription of Prozac. In an early episode, the children feign having Attention Deficit Disorder, and he prescribes them all Ritalin.
During a drug-education class in the episode "Ike's Wee Wee," he passes some marijuana around the classroom, and it is stolen (apparently by one of the children, though it is later revealed that the actual thief was Mr. Garrison). For this, Mr. Mackey is fired by the school, evicted by his landlord, and, feeling depressed, he ends up using alcohol, marijuana and LSD. The episode suggests that his large head is caused by the tightness of his tie around his neck, but in Child Abduction Is Not Funny, his parents are shown to have large heads as well. He becomes a hippie and travels to India with a like-minded woman. Mr. Mackey is captured by The A-Team, and his former employers, along with Jimbo, say that they should have helped him with his drug problem rather than firing him. Mr. Mackey protests, saying that he likes his new life and that he actually has not done drugs since his first experimentations back in South Park. Nobody listens and in rehab at the Betty Ford Clinic, he is "cured" of his addiction to drugs. Mr. Mackey's social worker then re-ties his tie, which makes his head swell back to its original size. In the episode "Something You Can Do with Your Finger" he is shown to have a bondage sex scene with Liane Cartman. In Cat Orgy, he's shown to have presumably had sex with her again. In Rainforest Shmainforest, it is revealed that he can speak Spanish fluently. In "Trapped in the Closet", Mr. Mackey is seen at the Church of Scientology Org where Stan is having an auditing session. However, it is not known whether or not he continues having sessions with the Org from that point on. From Major Boobage onward, Mackey's sweater and jeans were re-designed, much like Mr. Garrison's two episodes later in "Eek, a Penis!". In "Insheeption" he is revealed to be a hoarder with a troubled childhood, having been bullied and later being molested by Woodsy the Owl.
In the Season 1 DVD, Parker stated that Mr. Mackey was based on his school counselor, who, when he saw Parker in the halls during class, would simply say, "Okay, Trey, get back to class now, mmm-kay?"
Nurse Gollum 
Nurse Gollum (called Nurse McSchwartz in the original pilot of "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe") is the school nurse at South Park Elementary, notable primarily for the fact that she has a dead fetus attached to the side of her head, which terrifies the children (she lacks this in the original pilot). Nurse Gollum is described in her first appearance on the show as suffering from the (fictional) condition "conjoined twin myslexia." Principal Victoria asked her if she could have it removed, Nurse Gollum stated yes but that it would cost her life.
In Nurse Gollum's first appearance, "Conjoined Fetus Lady," Kyle is sent to see her and shocked at her appearance. The rest of the children are soon terrified, leading to Sheila and Mayor McDaniels to arrange a special week for Conjoined Twin Myslexia awareness. However, this leads to Nurse Gollum becoming angered, saying that she just wants to live her life normally. She made an additional appearance in "Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods" playing the role of Nurse Chapel in a recreation of the Star Trek episode "Dagger of the Mind".
Despite having a dead fetus on her head, she is one of the most normal and intelligent adult characters on the show. Despite not wanting to be singled out for being different, she appeared in the episode "Freak Strike" where she is one of the freaks in the infomercial that is promoting awareness of 'freaks' through daytime talk shows.
Principal Victoria 
Principal Victoria is the principal of South Park Elementary. She is always seen with curly hair, glasses and usually appears with Mr. Mackey. Her name is a play on Victoria Principal. She speaks with a heavy Minnesotan accent.
In "Helen Keller! The Musical," she reveals that she does recreational drugs. In the episode "Sexual Harassment Panda," when she was put on the witness stand during Cartman's second trial over the school allowing him to be sexually harassed, Principal Victoria hysterically confessed that she murdered a man, cut up his body, and hid his remains (though the court was only interested in whether or not the school did anything to stop Cartman from being sexually harassed). In "Breast Cancer Show Ever," it's revealed that Principal Victoria has been a breast cancer survivor for seven years, which inspires Wendy to fight back against Cartman (who, according to Principal Victoria, is Wendy's "cancer").
Principal Victoria appears to be very able to run the school, despite its strange crew. In "Go God Go" she is shown telling Mrs. Garrison he has to teach evolution in class, which he refuses. When pushed, he makes a complete mess of the subject, so Principal Victoria asks Richard Dawkins to teach it. Her husband is shown for the first time on the episode "About Last Night...." In "Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut," when Garrison asks "who here hasn't had sex with Mrs. Cartman," she and Mayor McDaniels exchange uncomfortable glances, implying that she, like almost everyone else in South Park, has at some point slept with Mrs. Cartman.
Mr. Garrison 
Mr. Herbert Garrison has been the children's teacher throughout most of the series. In the beginning, Garrison was in denial of his homosexuality to the point of homophobia, and was always seen with either of his hand puppets that he claimed were gay. Later he went missing, hiding on a mountain, living in isolation. He eventually "came out of the closet" and returned with the intention to teach again. In "4th Grade", he was denied the job by Principal Victoria, who said, "Oh, we don't hire gay people." He was eventually allowed back as the Kindergarten teacher. In "The Death Camp of Tolerance", a change in laws allow Garrison to be promoted to teach the 4th grade, receiving his old 3rd grade students who have now advanced a grade. In the season 9 episode "Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina", Garrison got a sex reassignment operation, after which he came to be known as Janet Garrison. In the season 11 episode "D-Yikes!", Garrison becomes a lesbian. Finally, in the season 12 episode "Eek, a Penis!", he gets reassigned back to being male again.
Ms. Claridge 
Ms. Claridge is a South Park Elementary preschool teacher. Her first appearance was in "Pre-School." Ms. Claridge was disabled and covered in burns after a fire broke out in the pre-school classroom at South Park Elementary. The fire was started when Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny wanted to play "fireman" and asked the "baddest kid in pre-school," Trent Boyett, to start a fire for them. In spite of the boys' efforts to extinguish the fire (by urinating on it), the fire grew out of control and nearly killed Ms. Claridge. Ms. Claridge survived, but was badly injured and placed in an electric wheelchair which very much resembles that of Captain Christopher Pike in the original Star Trek episode "The Menagerie". Ms. Claridge communicates by 'beeping' once for yes and twice for no. It is not clear how she can function as a teacher if she can only communicate "yes" and "no," yet her students appear to understand her.
The boys denied all culpability for the fire and Trent Boyett was sent to Juvenile Hall for five years. While trying to escape the newly released Trent, Cartman fires a taser gun, which accidentally powers Ms. Calridge's wheelchair, sending her crashing into a propane shop, exploding and setting her alight once again. The police arrive and ask if Trent started the fire. She replies "no" with two beeps but the police mistake it for "yes yes" and arrest Trent.
Ms. Claridge appears briefly in two other episodes, "The Death of Eric Cartman," where Cartman, in his efforts to atone for his life's misdeeds, gives her a fruit basket, and also again at the talent show in "Erection Day."
Ms. Pearl 
Ms. Pearl is the name of the Home Economics teacher. She speaks with a soft, gentle voice and does her job well. She adds to the curriculum by teaching her class ways to find, manipulate and marry rich men. She is good with chat up lines (as seen in "Tweek vs. Craig"). She also dates Richard Adler, and mentioned she wanted to sleep with him. He refused because he was still mourning the death of his fiancée.
Mrs. Dreibel 
Mrs. Dreibel appeared in "Toilet Paper". She is the art teacher and gave Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny detention for making a penis sculpture out of clay. They decided to get revenge by TPing her house. She is married and has two daughters.
Mr. Meryl 
Mr. Meryl is the Audio/Visual Department Teacher and appeared in "Quest for Ratings". He tells Stan, Cartman, Kyle, Butters, Jimmy and Token that their show "Super Action News" is losing in the ratings to Craig's home video show, "Animals Close-Up With a Wide-Angle Lens" and subsequently gives them all a failing grade. This inspires the boys to come up with new ideas to revamp their show.
Mr. Venezuela 
Mr. José Venezuela is the janitor. He appeared in "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce" and is a stereotypical poor Latin American immigrant. He has three children. He makes 6 dollars an hour, at best. Also in this episode, his first name is revealed to be José. He's currently also the new school bus driver.
Mr. Derp 
Mr. Derp is most prominent as Chef's substitute in "The Succubus." Voiced by Trey Parker, the character commonly displays slapstick and physical camp humor, much to the chagrin of the boys. He tends to hit himself in the head with a claw hammer in attempts to make the boys laugh. In the season three commentary, Matt and Trey reveal that his namesake, "Derp," is the sound commonly made in a klutzy situation when things go horribly wrong, literally and comically, like a joke that can be "seen from a mile away." The word derp has become a popular Internet meme.
He has also since appeared in the background in "Eek! A Penis!," possibly indicating that he has since replaced Chef. He also appeared before Chef's death briefly in "Professor Chaos" and "Timmy 2000" (as the lemonade stand clerk at Lalapalalapaza). He also had a brief cameo in "The Biggest Douche in the Universe." In the original commercial for the episode, Mrs. Crabtree was shown as the ne
The Groundskeeper appears very briefly in the episodes "Damien" and "Butters' Bottom Bitch." She appears to be in charge of watching the students during recess. She is of old age and possesses an unpleasant demeanor, exclaiming to the students "five minutes until recess is over, you little bastards!"
Mr. Garrett 
Mr. Garrett is the coach of the South Park Elementary basketball team. He appears very briefly in the episode 'Elementary School Musical.'
Past staff 
Jerome "Chef" McElroy (voiced by Isaac Hayes) was one of few black characters in South Park, and the chef at the South Park Elementary School. In the initial season, his gimmick line, as the four boys come into the cafeteria was, "Hello there, children!" They would respond with, "Hey, Chef." This was usually followed by Chef asking "How's it going?" and the boys would reply "Bad." A stereotypical character, Chef is obsessed with sex (especially with white women). In "Chef Aid", it's revealed that he committed bestiality with a goat. He is a talented singer, and has a tendency to sing wildly inappropriate songs when his muse strikes him. The children often seek him out when in need of guidance or information. Sometimes the advice given by Chef is inappropriate, such as in South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, Stan asks Chef how he can get Wendy to like him and he replies, "That's easy. You just gotta find the clitoris." He refers to the boys as 'children' even if there is only one of them present. He once almost married a succubus, but the boys saved him. He has not been seen since "Return of Chef" because of the departure of Hayes. In this episode, he is "killed," but is then seen being remade with a body similar to that of Darth Vader and was voiced by Peter Serafinowicz who voices Darth Maul in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. However, due to Hayes' death in 2008, it is very unlikely that Chef will someday return to the series unless the role is recast.
Mr. Dawkins 
Richard Dawkins is a well-known English academic and popular science writer and expert in evolutionary biology, who made an appearance in the tenth season episode "Go God Go", in which he was employed as a replacement teacher for Mrs. Garrison, after the latter refused to teach the students about evolution. When Cartman is frozen in suspended animation, and thawed out in the future, he discovers that Dawkins was responsible for the end of religion and the worldwide popularity of atheism.
Ms. Choksondik 
Ms. Diane Choksondik became the boys' new teacher after they entered fourth grade and was voiced by Trey Parker. Ms. Choksondik had extremely exaggerated saggy breasts, was overweight, wore glasses, and had a lazy eye. She also did not wear a bra, and when she lifted her arms, it showed the bottom few inches of her breasts. One of the early jokes about Ms. Choksondik is that the children did not get the obvious pun in her name, and tried to create other names for her (such as makesmesick, chokesonbricks and chokesonrocks). She corrected them in full seriousness. In the episode "Proper Condom Use", it is strongly implied that her contemptuous attitude towards sexual activity stems from the fact that no man before Mr. Mackey had any sexual interest in her.
The episode "Professor Chaos" ended on a cliffhanger saying someone would die, in a parody of cliffhanger endings, and it was revealed during this gag that Ms. Choksondik had died. In the episode "Simpsons Already Did It", the boys revealed they put some of their Sea People in her coffee. When she died soon after, they became horrified when they thought that their prank had killed her. Later, the news said that large amounts of semen (or, as the boys took it, "sea men") had been found in her stomach, and they went to great lengths to hide their apparent role in her death, until Chef explained that Ms. Choksondik must have died from something else. After her death, the boys received two weeks off school to "deal with" her death, and then were taught for a short time by Mr. Mackey before Mr. Garrison was allowed to return to teach.
Mr. Connors 
Mr. Connors (Trey Parker) was the wrestling teacher at the school. He made his debut in "W.T.F.," where he is fired due to some of the wrestling videos on his iPhone being mistaken for gay pornography, and eventually joins the WWE.
Ms. Crabtree 
Ms. Veronica Lee Crabtree, known in the series as Mrs. Crabtree, was voiced by Mary Kay Bergman in seasons 1-3 and Eliza Schneider in seasons 4-8, when she was officially "killed off" in "Cartman's Incredible Gift." She was the school bus driver. She often screamed at the children, with little to no provocation. They would swear back, mostly not being understood. Many times, a bird is nesting in her hair.
In one episode, a kid from the drug rehabilitation center (across from Cartman's fat camp) is forced to climb into Ms. Crabtree's body vaginally while pretending to be Kenny (who was arrested for prostitution), but was rebirthed stillborn. Moments later, she squeezed out another kid, who resembled Harry Potter.
Ms. Crabtree - as well as the bird nesting on her head - was murdered by a serial killer in the 2004 episode "Cartman's Incredible Gift." Detectives investigating the crime in the episodes noted she was "an ancillary character the fans wouldn't miss much". The school janitor Mr. Venezuela is currently the new school bus driver.
Ms. Ellen 
Ms. Ellen (appeared only in "Tom's Rhinoplasty" and voiced by a celebrity guest star, Natasha Henstridge) substituted for Mr. Garrison in South Park Elementary as a third-grade teacher when he was away for a few days undergoing a plastic surgery on his nose. She was promoted to a permanent teaching position after Mr. Garrison, enjoying his new 'David Hasselhoff' look, quit to do what he "always wanted to do: hang out and screw hot chicks." Chef went out on a date with Ms. Ellen and only to find out that she is a lesbian. When the boys found out that she was a lesbian, they tried every effort to become one themselves. Ms. Ellen's attractive looks and kind nature caused the boys in the class to develop deep amorous feelings towards her, which also caused Wendy to become very jealous. Wendy frames her in a way that causes Iraqi soldiers to send her on a rocket into the sun.
Mr. Slave 
Mr. Slave, voiced by John Hansen, is the homosexual lover of Mr. Garrison up until the episode "Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina" when he breaks up with Garrison who has had a sex change. Mr. Slave, as his name suggests, is a masochist and is permanently dressed in a leather bondage outfit. His catchphrase is an excited exclamation of "Jesus Christ!" spoken with a lisp. In many episodes, he says little else.
Mr. Slave's first major appearance is during the fourteenth episode of Season Six "The Death Camp of Tolerance", although he was seen briefly in "Butters' Very Own Episode". Despite Mr. Slave's occupation, he is shown to be wise and knowledgeable, offering characters advice. One of his most prominent moments was in "Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset", when he gave Wendy Testaburger and most of the town advice that Paris Hilton is not to be admired. He explains that he himself is a whore and that it is not a good thing. He then shoves Paris up his own anus, where she meets the same creatures Lemmiwinks did in "The Death Camp of Tolerance".
After Garrison's sex change operation, Mr. Slave ended their relationship due to no longer being sexually interested in Garrison and that his own feelings about the operation were not brought up prior. By the events of "Follow That Egg!", despite Garrison's attempts to stop him, Mr. Slave moved on and married Big Gay Al.
Ms. Stephenson 
Ms. Stephenson appeared as the Kindergarten teacher for South Park Elementary in "Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy". She falls in love and has sex with Ike Broflovski. They run away together after Kyle's strenuous attempts leads to their prosecution. Ms. Stephenson eventually commits suicide because of the ordeal.
Mr. Wyland 
Mr. Wyland was a substitute teacher for Mr. Garrison in two episodes as the 3rd grade teacher after Mr. Garrison was caught attempting to molest a child (Cartman) in "Cartman Joins NAMBLA." Wyland wears a blue top with a red bow tie. He was first shown in "Cherokee Hair Tampons" and made the class make a get well card for Kyle, who needed a kidney transplant. As a joke, the children make Butters into a get well card by gluing glitter and a sign that says "Get Well Kyle" on him and making him sing a song for Kyle. He was then shown in the next episode, "Chef Goes Nanners," and organized a debate on whether or not to change the South Park Flag, which depicted four white men hanging a black man.
- "South Park Scriptorium - "Trapped in the Closet"". Spscriptorium.com. Retrieved 2010-07-07.