Talk:L'Histoire d'une fée, c'est.../GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Moswento (talk · contribs) 08:13, 18 September 2013 (UTC)
- Hello! I'll have a look at this one. Review comments will magically appear below soon. Take care, Moswento talky 08:13, 18 September 2013 (UTC)
Initial comments[edit]
- Overalls
- This article has definitely been well-researched, and offers some interesting insights not found in the standard song article. However, it still has a way to go before it's ready for GA. In particular, the prose needs a bit of polishing, and there are a few noticeable gaps. I've listed my initial comments below, in the hope that you'll be able to address them in a week or so. I may then have a few further comments to finish off the review, hopefully with a positive result. Good work! Moswento talky 12:34, 19 September 2013 (UTC)
- Lead
- "It was one of the singles from the album Les Razmokets à Paris (also known as Rugrats in Paris: The Movie or Rugrats II in the U.S.), a soundtrack from the movie of the same name" - It would be better to use the more recognisable English title first, and then the French title afterwards. I would also use the word "soundtrack" earlier in the sentece. "...from the soundtrack album for the film Rugrats in Paris: The Movie (known in France as Les Razmokets à Paris)
- This sentence now has duplicated text. I think you can remove ", a soundtrack from the movie of the same name"
*"Laurent Boutonnat" - firstly, this could be wikilinked. Secondly, for context, I would mention that he is her long-time songwriting collaborator
- Background
*"The Rugrats are cartoon characters intended for children, both as a TV series and in movies." - This sentence is a bit awkward at the moment. Perhaps combine with the next sentence to create: "Rugrats in Paris: The Movie was the second in a trilogy of films based on the children's animated television series Rugrats, which features the adventures of a group of toddlers."
*"After shooting" - "after filming" would be better, and a comma would be great too.
*"the movie soundtrack" - "a soundtrack for the movie" might work better
- "Madonna expressly asked" - why is Madonna involved? Was she part of the film?
- Thanks for including this info. "...the latter..." construction is a bit awkward though - perhaps instead, e.g. "Persistent but unconfirmed rumours claimed that Madonna, as the founder of the Maverick company producing the soundtrack, had expressly asked Farmer to participate in the album"?
*" the first time that the singer recorded a song specially for a movie." - This would be better as a separate sentence. "This was the first time that the singer had recorded a song especially for a movie".
- Release
- This section needs to tell us a) when the single was released b) when the soundtrack was released
- "postponed on 7 February 2001" - do you mean "postponed until"
- I would switch this section with the "Music and lyrics" section. We've just been reading about the lyrics, so it would make more sense to go into that section next.
- I still think that the more logical order would be Background->Music->Release->Reception
*"A single format" - this is confusing due to the double meaning of "single". Prefer "It was only released as..."
*"in which the song's lyrics are written inside with no promotional format." - I don't quite understand the "no promotional format" part
*"made by Tom Madrid" - you don't need the "made" here.
*"on the Internet" - "online" would be better
*"began circulating on the Internet a month before the soundtrack's release" - was it also before the single's release? I'm a bit confused here.
*"A persistent rumour suggested the fact that Bloody Cook, the well-known producer of the Tartempions Bookmarkers, would participate in the remixes of the song but ultimately no remix has been made, nor video." - As this is only a rumour, and nothing came of it, I would be tempted to just cut this sentence.
*"The song was poorly aired on radio" - makes it sound as if they used a low-quality recording! "The song did not receive much radio airplay"
*"In addition to the CD single" - this phrase is redundant
*"(5:10 in length)" - you should indicate that this is longer than the CD single version. You should clarify that really, it is the single that is shortened (otherwise, we might think an intro/outro/in-the-middle-tro has been added).
*"best of Les Mots" - for clarity, I would go for "greatest hits album Les Mots"
*"Les Mots; it was also released" - full stop rather than a semi-colon here
- Lyrics and music
- "Avant que tout s'éveille..." - could you put a basic translation in a footnote?
- That's great - could you increase the max width of the box? On my screen, the first line of the translation runs onto two lines, which is a bit awkward. An extra few percent would suffice.
*"uses the semantic field of magic" - This sounds good, but a lot of readers will have no idea what this means! I'm only 60% sure I do :)
- "is ambiguous and cheeky " - I don't like the word "cheeky" here.
- "insolent" isn't quite the right word either. Maybe something like "sexually suggestive"?
*"it contains a pun in French alluding to spanking." - can you elaborate? For those of us who only speak a smattering of French, the pun is not at all obvious
- I think it would be good to introduce the authors' comments with a generic statement like you have made in the lead, about the song lyrics containng double entendres
- I still think it would be good to include a generic statement before we get to the Reception comments. Perhaps the best place now would be before you talk about the title. "The lyrics also contain several double entendres and puns which refer to sexual practices. The song's title..."
*Most of this material would be better in a critical reception section, as it is opinion about the song, rather than a description of the composition and lyrics of the song.
- There is no information here about music. What genre is it? What does it sound like? Is there anything else interesting to say about the music's composition?
- Even without a source, for a GA I would still expect a sentence telling me the genre, and perhaps indicating the tempo or structure or instrumentation. You don't need a source for non-controversial statements like these.
- Critical reception
*You need to add a section for how this has been received by critics. From the "Music and lyrics" section, it is clear that there is stuff to say.
- Chart performances
*"steadily, but slowly," - the "but slowly" isn't needed here.
- Credits
*"Made in the E.U." isn't needed here
- Sources
*Source 3, 17, 18, 19: Mylene.net. This seems to be a non-official fansite, which creates concerns for both reliability and copyright.
- External links
*See above
- Hi Moswento and thank you for your help. I'm very sorry, I had completely forgotten the review until BlueMoonset left a message on my talk page. I tried to fix the issues listed here, however I was unable to add information about the music as I didn't find sources which specifically deal with this subject. I hope the article deserves to reach GA status now. PS: Sorry for my bad English, I'm French! Regards, --Europe22 (talk) 00:44, 7 October 2013 (UTC)
- Great work, and no worry about the delay. I have a few minor follow-up points above, and then I'd be very happy to promote this to GA! Très bien! Moswento talky 08:38, 16 October 2013 (UTC)