|Episode no.||Season 7
|Directed by||Andy Ackerman|
|Written by||Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer|
|Original air date||April 25, 1996|
|Season 7 episodes|
|List of Seinfeld episodes|
|This article needs additional citations for verification. (July 2012)|
Steinbrenner becomes intrigued when he smells George's lunch during a meeting. George explains that it is an eggplant calzone and allows him to taste it. Steinbrenner then has George bring him a calzone for lunch every day. One day at the Paisano restaurant, George puts some money into the tip jar but realizes his gesture was unnoticed by the employee. George tries to fish out the money in order to replace it and get recognition for his tip. Then the Counter Guy (Peter Allas) turns and, under the impression that George is stealing money from the jar, refuses to sell him any more calzones. In anxiety, George recommends to Steinbrenner that they try something new for lunch the next day. Steinbrenner insists that they continue to keep their routine. George makes a deal to obtain the calzones from Newman, whose mail route brings him past Paisano's every day. Naturally, Newman dickers: "Well, for starters I want a calzone of my own... And a slice of pepperoni pizza and a large soda and three times a week I shall require a cannoli."
Meanwhile, Kramer is raving about wearing clothes "straight out of the dryer," because the warmth is comfortable; and Elaine's new friend, Todd Gack (John D'Aquino), is dating her without really ever asking her out. This puzzles her, and Jerry explains, "Because if he doesn't ask you out, he doesn't get rejected. He has found a dating loophole."
Jerry takes advantage of his beautiful girlfriend Nicki's (Danette Tays) ability to get anything she wants, including convincing a cop to not give Jerry a speeding ticket. Todd Gack offers to sell Jerry some Cuban cigars, which Jerry thinks "might be a nice idea for George's wedding," but they turn out to be from Peru. Kramer starts using Jerry's oven to warm his clothing.
When Newman decides not to go to work because it is raining, George asks Kramer to get him a calzone so that he can stay in Steinbrenner's good graces. Kramer agrees, but also, because he got wet in the rain, puts his clothes in the pizza oven at Paisano's, and they get burned. He tries to pay the calzone seller with pennies and an argument ensues; the Counter Guy kicks Kramer out of the restaurant. Kramer goes to George's office and drops his burnt clothes by a vent.
Jerry and Elaine lose Nicki and Todd to one another, when Nicki sees Todd about the cigars but he winds up wheedling another "non-date date" dinner with her. Jerry and Elaine are smoking the Peruvian cigars, which "smell like a rubber fire"; when Elaine asks Jerry if he wound up paying for them, Jerry says, "It's being taken care of right now." The scene cuts to Kramer knocking at Todd's apartment door, then tossing him a large, heavy sock full of pennies.
The calzone smell from Kramer's clothes wafts into Steinbrenner's office, and he runs to George's office, thinking he has calzones. Steinbrenner realizes the smell is from the clothes, and (like Kramer) thinks, "That's not a bad idea."
- Jerry: Why don't you just have someone else get the calzones?
George: Because the next thing you know, Steinbrenner will be having lunch with him. You know how these inter-office politics work.
Jerry: No, I've never had a job.
- Jerry: So what's Steinbrenner gonna do if he doesn't get his calzone?
George (panicked): What's he gonna do? That's exactly the point! Nobody knows what this guy is capable of! He fires people like it's a bodily function!
- George: Shouldn't you be at work by now?
Newman: Work? It's raining.
Newman: I called in sick. I don't work in the rain.
George: You don't work in the rain? You're a mailman! "Neither rain nor sleet nor..." It's the first one!
Newman: I was never that big on creeds.
- Jerry : I got some Cubans for George's wedding. They were more than I wanted to pay for, but what the hell!
Kramer : Oh yeah, baby. [puts cigar in mouth, then spits it out] What are these? "Producto de Peru?" If you think these are Cubans, you have another think coming.
Jerry: Peru!? I paid 300 bucks for these. I could have bought a house in Peru for 300 bucks!
- Elaine: What kind of a name is Todd Gack anyway?
Jerry: I think it's Dutch.
- Cop: I got you on the radar at 93 mph.
Jerry: Huh - You must have got me when I slowed down to take that curve, because for a while there, I was doing well over 100.
- Danette Tays, who plays Jerry's girlfriend Nicki in this episode, appeared in a 1990s Rold Gold Pretzel commercial with Jason Alexander.
- Montreal is referenced in this episode, making it the only Canadian city ever mentioned in the history of the show.
- The unofficial USPS Creed actually starts "Neither snow nor rain..." so rain is, in fact, second.
- George Steinbrenner mentions at a meeting that he was in the Army when, in fact, he served in the Air Force.
- George puts a dollar in the tip jar at the pizzeria, but the counterman's head was turned and he didn't see it. George laments that it cost him a dollar, but he got no credit for it. His altruism is not pure - he gets utility not from giving, but from getting credit for giving.
- "Top 15 Seinfeld Food Related Episodes". Eating the Road. Retrieved July 15, 2012.
- "Script, Episode 130 - The Calzone". Seinology.com. Retrieved July 14, 2012.
- "Seinfeld Economics: The Calzone". Critical Commons. Retrieved July 15, 2012.