Oh Shucks! Here Comes UNTAG
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|Oh Shucks! Here Comes U.N.T.A.G.|
|Directed by||David Lister|
|Produced by||Leon Schuster
|Written by||Leon Schuster
Casper de Vries
|Language||English and Afrikaans|
Oh Shucks! Here Comes U.N.T.A.G! (Kwagga Strikes Back in Germany) is a South African comedy film and Leon Schuster's big screen debut about a rugged farmer named Kwagga 'The Lion-Killer' Robertse having to deal with a corrupt major in the UN peace corps.
Kwagga Robertse owns a farm shop in the fictional Southern African country of Nambabwe and usually cons foreign tourists by pretending to kill a lion, thus earning him the nickname 'Urumbo' (Lion Killer) from the country's natives. Kwagga is upset when the UN sends a platoon of incompetent soldiers with the United Nations Transition Assistance Group (U.N.T.A.G.), to monitor the peace process, and ensure free and fair elections after the Nambabwean War for Independence. The U.N.T.A.G's American leader, Major Bradick D. Mackay and his second-in-command, Captain Zapman are offered a diamond worth a lot of money in the U.S., and they must pay 200,000 USD to Duan Robertse, Kwagga's competitive brother trying to buy a farm left to them by their dead father.
Mackay decides to steal the natives' cattle and sell it to rogue guerrilla fighters across the northern border. Kwagga's new friend, Inga Olefse, a lieutenant-doctor for U.N.T.A.G., who is unaware of Mackay's deceit, is kidnapped by the guerrillas but Kwagga rescues her and threatens his brother to not buy their father's farm or he will turn him in to the police. Kwagga, who has fallen in love with Inga, then decides to exact revenge of Mackay by ruining his platoon on the day it is to be inspected by the U.N. commander in charge of operations in Nambabwe. He does this by tricking each incompetent soldier, a Springbuck-obsessed Hollander, Hendrick van den Ploes by faking his killing of a Springbuck and then covering him in animal blood so animals chase him into the base. He also disguises himself as a high-ranking Indian officer, ordering an automobile-challenged Bangladeshi Sergeant, Rashid to park and hide a tank, because he claims it is threatening to the U.N.'s peace efforts. He then again disguises himself, and sells fake rhino horn to a horn-obsessed Japanese soldier.
Mackay's chances of passing the inspection comes when he ignores an agreement made to his sidekick Zapman, who in turn blows up his office to try steal the diamond they had purchased with the stolen cattle. The U.N.T.A.G. platoon is disbanded, with Kwagga and Inga expressing their feelings for each other. Meanwhile, Mackay and Zapman wonder the Nambabwe desert with the diamond, only to find it is a forgery. As they argue about how angry they are, Kwagga accidentally lets off a cannon he keeps to chase away baboons, which in turn blast Mackay and Zapman to smithereens.
- Leon Schuster as Kwagga Robertse
- Alfred Ntombela as Bambo
- Karl Johnson as Maj. Braddock D. Mackay
- Bill Flynn as Capt. Zapman
- Kurt Egelhof as Sgt. Rashid
- Casper de Vries as Hendrik Ploes
- Thomas Mogotlane as Vimba
- Michelle Bestbier as Inge Olefse
- Rob Smerczak as Nigel Shady
- Eric Nobbs as Duan Robertse
- Graham Clarke as Guerilla Cattle Thief
Mackay: I'm here to run a tight ship! (to Zapman) Tell them.
Zapman: Tell them what, sir?
Mackay: Tell them what I just said.
Zapman: In English?
Mackay: No, I tell them in English, you tell them in, say, Finnish.
Zapman: (To the platoon) Okay, men, we finish!
Mackay: No, translate my speech, tell them I plan to run a tight ship.
Zapman: (Finnish) We are here to build strong boats.
Mackay: We are not here to have a ball.
Zapman: (Finnish) No one is permitted to play football.
Mackay: We're here to kick-ass!
Zapman: (Finnish) We are here to kill all the mules and donkeys!
Ploes: Sir, this Springbuck, how much does it cost?
Ploes: Is it for free?
Kwagga: Ja, free to shoot in the bush, if you can.
Kwagga takes out a gun nonchalantly, Shady notices
Shady: Say, mate, that wouldn't by any chance be a gun, would it?
Kwagga: (Sarcastically) No, mate! (Removes Boer War-era rifle) This is a gun!
Shady: I've got orders to confiscate any weapons in civilian hands, hand it over.
Kwagga: You touch this gun of mine, I blow your balls back to Brisbane!
Shady: Set us up with a brewsky, mate.
Kwagga gives Shady a Lion brand beer
Shady: Don't you blokes have any Fosters?
Kwagga: In this country we drink Lion and piss Fosters