Talk:Jerusalem (Mendelssohn)

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Article has been moved now to the article page. The talk page is free for discussions, and the article is awaiting your corrections and improvements.

--Platonykiss (talk) 08:19, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

English style edits needed[edit]

This article is very thorough and informative, but it appears to have been primarily written by someone who is not a native speaker of English. Some of the word choices and phrasings sound distinctly "foreign", as if the article had been translated from another language by someone who was conversant, but not completely fluent in English. It's mostly comprehensible, but the article would benefit if a native speaker who is familiar with the subject could edit it. I'd do it myself, but I'm too ignorant of the subject matter, and I'm afraid that I might accidentally introduce errors.

As an example of what I'm talking about, in the section "Moses Mendelssohn's Treatise “On Religious Power” and its Composition", one sentence begins thus: "Because he regarded the present critic on Judaism as a modern Christian prejudge which replaced the medieval ones..." . "Critic" and "prejudge" are not the right words. "Prejudge" should almost certainly be "prejudice" (as "prejudge" is a verb), but I'm not sure whether "critic" should be "critique" or "criticism", each of which have slightly different connotations.

I hope that a native speaker with more familiarity with the subject than I have can edit this otherwise excellent article and bring its style up to the high standard of its content. —Josiah Rowe (talkcontribs) 02:11, 24 November 2010 (UTC)

You are quite right, I am not a native speaker and I would be lucky, if the article would be improved in its style. Please feel free to take hands on this article, even if you do not believe to be an expert of the subject.
--Platonykiss (talk) 21:50, 25 November 2010 (UTC)
My proposition to improve the phrase in discussion (including its mistaken tense forms):
Because he regarded the present accuses and complaints concerning the current state of Judaism as a modern Christian prejudice which just had replaced the medieval ones (like poisoning fountains, ritual slaughtering of Christian children on Pessah etc.)[7], his subject of amelioration was the religion and especially the one which had to be separated from the state.
If there is no argument against it, I will improve the discussed phrase thus.
--Platonykiss (talk) 10:29, 29 November 2010 (UTC)