The following is an archived discussion of Bryan Loren's DYK nomination. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page; such as this archived nomination's(talk) page, the nominated article's(talk) page, or the DYK WikiProject's(talk) page. Unless there is consensus to re-open the archived discussion here. No further edits should be made to this pageSee the talk page guidelines for (more) information.
Created 20 January, so is new enough; Length is 4462 characters; not a stub; interesting hook, correctly formatted and cited in ref #12; no templates; neutral tone; no copy vios I detected; I made one very minor change to one word in a sentence, which I felt made it clearer.
Review is now being undertaken by DivaKnockouts - see 27 January below - so I have struck through. My apologies for my incompetence, I'll leave reviewing DYKs to the experts in future. SagaciousPhil - Chat 13:20, 27 January 2013 (UTC)
This hook says "that "Do the Bartman", by Michael Jackson..." Shouldn't it say "written by Michael Jackson..."? Michael Jackson and Bryan Loren didn't perform the song, The Simpsons did. — DivaKnockouts (talk) 04:07, 24 January 2013 (UTC)
Yes, thank you for sharing that insight. I hadn't noticed the ambiguity in using that term. I am glad you pointed this out, helping to improve the nomination and hook. Thank you again! Cheers—My76Strat (talk) 04:52, 24 January 2013 (UTC)
┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ There are also a few prose errors which come off as confusing regarding the hook. One, this article states "(an uncredited Michael Jackson)". Please specify what he was uncredited for. Was he not credited for writing or for providing background vocals? Also, the entire paragraph is only sourced once in the "Early life" section. Those claims need citations. According to WP:LEAD, the lead is used to summarize key points in the article. The collab with Whitney Houston is mentioned in the lead but not in the article with a reliable source. — DivaKnockouts (talk) 12:38, 27 January 2013 (UTC)
I understand your concern. I'll set about correcting these shortcomings right away, I'll post a message for you in the next day or so, when I am finished, to see if your concerns were adequately addressed. Once again, I'll have to agree with your observation. Thanks for being diligent in your review of this nomination. —My76Strat(talk) 13:15, 27 January 2013 (UTC)
I have added references to the content you suggested, and expanded the explanation regarding Jackson's anonymity. I believe I have addressed your concerns adequatly but am interested to see your reply. Best regards,—My76Strat • talk • email • purge 19:28, 29 January 2013 (UTC)
Greta job! I am now satisfied with article, just one last thing regarding the hook. The Do The Bartman article states that the peak position of the song was #24 not #11, however since the reference in this article states #11 it could be that the citation used in the song article is old or outdated. — DivaKnockouts (talk) 19:36, 29 January 2013 (UTC)
Thank you for that reply. I looked at the Wikipedia article for Do The Bartman. I'll have to agree that it could use a good copy edit to update the content with available sources and achieve consistence within. At one point it speaks of Michael Jackson being "rumored" to have had uncredited involvement with the song and in another section it speaks of The Simpsons tribute after Michael's death, where it was widely publicized that he did co-write the song and provide background vocals. Thank you again.—My76Strat • talk • email • purge 22:16, 29 January 2013 (UTC)
You're welcome. And thank you, for you work on the article. You're right article needs clean up, but since it doesn't affect this nomination directly, I'm going ahead and giving this one a good to go! — DivaKnockouts (talk) 22:45, 29 January 2013 (UTC)