|Episode no.||Season 5
|Directed by||Tom Cherones|
|Written by||Peter Mehlman|
|Original air date||March 17, 1994|
|Season 5 episodes|
|List of Seinfeld episodes|
"The Wife" is the 81st episode of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld. The 17th episode of the fifth season, it was originally broadcast on March 17, 1994. For the syndicated repeats, this episode is just one in a few this season to keep Jerry's opening stand-up routine intact.
Jerry's girlfriend, Meryl (Courteney Cox), poses as his wife in order that she may share in his 25% dry cleaning discount. In fact, Jerry is having fun with the idea of having a wife, even if it's just to start a sentence. George urinates in the shower while at the health club and fears he may be reported to management. Elaine gets mixed signals from Greg, a prospective boyfriend in whom she is interested. As it turns out, the man Elaine has her eye on is the same person who caught George urinating in the shower.
Jerry eventually cheats on his "wife" with another woman in order to give her the discount. Meanwhile, Kramer is losing sleep because Jerry took his quilt to the cleaner, taking advantage of the discount. Kramer goes to get a tan to impress his girlfriend's family, and ends up falling asleep on the tanning bed.
As it happens, Greg wants to date a female gym instructor and not Elaine. Then he discovers Elaine is friends with George. The episode ends with Kramer meeting his girlfriend's family, who are black, and Kramer being horribly tanned to the extent that he appears to be in blackface. The girlfriend's father then angrily says, "I thought you said you was bringing a white boy home! I don't see a white boy! I see a damn fool!"
- Kramer states that he takes baths rather than showers, despite what he says in a subsequent episode, The Shower Head.
- Jerry tells his 'wife' that "We'll always have pancakes," referencing the famous line, "We'll always have Paris," from Casablanca.