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I think we have dramatically changed the article for the better since its last GA review. This is what it looked like back in November. Chaldean (talk) 02:09, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
Gees, you don't have to mock my past contributions, lol jks I think its worth a shot. Don't expect a review any time soon because theres a backlog of un-reviewed articles there. Tourskin (talk) 05:29, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
WP:Good article usage is a survey of the language and style of Wikipedia editors in articles being reviewed for Good article nomination. It will help make the experience of writing Good Articles as non-threatening and satisfying as possible if all the participating editors would take a moment to answer a few questions for us, in this section please. The survey will end on April 30.
Would you like any additional feedback on the writing style in this article?
Absolutalamenta. Yes. Tourskin (talk) 04:52, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
If you write a lot outside of Wikipedia, what kind of writing do you do?
At any point during this review, let us know if we recommend any edits, including markup, punctuation and language, that you feel don't fit with your writing style. Thanks for your time. - Dan Dank55 (talk)(mistakes) 04:15, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
Its always good to get feedback from other Wiki communities. Chaldean (talk) 22:40, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
There is a citation needed tag in Fall of the Assyrian Empire.
This sentence has a punctuation problem: On top of this the Parthian Empire was more decentralized and power was shared amongst clan leaders., hinting at the possibility of the retention of the provinces.
I'll fully read the article later tonight and make more specific suggestions. Nikki311 22:49, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
Hi Nikki, thanks for the suggestions - I have already acted on them. Chaldean (talk) 01:41, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
Here's some more:
You added citation #14 to cite the info for the sentence with the citation needed tag, but it is still there. Is that because the citation doesn't cover the whole sentence or because you forgot to remove it? :)
From the lead: when using the word "this" you have to clarify what exactly you are talking about. For example:
However others such as John Curtis have strongly disputed this, --> Others, such as John Curtis, have strongly disputed this claim,
This was mostly because the land had great prosperity... --> This wealth was due to the land's great prosperity...
...and politically and, at one point, the... --> ...and politically, and at one point, the...
Try to avoid using the word "would" before a verb unless the sentence is supposed to purposefully conditional. The Battle of Nineveh would eventually leave Assyria destroyed for years to come. --> The Battle of Nineveh eventually left Assyria destroyed for years to come.
In Athura as part of the Achaemenid Empire, wikilink lingua franca for anyone who doesn't know what the term means.
Assyrian tribute bearers shown on the east and north sides of the Apadana, consists of seven bearded men; one carrying animal skins, one carrying a length of cloth, two carrying bowls, and two are leading Mouflons. - Clarify that this is a work of art, and the sentence needs a more parallel construction. Try --> Reliefs of Assyrian tribute bearers carved on the east and north sides of the Apadana, consist of seven bearded men: one carrying animal skins, one carrying a length of cloth, two carrying bowls, and two leading Mouflons.
...ruling elite of Assyria would have needed to have been bilingual, capable of speaking both Akkadian and Aramaic.' --> ...ruling elite of Assyria needed to be bilingual, capable of speaking both Akkadian and Aramaic. - unless the sentence is supposed to be conditional. In which case, the sentence needs to be clarified in some other way.
Is this quote "vehicle for written communication between the different regions of the vast empire with its different peoples and languages." covered by ref #25?
Also, right before ref #25, there is an ending quotation mark that doesn't have a beginning.
"to the astonishing success" - astonishing sounds POV to me, and the sentence would still have the same meaning without it - If the word astonishing is a part of a quote (see the above bullet for the confusion about the quote mark), then it can stay.
More woulds: For centuries after the fall of the Achaemenids, Imperial Aramaic – or near enough for it to be recognizable – would remain an influence on the various native Iranian languages. Aramaic script and – as ideograms – Aramaic vocabulary would survive as the essential characteristics of the Pahlavi writing system. --> For centuries after the fall of the Achaemenids, Imperial Aramaic – or near enough for it to be recognizable – remained an influence on the various native Iranian languages. Aramaic script and – as ideograms – Aramaic vocabulary survived as the essential characteristics of the Pahlavi writing system.
These suggestions for influences need citations: Possibilities include contacts between Athura and Persia were frequent and Achaemenid architects visited the Assyrian palaces. Other suggest Assyrian slaves were brought back to Persia to have them work on the new palaces.
The extraordinary output of Mesopotamian farms... - exchange extraordinary with a less POV word like "large" or something similar
Combine the first three paragraphs under Economy. They are all relatively short, and deal with the same subject matter.
Don't end a sentence with a preposition: ...mentions Assur as one of the cities of which cult statues were returned to. --> ...mentions Assur as one of the cities to which cult statues were returned.
In Assyria after the Achaemenid Period, century is capitalized several times. It should be consistently lowercase throughout the entire article.
The last two paragraphs in that same section need some citations.
See also should be above the References
Overall, I really enjoyed reading the article. It may seem like I listed a lot, but most of issues are really small things that I could have fixed myself, but I wanted to point them out to you to help with writing future articles. I have this page on my watchlist, so reply here with any comments or questions. Thanks. Nikki311 06:38, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
Thank you Nikki for your work. And this is a good idea - showing correctons in the talk page, so that all involved can be more effective in future project.
Is this quote "vehicle for written communication between the different regions of the vast empire with its different peoples and languages." covered by ref #25?" - Yes it is; check out [] and type in Aramaic; "Yet the Arameans have played a most significant role in world history by virtue of the fact that Aramaic was chosen as the international written language of the Achaemenid empire and, as a result,"
I have followed through all the suggestions you have made. Again, thank you for your time. Chaldean (talk) 14:42, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
It is looking good. I just did a quick copy-edit of things I missed the first read through. I still think Assyria after the Achaemenid Period could use some more references, as only one of the paragraphs has citations. After that is fixed, I'll pass the article. Nikki311 22:55, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
Actually I have contacted the user that wrote that section of the article and have asked him to cite the paragraph. Still waiting to hear from him. Chaldean (talk) 23:04, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
The following discussion is an archived discussion of a requested move. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made in a new section on the talk page. No further edits should be made to this section.
The result of the move request was not moved. Jafeluv (talk) 16:58, 9 September 2009 (UTC)
Achaemenid Assyria → Athura —, the article seems to refer to this Athura throughout. I think it would make sense to move this article to that location. Pahari Sahib 07:38, 2 September 2009 (UTC)
FYI: a previous move discussion for this page is located here: Old requested move Nothing there jumps out as being immediately on point to this discussion, but it's probably still worth review. I'm leaning towards saying oppose to this, because I only see a single reference that uses "Athura", which appears to have been added specifically to support that name, and subsequently all instances of "Assyria" were likely replaced. WP:UCN and WP:US suggest that we should probably stick to the more common English word of "Assyria" by my reading. The addition of "Achaemenid" appears to be used here to mark out a specific period of time during the history of "Assyria", so all combined the current article title appears to be correct. My suggestion is to mention "Athura" in the first sentence, but change everything else back to "Achaemenid Assyria", and leave the page. I'm willing to be convinced otherwise, however.
— V = I * R (talk to Ω) 10:25, 2 September 2009 (UTC)
OpposeAssyria is English usage for this place and time; and has been since Herodotus was first translated; I am glad to see that Athura is not as common in the text as the nom makes out. SeptentrionalisPMAnderson 16:02, 2 September 2009 (UTC)
Oppose - Athura was not only used during the the period that is being discussed in this article (539 BC to 330 BC.) It can be used for the Persian Wikipedia. However, it would make more sense to keep the article with the most used title in English. Iraqi (talk) 05:54, 4 September 2009 (UTC)
The above discussion is preserved as an archive of a requested move. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made in a new section on this talk page. No further edits should be made to this section.