Talk:Ba Zaw

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WikiProject icon A version of this article was copyedited by Czar, a member of the Guild of Copy Editors, on November 1, 2012. The Guild welcomes all editors with a good grasp of English and Wikipedia's policies and guidelines to help in the drive to improve articles. Visit our project page if you're interested in joining! If you have questions, please direct them to our talk page.
 

Few questions[edit]

Excellent work on this article—great writing. I have a few questions/thoughts (mostly stemming from my unfamiliarity with Burmese art). No rush.

  • This article could really use images. I'd be excited to see some, myself. Know where you can get any (in the public domain, perhaps)?
  • I changed the refs to read SURNAME, FIRSTNAMES per the style guide, but I was unsure about a few. I'd trust someone with a background in Burmese names before my own edits here.
  • I reworked the second sentence of the lead—make sure it still says what was intended
  • "Western-style end of the Mandalay School": what kind of western is that? Is it western Mandalay or Western as in "The West"?
  • Should Mandalay School and Rangoon School redirect to the appropriate section? I didn't find the terms in wide circulation—why is that?
  • "Toward the later date, it began to train Burmese painters." is a little clunky—can it be worked into the previous sentence/citation?
  • "Ko Ko Naing and Amar’s claim that Ba Zaw was self-taught most likely was meant to suggest that Ba Zaw was self-taught to a degree, in that...": is this from the citation, or is it WP:OR?
  • "Daw Amar nudges up to": odd construction—consider rephrasing
  • "Traditional Burmese arabesque": should the T be capitalized? Could use image here to differentiate from other arabesques (or even its own article perhaps, if notable enough?)
  • I added a few inline notes for context/quality because they make claims that could use citation (so as to remove author's voice)
  • "the evidence strongly suggests that Ba Zaw was the discoverer of Hilder’s work": I know the next sentence clarifies this somewhat, but such a statement about what the evidence suggests should come directly from a text so as not to appear to be synthesis
  • "sees a heavy saw falling upon his feet..[who] feels pain even": I don't know how this was cited, or how many periods that pause needs (depending on whether it comes at the end of a sentence or not)—take a look
  • "Out of the rift between Ba Zaw and Ba Nyan, a Rangoon School and a Mandalay School of painting emerged": this sentence is bumpy—can it be broken down into smaller pieces?
  • The sections on Zaw's skills in individual media should probably become level three headers in a section on his style, as they're rather short and can be grouped that way
  • Removed some WP:W2W throughout the article
  • "Ba Zaw also made a large impact in Burma in the art of cartoon": is this part cited, or just the second part? Worth clarifying
  • Why doesn't Tha Yet have its own page?
  • Is it common for ARCA to be listed as a title? I'm not familiar with this tradition

Again, this work is really impressive. I'm glad I had a chance to read it, and hopefully my comments will be of future use. czar · · 05:35, 1 November 2012 (UTC)

DYK nomination[edit]

Burmese spelling[edit]

Does anyone know the Burmese spelling of his name? Angr (talk) 18:47, 4 November 2012 (UTC)

Reply to Few Questions Above[edit]

It will take me some time to respond to all of the points above and my schedule just got jammed. But I looked over the revised article quickly. I don't think there are any problems with the "citation needed" sections.

I will answer quickly here on one point and get to the others later.

  • 2 above) In point two above, Burmese names should not be separated because they do not have SURNAMES and FIRST names in the Western fashion. They only have one name. However "Thanegi, Ma" and "Amar, (Ludu Daw)" can be separated because "Ma" means "Miss" and "Daw" means "Madame" and the authors use these honorifics with their pennames. "Ludu" refers to her magazine publication, I believe, and is a way of differentating her from other people with the name "Amar". This is common in Burma as in "Kin Maung(Bank)", a painter who worked at a bank, to differentiate him from "Kin Maung (Rangoon\Yangon)", a painter who lived in Rangoon. So the names in the Bibliography in the article should be reverted back to the way they were originally written.

Some other points are more complicated and will take more time to answer. I will fix the citation problems. Thanks for your kind words on the quality of the work and attetnion to the piece! Hsaya (talk) 02:29, 5 November 2012 (UTC)