Twisted Christmas

For the Twisted Sister album, see A Twisted Christmas.

Twisted Christmas
Studio album by Bob Rivers
Released	1988
Recorded	1987
Genre	Comedy/Holiday
Label	Critique Records
Bob Rivers chronology
Twisted Christmas I Am Santa Claus

Twisted Christmas is a humorous Christmas album recorded by Bob Rivers and his Comedy Corp. It is the first in a line of Christmas-themed parody albums from Rivers, with later entries including I Am Santa Claus, More Twisted Christmas, Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire, and White Trash Christmas.

Track listing

1. The Twelve Pains of Christmas (3:36)
   • Parody of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Sung as a normal Christmas carol, with each verse comedically recited by a participant in a painful or undesirable activity.
2. The Chimney Song (2:06)
   • Original song, sung by a young child (or impersonator). The song describes the ensuing months after Santa Claus gets stuck in someone's chimney.
3. We Wish You Weren't Living With Us (0:44)
   • Parody of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." Sung as a normal Christmas carol. About relatives who overstay their visit, becoming a nuisance to the host.
4. Wreck the Malls (2:02)
   • Parody of "Deck the Halls" performed as glam metal. About excessive Christmas shopping.
5. A Visit from St. Nicholson (4:30)
   • Parody of "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement Clark Moore, with actor Jack Nicholson (in a parody of his movie roles portraying disturbed maniacs) appearing instead of St. Nicholas. Spoken-word piece with no music.
6. O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads (1:23)
   • Parody of "O Come All Ye Faithful" describing the Deadheads phenomenon. Sung as a normal Christmas carol.
7. I'm Dressin' Up Like Santa (When I Get Out on Parole) (3:06)
   • Original song, melody loosely based on It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas, in the western swing genre.
8. The Restroom Door Said, "Gentlemen" (1:33)
   • Parody of "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen." Sung by an all-male a cappella chorus. The subject has apparently been subjected to a prank in which someone flipped the Mens and Ladies signs to the restroom, which leads to his being assaulted by the women (ironically all of professions stereotypically considered compassionate: nuns, old ladies and a nurse) inside.
9. Foreigners (2:07)
   • Parody of "Angels We Have Heard on High."
10. Joy to the World (1:22)
    • Hard rock instrumental version of traditional song.
11. A Message from the King (2:18)
    • Spoken word piece by an Elvis impersonator. Depicted as Elvis being up in "rock 'n roll heaven" and giving a special message about the importance of Christmas while stuffing his face with various foods.