Miss Susie

Miss Susie (also Miss Suzy, Miss Lucy, Miss Molly, When Maxie, Miss Mary, Miss Cassima or "Helen") is the name of an American schoolyard rhyme and clapping game in which almost each verse leads up to a rude word or profanity which is elided into the next verse as part of an innocuous word or phrase. Sometimes various hand signs accompany the song, such as making a phone with one's hand at "hello operator." As with other clapping games, it is almost exclusively practiced by pre-pubescent girls.

It has also gained popularity in English primary schools known as When Maxie, as in When Maxie was a baby.

Structure

The rhyme is arranged in couplets, with a A-B / C-B rhyme scheme. The rhyme is organized by its meter, which is in sprung rhythm with trimeter. Accentual verse (including sprung rhythm) is a common form in English folk verse, including nursery rhymes and skipping-rope rhymes. The rhyme approaches taboo words, only to cut them off and modify them with an enjambment. It shares much of the same melody as "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" (best known as the opening theme song of Merrie Melodies cartoons).

History

The rhyme has developed in many regional variations over an extended period, as is common for such rhymes. The earliest known form is from the 1950s in Michigan, and consists of the four lines:

Hellen had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell.

Hellen took some dynamite and blew the bell to Hell

O operator, give me number nine,

If it doesn’t answer, give me back my dime.

Later versions developed by embellishment, with other versions adding and removing stanzas including kissing, boys zipping up their flies, a little black boy, and bras, while the initial "... boat, ... bell / ..., ... Hell / -o ... number nine / If ..." has remained stable, though with variations in the details.

Pop culture

The rhyme is sometimes referenced in popular culture:

• Bob Saget sings a similar song at the end of his live comedy act.
• In the White Stripes song "Hello Operator" (on the album De Stijl): "Hello operator / Can you give me number nine? / Can I see you later? / Can you give me back my dime?"
• In the Self song "Pattycake" (a reminiscence of the narrator's 1970s childhood, on the album Gizmodgery, which was performed using only children's toy instruments): Verses 2 through 4 and a modified version of verse 5 as a bridge.
• In The Simpsons episode Bart Sells His Soul, Sherri and Terri chant, "Bart sold his soul, and that's just swell / Now he's going straight to / Hello operator / give me number nine" in Bart's nightmare. And in Fat Man and Little Boy, Lisa and her friend Janey recite this rhyme. An eavesdropping Homer gasps whenever he expects profanity and lets out sighs of relief when they turn out to be innocuous.
• On According to Jim in the episode The Bachelor Jim and Andy sing Miss Susie (omitting the first verse) while accompanying the song with the piano and the harmonica.
• In the episode "Something You Can Do with Your Finger" from the fourth season of South Park, Wendy Testaburger sings a parody song starting with "Ms. Landers".
• On Rocko's Modern Life, Rocko and Heffer Wolfe sing the first few bars of the song on a car trip.
• On Hey Arnold, the song was the center of an entire episode. (Version 3, below)
• Jibjab's 2008 Year in Review was set to the song and featured a similar lyrical concept, for instance "When the maverick tapped a hockey mom the press said, 'What the...' Truck bombs in Islamabad", etc.
• In the Emilie Autumn song "Miss Lucy Had Some Leeches," the concept of seemingly dark/profane phrases turning into innocuous words is taken further, although sung in the same style and tune as the original. Example lyric: "Miss Lucy had some leeches/ Her leeches liked to suck/ And when they drank up all her blood she didn't give a/ Funny when the doctors..."

Lyrics

Numerous versions exist, varying across time and regionally. A sampling include the following:

Version 1	Version 2	Version 3	Version 4	Version 5	Version 6	Version 7	Version 8	Version 9
Miss Susie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell (toot toot) Miss Susie went to heaven The steamboat went to... Hello operator give me number nine And if you disconnect me I'll kick you from... Behind the frigerator There was a piece of glass Miss Susie fell upon it And hurt her big fat... Ask me no more questions Tell me no more lies The cow are in the meadow making chocolate pies Flies are in the meadow The bees are in the hive Miss Susie and her boyfriend Are kissing in the... D-A-R-K D-A-R-K dark dark dark Dark is like a movie A movie's like a show A show is like a T.V. set And that is all ... I Know I know my ma, I know I know my pa, I know I know my sister, With the forty acre bra. I wish I had a nickel I wish I had a dime I wish I had a boyfriend who kissed me all the time My Ma gave me a nickel my Pa gave me a dime my Sister gave me a boyfriend Who'd kiss me all the time My Ma took back the nickel my Pa took back the dime my Sister took back her boyfriend and gave me Frankenstein He made me wash the dishes He made me wash the floors He made me wash his underwear So I kicked him out the door I kicked him over London I kicked him over France I kicked him to Hawaii where he learned to Hula dance!	Miss Susie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell Miss Susie went to heaven The steamboat went to... Hello operator Please give me number nine And if you disconnect me I'll kick you from... Behind the frigerator There was a piece of glass Miss Susie fell upon it And broke her little... Ask me no more questions Tell me no more lies Miss Susie told me all this The day before she ... Dyed her hair all purple Dyed her hair all green Dyed her hair all purple, And washed it down the stream	Miss Susie had a tugboat The tugboat had a bell Miss Susie went to heaven The tugboat went to... Hello operator Please Give me number nine And if you disconnect me I'll kick you in the... Behind the frigerator There was a piece of glass Miss Susie fell upon it And broke her big fat... Ask me no more questions Tell me no more lies The boys are in the bathroom Zipping up their... Flies are the meadow The bees are in the park The boys and girls are kissing Way past after dar-ar-ar-ar-ark!	Miss Suzie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell The steamboat went to Heaven Miss Suzie went to... Hello operator Please give me number 9 And if you disconnect me I'll chop off your... Behind the fridgerator There lay a piece of glass Miss Suzie fell upon it And it went straight up her... Ask me no more questions Tell me no more lies The boys are in the girlsroom Pulling down their... Flies are in the meadow The bees are in the park Miss Suzie and her boyfriend Are kissing in the... D-A-R-K D-A-R-K D-A-R-K, Dark is like a movie A movie's like a show A show is like a radio And that is all... I know I know my Ma I know I know my Pop I know I know my sister With the polka dotted bra.. (Brother)'s like a sister My mom said not to tell, She said I'll go to heaven But he might go to... Hello operator Please give me number ten And if you disconnect me I’ll sing this song again!	Miss Suzie had a tugboat The tugboat had a bell (ding ding) Miss Suzie went to Heaven The tugboat went to... Hello Operator Please give me number nine And if you disconnect me I'll kick you right... Behind the fridgerator There laid a piece of glass Miss Suzie fell upon it And broke her little... Ask me no more questions Please tell me no more lies Miss Suzie told me this The day before she... Died her hair in purple She died her hair in pink She died her hair in polka dots And washed it down the... Sink me in the ocean Sink me in the sea Sink me in the toilet But please don't pee on me me me!	Susie had a steamboat The steamboat had a horn (Toot, too) Miss Susie went to heaven The tugboat went to... Hello Operator Give me number nine And if you disconnect me I'll chop of your... Behind the fridgerator There was a piece of glass Susie sat upon it And broke her little... Ask me no more questions Tell me no more lies The boys are in the bathroom Zipping up their... Flies are in the meadow The bees are in the park Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K D-A-R-K... Dark, dark, dark Darker than the ocean Darker than the sea Darker than the underwear my mommy puts on me My mommy is Godzilla My daddy is King Kong My brother is the stupid one who taught me this dumb song Oh, Operator Give me number ten And if you disconnect me I'll sing this song again.	Miss Susie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell Miss Susie went to heaven The steamboat went to HELLO operator Give me number nine If you disconnect me I'll kick you in the BEHIND the refrigerator There was a piece of glass Miss Susie sat upon it And broke her little ASK me no more questions Tell me no more lies The boys are in the girls' room Zipping down their FLIES are in the meadow Bees are in the park Miss Susie's in the driveway, Kissing in the D-A-R-K D-A-R-K DARK!	(from circa 1999) Miss Suzie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell (toot toot) Miss Suzie went to Heaven and the steamboat went to Hello operator Get me number 9 And if you disconnect me I'll chop off your Behind the fridgerator There sat a piece of glass Miss Suzie sat upon it And broke her little Ask me no more questions Tell me no more lies The boys are in the bathrooom Zipping up their Flies are in the meadow The bees are in the park Miss Suzie and her boyfriend Are kissing in the D-A-R-K D-A-R-K Dark dark dark Is like a movie A movie's like a show A show is like a tv set And that is all I know I know I know my ma I know I know my pa I know I know my sister With the 80-acre bra My ma is godzilla My pa is king kong My sister is the silly one Who doesn't know this song A song is like a rhythm A rhythm's like a beat A beet is like a vegetable That you can really eat eat eat You eat with your silverware Your silverware your silverware You eat with your silverware And not with your underwear!	Miss Susie had a steamboat that steamboat had a bell Miss Susie went heaven that steamboat went to... Hello opportator give me number 9 If you diconnect me I'll kick you from... Behind the 'fridgerator there was a piece of glass Miss Susie sat upon it and broke her little... Ask me no more questions tell me no more lies the boys are in the bedroom zipping down thier... Flies are in the medow bees are in the park Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K Dark, dark, dark darker than the ocean darker than the sea Darker than the black boys chasing after me I know I know my ma I know I know my pa I know I know my sister with her 40 acre bra References “Miss Susie Had a Steamboat: A Critical Analysis of a Schoolyard Rhyme”, the raveled sleeve, 29 Nov 2008, Jessie Henninger