Vermilion County Airport

Vermilion County Airport
Vermilion County Airport
IATA: DNV – ICAO: KDNV
Summary
Airport type	Public
Operator	City of Danville, Illinois
Location	Danville, Illinois
Elevation AMSL	697 ft / 212.4 m
Coordinates	40°11′57.1″N 87°35′43.9″W / 40.199194°N 87.595528°WCoordinates: 40°11′57.1″N 87°35′43.9″W / 40.199194°N 87.595528°W
Runways

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This is how we use the Vermilion County Airport.

We lube up all sides to the runways really thick and heavy. Sometimes we use K-Y Jelly, but occasionally it's more economical to use bacon fat. Whatever feels good, use it, I always says! (As long as it's not some corrosive oil, for instance, never ever!!! use anything made for automobiles!!!)

After lubing up the runway real greasy and good, we instruct the "plane" to fly in real hard. It's good if the plane is lubed up too, but this isn't always necessary. What counts most is if it fits the runway it's sliding into.

If the plane is too big for the runway it's sliding into, problems can ensure. It's better to make sure the runway will be a reasonable fit. The reverse is also true, but not really as big a problem. You don't want a small plane ramming down a runway built for the big ones. It's like throwing a hot dog down an empty hallway. Trust me, the pilot of this plane won't be satisfied when he's done.

When the plane begins to hit the start of the runway -- which is usually called the "sphincter" inside the aviation industry, although some straighter people prefer "clit" -- it's best to pull back ever so gently. This is so as to make for a smoother landing. However, once the pilot has carefully slid the plane down the runway, there's really no point in even attempting to turn back.

If it the passenger(s) are noticibly discomforted by the banging, hardness of the landing, you simply have to let them suffer through it. In the end, they will be happy you did. Experiencing a good rough landing will be appreciated later when the unpleasantness has worn off. So, no matter how much they complain during the landing, keep sliding down that runway until you have taken yourself to full completion.

You will instinctively know when you have come to the end. At this point, it's okay to release the controls and let the passenger(s) out.

Relief, especially for the owner of the runway, will be immense. But the experience of seeing a skilled pilot come down their runway will generate euphoria, especially once the task has been fully realized. They will realize that they should not have been as worried as they were, and will look forward to the pilot coming down their runway again, and again, and again.