Talk:Oliver Ortmann

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GA Review[edit]

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Oliver Ortmann/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 10:45, 22 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • No need to link "German".
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:54, 2 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Pool is piped to a redirect.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:54, 2 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "9-Ball" -> "9-ball".
Actually the game is nine-ball, not 9-ball, changed  Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:54, 2 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and the 2007 and 2010 14.1 world championships, and the..." and x 3...
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:54, 2 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " three championships" is that three world championships?
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:54, 2 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "With 44 German national medals, Ortmann is one of the most successful pool players of all time" a bit odd, since they're German national medals, do you mean he's one of the most successful "German" pool players of all time??
I did  Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:54, 2 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "receive the Silbernes Lorbeerblatt." qualify this is considered the highest sporting award in Germany.
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:54, 2 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Where is "The Machine" referenced?
I can link to [7], but I don't know how I'd make this work in the prose. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I just cited to infobox. Not sure how I'd make it work in prose. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:37, 5 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why is the World championships in the infobox in reverse chronological order?
 Fixed Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • What date does the number 1 ranking apply to?
The highest WPA ranking (basically the world rankings). Sadly, the WPA's back history of rankings is quite difficult to find. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Any reason why you use "14.1" in the lead (I've never heard of it) and "Straight pool" in the infobox?
It's the same game. 14.1 continuous is a type of straight pool. There are others, but aren't the version played professionally anymore. 14.1 is the fact that there are 15 balls, and when one is left, the rack is replaced and the final ball on the table is used to cannon off and break. I have changed to straight pool to make it more consistent. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • ", and moved to Hamburg in 2003.[1] At age six " the move to Hamburg happened when he was 36, so this reads a little odd!
The move to Hamburg is kind of irrelevant, I agree. Removed. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he began playing in the basement of his parents' restaurant, which contained a pool table" -> "he began playing on a pool table in the basement of his parents' restaurant"
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He was the first player from Europe to win ..." was it also unusual as it appears he didn't go professional for another four years?
Indeed. I suppose the professional status of a player of pool is kinda up for debate, as there is no official tour like in snooker. He went professional at around this time, but didn't win much for quite some time after this. I have reworded to make it sound like it wasn't expected. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "outside the continent and " worth checking but I think in this context we normally capitalise Continent.
I had no idea. Changed Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I've added some sources Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He is a three-time European player of the year" similar comment re: personal website.
Easy to source this one. Added Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Does ref 29 cite all Ortmann's previous appearances in Mosconi?
His AZB profile does, which I'll add. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think you could probably expand on his performances in Mosconi Cup (that's where I first heard of him)...
I'll take a look Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 09:24, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I did try to, but he never really won any MVP awards, and only on the winning side on two occasions. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 10:21, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

That's it on a first pass. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 12:14, 2 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

A few issues above that I'm not sure on. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:39, 3 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure if I have fixed this or not. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:02, 5 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 16:02, 5 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Early career" section has "defeat... in the final" four times. It's a short section so this stands out as mildly repetitive.
  • Would you consider the Straight Pool Hall of Fame to be notable? It feels like it ought to be, perhaps an article could be created? I would at least consider a red link.
    • Added as redlink. I doubt I'd make this article (I have over 500 bios on my list, and probably the same in tournaments before), but it is certainly notable Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 12:42, 7 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm going to AGF on the Silbernes Lorbeerblatt title, it's unlikely that Ortmann would just make it up, it's sub-optimal to use his own website, but it's all we have, and it's apparently a highly prestigious award, so it should stay. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 07:05, 7 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • That's what I thought - The only person who might have sources might be SMcCandlish, but I know he's on wikibreak. I know it would be an issue on an FA, but I can't just remove this award. It seems highly unlikely he is making this up. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 12:42, 7 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
        • @Lee Vilenski:: Just FYI, I got dead-tired of lugging around 5000 books and magazines every time I moved, and liquidated it all. My non-electronic bookshelf now fits in about three boxes.  — SMcCandlish ☏ ¢ 😼  01:45, 27 October 2019 (UTC)[reply]
      • I think I have got it all TRM. Thanks for your review! Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talk • contribs) 12:42, 7 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Cool, looking good now, so I'm promoting. If we can find some third party RS for the Silbernes Lorbeerblatt, so much the better. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 13:03, 7 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
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