Talk:Discrimination against girls in India

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Initial comments[edit]

Hi Radhika

I have edited ur sandbox.. Please dont change the format.. that is the part above introduction. I have also corrected some references.. Please be careful while typing. And u need to create a reflist in a reference section in the end for the footnotes to show. I have done.. Please see that for future. thanks Diksha41 (talk) 18:21, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

Peer Review U of U[edit]

You mention two of Amartya Sen's inequalities but don't say where they come from within the article. I would add which article/source it came from. Also, you have several words in brackets, such as [economic], and I don't quite understand why. Were you trying to link it to another Wiki page? If so, I would take another look at the Wiki formatting page to see how to do this. Finally, there were many grammar issues within this article, mostly with commas, but that is an easy fix. Something else I noticed was how hard this article was to read because of the big blocks of text. Adding subsections would make this much more readable. You use this line at the end of your Health section: "According to a global study conducted by Thomas Reuter, India is the fourth most dangerous country for a girl child in the world." This is an interesting statistic, and I would move it up into the intro and maybe even shorten the intro a little bit by inserting some of your information into your sections. Chelseygruber (talk) 23:00, 24 April 2012 (UTC)

Response to peer review[edit]

Thanks for your review. Yes, I am working towards a better flow in my paper and will be putting in more sections for the readers to understand better.Some of my references do not have dates on them and so I still looking for a website that might give me the year the article was published. I know it sounds stupid that some articles do not have years of birth but that true.Thanks again.98.202.223.244 (talk) 13:33, 25 April 2012 (UTC).98.202.223.244 (talk) 13:32, 25 April 2012 (UTC).

Peer Review U of U[edit]

I am kind of Wikipedia illiterate, but is this a new page? I wonder if it could be added to an existing page so it receives more traffic. You are also missing some statistics, which I’m sure you are aware of. It might be helpful to break up your introduction into subsections. Such as, Female to Male Ratio, etc. You might want to check some more sources on this statement: In the Western countries women are born with the advantage not just in [political] and [economic] opportunities but also in their ability to access health care. In the Western nations women typically live about six years longer than men. I think there are more factors to consider as to why western women live longer. While it isn’t the basis of your point I think it’s still worth mentioning. Women don’t necessarily live longer because of political and economical reasons, but because they tend to take less risks, visit the doctor more, and maintain a healthier lifestyle than men. There are also studies that suggest that increased estrogen and its relation to longevity. Other than that, it looks great! Awesome job! Hmorris3 —Preceding undated comment added 20:00, 23 April 2012 (UTC).

Title change suggested[edit]

I suggest editing the title, changing "girl child" to "girls." I added the course banner above. 155.97.89.227 (talk) 16:27, 23 April 2012 BerikG (talk) 16:28, 23 April 2012 (UTC)

Response to peer review[edit]

Yes, I will chahnge the title.98.202.223.244 (talk) 13:37, 25 April 2012 (UTC).98.202.223.244 (talk) 13:33, 25 April 2012 (UTC).

Required Peer Review[edit]

Your article is very well written and the subject is very interesting. You have obviously done a lot of research and the article reflects an in depth discovery into the subject of Discrimination against girl child in India. Here are a short list of possible revisions and additions that I though could help the article come together better.


1.

 I know that this is probably a typo, however it is important to address.  I do not understand the sentence in the first paragraph that says “As per ?? 105 women per 100 men in North America and Europe but there are only 94 women per 100 men in India and other Asian countries like China and South Korea.”

2. There are a lot of opinion words such as “harsh”, “pervasive”,

3. In the first section there is a lot of information and I feel that you might consider breaking this into sub sections to keep the article readers attention (of course this is not needed, but it could help)

4.

When you refer to Amartya Sen, I think that a general introduction would help the regular reader better understand the article.

5. I would consider revisions on this sentence as it seems to not be formulated correctly. “There are two main inequalities as pointed out by Amartya Sen, the educational inequality and health inequality, these are the indicators of a woman’s status of welfare.” There are also other sentences within this same paragraph and in following sections that seem to be run-ons. ( I am no grammatical genius)

6. Under “Education” the sentence “It has often been argued that women’s education is the key to reducing discrimination against ([their] or [potential]) daughters”. The opening sentence to this section is so important and just a little revision would greatly help draw in the reader for further reading.

I hope that I am not being too critical as I am too working to achieve a good Wikipedia entry and understand the difficulties that have come from this assignment. Over all the contribution is great and with a few tweaks it will be done!!! Brendanrow (talk) 02:11, 25 April 2012 (UTC)

Response to peer review[edit]

I will be working again on the formating errors. I was also told by others to remain neutral and I tried to do so. However, thanks for pointing that again and I will work and read over the sentences mentioned above and yes I am in the process of referencing as per Dr. Gunselis instructions.98.202.223.244 (talk) 13:38, 25 April 2012 (UTC).98.202.223.244 (talk) 13:36, 25 April 2012 (UTC).98.202.223.244 (talk) 13:40, 25 April 2012 (UTC).

GIRL'S EDUCATION IS A BURDERN[edit]

i want a speech regarding the topic "Girl's education is a burden" for and against (I.E) like a debate — Preceding unsigned comment added by 115.242.173.139 (talk) 15:44, 10 January 2014 (UTC)