Wikipedia:Peer review/August 2007

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This page contains the Peer review requests that are older than one month, have received no response in the last two weeks, are not signed, have become featured article candidates, or did not follow the "How to use this page" principles in some way. If one of your requests has been moved here by mistake, please accept our apologies and copy it back to the main Peer review page with your signature (~~~~).


Contents

Victoria Wood As Seen On TV[edit]

I've listed this article for peer review because…

It's an article I've been working on for a long time, and as one of the most acclaimed British TV comedy shows of recent decades, I think this subject deserves a detailed and thorough page to go with it.

Does it need more sections? Is the structure okay? The use of language?

In fact I'd be most appreciative for any advice on how to improve this labour of love.

Thanks,

bingo99] Bingo99 05:27, 27 August 2007 (UTC)

Good work so far. It can be improved by formating the references using the cite templates. The JPStalk to me 10:21, 13 September 2007 (UTC)

This has now reached 'Good Article' status. I would be grateful if it could be looked at again with an attempt to bring it up to 'A-Class' status - Bingo99 19:59, 30 September 2007 (UTC)

Hiberno-English[edit]

Howth575 23:17, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

Javascript-assisted review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.[?]
  • This article has no or few images. Please see if there are any free use images that fall under the Wikipedia:Image use policy and fit under one of the Wikipedia:Image copyright tags that can be uploaded. To upload images on Wikipedia, go to Special:Upload; to upload non-fair use images on the Wikimedia Commons, go to commons:special:upload.[?]
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
  • There may be an applicable infobox for this article. For example, see Template:Infobox Person, Template:Infobox School, or Template:Infobox City.[?] (Note that there might not be an applicable infobox; remember that these suggestions are not generated manually)
  • Please reorder/rename the last few sections to follow guidelines at Wikipedia:Guide to layout.[?]
  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • allege
    • apparently
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • While additive terms like “also”, “in addition”, “additionally”, “moreover”, and “furthermore” may sometimes be useful, overusing them when they aren't necessary can instead detract from the brilliancy of the article. This article has 41 additive terms, a bit too much.
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: isn't, won't, doesn't, Don't, don't, doesn't, didn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 15:16, 12 November 2007 (UTC)

Ray Emery[edit]

Just passed GA-status, and the reviewer thought it was on its for FA status. I'd like some input on how the article could be improved even more. --Клоун 14:49, 11 July 2007 (UTC)

Comments by LordHarris[edit]

  • The article looks good but just a few points. Firstly about its comprehensiveness - theres no information on his life outside of hockey. Im aware the article is about a hockey player but it is also a biography, is there no information available about his childhood, possible marriage, parents, school etc?
    • I found a source here that might have some insight (it's already used 6 times in the article). I'll write in a new section today or after my WikiBreak.
      • Theres no limit to number of times you can use a source so long as its not directly copied or not referenced. Biographical information though is a must for a biography article, even if its on a sports personality. LordHarris 14:21, 16 July 2007 (UTC)
        • Yes check.svg Done that and I've fixed some links to move them from disambigs to the intended article. Evilclown93 13:50, 18 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Secondly I think the following sentance could also be rewritten as its a bit all over the place - "He was suspended for 3 games for a stick swinging attack on Michel Ouellet of the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins[8], and he had an ugly altercation with Denis Hamel of the Rochester Americans, after a racial slur was said. [8]" Perhaps this could be split into two sentances and the wording changed slightly?
    • The point of the sentence is to resume his Pre-NHL on-ice violence, because it is a big part of the lead.
  • Finally think the following sentance also needs clarification: "Emery subsequently played for the Senators in the playoffs as well, losing to Buffalo in 5 games, but acquired his first playoff experience." - shouldnt it be acquiring and this could do with a reference. LordHarris 11:51, 13 July 2007 (UTC)
    • It should say first NHL playoff experience... but I don't think a ref is that needed there, as it is mentioned further article (a check of the statistics "says it all".

Comments by Z1720[edit]

  • This article has really improved from the last time I reviewed it. However, it is not up to FA status yet. First, I am confused by these two sentences: "He started playing hockey relatively late, at 17" (found in the lead) and "He originally played defence, but switched to goaltender at nine years old due to a shortage of players in his league" How can he switch positions at nine-years old when he did not start playing until he was 17? This needs to be varified
  • Secondly, what style of goaltender is Emery? Is he stand-up, butterfly, etc.
  • Lastly, these sentences should be re-written, as it is choppy and does not flow: "He has numerous tattoos. They include the initials of his parents, Charlene and Paul, and younger brothers Andrew and Nicholas. He has an African symbol for the number one, his jersey number with the Senators, and his nickname "Razor" written across his chest. He also has a tattoo representing his birth symbol, Libra." Perhaps you can combine the first two sentences, and add a connecting word to the sentence about the African symbol, like "also" or "in addition" Z1720 05:12, 19 July 2007 (UTC)

James Milner[edit]

Ultimately I’d like to get this to featured status but obviously there is a way to go. Right now I’m more just wanting to know if the info that is there is ok. At the moment I’m struggling to find anything to put in the “Style of play” and “off the pitch” sections. But clearly as his career develops I’ll be able to add more. Unfortunately I’m away for the next two weeks so I won’t be able to address any issues until then. Buc 21:40, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Some comments[edit]

The depth in coverage is definitely there from my first glance at the article. I will try to fix as many phrasing and spelling issues as I can. I will not be modifying the substance, just minor fixes, so don't worry about me chopping off content. I have however, removed some parts which I found to be over-detailed or insignificant encyclopedically, but again, they won't be noticeable. Here's some of my suggestions:

  1. The original lead overdetailed certain things which shouldn't have made the lead. I've rewritten the lead together with a couple other editors.
  2. As a matter of style, season-by-season analyses of a player seldom finds favour with picky editors. Personally I think it's fine, but many others (from my personal experience) will prefer a more thematic organisation of the content. Something along the lines of "early career", "success with Leeds" (purely hypothetical suggestions!) could do. Or if you prefer the less fanciful, simply "Leeds" and "Newcastle" suffices. When his Newcastle career expands of course, subheadings should be added to give meaning to the content.
  3. Another way to organise content is to divide club and international career. In several good football articles though, the preference is to integrate the content (e.g. Gilberto Silva, Thierry Henry. To me the former (for an e.g. see Cesc Fabregas) is easier to manage, but it's up to you. I say it's easier to manage because it takes quite a bit of skill and thinking to present information on his international career whilst in the middle of presenting info on his club career. See the original 2003-04 section as an e.g. -- I shall try and tie in the content for this one.
  4. While I try to fix spelling/grammar issues when I see them, you might want to get somebody who's got solid copyediting experience to tighten the prose, and ensure logical and grammatical consistencies.
  5. In the same vein, while I've tried to make the prose flow better, the job's not yet complete.
  6. The whole transfer trail in the 2005-06 section can, and must be summarised. The details are not particularly important, and they make the 2005-06 section much longer than other sections.
  7. The "off the pitch" section needs serious attention. It doesn't deal strictly with his life off the pitch, and contains many statements of opinion.
  8. On the other hand, here's a little checklist of what I think is good (but still requires some improvements) about the article:
  • coverage -- as already mentioned the coverage is impressive, although I should say I'm not the best judge of what Milner has accomplished -- I support a different club heh.
  • citations -- although one should always check for internal consistency -- common sense and benefits other editors.
    • E.g. footnotes 36 and 37.
    • Also consider if it's possible to provide refs for games/goals mentioned. Won't hurt and perhaps necessary. After all, statistics being factual should be verifiable to ensure accuracy.
  • NPOV -- for the most part, save for some instances, which I will help tone down. But there are some which I can't:
    • E.g. "His desire, ability with both feet and confidence in the game impressed many reporters." -- people are going to ask, impressed who? Can you prove it?
    • Somewhat similarly, "Milner has made 28 appearances for the England U21 side and is expected to be called up to play for the national side at some piont." The second half is speculative, or original research, unless you can demonstrate attribution.
    • "Milner was generally seen as a successful signing despite Villa having a disappointing season." -- best to attribute (to some specific, reputable source), otherwise it's just an opinion.
    • "Glenn Roeder was criticised for the way he had handled the negotiations with Villa, but refused to apologise." -- source needed.
See #22 Buc 16:28, 10 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Images -- good to go. Chensiyuan 00:37, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

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Sir-Nobby[edit]

I've gone through it and improved grammar, made a few copyedits and added endashes. I think improvements needed are:

  • Quite a few citations needed, such as "His desire, ability with both feet and confidence in the game impressed many reporters", "Supporters were also excited by Milner's performance" and "Tottenham Hotspur, Aston Villa and Everton all expressed an interest in him". There's probably more.
  • It's already quite a long article considering his age. To avoid it from becoming too bulky, some information could be cut down or removed altogether. For instance some of the goals mentioned weren't very significant (in the 06-07 season it could say "Milner scored four goals in four successive home matches"), negotiations between Villa and Newcastle are too detailed and could just be replaced with something like "negotiations between the two clubs broke down at the eleventh hour".
  • I would get rid of the season headings and call that whole section 'Early career'.
    • I did try that, but it just didn't look right. A bit deunting and hard to follow. Also Chensiyuan said I should put more sections in. Buc 20:26, 1 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Style of play a bit more information. Stats like pass completion rate or tackling succession could be used to back up what has been said about his passing and tackling ability. As I said on the discussion page, these can by found on Sky's Opta audit.
    • link? Buc 20:24, 1 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Off the pitch similarly is lacking in information and some of it would be better suited in the football section, such as Souness' quote and his thoughts on Under-21 racism. "He takes an easy-going and optimistic approach to football" - I'm not sure what's meant by this, it should be made clearer with a reference. Also, is this supposed approach related to his character and personality off the pitch? If not it would be better suited in the style of play section. There is some more detailed info on his interests outside of football inthe 442 interview, which could be used to add to this section.
    • Really don't know what eles to add to it. Buc 20:12, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Those are the main improvements needed to be made as far as I can see. Apart from that it looks like it's shaping up to become a very good article. Good work Buc. Sir-Nobby 17:08, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Dave101[edit]

  • Some statements need citation. "The recall of Milner to Newcastle at the start of the 2006–07 season was generally received positively by Newcastle supporters" is one example. "Milner has always expressed praise for his team mates and managers" is another example.
  • The line from Off the Pitch, "In June 2007 he expressed hope that Uefa would take action following allegations of racism from fans at the European Under 21 Championship but that he was not in any position to suggest what the action should be" should probably be integrated into career section. Also put "UEFA" in caps and wikilink it.
  • "He was a season ticket holder at Leeds United before becoming a ball boy at the club." This isn't really relevant for the lead in my opinion.
  • Also from the lead: "His agent is PFA deputy chief executive Mick McGuire." I can't find this mentioned elsewhere, information in the lead needs to be covered further down in the article.
  • Use – for the year ranges (e.g. 2002-2004) in the infobox. Ditto for the stats table further down.

Overall the article looks in good shape, keep up the good work. Dave101talk  17:31, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Oldelpaso[edit]

Getting this to FA status - or more specifically, keeping it there - will be a challenge; at 21 Milner is a fraction of the way through his career, making it likely the information will become outdated. That said, the article is in good shape in terms of comprehensiveness and isn't too far from Good Article level. Specific comments:

  • I guess I'm one of the people Chensiyuan is talking about in terms of disliking season by season subsections. The regularity with which the section headers arrive breaks the flow IMO. The substub nature of the 2007–08 season section emphasises one of the weaknesses of the approach. Dividing by club would be better IMO.
  • Ensure the article is given a thorough spellcheck. The latest version of Firefox has a built-in spellchecker, and similar add-ons for IE are also available.
  • There's a problem with the first two references - they both link to the same thing.
  • Blogs should not be used as references.
  • His earliest memory is watching them win the FA Youth Cup in 1993. It seems unlikely that something which happened when he was halfway through primary school is his first memory.
  • When Milner was 10 he officially joined the Leeds United Academy - implies that he joined Leeds unofficially at some stage.
  • Supporters were also excited by Milner's performance, having already seen the emergence of Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney at similar ages. - has a whiff of POV. Could perhaps be retained if put something like "Milners performance prompted comparisons to England internationals Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney, who also came to prominence as teenagers". Provided there's a reference to back it up, that is.
  • On several occasions, sentences are padded out with information we have already been given e.g. the young midfielder scored with a powerful 18 yard shot, Claudio Ranieri said after the game that the Englishman had performed like a much more experienced player - we have already been told that he was young and is English.
  • The style of play section has a number of POV issues e.g.Milner has always had a positive and unselfish attitude towards his team mates. A number of phrases lack attribution :He has been described as being "a good reader of the game", He is regarded as a player with a fair amount of pace - by whom? While the section waxes lyrical about his positive attributes, it glosses over weaknesses, like when defensive ability is mentioned.
  • The only occasion when possible dislike for him has been expressed is when Graeme Souness, his manager at the time said "we’ll never win anything with a team full of James Milners" it is possible however that he was saying because of Milner's lack of experience. - Burn this POV-ridden sentence with fire.
  • In June 2007 he expressed hope that Uefa would take action following allegations of racism from fans at the European Under 21 Championship but that he was not in any position to suggest what the action should be. - This sentence tells us very little about Milner.
  • He scored his first goal of the season in Newcastle's 2–2 draw with Manchester United on 1 January. It was a goal, scored from 25 yards away... One of several examples of tautology. Such repetition should be avoided.

Hope this helps. Oldelpaso 18:25, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Comment 2[edit]

Wow, this article has certainly drawn a lot of feedback! Anyway, I think the article is in a nice shape now. My only grouse is that it is a *little* bland. But at least that avoids POV problems! Good job, although I would also add that, given Milner is still young, one's got to watch out for this article ballooning into a juggernaut. I think as seasons go by, sections will be condensed naturally so it's still all good. Chensiyuan 12:53, 16 August 2007 (UTC)

"Leeds insisted that he would not be sold, Milner was not informed that they were planning selling him and the then chairman referred to him as "the future of Leeds"." -- this sentence does not sound right, but I can't quite correct it because I'm not sure what it means. Chensiyuan 10:54, 21 August 2007 (UTC)

Jack Sparrow[edit]

I might as well begin a review of my work, copyedited by PNW Raven and a few others, regarding one of the most intriguing characters in recent film history. I rewrote this after viewing Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, modelling it on Palpatine. Alientraveller 19:24, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

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Okay I don't see the need for a header as this is just one comment. Overall I'd say this article is fine, and in my view, is actually better than Palpatine. That said, some mention of Sparrow merchandise could be made - action figures etc. That seems to be the only thing that Palpatine has that this doesn't. Gran2 08:18, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

I thought it was a really informative article. However, I think parts of it need to be re-written to be more out of universe. See Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style_(writing_about_fiction). Good luck! Karanacs 20:58, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

List of prep-to-pro players[edit]

Just wanting to know what people think of this page. I've tried to make it as iformative as possible, and tried to make all links active. 44 05:08, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

You're never supposed to include wikilinks in section headings; the whole thing should be converted to a table to avoid the section headings. The List is also completely uncited, so it wouldn't make GA. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 00:37, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
Agree. In fact, as it's a list, there's no "Good List" status - you might want to look at Featured Lists for inspiration on the standards to aim for. BencherliteTalk 12:45, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

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Fire Emblem[edit]

This is the first article I nominated for peer review. This is for the purpose of nominating Fire Emblem as a featured article. I want the Fire Emblem series to be more recognizable to the English speaking audiences. The peer review will help reach this goal. Decimus Tedius Regio Zanarukando 00:07, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

To achieve FA, more out of universe information must be written in. Interviews with the developers on why they chose this path, or this route. This is kind of hard to synthesis in the broad series page, but something is better than nothing. Also, include commentary on the series as whole. For instance, I read on the Famicom Wars (NES) articel that that game supposedly inspired Fire Emblem, and on the surface have played handheld versions of both series and noticed that they seem to run the same engine, have the same concept, etc. Does this story have any merit? hbdragon88 06:02, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
I'd love to have a development section, or more information in its history. To my honest knowledge, I can't find that sort of information anywhere on the web. That sort of information on Fire Emblem can't be cited easily. It's exacerbated by Fire Emblem's unique Western-Eastern releases. The closest that I can find to interviews is just minor interviews withsome translators, and the info there is barely notable. Ashnard Talk Contribs 14:12, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

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I have edited the article to clean up contractions, dates, and reference placement. I don't feel that the heading concerns can be dealt with – the heading "The Fire Emblem" does not refer to the article title, but a specific item by the same name. I haven't worked on the other items. Infernal Inferno 19:21, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
The problem with the automated review is that they notify you about the nuances of MoS errors, yet there is no info on the general direction of an article. How the content can be improved; what needs expanding; what can be designated as minutiae. I'm sorry, but I'm just not in favour of automated review; I don't feel that it can really be called a review. Ashnard Talk Contribs 19:28, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
I would say that by itself the automated review isn't extremely helpful. However, some of the nuances it points out are likely to be missed by the average human reader so it does help improve in the presentation, if not content, deparment. However, we really need some human input. I have left a message at WP:VG talk to that effect which will hopefully draw some human reviewers. Infernal Inferno 22:08, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

Ōkami[edit]

Article information is stable, I've cleaned up plot and characters, added some appropriate images, and mass-cleaned-up the references. Looking for any other areas lacking for taking the article to GA and beyond. (I do note that the gameplay section can take a few more references). --Masem 18:07, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

UnaLaguna[edit]

Aiming for GA is certainly a good place to start, and I definitely believe this article is within the scope of such a rating. Indeed, I'd say this is fairly close to B-class as it is.

As you've mentioned GA specifically (I'm ignoring the "and beyond" bit, basically because I'm lazy), I'll go down the GA criteria and list what needs doing by each criterion:

1. Well-written. See WP:MOS.

  • References does not confer to manual of style. The reference should come after punctuation. For example, a reference citing one specific sentence should come after a full-stop at the end of the sentence. This problem is most apparent in the "Development" section.
  • The second person "You" is used in the "characters" and "celestial point" sections should really be written in the third person (e.g. "the player").
  • All lists (weapons, characters, awards) need to be converted to regular prose.
  • "Audio" section isn't long enough to justify its existence. I'd suggest adding it as a subsection to the "development" section if you can't expand it any more.
  • Generally, "story" and "characters" sections are contained within a "plot" section.

2. Factually accurate. See WP:CITE, WP:RS, WP:V.

  • The sections you have sourced are generally well-sourced. However, the following sections are severely lacking in sources:
  • Lead section (although this isn't always needed).
  • Story
  • Gameplay and its subsections
  • Characters
  • Last four paragraphs of development mostly, a few random cn's
  • Audio
  • Some awards are tagged with {{cn}}, and E3 2005 section needs sources

3. Broad in coverage.

  • If you've got an article which covers the characters in depth, then you need only summarise each character's roles. Aren't there more characters than just two? A good character section can be found at FF7#Characters.
  • Remember WP:NOT#GUIDE. The "weapons" section needs trimming.

4. Neutral.

  • Are there only positive reviews for this game? The critical reception section seems rather unbalanced at the moment.

5. Stable.

  • I'll take your word for it.

6. Contains images.

  • Depending on length, you could do with a couple more screenshots, illustrating different aspects of the game. Keep up the fair-use-rationale-ness, though.

Any further questions, feel free to ask. Hope this helps, UnaLaguna 20:01, 9 August 2007 (UTC)


A couple comments:
  • The character list here is a little different, as most of these characters are already in WP because of their Japanese legendary-ness; there are no individual pages for the characters as from the game itself. The two I've noted explicitly (Ammy and Issun) are the two the player controllers/deals with 95% or more of the time. If I were to add the next classification of major characters, the article would balloon out too much. I already ported the character list to the sub article noted in the Character section just to keep the length down (in addition to issues of writing about some of those characters in out-of-universe fashion).
  • I know I've missing references, just that I've added marks for cn for help on the print journals.
  • I've been able to delist-ify the parts mentioned, but I've seen GA video game articles that allow for long lists of awards (see Gears of War), as long as the awards are properly cited).
Thanks again for the help - just making sure I'm not missing anything obvious at the moment (outside of citations). --Masem 21:20, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
Good work on the article so far. That character section is a bit sticky: as there's another article dealing with the subject you might get away with what you have. You've picked out two of the main heroes, so perhaps you could briefly describe a couple of the main villains?
I see your point about the list of awards, and if that's the case it should be fine for GA. However, if you're aiming to get higher than that you will need to de-listify it at some point.
Looking at the "critical reception" section, you might want to split the first paragraph up into two or three smaller ones to increase readability.
And please continue to update this page; it's great to see how an article takes shape in relation to the peer review! UnaLaguna 09:42, 10 August 2007 (UTC)
I've put in a couple of the more frequent villains, and this leads nicely to at least one other image.
Delisting the awards actually helps, since there's a more recognizable order to how and when they were given.
I think outside of adding references for supporting the gameplay, plot, and the missing cn's, I think the general content of the article is much better now. Any other comments on that ? --Masem 14:08, 10 August 2007 (UTC)
Sorry, I've been busy for the last few days. I checked up on the article and discovered to my pleasant surprise it was a GAC! And with reason, too. I would say, however, that citing specific pages in the game manual isn't necessary and makes the reference list needlessly large (there are some VG featured articles with half the number of refs you have here). I've got two articles to GA myself, and there was a considerable difference in the two reviewers (one was reasonably lenient, the other picked out much smaller points). However, if there is something else wrong with it, the reviewer will point this out to you and give you some time to sort out these problems. Unfortunately, as I've been involved in the process to get this article to GA, I can't do the Good Article Review myself. UnaLaguna 09:43, 14 August 2007 (UTC)
It's easier to back off on references than to have to scramble for more. :) --Masem 13:26, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

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Occupations of Latvia[edit]

The article has had a major overhauling since placed on probation due to accusations of using WP original research. Any comments to improve the article welcome! Thanks--Termer 07:42, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

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    • allege
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • Please make the spelling of English words consistent with either American or British spelling, depending upon the subject of the article. Examples include: honor (A) (British: honour), neighbor (A) (British: neighbour), meter (A) (British: metre), pretense (A) (British: pretence), organize (A) (British: organise), recognize (A) (British: recognise), recognise (B) (American: recognize), categorize (A) (British: categorise), ization (A) (British: isation), fulfillment (A) (British: fulfilment), installment (A) (British: instalment), any more (B) (American: anymore).
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You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 08:39, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

Lithium[edit]

I'm going over this article from top to bottom trying to improve it to at least GA standards, and I was hoping I could get some input concerning what needs immediate attention (in terms of comprehensiveness, prose and sourcing) to get it there. So far the only part of my draft I have placed in the article is its new introduction, so next is Characteristics. Thanks Enoktalk 05:57, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

Some (hopefully useful) comments:
  • Many more citations are needed.
  • There are too many single-sentence paragraphs; they need to be expanded or consolidated.
  • The "Other uses" section needs to be converted into prose, rather than a bulleted list.
  • I'm an astronomy weenie, so for the occurance section I'd like to see some text about formation of Lithium during the big bang, the primordial abundance in the universe and the fact that most stars destroy most of their lithium shortly after they are formed. (If so, how does the Lithium in the Universe get formed?)
  • Aluminum-lithium alloys have also been tested for rocket launchers, and I think the Russians had started using it on their platforms. But I seem to recall there were cracking issues.
Thanks. — RJH (talk) 17:09, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Looks well done to me. I am confused by one thing: the passing mention that medical use of lithium causes increased excretion of potassium. It would be helpful to include a short paragraph explaining how and why that occurs. 08:38, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

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  • Consider removing links that add little to the article or that have been repeated in close proximity to other links to the same article, as per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and WP:CONTEXT.[?]
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    • apparently
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
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The lithium niobat in usage states that 60% of lithium is used in cellular phones. Although this might be right it is not used as niobate, but mostly in the Lithium battery.--Stone 09:52, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
alloying agent in organic synthesis is unspecific and the link goest to alloy which has no meaning within organic synthesis.--Stone 09:55, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
supply submarines and space capsules with oxygen and the air purification should be combined.--Stone 09:58, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
the double reference of lithium niobat should be combined.--Stone 09:58, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

Luxor Hotel[edit]

Could individuals with appropriate talent please review this article for suggestions regarding possible removal of over-promotion, i also think there needs to be clearer emphasis on its architectural significance. Possibly requires an expansion as well. In fact any help on general improvement of this article would be appreciated.

Jsimeon75 16:07, 10 August 2007 (UTC)


Question, does http://www.vegas-dreaming.com/luxor.htm mirror WP or did the article rip off this page?

In any case, I think the biggest problem with the article right now is the lack of sources.

Then we would need to look at the architecture aspect. This is one of the more recognizable buildings in Vegas and I cannot imagine that someone hasn't written something about it. There are several articles from last month (I referenced one in the WP article) about the building going through a renovation right now. That might be a good place to start. Montco 05:11, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

The introduction should mention that MGM Grand is the current owner, and is currently in the midst of a major renovation. In the article, there should be links to comments from management about the purpose and goals of the renovation. There should also be a mention of the history of the additional buildings that were added after the original pyramid. 08:28, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

An article that gives some technical details about the exterior strobe lights, and interior nightclub renovations from a few years ago: http://livedesignonline.com/mag/lighting_pyramid_power_relampingand/index.html. Speculation that the property will be renamed to simply "The Pyramid:" http://www.vegaspopular.com/2007/03/20/hot-vegas-gossip-luxors-new-name-and-new-criss-angel-cirque-sh/ Associated Press article about the current renovation: http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/business/20070712-1128-nv-luxorremodel.html VisitorTalk 05:42, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

Ford Taurus[edit]

Previous peer reviews, Wikipedia:Peer review/Ford Taurus/archive2, Wikipedia:Peer review/Ford Taurus/archive1

I have recently done a lot of work on this article, with what I have done bordering upon a complete rewrite, and I believe that it is now more close than ever to featured status. Thus, I would like to hear any suggestions, to see if I can improve this article any further. Karrmann 05:53, 13 August 2007 (UTC)

Excellent article. I attended a talk at an art school by a former Taurus designer, who brought along a sample copy of the Ford "Human Factors Design Guide." This document had criteria to be used to evaluate designs, for example, controls should have distinctive shapes so as to be operable by touch without looking, and seats should provide for a variety of shifting positions on long trips. As a long time Taurus owner, I believe these principles contributed to the positive public response of the Taurus during its heyday. I would love to be able to find a copy of this document online. I'd also like to see some comments about reliability history and repair costs of the Taurus lines, since a big part of the ascendancy of Japanese sedans in the marketplace has been their reputation for better build quality than American cars. Finally, I'd like to see some mention of how the automotive press has responded to the renaming of the 500 as the new Taurus. I wonder if the professional reviewers have been as skeptical as I have about the very significant difference between the 500 and what I think of as the philosophy and patterns that went into the best aspects of the Taurus. VisitorTalk 05:32, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

4u1e's comments
  • Very informative article, with a good, logical top level structure and plentiful references.
  • Introduction of terms: There's quite a lot here that probably won't make sense to readers who are neither North American nor interested in cars in general. For example, from the lead: 'Fairmont-based' - Is Fairmont a place, or a car, or what? I know it's linked, but for something like that I don't need to know much detail about it, just that it's another Ford model. Actually in that case, is it even worth mentioning that the LTD is based on the Fairmont? We're only talking about the car the Taurus replaced, so perhaps it's not worth mentioning the Fairmont at all? Suggest finding a non-North American victim guinea pig who has no interest in cars to read through the whole article and point out the terms that make no sense to them. These can then be introduced at their first appearance (i.e. "North American automobile manufacturer, General Motors").
  • Can you specify in the lead where the car was/is sold? I see that it was later sold in the Asian/Pacific market, for example, but from the lead one might think it was a US -only model.
  • From the lead: 'Milestone design' - in the US or worldwide?
  • Is the balance of the lead right? The model has existed for 20 years, but the longest part of the lead considers the death of the model name and its recent resurrection. Should there be more material on its history in the lead?
  • Redundancy. For example: "even prompting Honda..." in the lead could be simply "prompting Honda..." and "development started as early as 1981" could be "development started in 1981". See Tony's useful guide on this topic and see if it can be applied throughout the article. A longer example is the first para of 'Fifth generation', I reckon you could cut the length of that para by about half without losing any content. Much of the second para then repeats the same information. Have a go at chopping it down a bit!
  • "with Ford selling nearly 7.5 million examples during its 20 years of production—a longer bestselling run than the original Ford Model T" I know this statement is referenced, but I'm not quite convinced by it:
- What is meant by bestselling run? I guess in the US, rather than worldwide? Overall or in its market segment? And does it mean length of time as the bestseller, or just a bestseller (i.e in the top 10 for sales)?
- The Taurus's bestselling run (i.e. as the bestseller) was from 1992 to 1996 (five years, inclusive), in the US. Again, in what market segment?
- I find it hard to believe that the Model T wasn't the bestselling model in the US for longer than five years: "[In 1914] Ford produced more cars than all other automakers combined. The Model T was a great commercial success, and by the time Henry made his 10 millionth car, 9 out of 10 of all cars in the entire world were Fords" (from Ford Model T). A quick google didn't throw up more exact evidence one way or the other, so strictly speaking I'm arguing from personal incredulity here.
- If that's true, however, the 'bestselling run' referred to above couldn't literally mean the length of time for which the car was the bestseller in the US
- It also couldn't refer to the total numbers sold, since that's 15 million Model Ts, against 7.5 million Taurus
- So does it really mean simply the length of time for which the car was sold in large numbers? The Taurus was sold for 20 years (longer now) against 19 years for the Model T. However, the Model T was essentially the same car for its 19 year run, where several different models were given the Taurus name over the 20 year period, so that's not really a direct comparison. And if this is what is meant, it's not terribly notable, either. Looking at List_of_bestselling_vehicle_nameplates, I can see over 30 other mass production (i.e. bestselling) cars with longer production runs, several of which are Fords and several of which are for the North American market.
If my argument above is right, I suggest the statement is removed as not being very notable. It could be replaced with a more precise statement regarding the model's position compared to other North American Ford models (i.e. something like 'has the third (?) longest production run of any North American Ford model')
  • "Most Tauruses were built either in Chicago, Illinois (until April 23, 2004, at which time the plant was retooled to build the Five Hundred) or in Ford's Hapeville Plant in Atlanta, Georgia." This sentence appears towards the end of the final para of the lead, which is otherwise all about the ending and revival of the Taurus name. Should it be moved to another part of the lead?
  • The thoughts behind the writing are generally clear, but I'm finding quite a lot of cases where the wording is strictly ambiguous or incorrect. For example, from the first few sections:
-"the Ford Fusion, a midsize car closer in size to the Taurus". Closer in size to the original Taurus (described as a midsize vehicle) or the 2006 Taurus, a full size vehicle? Suggest this is clarified.
-From 'Development': "Originally, Ford, as well as General Motors, had its engineers, as well as the exterior and interior designers work separately without any input from each other.". Strictly speaking this says that the engineers worked separately from each other, which I guess is probably not correct! Should it be: "Ford, like General Motors, had its engineers, exterior designers and interior designers work in separate teams, with no input from each other."? Also, I'm not too keen on "Originally" here. Does it mean at the origins of Ford? Or at the origins of the Taurus? I guess it is neither and so should probably go or be replaced by a more precise statement on when this practice was in place.
-"As a result, many American cars at the time had their interiors seem "mismatched"". Again, strictly this says that only the interiors were mismatched (with what?), whereas presumably it means that the interior and exterior designs of the cars were mismatched? Suggest "As a result, many American cars of that time had interior and exterior designs that did not match." Does this point also relate to the engineering of the car? If not, is the inclusion of 'engineers' in the sentence from the previous point relevant?
-"The premiere for the Taurus was a resounding one". This can be re-written more simply as "The Taurus' premiere was resounding", which should presumably actually be "The Taurus' premiere was a resounding success"? (Which might in itself be considered peacock-y).
I'm not going to try and pick out all similar instances - you should be able to spot them youself if you read through the article very carefully (perhaps aloud?), considering whether each sentence is completely unambiguous and means exactly what you want it to. I suggest you also find a good copyeditor and get them to go through the article, with an especial eye to precision and clarity of phrasing. If you don't know any good copyeditors, you could either try the League of Copyditors (but they tend to be incredibly busy) or otherwise find someone on Wikipedia whose writing you find particularly clear and ask if they can help you. I also suggest finding someone who does not have an interest in cars, because this will help with the point made earlier about use of 'jargon'.
  • The development methodology. The first para of 'Development' says that for the Taurus Ford "employed a new strategy of teamwork that would prove to be revolutionary", but later in the same para it says that Ford used "a development method similar to that [...] used when developing the Escort". These two statements seem to contradict each other. Was the methodology new for the Taurus or not?
  • "...and even BMW 5 Series automobiles" My emphasis. Why is the 5-series picked out in this way?
  • "If the Taurus failed, Ford would not have been able to survive it, and would have had to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy." This can't be a fact, because it didn't happen, so is presumably someone's opinion. If so, perhaps it should be attributed to that person, to make it clear where the view comes from.
  • The Sable appears in the second paragraph of 'First generation' without having been previously introduced. I guess from context that this is a rebadged sister model? Suggest that it is introduced fully earlier in this section, or possibly even in 'Development' if it was a significant consideration in the development of the Taurus. (Update: The mysterious Sable is finally explained in the section on the 'Fifth generation' so perhaps that bit should be moved nearer to the start of the article).
  • In 'First generation', the second and third paragraphs seem to overlap in content. Would it be better to make the second para about the exterior design, and include all the material about the aerodynamic styling of the car there, and make the third paragraph about the interior styling? Since the point about 'mismatched' interior and exterior styling was made earlier, it would also be nice to have something here about how successfully the interior and exterior of the Taurus were matched.
  • In 'First generation', the model designations (L, GL, MT-5 etc) are used in a paragraph about engines before they are explained in the following para. Better to move the fifth para to a position before the fourth para? SHO remains unexplained until even later and is never spelt out. What does it stand for?
  • Should the 'story' nature of the explanation of the origins of the SHO be made clearer? According to the source used it is only "The story that is most widely accepted among SHO owners", rather than a fact.
  • What is "a set of ground effects"? I would guess that it's what I would call the airdam at the front and the skirts at the side and rear? I'm 100% sure they don't produce any ground effect - the car will rarely be going fast enough, for one thing, and with no underbody shaping what you're really talking about at best is a (small) amount of front lift reduction from the airdam. I would strongly suggest using another term for this. If it really is normal, everyday usage in North America to call such a styling package 'ground effects' then I suppose it could stay, but it doesn't sound very encyclopedic and I feel it's a very misleading term.
  • First para of 'Second generation'. 'Taurus' is in italics twice in this section, but nowhere else in the article. Suggest the italics are removed - the name appears too often to italicise it consistently.
  • Minor slip: "The new second generation SHO gets its own distinctive front fascia" should be in past tense.
  • 2nd generation SHO station wagon: It seems obvious that this was only ever a one-off special, with nothing to do with Ford, which makes the statement that "This model never got past prototype form" seem a bit odd. Perhaps that whole sentence could be removed?
  • Third generation: Did the design team really spend "sleepless nights" on the design, or is this a figure of speech? It's reported as reality, which I suspect is probably a bit misleading. Perhaps give a direct quote instead?
  • "specially tuned every panel so that it was acoustically pleasing, and so passengers could tell human tones from mechanical tones" I'm not quite sure what this means, can it be clarified?
  • The Vulcan engine should be wikilinked at its first appearance.
  • Wikilink Mercury Sable at first appearance (which partly answers my point above!)
  • Based on those two points, probably do a sweep checking for wikilinking throughout the article.
  • 'Initial discontinuation': The term "foreign sedans" is an interesting one! I guess you actually mean Japanese sedans? Although I think the article as a whole has a fairly North American point of view (as suggested by some specific points above), I guess most readers will understand what is meant by this. Is is right, though? I assume the foreign sedans are built in North America by Japanese owned firms? Are they really foreign, then? Just a thought (from a Brit - our entire car building industry is foreign owned, so I probably have a rather different perspective on it!) In any case, it might be useful to specify which sedans. The Toyota Camry, presumably? Any others? Also, how was the Taurus performing against other domestic sedans? The current wording suggests that it was only 'foreign' cars that were a problem.
  • The third para of 'Initial discontinuation' gives both sides of the argument about whether Ford should have 'saved' the Taurus or not, but repeats the 'for' argument ("mostly due to the fact that it was believed that the Taurus was just left to die by Ford" and "because some believed that if Ford wanted to save the car, they could have easily done so") . Suggest only one of those is needed, and both could probably be written more neutrally.
  • "letting the Taurus widdle away". I don't know about the US, but in the UK 'widdle' means 'piss' (as in urine or to urinate). You might want to change the wording!
  • "After Mulally took position as Ford's CEO" - Who is Mulally? (Update - he's actually introduced in the next paragraph, so probably just shift that introduction to the first para)

Phew: That's a lot of comments! I actually think it's a fundamentally sound article, but it needs some work on the writing, on POV (mildly US centric) and on neutrality in places. Hope that's helpful! Give us a shout if I've been unclear anywhere. Cheers. 4u1e 13:57, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

  • Final comment (sorry): Some points from previous peer reviews also do not seem to have been addressed. In particular, Pc13's comments about the "design revolution that saw the end of the 'boxy' cars" and the loss of four wheel disc brakes from this review 4u1e 14:04, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

Mendy Rudolph[edit]

I've cleanup this biography of Mendy Rudolph and am looking for additional feedback to further improve the article. This article is well-cited and I believe it is GAC-ready. RyguyMN 05:17, 6 August 2007 (UTC)

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Yes check.svg Done I believe the lead provides a fair summary of the article. RyguyMN 07:11, 19 August 2007 (UTC)
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X mark.svg Not done No free image exists of the subject. RyguyMN 05:26, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
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Yes check.svg Done RyguyMN 05:25, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

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History of professional wrestling[edit]

This article is in limbo. Professional wrestling has had a long and extensive history across the United States. It has produced many major popular culture figures, including the Rock, Mankind, Triple H, Stone Cold 3:16, Hulk Hogan, and many others. Who hasn't heard of Hulk Hogan, or Mr. T, or gained a little glimpse of wrestling on TV ?(which isn't hard considering that it has over 5 hrs of showtime a week) Professional wrestling, far longer and wider than reality TV, or many American sitcoms, has been a major part of America's culture, and is part of our exports to foreign nations.

Wrestling's popularity is cyclical, and its current scene is definitely down. In fact, it seems to be looking very bleak. People want to erase every vestige of wrestling from their minds. But, it is still a mainstay in our minds; news articles read like wrestling events; ex: "slammed a proposal by Republicans to...", "The astronomers teamed with ocean scientists to study the phenomena of the reflective sky ...", "...the city Council decided to flex some muscle in its fight against a corrupt garbage company accused of mafia...", "...On Aug 15, Mrs. Jackson finally submitted after wrestling a virulent form of Hodgin's lymphoma for two-years...", etc.

I urge non-fans and critics, as well as more casual or older wrestling fans, to please contribute some info to the page. I know that memory is limited, and history can only be added to through multiple perspectives. For a form of entertainment that has arisen in the media and has provided some of the wackiest and unique programming on television, I'm sure that many different people will have something to say about it, especially for the periods I've missed out (the 60s, 70s, and 80s.)

Please help edit this page and provide a fresh perspective. My major concern is that hardcore wrestling fans will make it too esoteric and add jargon that will be confusing; non-fans usually won't even see the page, but if a compromise can be reached, it can be both historical, and enjoy wide readability.

Contact me personally for any questions or comments, or leave a response on the article's talk page or underneath this notice. Thank you! --Screwball23 talk 23:39, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

None of the figures of speech you mentioned are exclusive to professional wrestling. Slam is a general purpose term that can refer to slamming a door, a lid, a window, or a rock down on a bug. Flexing muscle as a show of potentially coercive power is as old as muscles and bullying. Forming a team is not exclusive to wrestling. Submitting after wrestling goes back to at least ancient Greece. Ironically, you didn't mentioned "tag team," which as far as I know IS exclusive to professional wrestling, and has entered general conversation.

I'd like to see some controversies discussed:

A few years ago, a professional wrestler died upon falling from the ceiling in an unsuccessful stunt; the event was continued. This was widely covered in the news, and seemed to some people, including me, to show an appalling disregard for human life.

Some wrestling insiders claim that the characters, scenarios and even some particular moves are scripted ahead of time, despite the presentation of professional wrestling as a "reality show" event that is unpredictable. "As fake as professional wrestling" is another modern cliche!

Finally, are there different attitudes among wrestling fans and the general public about use of steroid drugs to enhance muscularity, aggression and physical performance of professional wrestlers?

These all seem like historical elements worth mentioning in your article.

I'd better quit commenting now, because I'm sure your article could kick my laptop's behind into the next state. 08:47, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

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  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
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Augusta, Georgia[edit]

This was a former GA that I've been working on to try and restore it to that status. I would like some feedback on any improvements that need to be made in order to get it back to GA and possibly even FA status. – Dreadstar 21:12, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

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Excellent suggestions! Thank you. Dreadstar 17:07, 16 August 2007 (UTC)

Neil deGrasse Tyson[edit]

This article has a good start and I would like to get some feedback on how it can be expanded or improved. Fl1942 15:59, 7 August 2007 (UTC)

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Green Wing[edit]

I am currently trying to be the article promoted to FA status. I am not sure which areas need to be improved. An archive of the last here. ISD 20:11, 6 August 2007 (UTC)

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Santiago Martínez Delgado[edit]

-Hi English is not my first language so any grammar correction would be appreciated. I intend to Wikkified all major Colombian artists articles one at the time. (They are all very incomplete. I also have a contact with the Museo Nacional de Colombia to obtain pictures of the artists and their works with the proper copyrights for the use in Wikkipedia.

So lets start by fixing this article Thank you for your help. pgehr(Pgehr 17:36, 8 August 2007 (UTC)).
-Old peer review

Review by DrKiernan[edit]

-*The lead contains too many paragraphs. I should join a few together.

  • Yes check.svg DoneSimilarly, the sections are very short. Can you either expand or combine them? Maybe the middle five sections could be one larger "Career" section with 5 sub-headings?
  • Yes check.svg DonePlease add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.[?]
  • Yes check.svg DonePer Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Yes check.svg DonePer Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), avoid using special characters such as ampersands (&) in headings.
  • Yes check.svg DonePlease reorder/rename the last few sections to follow guidelines at Wikipedia:Guide to layout.[?]
  • Yes check.svg DoneAs done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Yes check.svg DonePlease check the licensing information for Image:Revista Vida 1940 Santiago Martinez delgado.jpg

Thanks, DrKiernan 07:17, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Dear DrKiernan great advice I had done what I could. Can you go ahead and make the grammar revisions? Also let me know of any other suggestions. I will be working on other Colombian artists after I am done with this article so don’t be surprise If I come back to you for advice. (Pgehr 13:53, 9 August 2007 (UTC)).
-Old peer review

Ace Telephone[edit]

- I know little of art, so have refrained from any edits.

  • Yes check.svg DoneA writer? He's an artist! *Yes check.svg Done"Master Martinez" is bizarre in English. *Yes check.svg Done"Raphael de Urbino" (Italian, Raphael da Urbino) is simply Raphael in English -- and WP (the archangel gets second billing). *Yes check.svg Done==References== or ==Notes== instead of ==Appendices==. English speakers tend to be confused by double barreled last names especially when not hyphenated (he'd be alphabetized as "Delgado, Santiago Martinez"). *Yes check.svg DoneI don't know if Frank Lloyd Wright can be characterized as following the art deco school. *Yes check.svg DoneThe article would be better if it followed the Spanish language original more closely. --Ace Telephone 17:55, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Thank you ACE, I had made some changes, as for the Frank Lloyd Wright issue / in the book about this artist by Joaquin Pineros Corpas- used as reference -- it mention that it was at taliesin where Martinez made his move to the Art Deco Style. --- As for the double barreled last name, is because there are other 3 Santiago Martinez paiters. --- Great help, and if you can look in to the grammar, tone and cohesion (Pgehr 19:03, 9 August 2007 (UTC)).
-Old peer review

Pgehr[edit]

-It still need's someone to check: copy editing for grammar, style, cohesion, tone and spelling. (Pgehr 22:52, 13 August 2007 (UTC)).
-Old peer review

Holguin1943[edit]

-I think the article is great, you may work on the cohesion, yet it would be nice to work in the other prominet Colombian artists ast the majority are stubs, I hope this article get featured. (Holguin1943 18:56, 15 August 2007 (UTC)).
-Old peer review

thanks[edit]

-The idea is to work on all major Colombian artists; yet I will do one at the time and all the way to GA feature article, so ass soon as this is feature I will move up. (Pgehr 00:59, 16 August 2007 (UTC)).
-Old peer review

NEW TO WORK ON AS OF OCTOBER 5 - 2007[edit]

  • The article needs to be copyedited by a native English speaker; there are many instances of inappropriate comma use, incorrect grammar, and what appear to be awkward translations from Spanish. (Pgehr 14:25, 5 October 2007 (UTC))
  • Yes check.svg DonePlease see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR t 13:30, 6 October 2007 (UTC)

Impossible Princess[edit]

previous PR

Cyclone Gonu[edit]

I wrote this article while it was still current, to which a lot of WPTC members added and helped expand it. Now, it is an A-class article, and I'm curious what else might be needed before an FAC run. Hurricanehink (talk) 01:39, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

  • I split a few paragraphs in the "storm overview" section. Overall the writing is high-quality, and the referencing is outstanding. Organization could be improved by adding sub-sections. I also wouldn't mind another entry in the "see also" section to explain more generally all the terms used in discussing cyclones. Shalom Hello 21:21, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
    • I re-titled "storm overview" back to "storm history", per the standards set by the tropical cyclone Wikiproject. The problem with adding some more sub-sections is that currently in preparations, impact, and aftermath, each country has one paragraph, so adding sub-sections would create several one-paragraph sections. Good suggestion regarding to the "see also" section, and I added two more entries. Hurricanehink (talk) 22:07, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

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Driftless Area[edit]

I've taken this article from inadequate to what I hope can be GA soon. If you have a background in geology and glaciology, all the better. I have tried to gather related articles, in the category Category:Driftless Area. --Ace Telephone 22:16, 7 August 2007 (UTC)

  • It's a good article. Not being an expert in geology, I found the subject a little boring (and didn't read the whole article, but I don't usually read entire articles anyhow). There might be some way to make the content seem more interesting to a general audience without sacrificing the high standards of fidelity to geological terminology and scholarship. The organizational structure is also good. Shalom Hello 21:34, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

I'm interested in geology and glaciers, and had not heard of the driftless area before. I have two questions: 1. Did the geological history affect the pattern of human settlement of the region? In other words, does its driftless nature make it more suitable for farming, or cities, or mines, or whatever? 2. Is the driftless history of the region the primary cause of any especially beautiful or famous locations? If the answer is yes to either question, please include this information in the article. 08:32, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

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  • There may be an applicable infobox for this article. For example, see Template:Infobox Biography, Template:Infobox School, or Template:Infobox City.[?] (Note that there might not be an applicable infobox; remember that these suggestions are not generated manually)
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  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

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Warpcon[edit]

I'm looking for recommendations on whether this article qualifies under notability for Wikipedia. Buceph Haelez 03:00, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

  • It looks like it does, to me, but you could probably use some more reliable sources to back up some of the statements in the article. But a large and award-winning convention seems notable to me. --Haemo 08:10, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

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Durham School of the Arts[edit]

I need to know what should be improved in this article, so it would have a realistic chance at becoming a good article. This is my first time trying to raise an article up to good article standards so I need someone with experience to tell me what I should do to improve the article. Thanks --Mr.crabby (Talk) 21:22, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

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  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: wasn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
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Swindon Town F.C.[edit]

The article is currently rated GA and I'm (hopefully) working towards FA. Input on the article layout and quality of prose would be great especially suggestions on how to rework the first four paragraphs of History into something which reads better. Foxhill 19:32, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

  • The History jumps from 1920 to 1969 - what happened in this period?
  • A few things which could do with citations:
    • ...defeated Luton Town F.C. 9–1 in their first game of the season. This result stands as a record for the club in League matches.
    • the Football Association had previously agreed to inclusion criteria with the organizers which mandated that only League Cup winners from Division One would be able to take part.
    • They were relegated after recording only five wins and conceding 100 goals — the latter record has yet to be broken.
    • The addition of floodlights in 1951 at a cost of £350, gave Swindon the honour of being the first League club to do so.
    • The ground itself is on land owned by Swindon Borough Council to whom the club pay rent.
    • The completion of this match meant that Swindon had played a League game at home and away against every current team in the FA Premier League, Championship, League One and League Two. - though presumably the promotion of Morecambe and Dagenham & Redbridge makes this outdated.
  • long unsuccessful period culminating in them being relegated "Culminating" is inappropriate here, as it generally means "reaching the highest point".
  • I think the amount of detail about hooliganism is excessive - we're not talking Chelsea Headhunters type notoriety. The incidents mentioned, while regrettable, look like isolated events rather than a recurring trend.
  • Some of those rivalries look like non-entities e.g. Swindon Fans do not seriously consider them as rivals. If anything, mentioning so many clubs gives the impression that the club lacks strong rivalries.
  • Ditch the bolded headings in the colours and kits section
  • Trim the staff list. In particular, do not include those who are not notable enough for their own article.

Hope this helps. Oldelpaso 18:56, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for this review Oldelpaso, i'll get working on it now. Cheers - Foxhill 12:22, 13 August 2007 (UTC)

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Windows Media Audio[edit]

I'd like to know what else needs to be done for this article to gain a higher rating than say B. It's got essentially everything covered, at least comparable to other codec articles like DTS. I've made some large edits lately, adding references, consistent writing style and all that. Please let us know what you think. Many thanks!

  • The lead summary: you need to split it up, or add to it, because at the moment it looks really chunky.
  • Sound quality: "Some conclusions made by recent studies". Source it, please.
  • References, change {{reflist}} to {{reflist|2}}, and properly cite all references using {{cite web}} and {{cite news}}, etc.

Hope these comments have helped, –sebi 07:44, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the heads up sebi! I'll get myself and others to work on them. Regarding the sound quality section, there are source links for each quality level. Do you mean I should reference them in a different way? Thanks!
Yes, there are sources provided, but they aren't in the correct format. If the stuff in the sound quality was referenced from all different sources, and put together by you or some other editor, that's original research. Yes, they should be referenced in a different way. See citing sources for more information on ref syntax, etc. –sebi 10:23, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
Thanks again for the reply! When you say "put together", do you mean as in the interpretation that is given in each quality level? (ie. At 64kbps, WMA was better than...), etc?
In that case, do you think "At 64kbps, source claimed that WMA was better than...) would comply with NOR? Thanks
Ugh, did you compile the list of the different kbp levels with the sources yourself? Because if you did, that is original research. I have no problem with the list of different levels, however, the fact that you put them together yourself and said "Some conclusions made by recent studies", is original research, and isn't acceptable for a Wikipedia article. If you didn't compile the list, you need to track down the person who did compile the list, and cite it. –sebi 02:56, 16 August 2007 (UTC)

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Indianapolis Colts[edit]

I'd like to get this article up to GA and then FA status...anything along those lines would be much appreciated. Kurt Weber (Go Colts!) 17:11, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

  • As a start, the first thing I would do would be to cite references. There is only one reference source listed for a lot of information. I would think that having no references would be a big obstacle to getting to GA status. Doing it retroactively will be very time consuming, especially for info you didn't add personally. I can sympathize with this. I went through the same thing with the Kinston Indians page. It might help to place the citation needed template: [citation needed] after each sentence that needs to be backed up with a source. I just did something like that on the Reggie Jackson page.
  • The next would be to incorporate the trivia section into the body of the text. Trivia sections are frowned upon during reviews. Kinston eagle 13:05, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

I'm not sure about the sourcing...I mean, there's no real reason to source something that's not controversial or challenged. Kurt Weber (Go Colts!) 16:37, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

  • as a GAC, GAR, and FAC reviewer, i concur that the inclusion of a broad set of reputable references should be cited with inline citations. i have marked several portions where claims need a specific reference. check other recent GAs related to players and you will notice proflific referencing. also, the prose needs to be formalized to remove slang speech and formalize the text, eg the "ashes of the Texans". was the franchise on fire? i have done a minor ce on the sections and will watch the page to offer more help. LurkingInChicago 16:52, 16 August 2007 (UTC)

Bobby Robson[edit]

Extensive work has gone on here since achieving good article status, including getting a Flickr editor to provide a correctly licenced image for the infobox. Please review with WP:FAC in mind. It's been copyedited by User:Dweller to remove my heavy Ipswich bias, so I hope it meets with the approval of the community. Thanks. The Rambling Man 12:47, 23 August 2007 (UTC)

Very good indeed. As an FAC run is imminent these comments are extra-pedantic.

  • Lead
    • It'd be worth mentioning his playing position somewhere.
      • Yes check.svg DoneIncluded his position in the lead. The Rambling Man 21:58, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • The word "silverware" may confuse some of our Am. Eng. speaking readers.
      • Yes check.svg DoneGone for earning trophies instead of gaining silverware in a bid to help our AmEngs... The Rambling Man 21:52, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • Better to put the date he was diagnosed with cancer for the fifth time than describe it as "recent".
      • Yes check.svg Done Dated most recent cancer and reworded slightly to improve (I think) flow. The Rambling Man 21:58, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Playing career
    • electrician apprentice - apprentice electrician surely?
      • Yes check.svg DoneActually, I believe it was electrician's apprentice, so changed for that. Either way, the original text wasn't right! The Rambling Man 21:59, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • Despite being offered a contract by Middlesbrough - implies Middlesbrough was a preferential option. "nearby Middlesbrough" perhaps?
      • Yes check.svg DoneI've made it clear that it was an offer from nearby Middlesbrough F.C. to hopefully avoid confusion... The Rambling Man 22:01, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • newly-promoted Fulham - might be better to introduce the First Division before mentioning promotion, the question "promoted to where?" arises otherwise.
      • Yes check.svg DoneIntroduced first division so there's some context The Rambling Man 22:11, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • indeed he was relegated with Fulham from the top-flight - something that doesn't flow right here, but I can't put my finger on it. "He and Fulham were relegated from the top-flight"?
      • Yes check.svg DoneRephrased, not sure but perhaps you'd be kind enough to check what I've written... The Rambling Man 22:11, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • Despite press reports of interest from Arsenal,[23] and the offer of a player-manager role by Southend,[24] Robson left Fulham in 1967 and accepted a three-year deal with Canada's Vancouver Royals to be player-manager in their inaugural 1967–68 season in the North American Soccer League, believing it "...was a chance too good to miss". Run-on sentence.
    • Fulham came back for Robson Came back from where? A little informal.
      • Yes check.svg DoneYeah, simple as they offered him a contract. The Rambling Man 22:11, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • He was selected for the 1962 World Cup finals... Another run-on sentence. The article contains a few, I won't list the others.
      • Yes check.svg DoneThat one's split, when I come back I'll recheck for others, but for me it's difficult as I wrote a great deal of it myself. A bit like not being able to see the wood for the trees. If you spot any more, even during FAC, please let me know. The Rambling Man 22:14, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Managerial career
    • dug-out of his former club Fulham - I know what this is trying to say, but Fulham were his current club at the time!
      • Yes check.svg DoneColloquialism removed, just his former club... The Rambling Man 22:19, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • Were Fulham already struggling at the bottom when Robson took over? If so, mention it. Without context, "could not save the club from relegation" comes across as POV.
      • You're right, but I need my book....! The Rambling Man 22:19, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
        • Yes check.svg Done Fulham had only 1/3 of their possible points. Can't find a league table to say where they were but hopefully what I've written now covers that. The Rambling Man 15:38, 27 August 2007 (UTC)
    • He left the London club in November,[39] with the club sitting eighth in the Second Division, having discovered that he had been sacked, not from the club itself, but from a billboard. Would be better as two sentences; that's a lot of commas.
    • dismissed by Freddy Shepherd, after a perceived poor start to the Premier League season and alleged discontent in the dressing room. The ref simply states "poor start", not "perceived poor start".
      • Yes check.svg DoneWell spotted. Perceived removed. The Rambling Man 22:28, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
        • This was one of many errors I introduced... on this occasion, mistakenly trying to deal with what I "perceived" as possible POV! --Dweller 22:30, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • England's post-1992 top division is described variously as the Premiership and Premier League. Choose one and stick to it.
      • Yes check.svg DoneOfficially it's Premier League, so I'll stick to that! The Rambling Man 22:24, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Other comments
    • The "Outside football" section has a disjointed trivia-like feel in places.
      • Yeah, I think it's pretty crap - I'd happily take advice on how best to deal with it...The Rambling Man 22:24, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
        • Yes check.svg Done I hope I've de-crapped it a bit. I think most of it was trivia and irrelevant. I'll happily reinsert if required for FAC. The Rambling Man 15:48, 27 August 2007 (UTC)
    • The phrase "Despite this" or similar is used many times, which gets a little repetitive.
      • Wow, eleven times. Even I find that exhausting...! The Rambling Man 22:24, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
      • Yes check.svg DoneDown to four, with some rephrasing to accommodate the removal. The Rambling Man 22:39, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
    • The "culture shock" at PSV that the Robson quote in the article mentions could be expanded by a couple of lines as it appears to have been a big factor in his PSV career - there's a chapter about his first spell at PSV in Dutch journalist Simon Kuper's Football Against the Enemy" entitled "Dutch and English - Why Bobby Robson failed in Holland". For the second PSV spell - the article reads like third was a big achievement, but at PSV, third is failure.
      • Yeah, agreed, for PSV for come third probably was a disaster for them, but for a manager to spend a single year with a club and still gain Champions League was, in my opinion (!), not bad work. However, I don't have Kuper's book, do you? Is there anything you could suggest and cite that I can add? The Rambling Man 22:26, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
I'll see what I can add. What does your book say about his departure in 1992? Kuper states that he learned about the decision not to renew his contract from the Dutch press. For the second spell, one simply needs to look at PSV's all time record. The last time they finished outside the top three was 1981, and since then they have finished outside the top two only four times. Oldelpaso 09:09, 26 August 2007 (UTC)

Hope this helps. Oldelpaso 18:34, 23 August 2007 (UTC)

  • X mark.svg Not done As yet, I can't see anything suitable to add. Perhaps you can suggest something reasonable from Kuper. For a single year in the job and Robson (for some reason) stating that finishing third was a "miracle", I've got nothing substantial to go on. His auto-bio claims a single year contract, no sign of sacking... The Rambling Man 16:03, 27 August 2007 (UTC)

Frances Oldham Kelsey[edit]

Looking for peer review to determine if the article is ready to submit for featured status. In particular I am soliciting comments on whether the article meets criteria 1(b) "Comprehensive" means that the article does not neglect major facts and details. --Trödel 21:27, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

Please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.[?] Thanks, DrKiernan 06:40, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

Guns N' Roses[edit]

Previous reviews:
1

Myself and alot of other users have been working hard to improve the article from its previous state, mostly adding sources and rewording already written material. However, I am confused; what can be done now to the article? Any comments and constructive criticism are welcome. Kind regards, Sebi [talk] 09:47, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

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The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
    Yes check.svg Done, see below. –sebi 07:12, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
    There have been difficulties in locating a freely-licensed image that contains the current band lineup, so this is not done yet. –sebi 07:12, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
    Yes check.svg Donesebi 07:12, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use th; for example, instead of using January 30th was a great day, use January 30 was a great day.[?]
    Yes check.svg Done, can't find any, I'm sure they have been removed already. –sebi 07:12, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), avoid using special characters (ex: &+{}[]) in headings.
    Title contains an apostrophe, so I'll ignore this. –sebi 07:12, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
    I'll make a proposal on the talk page later. –sebi 07:12, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: didn't, didn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
    Yes check.svg Donesebi 07:06, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
    Yes check.svg Done, none found (I remember fixing them previously). –sebi 07:12, 8 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 13:32, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

LuciferMorgan[edit]

  • Citations need formatting. LuciferMorgan 14:47, 7 August 2007 (UTC)
    Pretty much Yes check.svg Done, some of the sources (like an interview on a .txt file) have no dates, authors or publishers anywhere on them, but I'll hunt down some of those a little later. Thanks for the suggestion, though :) –sebi 07:00, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

I think it's overall a thorough, well done article, but strangely there seems to not be a specific description of musical style, tonality, composition and production techniques, etc. For comparison, look at the descriptions of musical techniques in the articles on Pink Floyd and Nine Inch Nails. I also wonder if you'd like to include some comments about the band's role in the "Sunset Strip scene/hair band genre" trends. VisitorTalk 06:11, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

Singapore[edit]

This article has previously undergone a peer review.

Singapore achieved GA status on 21 March 2006, but was delisted on 16 July 2007. I would appreciate any suggestions for improving the article so that it will regain GA status. --J.L.W.S. The Special One 13:54, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

  • There's really not enough referencing with footnotes in the article. Many of the sections need more referencing. It's especially important to have footnotes when numbers are cited or when absolute claims are being made, and this is something the article is lacking in certain areas. For example: The highest natural point of Singapore is Bukit Timah Hill. Something like that definitely needs a footnote, I would think. Another example: The lowest and highest temperatures recorded in its maritime history are 18.4 °C (65.1 °F) and 37.8 °C (100.0 °F) respectively. The highest wind speed recorded is 150 km/h on 26 May 2007. You don't need to add a footnote behind every single sentence, but ideally (in my opinion), you shouldn't leave a whole paragraph without footnotes either, and every fact should be verifiable by a reader who doesn't know anything about Singapore. Hong Qi Gong (Talk - Contribs) 04:49, 6 August 2007 (UTC)

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  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
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  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space -   between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 280 metres, use 280 metres, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 280 metres.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use th; for example, instead of using January 30th was a great day, use January 30 was a great day.[?]
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
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    • it has been
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Cambridge United F.C.[edit]

I have recently spent significant time improving this article and its related pages, and would now like independent feedback on how it can be improved and what grade the article should recieve. Many thanks Oli 12:40, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

Foxhill's comments[edit]

This is my first peer review for another article, I apologise if any of this is overly picky.

Formatting
References should be placed directly after punctuation, see Wikipedia:Footnotes#Where to place reference tags
YesY Done Oli 13:30, 12 August 2007 (UTC)
Seasons and date ranges in the article use both 1990-91 and 1990/91 format, WP:MOSNUM#Longer periods prefers the use of 1990–91 (using – instead of -)
YesY Done Oli 13:30, 12 August 2007 (UTC)
Content

History - League era - consider changing

"Although it reached 10th place in the Second Division in 1981, successive relegations in 1984 and 1985, including setting a league record for most games without a win in the 1983/84 season and equalling the record for most losses in a season during 1984/85 (33), put the club back in the league's basement."

to the following (or something you feel works better)

"Although it reached 10th place in the Second Division in 1981, the club was relegated in 1984 (setting a league record for most games without a win) and 1985 (equalling the league record for most losses in a season). These successive relegations placed the club back in Division Four, the lowest professional league in English football at the time."

and

"On 22 July 2005 the club came out of administration with a deal being struck with HM Revenue and Customs at the eleventh hour, after the intervention of then sports minister Richard Caborn, but by then had been relegated to the Conference National and lost control over its ground."

to

"On 22 July 2005 the club came out of administration with a deal being struck with HM Revenue and Customs at the eleventh hour after the intervention of then sports minister Richard Caborn. Cambridge had sold their Abbey Stadium home earlier in the season for £1.9 million; although they lost control of the ground - the money was essential in keeping the club afloat."

History - Recent history - consider changing

"Jimmy Quinn was appointed manager soon after Power took charge and after a difficult settling in period (including a humiliating 5-0 loss to local village team Histon), guided Cambridge to safety including five wins from their last seven games."

to

"Jimmy Quinn was appointed manager soon after Power took charge and, after a difficult settling-in period which included a humiliating 5-0 loss to local village team Histon, he guided Cambridge away from another possible relegation by achieving five wins from their last seven games of the season."

Colours and badge

"Cambridge has had a number of different shirt manufacturers since the first was displayed on the shirt including Umbro, Nike, Patrick, Sporta and currently Vandanel"

What does 'since the first was displayed on the shirt' refer to? Sponsors from the previous paragraph or kit manufacturer? If the latter, consider -

"The team's kits have been manufactured by a number of companies, with Umbro providing the first strip on which a maker's logo appeared. The club have subsequently worn kits created by Nike, Patrick, Sporta and Vandanel with the latter providing the strip for the 2007-08 season."

Stadium

"Cambridge United currently play their matches home matches at the Abbey Stadium" lose one of the matches

Supporters

The placement of the references for the list in this sections seems odd to me, consider what the sources are providing and the best location for the link.
"Away Travel Club[15]: officially linked with the club and provides match day travel to every away game, as well as hosting various fundraising events particularly for the youth system and sponsoring senior and youth players"
With the ref tag here, it seems to me that the source is verifying the fact that this group exists and what their name is, the statement that follows is then unsourced.
"Away Travel Club: officially linked with the club and provides match day travel to every away game, as well as hosting various fundraising events particularly for the youth system and sponsoring senior and youth players[15]"
With the ref tag here, the source would be verifying the entire statement.

for the following prose section -

"In the Conference, however, attendances at the Abbey have been among the highest in the league - in the first two seasons in the league the average home gate has been 2,607[20] (2005/06 season - 4th highest in the league) and 2,815[21] (2006/07 season - 4th). Attendance at away games has also been high in recent years compared to the home gate, although a precise figure is not available due to mixed crowds in some Conference games."

consider changing to -

"Since relegation, attendances at the Abbey have been amongst the highest in the Conference. Cambridge's first two seasons in this league saw them post the 4th highest attendance figures in both years (2,607 in 2005-06 and 2,815 in 2006-07).[20][21]"

The away game attendance is uncertain and shouldn't be included unless a figure or general statement can be provided to back the sentence up.

"Other rivals include Northampton and Rushden and Diamonds (due to geographical proximity), Brentford (due to sporting rivalry during the 1990s) and, due to their recent rise to the same league as Cambridge, Histon (based in the village of Histon just north of Cambridge)"

consider

"Other rivalries include those with Northampton and Rushden and Diamonds (due to geographical proximity), Brentford (due to sporting rivalry during the 1990s) and local team Histon who were promoted into the Conference in <season>."

Players - Reserves and centre of excellence

"Cambridge's Centre of Excellence is widely thought regarded throughout professional football circles as one of the best in England." choose between thought and regarded

Notable managers

Lose the 'arguably' statements, they're not needed

Honours

Consider formatting to the guideline for this section at Wikipedia:WikiProject Football/Clubs
Note also that Cambridge won the Southern League Cup in 1969 and were Souther League Premier Division champions for 1968-1969 and 1969-1970

Records

Biggest League Defeat is shown twice

External links

You can use the template {{BBC football info|c/cambridge_utd|Cambridge United}} to link to the relevant sections of the BBC Sport website as below

YesY All Done - mostly changed in accordance with suggestions save for a few minor edits Oli 15:37, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Following some changes to this article I feel it could be reclassified as a B-Class, however it would need a thorough copy editing by an outsider before pushing for GA. Hope this is of some help - Foxhill 18:32, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

Dave101's comments[edit]

A few comments:

Records

Convert this section to prose, if you want to make a list of all records then I would suggest making a new article, but in the main article you should keep the lists to a minimum.

Honours

Convert this to a table.

N Not Done - reformatted, but not to a table as per Wikipedia:WikiProject Football/Clubs guidelines Oli 15:37, 12 August 2007 (UTC)
Don't worry about the guidelines - there are plenty of FA's which use tables. Guidlines aren't policy, so we can twist them a bit. Mattythewhite 11:04, 14 August 2007 (UTC)
References

Use {{reflist|2}}, personally I have no problem with the use of scrolling references but the general opinion is that they should be avoided, see discussions here and this AfD.

YesY Done - having read the arguments on the above links, I've decided to remove the scrolling box Oli 15:37, 12 August 2007 (UTC)
History

I think if you wanted to bring this article to FA standard this section would need to be expanded with content from the History aritcle, at the moment it is perhaps too brief.

Overall, I think the article is in good shape, with a few changes you should be able to bring this to GA and then push for FA status. Dave101talk  21:17, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

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California State Route 37[edit]

This is the second request for Peer Review. After the previous one said the article had no problems and was ready for FA, the FAC failed miserably. Now that most of the problems issued there have been resolved, I would like to know if there are any problems with the article that would prevent this from reaching FA status. --wL<speak·check> 11:45, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

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Chia Thye Poh[edit]

It needs:
1) a photo of the subject.
2) information about his activities since full release in 1998.
3) access to this work might reveal some information - Hussin Mutalib (2003). Parties and Politics: A Study of Opposition Parties and the PAP in Singapore.
4) information about the full extent of his activities in 1966 that the got the government of Singapore so scared of him.
5) venues and timeframes for the places where he was detained in the period 1966-1989.
6) anything from his own inside story, although I don't believe he published memoirs.
7) the description of his religion for the infobox.
8) information about his public speeches, writings, and activities in the period from 1999 onward.
9) a source confirming that he was conferred with his Masters degree and his PhD.
10) confirmation of his exact year of birth. If it wasn't 1941, it was 1940 or 1942.
The biographical subject has a email address which I've messaged to. It is: chia@iss.nl
I have no idea whether he is still in the Netherlands at the present time, or how freqently he has been back to Singapore.
NonlisteningFriend 02:14, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

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Emotions Anonymous[edit]

I would like to know how far this article is from A/GA/FA quality. I would also appreciate some suggestions on the article's organization, some sections (e.g. Neurotics Anonymous in Mexico) seem a little out of place and could be integrated better. Also, I'm wondering how detrimental the articles length is, and would like suggestions on what could/should be cut. Suggestions on improving it's readability would also be appreciated. Please also point out anything else you consider to be important. -- Craigtalbert 21:42, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

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Lethbridge[edit]

old Peer Review

Moncton[edit]

Hello! I would like this article reviewed with Featured Article regulations in mind. Recently we achived GA status and were just wondering what needs to happen in order for the article to make it to FA. Any comments at all would be greatly appriciated. Stu pendousmat 21:56, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

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Baltimore City College[edit]

previous PR

This article has gone through various changes, since its last peer review and I am looking for further criticism in hopes of nominating it for FA. Any comments would be helpful. Thanks, Golem88991 02:27, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 12:48, 8 November 2007 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review. I think I have addressed most of you concerns at this point. Any other suggestions? Golem88991 22:19, 11 November 2007 (UTC)
I don't have much to offer but I wanted to give you something besides the automated review. What I'd suggest is a look at WP:CAPTION to add some weight to your photo captions (the photos are great, by the way). There are also some definite places that need more citations that should be relatively easy. For example, under Alumni Association, one of the 2007 inductees... there should be a news article or press release or something you can cite. I'm also questioning the origins for the name of The Collegian - a source would make it more convincing. Also, under Notable Alumni (and here and there throughout) there are very short paragraphs. As a rule of thumb, I usually suggest at least three sentences in each paragraph. Those are all just examples of some suggestions that can be applied throughout. Overall, though, it's a great article! I'm especially impressed by the breadth of sources - college/university articles tend to have difficulty finding third party sources, but this looks great. Keep it up! --Midnightdreary (talk) 03:36, 17 November 2007 (UTC)
Thank you for the review. I will work on making these improvements in the next few days. 128.252.254.17 (talk) 03:37, 28 November 2007 (UTC)
I left the previous comment. Golem88991 (talk) 03:37, 28 November 2007 (UTC)

Mass Transit incident (ECW)[edit]

I made a large edit to this page, creating paragraphs, fixing linking, and creating somewhat of a logical progression and flow to the article. I'd like to see what people think. 44 05:15, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

It looks like a decent article, with plenty of content. There are a few style fixes I'd be tempted to make, just to bring it up to the standard it could be at. For one, I'd be tempted to link the page back to its disambiguation page at Mass transit incident, but I'd read WP:DISAMBIG before going ahead and doing that. Second, it's a pretty hefty chunk of text at the moment. Try splitting it up further, using ===section dividers===. For guidance on that, I think you can refer to WP:MOS. Thirdly, a picture would add a lot to the article. Check out WP:IUP for guidelines on that. Perhaps most vitally, some inline references would add an enormous amount of credence. See WP:CITE and WP:REF for how to do that. I know that's a lot of guidelines and generally boring shit, but it's the backbone of this place. Lastly, think about what wikilinks are really necessary. It's tempting to link every noun and verb you use, but I'm not sure we need referring to "fuck" and "shit". If you need further help or whatever, just message me. Good luck with it all. Seegoon 22:16, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

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Super Crazy[edit]

I made a number of edits to this page, adding more information about his ECW and independent career. I'd like to know what people think. 44 05:13, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

This article appears to be fairly content-full. The first thing I noticed was the non-verified tag. The second thing I noticed was a red link for the image. The lead section is a bit short (should be 1-2 paragraphs for this length article), and its not clear to a non-wrestling fan like myself. (e.g., what is "RAW Brand") The Lead section should be able to explain the entire article to a no-brainer with enough detail that I don't need to read the rest. Perhaps:
Francisco Pantoja Islas (best known by his ring name Super Crazy) was born on December 3rd, 1973. He is a Mexican professional wrestler who is currently signed to World Wrestling Entertainment and performing in the RAW brand category. Super Crazy has fought for Extreme Championship Wrestling, Independent circuit and World Wrestling Entertainment. He is known for his signature line "I am super! I am crazy! I am...Super Crazy!"
The career section is very large and detailed, although it can be a bit difficult to read for a non wrestling fan. The other sections seem fairly empty in comparison to the career section. The "Wrestling facts" is a bad section for an article (its like Trivia (see WP:Trivia). Much better would be to change that to "Finishing and signature moves", and to move the one quote somewhere else (perhaps the intro as per my example), or come up with a few more quotes and make a section of it. Also, that section needs paragraphs and sentences, and explanation. (e.g.: Missile dropkick - Jumping off the turnbuckle and kicking the standing opponent) take a look at Wikipedia:Explain jargon. The entire article is a tad Jargonish actually. Another section that needs sentences is Championships and accomplishments.
The personal life section needs expanding. (and why is is last name used, instead of his first name?) When was he married? What are the kids names and ages? What does his wife do? Where do they live (not a full address...) How does he recreate? Where did he grow up? Parents names? Uncle with one eye? Lastly, this article needs Images. Portrait in the box, a few of him fighting or doing some move on a guy, winning a big trophy. anything. Sorry if I have been harsh, and sorry for my factual non-accuracy (I know nothing about wrestling). Best of luck. --TheJosh 12:18, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

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I've got a couple of input that'll help make this article more well rounded - a couple of quick ones really.
    1. This article is CRIMINALLY short on his pre-WWE time and then goes almost in the opposite direction and gets bloated with details the second he hits the WWE. it's a classic issue that a ton of wrestling articles suffer from and it's very evident here.
    2. The section of Crazy's personal life reads like a trivia bullet point list, expand the prose a bit so it's not just two lines
    3. Sources, sources and sources - I don't think I really need to say more right?

Just my first impression of the article. MPJ-DK 18:51, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

National University of Kyiv-Mohyla Academy[edit]

I'm trying to make a good and eventually a featured article of this one. I would be very thankful if you could leave comments on what can be improved. Silin2005 10:53, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

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Not bad...[edit]

It looks pretty good. It's already been rated for a B-class article, which I fully agree, but I'm not sure what the article's missing from lifting this article into a GA or even a FA. I'll probably come back with a fresh pair of eyes again later. - Jameson L. Tai talkcontribs 12:42, 2 December 2007 (UTC)

QI[edit]

previous PR

I am trying to get this article to FA status. I have put it up for FA before (See archive here) and some thins were raised up that prevented. The main problem that was not resolved where the images. It was said that they were too large, though I don't know if they referring to the image size within the article, or the images were just too large to begin with.

Most of the references are to the List of QI episodes articles. Whilst there are references to Wikipedia are considered to be weak, these articles are the most detailed guides to all QI episodes that I am aware of, and therefore I believe to be acceptable. ISD 07:27, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

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The Rape of Nanking (book)[edit]

Preparing the article for FAC. Please check for any WP:MOS problems. Thanks. Hong Qi Gong (Talk - Contribs) 00:22, 15 December 2007 (UTC)

Comments by BillDeanCarter[edit]

Well, writing about this book is definitely a worthy endeavor albeit a horrific topic. It makes me wonder how many terrible massacres have occurred throughout human history, and especially most recently. My comments are:

  • The lede should state where the massacre took place right away, which is in the then capital of the Republic of China. Perhaps copy something out of the Nanking Massacre article. Also maybe mention the historical context of this massacre. Was it the only massacre done by the Japanese Army. Also, why were they doing it? Why were they there? Maybe even convey what the book revealed that had been forgotten. Although this article's about the book, it presents important facts and you want the lede to basically give the reader a complete picture. So because the history is so important, the lede should tell you more about it.
  • Also, mention in the lede how Chang took her own life which is sad.
  • See WP:MOSQUOTE and WP:PUNC - Punctuation goes outside of the quotation mark for incomplete sentences. The punctuation doesn't conform throughout the article, starting with In the introduction of The Rape of Nanking, she wrote that throughout her childhood, the Nanking Massacre "remained buried in the back of [her] mind as a metaphor for unspeakable evil."
  • Why didn't The San Francisco Chronicle publish her rebuttal? Was it cowardice or something else? Surely, they should have. Who did publish it?
  • In the lede mention that the book was published in English, and that a Japanese language edition was never published due to the controversial publishing practices, and Chang's refusal to submit to them.

Overall excellent and really the only issues are with the lede, and you definitely know this topic inside out. Best of luck as you proceed towards FA.-BillDeanCarter (talk) 20:09, 15 December 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments, especially about how to use quotes - that has always been confusing to me but was one thing I was too lazy to go and read about. I'll see about implementing the changes you suggested and reply again later. Hong Qi Gong (Talk - Contribs) 20:31, 15 December 2007 (UTC)

Comments by John Smith's[edit]

I would personally not mention Chang's suicide in the lead, though it may be relevant somewhere else. If I'm right she was so traumatised by the research on the massacre that it was the main reason she "lost it" in her last years?

I would propose merging the criticism section with the "reponse to criticism" bit. The critical review mentioned in the latter is confusing to lead off a section titled "response". Put that review in criticism and then have a sub-heading for the attempted response. It slots in much better that way. John Smith's (talk) 20:34, 16 December 2007 (UTC)

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 01:22, 19 December 2007 (UTC)

Wisden Trophy[edit]

Wikipedia:Peer review/Wisden Trophy/archive2

Just got this page to GA and want to put this through another peer review before I nominate this to FAC Monsta666 19:10, 5 October 2007 (UTC)

  • Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR t 13:30, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
Um, still needs caps for "first Test" and so forth. I should read it more cerfeully soon. And don't compare it to The Ashes simply because it is an FA. The Ashes is in terrible shape and isn't even a B class really. It became FA in the old old days. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 01:35, 12 October 2007 (UTC)

The Raven[edit]

The famous poem by Edgar Allan Poe. A couple of us have been putting some significant work into this article, essentially recreating it over the past month or two. I'm wondering if the information feels complete, well-organized, and well-presented with the intention of aiming for Good Article status. Also curious about its use of images. Some discussions were started throughout the article's talk page if anyone cares to take a look at where we struggled. Any comments are welcome and appreciated! --Midnightdreary 23:37, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Review by Awadewit[edit]

I like your username! I found this a very good start on "The Raven". Here are my suggestions for improvement.

Major content issues:

  • It seems that you rely on very few sources for this article. Since scholars have written so much on "The Raven", I was hoping for a greater diversity in the sources. Also, it is hard to know what the "scholarly consensus" is on a poem if you have only read a few books and articles (whether you have read more or not, I cannot know, but from the article it looks like not). Wikipedia articles are supposed to present the scholarly consensus, so it usually takes a lot of work to figure out what that is (I would assume that the Cambridge Companion would lead you to other sources via a bibliography or its footnotes). I have higher standards regarding this than other editors, though. Certainly for GA, no one will ask for that level of research (too bad, really). However, your restricted list of sources also limits the article. For example, you discuss only one real "theme"--loss. Certainly there are others. I would recommend a large expansion of that section ("allusions" are not themes, as I am sure you know - they can point to themes, but they are not themes in and of themselves).

Lead:

  • You might think about expanding the lead per WP:LEAD. Also, having one paragraph is a bit difficult for the reader who only glances at the article - I would separate out the first two sentences into their own first paragraph.
  • I think including a publication date in the first two sentences of the lead would be a good idea - let the reader know right away what time period the poem belongs to.
  • it tells of a talking raven's mysterious visit to a distraught lover, tracing the lover's slow descent into madness - Can we say a bit more about the lover?
  • Poe claims to have written the poem very logically and methodically to create a poem that would appeal to both critical and popular tastes - this is a bit vague and I'm not sure how "logically" connects to a broad appeal
  • The poem was inspired in part by a talking raven in the work of Charles Dickens and the complex rhythm and meter of Elizabeth Barrett. - which Dickens work? Barrett Browning herself doesn't have complex rhythm - her poetry does :); also, I believe she is usually referred to as "Elizabeth Barrett Browning"

Organization:

  • I would put the section on "Poetic structure" first, followed by a "Themes" section and then the "Allusions" section. I would illustrate the meter and rhyme scheme with a quotation - it helps readers follow what you are saying. Also, make clearer what "trochaic" means - most people don't know.
  • "The Raven" has also appeared in numerous anthologies, starting with Poets and Poetry of America edited by Rufus Wilmot Griswold in 1847. - What about putting this in the "Critical reception and impact" section?
  • The "illustration" paragraph could be arranged more coherently. Also, what has been said about these illustrations? Could you have a whole section on them? (See here for a small example of this kind of section; it's not the best, but you get the idea.)
  • I can see why you placed the "Composition" section later in the article, but I would place it after the "Overview". Although Poe's statements about inspiration and literary theory come chronologically after the publication of the poem, obviously his ideas about writing the poem came before the publication of the poem. To me, it makes more sense to put that section earlier in the article.
  • The information in the "Inspiration" section seems like it could be better placed - I would place the Dickens bit in the "Allusions" section and the Barret Browning bit in the "Poetic structure" bit.

Minor content issues:

  • Suddenly distraught, he remarks that his "friend" the raven will soon fly out of his life, as "other friends have flown before" as well as his previous hopes. - Is he "suddenly distraught"? I thought he was already distraught over Lenore? (awkward sentence contruction as well)
  • Nevertheless, "The Raven" has influenced many modern works, including " Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita in 1955, Bernard Malamud's "The Jewbird" in 1963 and Ray Bradbury's "The Parrot Who Knew Papa" in 1976. - Might you explain how?

Citations:

  • You need inline citations for any quotes from the poem that appear in the article. There are multiple versions of the poem, as you know, so the reader needs to know which one you are citing from.

Prose (I would suggest you find a copy editor for this article - there are a lot of awkward and wordy sentences). Here are some examples:

  • He thinks deeply about this, not saying anything, but his mind wanders back to his lost Lenore. - What is "this"?
  • Presumably at the time of the poem's recitation by the narrator, the raven "still is sitting" on the bust of Pallas, its shadow casting over his soul. - last phrase is awkward
  • The poem is about loss with the narrator having a perverse conflict between desire to forget and desire to remember. - awkward
  • The narrator is often assumed to be a young scholar, suggested by his reading books and the bust of Pallas, representing wisdom.[4] This is not explicitly stated in the poem. - Perhaps you could combine these two sentences?; also, the syntax is a bit awkward in the first sentence
  • Similar to the studies suggested in Poe's short story "Ligeia," it is likely meant to suggest the occult or black magic. - hard to follow - what is "it"?
  • This is emphasized in the choice of setting the poem in December, when the forces of darkness are believed to be especially active, and the use of the "devil bird" of the raven. - awkward and wordy
  • Later works paired "The Raven" with premier illustrators. - diction could be better
  • The poem made an instant impact. - vague; it would, at the very least, seem to be a positive impact

Minor style points:

  • Apostrophe "s"'s go inside links (see WP:MOS-L#Form).
  • All of the images are on the right side of the page - could you stagger them? It is more aesthetically pleasing that way (see WP:IMAGE). Per your question about the images, I think they are fine, although I didn't check their fair/free use status.

If you have any questions regarding this review, feel free to drop a line at my talk page. I'm happy to see someone working on this page - I assume it will be visited a lot! Awadewit | talk 22:18, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

Response All these suggestions were great, but I struggled with two of them. The information about how "Lolita" and Ray Bradbury were inspired is unclear and I'm not familiar with the works to comment further. My source didn't go beyond a quick mention. I also did not change the sentence, "The poem made an instant impact." I wasn't sure if adding the word "positive" would take away from WP:NPOV and, besides, the Critical Response section emphasizes both positive and negative. What do you think (or anyone else, for that matter)? --Midnightdreary 17:23, 13 August 2007 (UTC)
  • If your sources do not expand on the influence on Bradbury and Nabokov, then you cannot say anything more. Did you look at any Bradbury and Nabokov sources, by the way? They might have more details. Awadewit | talk 07:12, 14 August 2007 (UTC)
  • The reason I was suggesting "positive" is because that is what the evidence in the paragraph suggests. I would expect that the Cambridge Companion would have a general statement regarding the reception of the poem. Your "impact" sentence is a mini-claim followed by bits of evidence, so the claim should be as specific as possible. You need such a sentence, otherwise the section will simply become a list of critical responses and will not synthesize that data for the reader. I understand your concerns about original research, but I am confident that you can find a source that discusses the reception in broad enough terms to enable you to write a claim-sentence here. Awadewit | talk 07:12, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

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The Singapore Stone[edit]

Thanks to a major expansion by Jacklee, The Singapore Stone passed DYK on 22 July 2007. This article appears to have GA potential, and I would appreciate any suggestions for improving the article so that it can achieve GA status. --J.L.W.S. The Special One 07:35, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

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The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • There may be an applicable infobox for this article. For example, see Template:Infobox Biography, Template:Infobox School, or Template:Infobox City.[?] (Note that there might not be an applicable infobox; remember that these suggestions are not generated manually)
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 10 ft, use 10 ft, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 10&nbsp;ft.[?]
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  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • it has been
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
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Peer review Habbo Hotel has had a peer review by Wikipedia editors which is now archived.

Habbo Hotel[edit]

Relisting for peer review, as I received no response last time. I'd really like for someone to give this article a thorough review, if not, a short note pointing out some obvious errors. Input on the talk page is limited, so please, any input will be much appreciated. Kind regards, –sebi 05:33, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

Box at the top: "This article or section is written like an advertisement.". That's no good. Plenty of pictures, good (although be careful with copyright, that's a lot of fair-use images). There appears to be a lot of content about the in-game world, although not that much about the game itself. I think you should shorten the "Inside the Hotel" section. i.e., you probably don't need to explain the four in-game games with a paragraph each, just give them a sentence (e.g. Wobble Squabble - an elimination game played on inflatables in a swimming pool in the Hotel). The image under "Habbo eXperts" flows beyond its section, killing the line under "Sponsorship", you should move that image up so its under the previous heading. There are some table cells missing in "Current Hotels". --TheJosh 12:42, 5 August 2007 (UTC)
The only pictures that we can include that are relevant to the subject are in-game screenshots, which are fair-use images, and so there's not a lot anyone can do about that. The inside the hotel section is just about the main cause of that advert tag at the top of the page, I'll discuss that a little further on the talk page. And I'm planning to expand the Habbo eXpert section and the Sponsorship section, so it might fit after I've finished. Thanks for the review, though :) –sebi 07:19, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

Review by Giggy[edit]

Well, the advertisment tag isn't a good start.

  • The lead is to long and drawn out IMO - we really don't need that much of a gameplay analysis in it. Merge paragraphs 2 and 3, and shorten them both, so it's only a broad, broad summary.
I actually think the lead is a perfect size, but thanks for the suggestion anyway. –sebi 05:27, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
That's because too much of the article is devoted to gameplay ;) If you shorten that and de-cruft it, you'll have to shorten the lead too! Giggy Talk 06:33, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
But the lead only covers a short history, credits and furniture, moderation and management and achievements in a short summary; these are the most important points of the article. I personally believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the lead right now. –sebi 07:13, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Expand the history section - discuss the idea, the creation, any problems in its creation, etc. That's a much more important section then gameplay etc.
  • Remove the subsections in the features section, and merge the whole thing into one paragraph on features - avoid gamecruft, this isn't a game manual.
  • Same with the inside the hotel section - a few paragraphs could summarise the entire thing. Precedent: [1] The current article discusses gameplay, and instructs, way to much - shouldn't be a game guide!
  • You only really need one paragraph on mods and experts, not all the (I'll say it again) cruft.
IMHO, the mods and experts sections don't look like cruft to me, the information in them is quite valuable. If you could point out a couple of advertise-y comments in those sections, I'll remove them. –sebi 05:27, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
Moderators can be recognised by the prefix "MOD-" in front of their account name and by a Habbo Staff badge. - Does the article really need this? It's totally useless to someone who isn't/hasn't played the game. Habbo eXperts are given a badge next to their avatar to enable newer users to identify them easily - Same...and a lot of the gameplay based statements here fall under the same cat (only I don't want to cite the majority of the paragraph!) Giggy Talk 06:33, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Expand on the sponsorship section, wherever possible. This is something that the article SHOULD discuss.
I have an idea on expanding the section, I'll make the changes later on. –sebi 05:27, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
  • This section could be merged into a separate list article.
Really? I wouldn't have thought so, the list isn't that long. –sebi 05:27, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
Yes, but if you make a separate list article, you can discuss the hotels too, rather then just plonking them on this one. Giggy Talk 06:33, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
What is there to discuss? I think that everything about the Hotel can be included in this one article, rather than expanding to other articles; the scope isn't that large anyway. –sebi 07:13, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
  • What's with the external links - where's the link to the HH home page, etc.?
As there are 29 hotels with 29 different home pages, the Current hotels list has all the links to the websites. –sebi 05:27, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
There isn't a "main" hotel? Giggy Talk 06:33, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
Nope. –sebi 07:13, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

That's all I've got for now...I've watchlisted this page, so ask any questions :) Giggy Talk 23:45, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
    • Nope, all pictures that could be of any use are copyrighted screenshots, so this can't be done. –sebi 02:25, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
      • I know it sounds like a long shot, or just odd, but sometimes a picture of people playing the game is appreciated. Strange, yes, but most a few people ask for that sort of thing... Giggy Talk 07:03, 19 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • While additive terms like “also”, “in addition”, “additionally”, “moreover”, and “furthermore” may sometimes be useful, overusing them when they aren't necessary can instead detract from the brilliancy of the article. This article has 23 additive terms, a bit too much.
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: wouldn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
    • "Wouldn't" wasn't found in the article, it was found in the html comment text, so I'm ignoring this. –sebi 02:28, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 15:19, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

Alexander Graham Bell[edit]

Looking for Peer Review to get to GA status. --Richard Arthur Norton (1958- ) 16:14, 13 August 2007 (UTC)

4u1e's comments
  • According to Wikipedia's guidelines, the lead should be longer. There's plenty more material that can be included in two or three paragraphs of summary.
  • It would 'feel' better to me to describe his parents before his siblings, but I'm not sure I can explain why!
  • Re middle names (and this is probably too trivial to cover in the article) it strikes me as odd that his three brothers all had middle names, but that he apparently did not until he adopted one at the age of 11. Are we sure that the story is correct?
  • Which version of English is the article in? I can see 'at age 11', which is American English (instead of 'at the age of 11'), but I can also see 'honoured', which is British English. I guess you can make a case for either version, given the man's history, but whichever it is it should be consistent. (On further reading, It looks like the article is in US English, in which case 'honoured' needs to be changed to 'honored', and any other necessary changes).
  • The order of events in the early part of 'Biography' seems a little mixed up. I would suggest moving the elements on deafness in the first para to around about the second mention of deafness (the fourth para).
  • Some one sentence paragraphs throughout, which probably need to be integrated more fully into the flow of the piece. 4u1e 14:30, 14 August 2007 (UTC)
  • What's a 'pupil-teacher'? Not a term I've heard of before - a pupil who also teaches? Suggest it should be clarified.
  • "The following year, he attended the University of Edinburgh, but he graduated from the University of Toronto." I assume that he did not graduate from Toronto until after he emigrated to Canada in 1870, 6 years later? If so, this should be clarified.
  • "He served as an instructor at Somerset College, Bath, Somerset, England". Do we know what he was an instructor in?
  • "...endeavored to find a way to transmit musical notes and articulate speech." Is ambiguous. Should it be "...endeavored to find a way to transmit speech and musical notes"?
  • The wikilink to the Bell Telephone Company goes to a disambiguation page. I guess it should probably go to American Telephone & Telegraph, or that a new article should be created, or there should be a redlink here.
  • The split between the biography and the other sections doesn't quite come off at present. I like the general principle, which I take to be to give an overview of his life first, before going into particular topics in depth. It's an approach I use myself. At present, though, the biography section doesn't cover enough of Bell's career - in particular the 'invention' (or whatever term you wish to use!) of the telephone. In the current version para 9 of the biography has Bell wondering whether he has the knowledge to make a telephone work. The next para starts with the foundation of the Bell Telephone Company - surely there must be something significant development that can be summarised in between these two points! More generally, in places the 'Biography' feels a bit like it's all the bits that couldn't be got in under any of the other headings (sorry!). I would suggest reviewing the structure and content of the biography from scratch, and finding other homes for bits of information that do not fit.
  • Bell's presidency of the National Geographic Society is repeated in two successive paragraphs; Suggest that it be rewritten so that it appears only once.
  • "Upon Bell's death, the nation's phones stilled their ringing for a silent minute in tribute to the man whose yearning to communicate made them possible." - This is unreferenced, sounds a bit unlikely and is not really in encyclopedic style: If it is true, and can be referenced, suggest something along the lines of "On Bell's death, phone services in the United States were suspended for one minute in tribute."
    • Appears to be an uncredited lift from this page. Another option would therefore be to put it in quote marks and attribute it, although it's a bit dramatic for my tastes! 4u1e 08:07, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Does the 'Competitors' section belong here in such detail? I was expecting a brief summary of all the others who had worked on various telephone like devices, and their relationship to Bell, rather than a detailed account of Meucci's work. I suggest the current material be cut down, and perhaps some added on other inventors. I also suggest refocussing the piece on AGB's own involvement.
  • The heading 'Other inventions' under 'Later inventions' is a bit awkward - can an alternative be found?
  • The 'Other inventions' section lacks any inline references. Can these be added?
  • What is " the metal jacket that assists in breathing"? Sounds a bit like an Iron lung, but I can see no reference to Bell in that article.
  • "investigated on how to separate salt from seawater" Is this an invention? If so what is it? If not, suggest it is moved out of the list of inventions.
  • The 'Eugenics' section has no inline references. This is always going to be a controversial topic and needs to be carefully referenced from excellent sources.
  • 'Tributes' is a bit listy, and reads a little like a trivia section. What is the relevance of the points listed? (presuambly that Bell has made it into the wider public consciousness or similar)
  • You need to reference points marked as [citation needed]

Hope that's helpful - it is intended to be! Please contact me if you have any questions. Cheers. 4u1e 18:28, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

Genesis I (module)[edit]

I've recently completely rewritten this article (along with Genesis II (module), which I intend to submit for review at a later date, and Sundancer) and feel it may be acceptable as a Good Article (certainly too short for FA). Everything is fairly stable, decently sourced, etc; I like it, but extra eyes can only make it better. Any and all feedback is appreciated. -- Huntster T@C 11:12, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

I think you should have the year in the lead. Also, I would prefer that these be Genesis I and Genesis II, and the movie be moved to Genesis II (film). ←BenB4 11:30, 14 August 2007 (UTC)
As in 'launched in 2006' or similar? That should be easy enough. My reasoning for the article titles, however, is the conflict with the books of Genesis in the Christian Bible. It is something I've been tossing around in my skull for some time, that the "Genesis 1"/"Genesis I" current redirects should point to Genesis rather than this article, given that they are likely going to have higher intended traffic. For now, I'd like to see what others think, but it is certainly something that needs to be taken care of, one way or the other. -- Huntster T@C 11:40, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

Ramón Emeterio Betances[edit]

Article recently passed GA. It is compelling and very comprehensive. It has 110 references and nearly 10,000 words. Only issues arising are copyediting, its lead section, and its length. Suggestions as to how to correct these situations before nominating for FA are welcome. - Mtmelendez (Talk|UB|Home) 02:20, 6 August 2007 (UTC)

I don't understand this sentence:

  • Since buying the freedom of slave children cost 25 pesos if the child was a slave, and 50 pesos if the child had been freed, Betances, Basora, Segundo Ruiz Belvis and other members of the society waited next to the baptismal font on Sundays, expecting a master to take a slave family to baptize their child.

--Ace Telephone 18:08, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

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  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • apparently
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
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  • The script has spotted the following contractions: don't, didn't, don't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
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Thoughts on the Education of Daughters[edit]

This is a work on education by Mary Wollstonecraft. I am aiming to take it to FAC in the future (part of my Wollstonecraft "featured topic" endeavor). Any comments towards that end and with regards to accessibility would be much appreciated. Awadewit | talk 23:04, 7 August 2007 (UTC)

4u1e's comments
  • MIght be useful to review the lead as a summary of the main article. At first glance there is some material in the lead that does not appear elsewhere.
  • I have added material on the popularity of the conduct book in the "Genre" section. Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • What forced Wollstonecraft to close her school in the late 1780s? It may not have any relevance; I think it was just the use of the word 'forced' together with Wollstonecraft now being thought of as a feminist that made me wonder if there was anything to it.
  • Added "due to financial difficulties" (it didn't have anything to do with her views on women, as far as I know). Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • The first para of 'Structure and composition' seems to be more about Wollstonecraft's origins as a writer (first para) and a summary of the book (second para) than the composition of this specific book - I agree that this is relevant, but should it be under this heading? The summary of the book (second para) doesn't feel to me like a 'structure', but that may be my unfamiliarity with articles on books.
  • Kind of you to say "that may be my unfamiliarity" when really it was my poor organization. I have moved the material that briefly describes the book (the equivalent of the "plot summary") to the "Genre" section, although perhaps it should be in its own section ("Overview"?). I have moved the generalized comments about Wollstonecraft as an educator to the "Pedagogical theory" section and renamed the section "Biographical background". Let me know if you think these are improvements. Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Yes, I like the revised version. I think probably you are right to suggest that the 'plot summary' should be in a separate section, rather than being included with 'Genre'.4u1e 12:35, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • 'liberal publisher' Joseph Johnson - would it be useful to have slightly more background on this man? How 'radical' was this book (i.e. how small 'l' liberal did Johnson have to be to publish it?) Are readers going to get liberal confused with Liberal? Have I got the two confused?
  • I have described Johnson as her friend and publisher now, skirting the "liberal" problem. His liberalism was not relevant to his publication of Thoughts, although it was relevant to his support of Wollstonecraft as a writer. Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • 'Theater going' - US or UK English? The subject matter would suggest the latter, although no doubt someone will inform me that 'theater' was normal (or at least acceptable!) UK English in the 19th century ;-) (On further reading, I've spotted 'favorably' as well. Strictly speaking the article should be in UK English, which wouldn't really involve many changes.....)
  • I speak AE, so it is easier for me to write that way. Since I am (sadly) the sole editor of the page, I think it is easier to leave it as AE. That way the article won't constantly be in a state of dialectical flux. Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • OK. One thought, though: I know Wikipedia articles are never 'finished', but since you are the sole editor, it is likely that once you get this to FA standard (as I'm sure you will) it will be pretty stable. You could fairly easily convert it to UK English at that point. In this case I think it's only a matter of spellings (or > our, ize > ise er > re), since you're writing in a formal style and idiom is not likely to be an issue. Happy to help if you wish to do this. 4u1e 09:23, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • That is very kind of you. Unfortunately, the articles I work on tend not to be "finished", even in a loose sense after FA. Since I am constantly researching the topics I have written articles on, I often find a better way to discuss something or a new article or book that should be included. Most of my projects are truly ongoing, especially since most of the people and texts I am writing about are so interconnected. I hope, as I learn more, to make those connections clearer. I would hate to bother you every time I made a major change to an article I was working on (I really only write about British events, people and texts). :) Awadewit | talk 09:55, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Sounds like you're in the ideal position to learn another language (i.e. UK English!) :). I tend to be sensitive to the varieties of English used in articles, (probably through continuously having to revert 'tire' to 'tyre'...), but it's your call. 4u1e 11:33, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I'm a little uncomfortable with the shifts in tense: I can see that Wollstonecraft's life should be in the past tense, while the 'aims' of the book (if a book can have aims :S) should be in present tense, since it still exists. However, phrases like "In her later works, Wollstonecraft repeatedly returns to the topics" feel to me as if they should be in the past tense, since we are talking about the woman, not the specific works. Again - this may be a convention for this kind of writing.
  • I have tried to standardize the verbs to the "biographical past" and the "literary present". Awadewit | talk 22:29, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Really picky: "At the end of the 18th Century" (Beginning of the 'Genre' section) implies only the final decade or so to me. Since we're talking about the final quarter century, would "In the last quarter of the 18th century" be more accurate? Or some other wording?
  • That section now has specific dates and I have made other references more precise. Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • "More recently, a few scholars have argued...." - It would be nice to know how much more recently. Is this a 1960s/70s phenomenon, as many will assume?
  • I have just deleted the unnecessary temporal reference. Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • "These scholars therefore see..." It's not clear to me how one gets from seeing Wollstonecraft as a proto-feminist to seeing Thoughts drawing on several different literary traditions. The link may need to be expanded (Or I may just be missing the point! ;))
  • I have expanded this explanation. Let me know if it is clearer now. Awadewit | talk 04:52, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Yes, clearer now. 4u1e 12:35, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Under 'Education of women', the final sentence of the first para ("Unfortunately, by envisioning a masculine role for women, one that they could not actually perform in the public sphere, Wollstonecraft leaves women without much of a place in society") sounds like an authorial view. Whose view is it? Kelly's (in which case, could it be attributed?) Or is that the generally held view, in which case it should be re-worded. In any case, probably a good idea to lose the word 'Unfortunately' as it tends to set off those of us with our POV-meters turned up to 11.
  • I have replaced "unfortunately" with "however". Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • OK, but can you confirm that the view expressed is genuinely a consensus one? It just feels quite 'individual' to me. Sorry to be a pain! 4u1e 09:41, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I checked back in a few of my sources. Only Kelly makes the explicit connection to the professional man (as far as I can tell at this moment), although all of my sources emphasize how Wollstonecraft's view of femininity in Thoughts is limiting and confining to some degree or another. The question, I think, is whether this idea merits mention in the text as "belonging" to Kelly. Since it is only a comparison used to make the same larger point as other writers, I would tend not to think so. Your question, by the way, is one that I wrestle with for almost every sentence. Attributing everyone's idea to them can have deleterious consequences on an article because it will start to sound like "X says...Y argues in response...However, Z maintains..." I am struggling with precisely this problem at Maria: or, The Wrongs of Woman, for example. It is the bane of literature articles. Awadewit | talk 10:11, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I would suggest perhaps re-writing the sentence as the more general version of the comment about the worldview being limiting and confining, then. Your call, obviously, but that sentence just has a strong 'feel' of an individual view, which may set the spider senses of other reviewers tingling. 4u1e 11:33, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Although having read it again just now it doesn't seem like so much of a problem! That may just be increasing familiarity with the article though.... 4u1e 12:35, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • What I have done is attribute Kelly's quote in that sentence to him - that should cover the sentence. I have also added a phrase to the next sentence, making the "confining" bit clearer. Awadewit | talk 01:51, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Works better for me! 4u1e 08:56, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Next para: "Thoughts was insistent". Thoughts is usually referred to elsewhere in the article in the present tense ("Thoughts advocates...", "Thoughts follows..."). Why is it different here?
  • I'm not familiar with the author or the work (I know, philistine....) but this seems quite comprehensive. A few thoughts on elements that might be added:
-Did the re-printed book have any influence in the 1970s (other than widening academic study of Wollstonecraft's work)? Given its content, it seems unlikely, but the influence of The Art of War in modern management seems pretty unlikely too!
  • As far as I know, the book had no modern impact beyond contributing to our knowledge about eighteenth-century British women writers and Mary Wollstonecraft. Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Fair enough, then. 4u1e 09:23, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
-I tend to get overly hung up on why and how things got started, and on that level I don't get much sense from this article of why Wollstonecraft wrote this book at that time. There is a hint in the lead ("Wollstonecraft took advantage of this burgeoning market to publish Thoughts") but nothing more. Was it such a deliberate, market led decision?
  • Yes, it would seem that she wrote for the market. I have tried to suggest this more clearly in the "Biographical background" section and in the "Reception" section. Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Good - clearer now. 4u1e 08:56, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
-Is it normal in articles on books to give chapter headings? Might give another form of summary of the content.
  • I'm sorry, I don't quite follow what you mean. Would you clarify? Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Sorry! It was meant as a suggestion: Would it be useful to give a list of chapter headings? One possible advantage of doing so is that it might (depending on what the headings are) give the reader a different or supplementary view of the structure and content of the book. 4u1e 09:23, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I would rather expand on the summary of Thoughts by adding another paragraph rather than by adding a list. Let me know if you think the current description of the text is too spare and I will augment it. Awadewit | talk 09:55, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • It 'feels' sparse, but I haven't read the book. If the book really has a structure, this could be described further. Are themes and arguments developed in any particular way, or is it simply a set of chapter headings on different topics? 4u1e 12:35, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • The book is basically a set of loosely-linked chapters. However, I will add some more detail to this description so that the readers has a better idea of what it is exactly. Awadewit | talk 01:51, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I like what you have done with this - I've got a clearer idea of what the book is now. 4u1e 18:12, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Obviously I don't have the sources, but I'm a little suspicious of the article's unanimity of view on Woolstonecraft. The only area in which different views are expressed is that of the book's radicalism. Are scholars really so in agreement on the books influences and themes?
  • I actually tried to present the consensus opinions, as that is how I interpret wikipedia's idea of "encyclopedic". The alternative views on the conduct book and the text's radicalness are there because they are important minority opinions. (There are only a handful of scholars who have written on this text, anyway. I am fearful of making disagreements between ten or fifteen people sound like different schools of thought. This is in contrast to the works of Jane Austen or John Locke, for example, whose texts have been interpreted by thousands of people.) Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • That's fine - I just wondered if the consensus was so even. If everyone's generally in agreement (without blowing up minor differences to something they're not!) then I think your approach is right. 4u1e 09:23, 16 August 2007 (UTC)

Hope that's helpful. It's been an educational read! Please contact me if (when...) you find any of the above unclear. Cheers. ;-) 4u1e 15:58, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

Thank you so much! Your comments are helpful, indeed. Awadewit | talk 22:04, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
  • One new comment: You've got a repetition of "The Angel in the House" in the second para of 'Genre'. 4u1e 12:36, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Yes - one is the concept and one is the name of the poem (the concept was named after the poem). Awadewit | talk 01:54, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
  • But the second mention also says that the term has become a shorthand for the concept, virtually a repeat of the first mention. I think :S 4u1e 08:56, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I think you've addressed all the points I raised - good work and good luck with the FAC process! 4u1e 18:12, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

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karanacs comments[edit]

I don't normally review articles about literary works, so I am not familiar with the wikipedia standards for those articles. I reviewed this primarily from the standpoint of a regular reader. Overall, I though the article was informative and well-written. I only found a few minor things to correct.

  • I would remove "However" from the 2nd sentence of Biographical background section
  • I need some sort of word there that demonstrates a contrast between her attempting to run the school and it failing. Do you think it would be better if I joined the first two sentences together with a "but"? Awadewit | talk 20:25, 20 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I don't think you need the sentence about Johnson helping her to find rooms in the city and becoming a close friend unless you mean to imply that the only reason he bought the rights to the book was to help her.
  • Johnson may very well have bought the rights only in order to help her out. Very few of Johnson's records are left and none from that period. Some of the scholarship on Wollstonecraft suggests that Johnson purchased several of her works out of charity, but none of them make a strong claim for that. Let me know what you think I should do. Awadewit | talk 20:25, 20 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Don't include external links in the body of the article. There is an external link to a poem. Instead, link to the wikipedia article for that poem, which already includes an external link to the gutenburg project

Good luck! Karanacs 14:48, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

Pennsylvania Route 145[edit]

After its first FAC failed, I would like broader input about how this article can be improved. Major parts include sourcing, grammar, and the overall readers' experience. (O - RLY?) 02:28, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

The article seems full of facts about the current route, but I don't see a comment about what is significant about this road unless one happened to be planning a drive to or from Allentown. VisitorTalk 06:14, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

For me, the article was difficult to follow. As somebody who has never been to Pennsylvania, the article was "fact overload". If I were planning a trip through Allentown and wanted to know if PA145 were right for me, it would be more helpful to know that PA145 is routed along MacArthur Road, a major thoroughfare. Listing every street or feature crossed makes it tough, as I have no map nor know what these things are. If I did need to know this I'd go to maps.google.com anyways. Similarly I'd cut down on, the highway is 2 lanes undivided here, 6 lane undivided there. With that said the article has a lot of potential. I definitely know more about the Lehigh valley than I did before. I'd say less facts, more detail on the more important facts. I suspect I will receive the same feedback on my request above, as I tend to do the same =-) Davemeistermoab 04:01, 14 October 2007 (UTC)

Automated peer review[edit]

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The Apprentice (UK Series Three)[edit]

Want to get it to GA status soon. All comments welcome/appreciated. Dalejenkins | The Apprentice (UK)'s FA plea-please have your say! 15:06, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

  • A very good article, in my opinion. Some things I would note though:
    1. The image in the template does not have a substantial fair use rationale. Yes check.svg Done
    2. You might be over-linking references in some parts. I don't think anyone will care, though.
It's better to over-link than under-link, that's what I go by. :D Dalejenkins | The Apprentice (UK Series Three)'s Peer Review-Review now please! 21:30, 12 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Overall, very well-written and attractive. Should pass with flying colors. --Haemo 08:07, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Lion[edit]

A couple of editors (me included) have been sort of making improvements to this article in an attempt to get it to FA. Things are going pretty well, but we'd like to here the comments of some others impartial to the article. Suggested improvements, things that could be better referenced, better prose ideas... anything at all is greatly appreciated. Thanks -- Anonymous DissidentTalk 02:12, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Spebi's review

  • Add the parameter |small=yes to the protection template; this large banner at the top has a history of scaring away readers who come to the page to get information for a school project, or something similar. A large banner at the top of "Today's featured article" isn't the best form of welcoming newcomers with our slogan "anyone can edit".
  • Either WP:LEAD or WP:SUMMARY, it states that the lead summary should not have citations, because the information to be cited will be cited later on in the article, as the lead summary is supposed to be a summary of the whole article.Carry on. –sebi 22:09, 11 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Ugh! {{fact}} tags! Work hard to track down sources to replace those ugly, little things.
  • Conservation status: there is a big fat [#] external link in there, that I think was intended to be a citation; fix it. They appear again in Attacks on humans.
  • Clean out External links section, looking carefully at each external link, and deciding whether the information it provides adds to the discussion.
  • Look at the current images in the article, and remove, I'd say about 1 or 2 of them. Otherwise, the article will start to get very cluttered easily, full of lion pictures. Also, rewrite the image captions, so they aren't as bland as some of them are right now. Example: "Male lion in the Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania", you may want to specify what breed of lion this lion is (if it isn't just the standard lion breed).

You've done a great job at improving the article. I believe that all popular zoo animals should be brought up to featured articles, as they are among the most viewed articles on Wikipedia (mainly of school children completing assignments on zoo animals). Keep up the great work :) –sebi 02:39, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Looks pretty decent overall. Finish up finding sources where the citation needed tags are. I am also interested in knowing more about maneless male lions. What is the cause of a lack of a mane? Is it heat, subspecies, diet related? How common are they (I have never heard of them). It might not be too easy to get more info on them, but here's a few links: [2], [3], [4], [5], (pdf file)--MONGO 17:28, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the links. I'll take a look tomorrow. -- Anonymous DissidentTalk 17:35, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

50 Cent discography[edit]

Apart from a few stability issues (he's releasing an album next month), I think this is close a featured list. Comments are welcome. Spellcast 00:18, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Spebi

  • This may take a while (and you don't have to do it), but I'd like to see all citations cited properly using {{cite web}}.
  • The 50 Cent image, you may wish to change the caption from just "50 Cent", to something like "50 Cent at the 2006 Music Awards in California, Los Angeles, May 2007" or something like that.
Done. Spellcast 16:16, 11 August 2007 (UTC)
  • You may also wish to change the opening statement to "This is a comprehensive listing of the discography of American rapper 50 Cent", or something similar, rather than just "This is the discography [...]".
And done. Spellcast 16:16, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Not much else to say, I'm afraid, but you've done a good job at tidying up the article. It's bordering featured list, however, keep a close eye (much closer eye) on the article as the release date grows near. Kind regards, –sebi 05:48, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Dalejenkins
Don't just use {{cite web}}, use {{cite news}}, {{cite book}} and so on if applicable. Dalejenkins | The Apprentice (UK)'s FA plea-please have your say! 09:54, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

To be honest, I prefer the manual format. The references are consistent and would look exactly the same if it used a template. The templates are somewhat bulky and the manual form takes up less space yet gives the same information. Spellcast 16:16, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Anti-pedophile activism[edit]

POV problems.

Then I suggest Wikipedia:Pages needing attention. — RJH (talk) 19:40, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Pro-pedophile activism[edit]

POV problems.

Then I suggest Wikipedia:Pages needing attention. — RJH (talk) 19:40, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

List of Kingdom Hearts media[edit]

This article was recently an article about the Kingdom Hearts manga that is related to the Kingdom Hearts video game series. It was switched to a list format in order to encompass all the related media of the series since the manga article looked like it wasn't making any real progress. Myself and other editors would like to make it to Featured List and would appreciate any comments and criticism that would help accomplish that. Thank you (Guyinblack25 talk 22:52, 9 August 2007 (UTC))

User:Krator[edit]

  • If possible, find a book review instead of amazon.com as a citation for the manga and the novels.
  • Yes check.svg Done Some notes might be appropriate with the mangas and novels. For example "follows the storyline of the second game" - I know it is in the title, but explaining it further cannot hurt.
  • Yes check.svg Done Mangas and novels have publishers. This is important, so note it.
  • Yes check.svg Done Instead of writing N/A, make the cell in the table another colour - white perhaps, or a darker grey. N/A everywhere is a bit ugly.
  • Yes check.svg Done I assume the Japanese titles are in Japanese, and that the current listings are translated from that. Maybe state the Japanese titles, and move the English titles to the "English" column.
  • Yes check.svg Done Decrease the margin between the first table in the novels section and the image, so that the Japanese titles do not span two lines (like "Kingdom Hearts Part 1", with only "1" on the second line).
  • Yes check.svg Done The lead section seems short, especially because you have some real text in the article as well, not only a list. See WP:LS.
  • Yes check.svg Done What about some useful external links?

--User:Krator (t c) 23:24, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

I've begun to make edits per your comments, two of your points have been addressed and others are partially done. Thank you for your suggestions. (Guyinblack25 talk 04:29, 10 August 2007 (UTC))
Address two more points and have expanded the lead paragraph and tried to make the manga paragraph more concise. (Guyinblack25 talk 15:46, 10 August 2007 (UTC))
Have finished addressing three more points. The list is really starting to shape up nicely. Any other comments/suggestions would be appreciated. (Guyinblack25 talk 05:51, 11 August 2007 (UTC))

Automated Peer Review[edit]

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Danny Tidwell[edit]

I've listed this article for peer review because I feel that the article is on its way to becoming a GA, but a second set of eyes never hurts. I am a (if not the) principal contributor to this article, and have worked on it exhaustively.

Thanks,

Esprit15d 21:09, 21 August 2007 (UTC

Overall a fine article. If you update it as his career developments, the individual events (e.g. 'So You Think...' appearance) will need to be edited down to summaries to keep the overall article length reasonable.

The sidebar photo is dynamic, but his hand obscures his face. I recommend having a picture that shows his whole face.

Currently I haven't been able to find any other free images, but when I do, I will change it out.--Esprit15d 17:40, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
I just asked the webmaster at Danny's favorite fanblog for a photo. Danny invited him to a party last weekend, and I was hoping that he got a photo he might be willing to release into the GFDL.--Esprit15d 18:11, 23 August 2007 (UTC)

The career section's first sentence has a punctuation error with extra space added.Yes check.svg Done

If there are Wikipedia articles on jazz dance and ballet, I recommend linking to them in the lead.Yes check.svg Done

Recommend adding a Biography section and moving the Early Life and Early Career sections inside of it.

VisitorTalk 15:18, 23 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for your suggestions - I appreciate them.--Esprit15d 17:40, 23 August 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Honduras[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:24, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Venezuela[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:16, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in El Salvador[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:26, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Costa Rica[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:27, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Haiti[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:29, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Argentina[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:32, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Chile[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:34, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Bolivia[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:37, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Paraguay[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:41, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in the Dominican Republic[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:30, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Ecuador[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:38, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Brazil[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:33, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Colombia[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:40, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Nicaragua[edit]

This article already is one of the more comprehensive country articles on water supply and sanitation in the world. I would like to initiate a peer review process covering any aspect of the article to see if it could be categorized as a good article.--Mschiffler 15:48, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in India[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:43, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Water supply and sanitation in Ethiopia[edit]

Please review this article to see if it conforms with the criteria for a good article.--Mschiffler 16:45, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Mountain Meadows massacre[edit]

Numerous editors have worked on this page over a period of months. We hope to have this featured near the 150th anniversary of the event on September 11, 2007. Please review for the following:

Speaking only for myself, I have trouble viewing this article in a dispassionate way, as my edits are perfect. Face-smile.svg I seek the clarity of fresh eyes, and the enthusiasm of neutral reviewers. Thanks in advance. Robbie Giles 13:11, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

AndyZ Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • Svg check.svgIf there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?] (Done. --Robbie Giles 14:02, 29 July 2007 (UTC))
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 15 miles, use 15 miles, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 15&nbsp;miles.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use th; for example, instead of using January 30th was a great day, use January 30 was a great day.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
  • There are a few sections that are too short and that should be either expanded or merged.
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: couldn't, can't, don't, hasn't, hasn't, don't, don't, doesn't, isn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

DrKiernan review[edit]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:43, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

I think it looks very good from a brief personal glance, and probably could reach FA status. DrKiernan 14:43, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Review by Remember the dot[edit]

This article has some good information, but it is way too long. It needs to be split up into several smaller articles of manageable sizes. See Wikipedia:Summary style and Wikipedia:Article size. —Remember the dot (talk) 05:14, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

There is debate among those of us currently editing the article. I agree that this article is too long and some of the background material is too detailed. I am working to tighten the prose, but it needs major trimming after verifying that material targeted for deletion is in a companion article. Thanks for your review. --Robbie Giles 13:20, 6 August 2007 (UTC)
How about writing a 30 KB summary of the article, and creating articles such as Background of the Mountain Meadows massacre, Baker-Fancher party, Investigations of the Mountain Meadows massacre, and Commemorations of the Mountain Meadows massacre for the details? —Remember the dot (talk) 18:15, 6 August 2007 (UTC)
Right now, the article is just under 60kb of prose. This is within the "may eventually need to be divided" range in the Wikipedia:Article size guideline. I've worked to shorten the background section. Now, the background, including the background on the Fanchers, is just 7 KB, which I think is quite reasonable considering the fact that the secondary sources generally devote a much higher percentage to background, and this subject matter requires a particularly-large amount of context. Since the background is short now, and already represents just about the most compressed summary of the background that I can think of, I think we should leave it intact. Splitting it further would start to cause problems with NPOV forking, since most Mormon apologetic commentators emphasize the "past persecutions" part of the background as a way of explaining the massacre, while Mormon critics emphasize the "blood of the prophets" part of the background as a way of showing how the massacre was inevitable.
I think the best candidates for sub-articles would be "Escalating tensions", "Conspiracy and massacre" and "Investigations and prosecutions". Each of these three chunks all have about the same amount of (or potential for) substantive material in them. COGDEN 19:58, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

Wikipediatoperfection review[edit]

This is an exhaustive and well sourced article. Its main contributors should be proud. It seems to be more or less NPOV. It is, however, extremely long. To put this in perspective, this article is bigger than the article on Hitler. And the article on Hitler is massive. I agree with the suggestions above to break the article into several smaller articles. Particularly the section on the Utah War which already has its own page needs to be drastically scaled back. I tend not to like the policy of shoving virtually everything to separate articles as is often done with larger articles. I think that it tends to be used to sweep the dirt under the rug. However, this article desperately need it.

You have all obviously put a great deal of work into the article. If you do some trimming I think this page deserves to be on the front page around the 150th anniversary. Wikipediatoperfection 09:02, 19 August 2007 (UTC)

Actually, this article is somewhat smaller than Adolf Hitler. When considering article size, only the readable prose is counted, and the Mountain Meadows massacre article has about 60 kB, whereas Adolf Hitler has about 72 kB. By comparison, The Lord of the Rings, Alcibiades, and Punk rock, some of the larger articles to be featured on the front page, are each about 50 kB. I'm not saying that the Mountain Meadows article shouldn't be shortened, but the size isn't quite as out-of-proportion as the raw article size would suggest. That number is inflated because of the large number of citations. I think if we reduce the size slightly to 50kB we'll be okay. COGDEN 17:39, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

Bride burning[edit]

This article suffered from some POVpushing back in February 2007. This cooled down a few months ago and recently I made a number of edits to remove original research and synthesis.

I'm interested to see what other editors think of the article, its sourcing, its neutrality, tone etc. I'd really just like to see what other people think needs improvement--Cailil talk 00:12, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 20:45, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for looking at the article--Cailil talk 19:31, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

Lung cancer[edit]

This article is mature now, and complies with Wikipedia:Manual of Style (medicine-related articles). It is already a "Good article". I hope that it will soon be "Featured article" quality. Thanks. Axl 07:41, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 12:05, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

From SandyGeorgia[edit]

Nice compliance with MEDMOS! There are some issues with WP:MOS though:

Very fine start, but the content could be beefed up. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:01, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback. I'm working on it. Axl 09:49, 4 August 2007 (UTC)
The footnotes can use more work. The empty paramters in the cite templates can add as much as 5KB (unnecessarily) to the article size, and make it harder to edit the article. You aren't using the URL and PMID parameters correctly in the cite templates; URL should be used for links to full-text versions of the journal reports, while the pmid parameter links to abstracts only. Make sure all publishers are specified on websources. There's a pmid filler in the userbox on my user page; you supply a PMID and it generate the entire cite template for you. The lead still seems short (see WP:LEAD, it should be a compelling, stand-alone summary), and perhaps you can get more feedback from the Medicine projects on how to beef up the content. Compare to Influenza, Tuberculosis and Coeliac disease. Great progress so far ! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:54, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
You can ask Brighterorange (talk · contribs) to run his script to fix the dashes in your article per WP:DASH. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:02, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
Okay, thanks. Axl 07:11, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

Marcus Trescothick[edit]

This article has had a peer review archived here, but after a fresh input into the article, another Peer review from either a cricketing or style/prose view would be welcome –MDCollins (talk) 12:33, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer review: The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
    • Removed link to stand-alone year: no context there really.
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
    • In infobox.
  • As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use th; for example, instead of using January 30th was a great day, use January 30 was a great day.[?]
    • As far as I can see, the 'th' is only added to ordinal numbers (100th Test), and not on dates
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), avoid using special characters (ex: &+{}[]) in headings.
    • Not displayed, only in conjunction with –
  • This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, than an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.[?]
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: won't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
    • One case, inside quotation so can stay.
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks,

Minor points addressed –MDCollins (talk) 15:27, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

Andrew Saul[edit]

Request peer review for Andrew Saul. Would like to ensure NPOV, and elevate to GA and eventually A-class status. MrPrada 21:27, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

Hm. Sorry, but I couldn't make myself read all this. So, only a few points:
  • The lead is way too long.
Heh, I will try to work on that. A few other GAs I've submitted were initially turned down for having leads that were too short--so now I tend to do them overkill. I was attempting to follow the guideline that the lead should be an article in and of itself suitable for inclusion on Wiki for Schools CD or Wiki 1.0 MrPrada 10:19, 21 August 2007 (UTC)
  • It's more an article about the TSP and Saul's current campaign.Yes check.svg Done
I figured this would be an issue (at least the part about the TSP). However I would like to point out that the TSP section is fundamentally different then the other actual TSP article, except for the section on the TSP funds. The reason that this information isn't on the other article is because it discusses Saul's direct involvement, which I think is more relevant to this article then the one on the plan. As for the "TSP Funds", which I think there smallest case to include, I put it in there because the article goes on to discuss all of these various types of funds and I think it helps the reader differentiate between them. Besides, I've taken it almost directly from the TSP website, because I am by no means a financial expert. MrPrada 10:19, 21 August 2007 (UTC)]
  • It even links to Saul's campaign website in a most prominent spot. Is that compatible with our NPOV rules?Yes check.svg Done
As far as I know, Yes. It is identical to every other politician infobox I've seen. If its wrong, please let me know so I can take it out of the templates (since I know I've added website links to a number of articles and probably won't be able to go back and remove all of them by hand) MrPrada 10:19, 21 August 2007 (UTC)
Lupo 10:08, 21 August 2007 (UTC)

I have to agree with the above review that the current article is a disorganized and overlong mess.

I'm not sure I agree that it is overly long, although I have reread it several times and will attempt to organize it better. It weighs in about the same size as other FA bios.

"millionaire businessman from Katonah, New York" should be removed, and his candidacy should be included in the first paragraph. "Andrew Saul is Chairman... and a Republican candidate for United States Congress."

Out of curiosity, what is wrong with referring to him as a millionaire? I'd have no problem taking it out, I just don't really see a problem with stating the obvious. His money surely has had an influence on his political appointments and congressional ambitions.

All but the first sentence about TSP should be removed from the lead. The paragraph about the TSP's finances and his political views re: the TSP should all be moved to the TSP section.

Removing all of that content would bring it under what WP:Lead calls for. It is a summary of everything that follows in the TSP section, there is no new information to merge. Also, are you differentiating between the FTRIB or the TSP?

Cache: "has served on the board" - is he currently on the board?Yes check.svg Done

As far as I know, yes, according to the last SEC filings.

Has he been required to set aside his board memberships for the political campaign, or would he be required to set them aside if elected?

No, at least not for his role as Chairman of the FRTIB according to the referenced Senate testimony. He may have to leave the board if elected, however I don't want to violate WP:OR and look it up. Perhaps I can include some prior precedent from another CEO-congerssman?

Bridge and tunnel "some public outcry" should be defined. Were there demonstrations? Newspaper editorials? Specific concerns about transportation safety, or just a general concern that maintenance should be better funded? How did the MTA respond?Yes check.svg Done

The article that is cited details the outcry, it was town hall style meetings. Perhaps I could rephrase somehow? It is so recent that the MTA hasn't had their monthly board meeting yet to respond.

The photo caption is completely unneeded. It should simply read, "Andrew Saul (left) at an MTA station."Yes check.svg Done

I was trying to follow the summarization suggestions from the how-to-write-an-FA guide. I can remove it.

The "bungled computer project" and "economic weapon" paragraphs read like campaign speeches praising a candidate, not encyclopedia reports of historical events. "Designed the TSP around index funds as a way to stymie..." is opinion unless you have a valid source indicating that this was officially the intention of Congress. "investment consultant" is duplicated. The nature of the conflict with Congress is not specified in the article.Yes check.svg Done

Bungled computer project can easily be rephrased. Not sure how you would rework "economic weapon", that is what the divesting is supposed to accomplish, is it not? Also, it is cited, so I am unsure what other valid source I should provide? It is not the opinion of ALL congressmembers, I will reread it to make sure I am not implying that in the text. The conflict wtih congress was over political manipulation of the TSP-funds. I included a section on authority, and REITs.

ALL the background material about the TSP should be moved to a new article about the TSP. The Andrew Saul article should consist ONLY of material that is specific to Mr. Saul's career, campaign, and personal history.Yes check.svg Done

The background material on the TSP (specifically, the first paragraph of the TSP section, and the "Fund section") already exist in the TSP-article. They are inserted here to help the reader better understand the difference between the different types of funds, how they work, and what they are invested in, since nearly all of what follow discusses Saul and the funds.

The references section should only be used for citing references. The long quotes should be used within the body of the article itself. Yes check.svg Done

Perhaps I can move the quotes to a footnotes section? I did not want to make the article any longer then it already is in the main portion of it, so the full quotes were left down at the bottom.MrPrada 21:29, 23 August 2007 (UTC)

VisitorTalk 15:49, 23 August 2007 (UTC)

Clan MacAulay[edit]

I'm hoping to get some feedback to help make a stronger article. Any suggestions would be great. This article hasn't been reviewed yet. Thanks.--Celtus 05:09, 23 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
Lengthened lead section.--Celtus 09:50, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
Dates fixed as per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates).--Celtus 09:50, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
Fixed.--Celtus 09:50, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
This recommendation doesn't seem to apply to this article.--Celtus 09:50, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
You have several headings beginning with "The" and one beginning with "An", the recommendation is to remove these words, i.e. "An allliance with clan Gregor" would become "Alliance with clan Gregor", etc. Also, you have an extra l in alliance! DrKiernan 07:29, 9 August 2007 (UTC)
OK, got it. Headings no long start with The and An.--Celtus 06:51, 10 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Please reorder/rename the last few sections to follow guidelines at Wikipedia:Guide to layout.[?]
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
  • This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, than an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.[?]
  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • it is claimed
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: wasn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
Fixed.--Celtus 09:50, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:31, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Lewis Hamilton[edit]

This article underwent a peer review a couple of months ago, resulting in its promotion to GA. I'm looking for assistance from experienced editors as to what further needs to be done in order to achieve FA status. Specific areas of concern are:

  • The length of the lead section. During GA myself and other regular contributors reached consensus that the lead was of acceptable length for the overall article's length, whilst the reviewer commented that it "would need be doubled or tripled in length to reach FA." Specifically are there any areas that appear to be sparsely covered in the lead, or any topics which should be given an extra sentence or two?

* Stability. A quick glance at the edit history would seem to suggest that the article is unstable. However the high volume of edits immediately after a Grand Prix are necessary to ensure that recent events (i.e. the last race) are covered in the same manner as the rest of the article and not given undue weight.

YesYResolved, subject to a current event template being added to this page during grand prix weekends and a thorough check of the prose afterwards.

  • Reliability of a specific source: see recent edit history and talk page relating to the f1fanatic site.


Please feel free to make additional comments and suggestions on any other areas of the article.

Thanks in advance. BeL1EveR 00:29, 30 July 2007 (UTC)


Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
N Not Done. Agree that this needs to be done, will make an attempt later this evening. Further suggestions as to what is required welcome.

*Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]

YesY Done. As per this section, this article either conforms to the agreed standard, or there is no consensus objecting to the date linking currently applied. BeL1EveR 20:59, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

*Per Wikipedia:What is a featured article?, Images should have concise captions.[?]

YesY Done BeL1EveR 21:32, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

*There may be an applicable infobox for this article. For example, see Template:Infobox Biography, Template:Infobox School, or Template:Infobox City.[?] (Note that there might not be an applicable infobox; remember that these suggestions are not generated manually)

YesY Done already BeL1EveR 20:59, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

*If this article is about a person, please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.[?]

YesY Done BeL1EveR 21:09, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

*Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]

YesY Done already. BeL1EveR 20:59, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

*The script has spotted the following contractions: don't, won't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.

YesY Believe to be done. The only instances I could find of these contractions were within <!-- ... --> tags, and are both appropriate and necessary. BeL1EveR 20:59, 1 August 2007 (UTC)


You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 20:52, 30 July 2007 (UTC)
N Not Fully Done. I think the prose is of a good standard. However in response I will give article a thorough copyedit after the Hungarian Grand Prix and attempt to reduce redundant terms. I shall leave it for now as there is a grand prix weekend approaching and it would be more prudent to wait until the page is no longer documenting a current event. Thanks for the response! BeL1EveR 20:59, 1 August 2007 (UTC)



Due to a number of factors, but primarily unforseen circumstances in the last race, some of these points will need to be put on hold until consensus is reached on how his F1 career should be covered. BeL1EveR 01:07, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Singapore 2006[edit]

Singapore 2006's previous GA nomination failed on 18 January 2007. I would appreciate any suggestions for improving the article so that a second GA nomination will be successful. --J.L.W.S. The Special One 13:54, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

Semi-auto review[edit]

The following suggestions were partly generated by a semi-automatic javascript program.

  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 8 metre, use 8 metre, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 8&nbsp;metre.[?]
  • The table of contents (ToC) may be too long - consider shrinking it down by merging short sections.
  • There are weasel words in this article - please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view:
    • It has been reported that...
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations, i.e. who reported it?[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 07:53, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Yellowstone fires of 1988[edit]

previous PR

Oscar Wilde[edit]

I am shortly to be doing a Jumpaclass for Robbie Ross, and because his life is most often written about through the context of Oscar's life, I'm going to be wading through every Oscar biography I can get my hands on. Which means I may as well get some work done on Oscar's article as well while I have the material in front of me (after I've finished the Jumpaclass). Immediate issues I can see are the short unhelpful lead and a lack of inline citations, but I haven't given the article that close an inspection. Reviews with an eye to an eventual FAC would be appreciated. Dev920 (Have a nice day!) 16:34, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 30 miles, use 30 miles, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 30&nbsp;miles.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
  • Please make the spelling of English words consistent with either American or British spelling, depending upon the subject of the article. Examples include: behaviour (B) (American: behavior), meter (A) (British: metre), defence (B) (American: defense), offence (B) (American: offense), recognise (B) (American: recognize), realize (A) (British: realise), criticize (A) (British: criticise), isation (B) (American: ization), travelled (B) (American: traveled), aging (A) (British: ageing).
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
    • Avoid misplaced formality: “in order to/for” (-> to/for), “thereupon”, “notwithstanding”, etc.
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas.

The suggestions above are automatically generated so I don't know how many are generated from quotes rather than your actual article, anyway, I would suggest expanding the lead. Thanks, DrKiernan 09:08, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Review by Awadewit[edit]

This article has some good parts, but many of the lists need to be changed into prose and whole sections on Wilde's writings need to be included. Here are my suggestions for improvement:

Missing sections:

  • There should be entire sections on Wilde's writings that explain their major themes and reception. These can either be integrated into the biography (see Sarah Trimmer) or separated out (see Anna Laetitia Barbauld, whichever you think works best for Wilde).

Content and organization:

  • I would delete the "Influences" and "Influenced" lists from the infobox. These lists are arbitrary, subjective and massive. Any important influences should be discussed in the article.
  • When you introduce people, you have to mention who they are in a brief phrase. Not all readers are going to know the names you are mentioning.
  • EX: Here, Lady Wilde held a regular Saturday afternoon salon with guests including Sheridan le Fanu, Samuel Lever, George Petrie, Isaac Butt and Samuel Ferguson.
  • EX: as it was in keeping with the doctrine of Art for art's sake, coined by the philosopher Victor Cousin, promoted by Theophile Gautier and brought into prominence by James McNeill Whistler
  • Wilde's address in the 1881 British Census is given as 1 Tite Street, London. The head of the household is listed as Frank Miles with whom Wilde shared rooms at this address. - This seems extraneous unless you can give more context.
  • Legends persist that his behaviour cost him a dunking in the River Cherwell in addition to having his rooms (which still survive as student accommodation at his old college) trashed, but the cult spread among certain segments of society to such an extent that languishing attitudes, "too-too" costumes and aestheticism generally became a recognised pose. - You might think about explaining "too-too" costumes and other topics readers might not be familiar with.
  • Wilde's mode of dress also came under attack by critics such as Higginson, who wrote in his paper Unmanly Manhood, at his general concern that Wildes' effeminacy would influence the behaviour of men and women, arguing that his poetry "eclipses masculine ideals [..that..] under such influence men would become effeminate dandies'. - Who is Higginson? awkward sentence - keeps going and going
  • Though he was sometimes ridiculed for them, his paradoxes and witty sayings were quoted on all sides. - Can we get a quote?
  • The section on Wilde's arrest is a little disorganized. Also, why not a quote from the famous poem?
  • Can you expand on De Profundis? What are differences between the versions? What does it actually say?
  • The "Biographies" section should either be rewritten in prose or made part of a "Bibliography" (by the way, novels are not biographies - the novelizations of Wilde's life should be separated out).
  • "Biographical films" should be written in prose, perhaps part of a "Legacy" section.

Prose:

  • The article needs a copy editor. There are quite a few awkward sentences:
  • EX: He was granted a scholarship to Magdalen College, Oxford, where he continued his studies from 1874 to 1878 and where he became a part of the Aesthetic movement, one of its tenets being to make an art of life.
  • EX: He also scrutinises the link that Oscar Wildes' writing, personal image and homosexuality may have, resulting in calling his work and lifestyle 'Immoral'.

Images:

  • Can we get a better picture of the Wilde statue in Merrion Square?
  • The "offending inscription" should be written out in the caption - the writing is hard to read.

Other:

  • The lead problem you have already recognized (see WP:LEAD for helpful hints on writing the lead).
  • The inline citation problem you have already noted (see WP:CITE for rules on this).

Let me know if you have any questions regarding this review. I look forward to reading the improved article. Wilde is an important figure and I'm glad someone has taken on the project of writing this article. Awadewit | talk 11:53, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

That's excellent, thank you. I've been having library card troubles but I should be fully booksed up in the next days and I look forward to dealing with your suggestions. Dev920 (Have a nice day!) 22:39, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
Not entirely certain where the hell a week went, but I do now have the books. It must because it's the holidays or something... Dev920 (Have a nice day!) 08:53, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

Economy of ancient Tamil country[edit]

The Sangam age is considered an important period in the history of southern India. This article aims to give the reader a detailed account of the state of the economy in the ancient Tamil country. Please review and provide feedback, as to how to make this article FA quality. Thanks. Lotlil 02:40, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

  • Comment: I haven't read the article in detail, but it contains very detailed information supported by appropriate citations. My initial suggestion is to include a discussion on the source of the information such as from the ancient literates, epigraphy, archeology, etc. I will add more comments when I find some time to read it in full. Also, attribution of Kallanai to the ancient Karikala has not been universally accepted by historians. Parthi talk/contribs 05:49, 26 July 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for the comments, Parthi. I've seen Kallanai attributed to Karikalan in many sources -journals and books - which is why I included that part. In any case, since there is doubt, I have removed his name from the article. We can take the discussion to the talk page once the review is over. As for the sources, currently the article mentions these primary sources not in one single section but wherever the reference to facts are made. For ex., in Foreign trade, I've included quotes from Periplus about the trade route. And, in the Markets section, I've mentioned the primary source to be Mathuraikanci etc. I will try to summarise all these into one section at the beginning, without repeating the info later. Lotlil 12:59, 26 July 2007 (UTC)
Follow-up Both suggestions addressed. The sources section took longer than I thought, but it's there now. Lotlil 05:08, 7 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Comment: The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.
    • Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.[?]
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You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 15:02, 26 July 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for running the auto-review tool on this article. I believe most of the issues are taken care of already. I dont know if an infobox would be useful for this article. Lotlil 16:21, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Taprobanus:

  • 1) Per WP:LEAD, you need to provide context as to what ancient Tamil country is. Atleast one ot twop sentence although you are linking to it. For a reader who does not understand the subject matter will not have any idea as to what you are talking about.
  • 2) A map of ancient Tamil country would even be better
  • 3) It is imperative the article on Korkai be complete
Thanks for the comments, Taprobanus. I'm working on the Korkai article, just havent had a chance to complete my edits. Point taken about the map. I'll get to the context thing shortly. Lotlil 23:03, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
Follow-up Done. Korkai article is a stub, but has relevant info to give a context to the reader. I'll expand it in the coming days. I also created a simple map, doesn't look too professional.. so please feel free to improve it if you prefer.Lotlil 05:08, 7 August 2007 (UTC)

This edit and its edit summary caught my eye. So I thought that article was in pr and I typed out a review. Now I see that it is a different article that is in pr. However, most of my concerns for this article and few other articles also remains the same. So I will go ahead and paste the review of that article that I had typed out.

Reply Thanks for reviewing the article(s).
Review

I dont know any other way to say this, but since it is in PR, let me say this. Will you guys for once stop blurring the lines between history, mythology and fictional poetry?! Forget wikipedia for a minute, do you realise that when it comes to real historical evidence of the so called Sangam age, there is next to nothing? Do you realise that almost all the content of this and other articles that you've created is gleaned straight from Sangam poetry which is not considered to be of any historical worth by several historians? Even historians like KANS who claim to see an underlying historical 'basis' in Sangam literature do not go so far as to take every line literally. Even he does not advance beyond a nominal reconstruction of history from these Sangam accounts. And here, you have gone ahead and reproduced the entirety of Sangam poetry as history!! No disclaimers, nothing!

Reply First of all, let’s clarify this minor detail: I did not interpret Sangam poems, nor did I glean any material from them directly. I gleaned it from the books and journals written by the dozen-odd scholars, historians and academicians mentioned in the footnotes. In other words, these articles are based entirely on secondary sources, per policy. I should also mention here that I intentionally ignored any work written in Tamil, for the benefit of verifiability by the wiki community, even if it meant I had to spend some extra time collecting sources in English.
As for the alleged lack of "real historical evidence", I hope you meant non-literary evidence, because contemporary literature is the foremost source for the history of any age before the modern era. But, even with the non-literary sources, we do not draw a blank like you want to believe. There is numismatic and epigraphic evidence, that have been used by scholars to give us a corroborated version of the history. For a sample, see this article and this sandbox page which is incomplete.
BTW, whatever gave you the impression that this is the entirety of Sangam literature??


Getting into specifics, I havent read the article fully, but let me try..

Among the five geographical divisions of the Sangam age Tamil country, the Marutam region was the most fit for cultivation, as it had the most fertile lands.[3]

  • Comment - Tinai belongs in poetry. It belongs in the poetic imagination of Sangam poets. It is NOT recorded history.
Reply It is the accepted history. Saying that it is someone’s imagination is OR.
Follow-up: I've reworded this part a bit, clarifying that the division exists in literature. I will look for more instances that may need clarification, if you see any do mention them here. Lotlil 23:27, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

The prosperity of a farmer depended on getting the necessary sunlight, seasonal rains and the fertiliy of the soil. Among these elements of nature, sunlight was considered indispensable by the ancient Tamils, because if rains fail other methods of irrigation could be put to use and if the soil wasn't naturally fertile, artificial manuring would enrich the soil.

  • Comment - Inanities. Is there any farmer or farming community in the world that does not depend on sunlight, rains and fertility of the soil? "Sunlight was considered indispensible"!! wow! I dont want to point out each one but the article is full of inanities like this.
Reply It was indeed thoughtful of you to remove that snide remark that you had made. Anyway, the bigger point to be grasped here is that their techniques were advanced enough that rain and soil fertility were *not* indispensable. People knew how to enhance shortcomings among these two elements of nature, but with sunlight they were helpless. Now, if you have a suggestion to reword, without compromising the information, I'm all ears.
Questionable historicity

Apart from the traditional landlords and cultivators, there were absentee landlords too. There are various instances in which the kings donated tax-free lands to poets, brahmins, educational institutions and hospitals. Lands given to brahmins was known Brahmateya. When lands were gifted to brahmins and poets, these donees quite often left the donated lands in the hands of tenants or farm laborers. The terms of tenancy in respect of such cultivation are not known. Sometimes independent laborers were engaged for specific puposes and were known as Adiyor. Regardless of the nature of ownership, ranging from great landlords who owned vast stretches of land to an ordinary cultivator who owned a tiny piece of land, there was a feeling of pride in the fact that they were the producers of food.

  • Comment - How do you/we know? Do you realise that to reconstruct a history of this sort, we'd need 'epigraphic' evidence? We'd need something like the copper plate grants of the later Cholas or Chalukyas or Hoysalas, Vijayanagara etc.,.? Do you realise that of epigraphic evidence there is next to nothing when it comes to the 'Sangam age'? For starters, there is no evidence even to prove the historicity of any of the Sangam kings.(see Early Chola kings). So how is it that you've managed to reconstruct the most minor details of how much land he held, how much he gave away as grants etc? Do you really think that reconstructing the most specific of details is possible from poetry?
Reply First of all, there are (unfortunately) no details of exactly how much the king owned and how much he gave away. But, like I said, to know more about how these details have been inferred from literature, I humbly refer you to my sources. They are better equipped than I am, to say why and how they did it.
About the apparent disrespect to literary sources, do you realize that all the accounts of early history has been arrived at using literature mostly. Other scientific evidence merely provides corroborative evidence. You wouldn’t, for example, find the entire account of Mauryan administration engraved in stone. But, let’s digress a bit: why do we even stop at epigraphic evidence, we could question that too. After all, they are just graffiti engraved on stone. Whoever did that could’ve imagined whatever they scribbled, couldn’t they? That is the very nature of reconstructing history. Any Tom, Dick and Harry can come up with their version of history or start questioning scholarly versions of history. We, at wikipedia, have the responsibility to give due weightage to every opinion, solely based on how popular it is among scholars. If you can bring sources that say all that I have written is trash, I will be happy to AfD these articles.
Coming back to literary sources, most of Roman and Greece history comes to us through literature, much more than epigraphy or archaeology. Ancient Ceylon became clear to us due to the Mahavamsa and the Culavamsa. For that matter, should we (as a fun exercise) analyse the articles on Gangas and Kadambas and find out exactly how much of the information is sourced from epigraphy or archaeology?
Let’s address the other issue about authenticity of Sangam literature, specifically. That was the very first thing I convinced myself of, before setting about writing these articles. The unanimous opinion is that the society, culture and polity that has been portrayed in Sangam poems is a reliable account of life during that time. I know people can opine all they want, but nobody can say so for sure. Which is why we need to accept the majority scholarly view as fact. If you can furnish proof that scholars are opposed to using Sangam literature to study history, we can talk.

I strongly advise you to -

Reply I don’t see the need to do that. It is the accepted history of ancient Tamil country and we should say so. And, there are other corroborative sources, not just Sangam.
  • Add a section about the primary sources involved in these articles.
Reply Fair enough. This is what Parthi has suggested above and I’m working on it (the sanbox article I referred to earlier)
  • Not letting people know that
a) these accounts are almost entirely drawn from poetry belonging to the "fiction" genre
b) several historians do not consider accounts in the Sangam literature to be of any historical worth; even the ones who grant it any historical legitimacy do it with qualifications and reservations and do not grant the corpus in its entirety any blanket historical legitimacy.

does not make for NPOV.

Reply This is POV and OR. I haven’t seen any historian worth his salt stand up and say that all of Sangam literature isnt worthy of historical study. I urge you to bring up sources that make these claims directly. I’m not looking for taken-out-of-context statements. Need solid accounts of scholars who say that *all* of Sangam literature is not to be used for historical study. Not only that, there needs to be enough of them, lest we violate UNDUE.
  • Change the tone of the article. Right now it reads like a {{story}}. Do not present accounts in a matter-of-fact tone as if their historicity has been established beyond a shadow of doubt!
Reply Specifics, please. All of what I said is paraphrased from accomplished scholars. The matter-of-fact tone is a direct consequence of the universal acceptance of what is being said.

I have typed this in a hurry and my choice of words may not be the best, but I really do hope that you see the point I am trying to make and take suitable action. Sarvagnya 20:18, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

Again, thanks for taking the time to review the article. May I suggest further discussions along these lines be carried on in the article talk page. If you would like other reviewers to know about your notes there, you can post a message there and a single-line link to it over here. I will do the same for my follow-ups. Lotlil 23:38, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
Follow-up Sources section is done. Let me know if there are other concerns of POV.Lotlil 05:08, 7 August 2007 (UTC)

Comment The article has the potential to be the single-most comprehensive resource on the web on this subject. Good work, Lotlil.

  • The prose flow needs to be tightened.
  • More pictures can be added.
  • Someone who can work with Inkscape can add more maps based on any geographic information available.
  • Cited references should include quotes wherever they add value.

Once content addition is complete, we can do some copyediting. -- Sundar \talk \contribs 11:30, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Reply Thanks, Sundar. Most of the text content is there, except a section on primary sources, which was suggested by couple of reviewers above. I should be done with that section before end of this week. I will leave you a note then and we can work on the specifics of the flow/cpedit issues. As for the pictures, I tried to get relevant ones that are already in wiki with proper copyright. If there are other pictures that you can suggest, please let me know. Lotlil 13:36, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
Follow-up Done with the content (text) addition. The sources section def.ly needs some cpedit. I will try and come back to it in a couple of days. In the meantime, please feel free to improve the flow/prose if you get a chance.Lotlil 05:08, 7 August 2007 (UTC)

  • Comments: Great work collating this information. The sources section and the child article show the quantity of work that has gone into this article. As Sundar says, when the text is stable we can go through a series of copyedits to tighten the prose to fit a summary article. Although citing each sentence is superflous, some may demand citations for assertions such as 'Surface irrigation, sprinkler mechanism and drip irrigation methods were followed to prevent wastage of water.' In such cases it will probably be sufficient to not be very specific. Parthi talk/contribs 23:12, 7 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Nice work. A few comments. 1) The lead still needs work. I tried to help, but I couldn't think of how the third paragraph should be expanded. Three fully developed paragraphs that properly summarize the most important facets of the article would be ideal. 2) Is Ancient Tamil country really the accepted term scholars use? I'm not saying it's not, it's just rather jarring on first glance. 3) The Sangam era link and dates need to be looked at. The link isn't useful since it redirects to Sangam not really what the reader would be expecting, perhaps a stub should be created to Sangam era or Sangam just needs to be reworked a bit or the link should be taken out. The information in some of the related Sangam articles don't seem consistent at first pass. Sangam literature for example gives a 200BCE-300CE date range while Sangam gives a different one. And there's Sangam period which just seems to add to the confusion. 4) I agree with the comment Parthi made. A statement of such specificity and of a perhaps surprising assertion such as that is an excellent candidate to be cited directly. Try to directly cite only the most important or surprising conclusions such as that and not the mundane stuff that would be common knowledge to anyone familiar with the field. The references section covers that, so nice work organizing it that way. 5) Work to expand, merge or eliminate one or two sentence paragraphs. They break up the flow of the prose too much. 6) The rest looks pretty good to me, though perhaps the artistic license of the sources was followed a bit too much. For ex. "The ships returned from Tamilakam with rich cargo which, as soon as it was transported on the back of camels from the Red Sea to the Nile and descended the river as far as Alexandria, was poured without delay into the capital of the Roman empire." "Poured without delay" is possibly not true, and unless the source specifically expanded upon that point with evidence it isn't properly supported. - Taxman Talk 13:56, 27 August 2007 (UTC)

Tim Duncan[edit]

As solid GA about a four-time NBA champion which our project WP:NBA wants to make a FAC soon. Feedback and suggestions are appreciated. —Onomatopoeia 07:24, 13 August 2007 (UTC)

I believe the article needs a much stronger lead. This is a meaty enough article for a four paragraph lead. The first paragraph is fine. After incorporating the changes I suggested at the discussion at WP:FAC there should be enough for 3 additional paragraphs. One should be about his college career, one should be about his NBA career. There should then be another that includes his international play disappointments. This may not make a very complete paragraph. However, if volunteering to represent the USA is considered a part of marketing it might go along with discussion of his unmemorable (in my mind) commercial marketing. I can only think of seeing him in one commercial as the best player of his generation.

There should be a discussion of his endorsements since he has reached a level of prominence (possibly the best at his position of his generation) where he should be quite marketable.

A thorough copy edit is necessary as pointed out at the FAC.

The succession boxes for awards should be consolidated (Finals MVP). See Barry Bonds or Sammy Sosa.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 09:21, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

See automated peer review.

Note that this peer review was terminated due to a WP:FAC nomination according to policy. --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 15:59, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

Ronald Reagan[edit]

archived PR

Muhammad Yunus[edit]

He is Nobel Peace Prize winner for 2006. I would like to work to upgrade this article at least to a GA status. Please help me with your suggestions. Arman Aziz 01:29, 16 August 2007 (UTC)

Please standardize the reference format throughout.
Please clear the cite tags by adding a reference.
Please consider adding more wikilinks to the article. Thanks, DrKiernan 10:35, 16 August 2007 (UTC)

J Milburn[edit]

  • To expand on one of the above comments, references should be standardised with [statement][punctuation][citation], with no space, even if there are two references. For instance-
The sun is a star.[1] Correct
The sun is a star[2]. Incorrect
The sun is a star. [3] Incorrect
The sun is a star.[4][5] Correct
The sun is a star.[6] [7] Incorrect
  • Section titles should only be capitalised if they are proper nouns. Not certain which are, but, for instances, 'Awards and Recognitions' should definitely be 'Awards and recognitions'.
  • We do not credit the author/owner of images in the image captions.
  • Are there really no public domain images, or images released to the press by the authority in charge of the Nobel prizes? They would be very much preferable to an image with obvious commercial value.
  • Are all the external links really needed? I think you could afford to lose a few.
  • A reference for each award would be rather useful.

Happy to give further advice, contact me on my talk page. J Milburn 20:20, 26 August 2007 (UTC)

Crowded House[edit]

We'd like to get Crowded House to WP:FA, though we haven't yet had it assessed for WP:GA, so this may be a bit presumptuous, but we want to know what could be done to improve the page? I believe it's pretty thorough, but I may be too close to the article to be adequately unbiased. I'm aware that there's a lack on referencing, but we're working on that. All the references needed are actually there, but they're just not referenced directly, just as a general footnote.

Any feedback, negative or positive (hopefully the latter, but we'll accept the former) would certainly be welcomed if it can be used to improve the page to get to GA and then to FA.

Thanks! --lincalinca 09:31, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

Mostly good, here are some tiny adjustments I'd suggest: mention of 7 worlds collide concert, less "Examples of Crowded House" designs, and a less confusing "band members" section. Alexandermiller 07:06, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Looks like a good article. If the particular crowded house in Los Angeles is not currently owned or occupied by someone associated with the band, then the street address should be removed. 08:36, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for positive response. Just to clarify, are you suggesting implementing 7 Worlds Collide, the Neil Finn collaborative live project, into the "hiatus" era info? That's what I'm gathering, and I'll do just that. As to reducing the examples section, I was thinking of redesigning the layout so as to not rely on the gallery function and perhaps take up less space. To you, is it a space issue, a layout issue, or just a general content issue? As to the mention of the location of the actual Crowded House in LA, I don't suspect it's owned by the band, so I will remove the street address. Good suggestion. I wouldn't have thought of that. Thanks guys! Any further reviews will be more than welcome, though! I want all the eyes and opinions I can get to perfect this one. --lincalinca 13:11, 13 August 2007 (UTC)
Yes check.svg Done. Just curious abuot your suggestion to improve the members section/make it less confusing. I've run through a few ideas in my head, and none seems to be any better laid out than it is at present. It's a confusing history the band has had, so I don't know that there's a way of de-complicating it.--lincalinca 11:40, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 17:18, 16 August 2007 (UTC)

Hey Baby (No Doubt song)[edit]

I've recently expanded the article, and it's currently listed as a GA. It seems like the article is comprehensive now, considering there aren't as many Internet sources available as there are about the Gwen Stefani articles I've worked with, but it includes a lot of information not commonly known in the States about how it affected Bounty Killer's career. The main issue I need some help with is the Critical reception section. There are five reviews that have some information about it, but that's less than I'm used to working with, so any help on how to spin out a larger section would be helpful. 17Drew 06:04, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

LuciferMorgan[edit]

With older songs there are several ways of cheating in order to expand a "Reception" section. I've taken a look at the song you mentioned, and the amount of sources is used thus far are probably quite healthy. The following is recommended;

  • Trawl through reviews of "The Singles 1992-2003" - compilation reviews are one way of digging up more song reception considering the song is a single.
  • Press interviews (online or offline) done at the time may have introductory paragraphs, and ones in which the interviewer makes a critical comment on the song.
  • "The Videos: 1992-2003" may have reviews out there somewhere, and ones which make critical comments upon the music video.
  • If it's possible to excerpt slightly larger portions of each review currently used, that'd be particularly welcomed.
  • In the "Reception" section, it says "Stylus Magazine thought blah blah blah" and so on, but this is slightly misleading. Some other staff at the very same magazine may have different viewpoints, and a review is only reflective of the reviewer. It's better to say "Stylus Magazine's person X" or "person X of Stylus Magazine", or something similar. LuciferMorgan 10:55, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 17:18, 16 August 2007 (UTC)

Naruto[edit]

  • The Naruto (the series, not the character) article is well written, but it needs to be far more well written to reach either GA or FA quality. Any suggestions are welcome. The only one I have is to talk about the theme of the series: ninja; and to also desribe more about the relationships between characters. User:Artist Formerly Known As Whocares 16:46, 20 July 2007 (UTC)
It reads a bit fannishly, and could do with a copyedit. Grand pronouncements about the series being character-driven should be cited to critics, for example. Are there any reviews etc. of the series? (or of parts of the series) You should change the "growth and popularity" section to be a "Reception" section, in which you talk about critics and fans. Take a look at the anime wikiproject's series GAs for more ideas. -Malkinann 01:12, 21 July 2007 (UTC)
I've changed the name to reception, but I fear what would happen should I put that It is the world's most popular anime and manga series (and it most likely is), since it is original research. I know nothing else about reception. Also, I would like to mention how the series developed into what it currently is and the themes of the series. I've already started to here, but it is far from ready to list yet. I'll start looking over other GA anime/manga articles tomorrow, I'm going to get off soon today. Artist Formerly Known As Whocares 12:15, 20 July 2007 (UTC)
Naruto is quite popular, but hardly the most popular. Dragon Ball is still the most popular Shonen Jump title of all time, while in Japan alone One Piece is the most popular of current titles (although, Naruto and Bleach are not far behind). Here's a site with Shonen Jump circulation numbers. [6] Jonny2x4 16:18, 23 July 2007 (UTC)
Additionally you need to distinguish between current popularity (which will vary according to what series are currently in production) and long term popularity where you consider how well series were received in their time, plus the longevity of that popularity. (In the latter definition, Evangelion usually seem to come out top.) Samatarou 22:21, 23 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Small point: you need to give an order when naming the characters in the image caption.--SidiLemine 14:58, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), avoid using special characters (ex: &+{}[]) in headings.
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:23, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

  • Needs work: i don't even know where to begin to describe the work needed. I will suggest Bleach (manga) as a guide however.--88wolfmaster 04:49, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
Ironically, I was about to suggest we take the example the Bleach article gave us and list a small and basic summary of the main characters. The problem is, however, we need to judge just which characters are main or major. For example, none of the other characters match up with Sasuke or Naruto, but some of them play just as important a role as Sakura and Kakashi do, like Shikamaru. So, like Bleach, we should decide just what qualities a character should have to be main besides be a mmeber of team 7. I suggest:
  • Close to Naruto Uzumaki.
  • Must have battled both a member of Akatsuki and a named follower of Orochimaru at least once.
I don't have any more ideas, though. User:Artist Formerly Known As Whocares 16:59, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

I would suggest that we only include Team 7 on the main page for simplicity's sake, and re-work the List of characters in Naruto article instead of adding other characters to the main page.--88wolfmaster 03:46, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

I've added a little to the reception section that you might like to expand upon. I'd suggest that you read through a review, and pick out what it says are the good bits and the bad bits of Naruto. Then rewrite it in your own words and use the review as a source. Here's a couple of links to get you started: meta-review review -Malkinann 03:24, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 11:57, 14 January 2008 (UTC)

Ala (Hala)[edit]

Reviewers who like mythology and folklore may find the subject interesting and give me suggestions how to make this article as good as possible. Thanks in advance. VVVladimir 18:25, 22 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • The lead of this article may be too long, or may contain too many paragraphs. Please follow guidelines at WP:LEAD; be aware that the lead should adequately summarize the article.[?]

Yes check.svg Done Now it is shorter and divided into two paragraphs. VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

  • The lead is for summarizing the rest of the article, and should not introduce new topics not discussed in the rest of the article, as per WP:LEAD. Please ensure that the lead adequately summarizes the article.[?]

Yes check.svg Done I removed the additional, somewhat less relevant information. VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Yes check.svg Done This time, I was quite liberal with links. VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Yes check.svg Done I have a question here: dates so linked in the 'accessdate' field of the 'cite web' template are shown in the double brackets on the article page; is this an error in the software? VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Yes check.svg Done VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • is considered
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”

Yes check.svg Done I kept two some's, one several, one many and two any's, which, IMHO, is not much for the size of the article. I suppose we cannot totally banish these words. VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

    • Avoid misplaced formality: “in order to/for” (-> to/for), “thereupon”, “notwithstanding”, etc.

Yes check.svg Done VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Copy editors, your suggestions are welcome! VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:27, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Texas Tech University[edit]

I would appreciate any general feedback on the article, and suggestions about content changes/additions that would help advance it toward FA status. Thanks.--Elred 20:52, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

It strikes me as a very, very good article - so much so, that I can't actually find much/anything to critisise =P (but then I'm not hugely experienced). Seems very well referenced, a nice number of copyright-safe pictures. Reads very well (except for a slight hiccup in the introduction, which I corrected). I don't have a huge amount of experience with peer reviewing, but it seems to me that this article could certainly be worth FA status. Well done ;). TheIslander 11:10, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
Thanks--Elred 16:39, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Oldag's review[edit]

I am kind of busy today to do a full review. Id think the guidelines for structure from the universities wikiproject could be of help. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:WikiProject_Universities#Structure Oldag07 15:18, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Thanks Oldag, but are you saying we're off the guidelines? I believe we've adhered to them pretty well. Is there something specific that you think is contrary to how it should be? Thanks.--Elred 16:40, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
ill be busy until wednesday. I wish i could read the article more carefully. Keep in mind, i really don't pay much attention to official guidelines. I generally make BOLD edits, and if you don't like it than change it back type of person. However here are some observations:
as for the advice above, well, the article doesn't violate the guidelines, but i feel it could be expanded according to the guidelines. notable people for example could have a paragraph or two with a pictures. I am not exactly sure why you have a libraries and research centers section and a notable buildings section, but no "campus" section. notable organizations could be merged into a expanded "student life" section. A campus section should describe the campus as whole.
There isn't a "notable buildings" section, unless you are talking about "facilities" which I agree should probably be folded into the (soon to be created) Campus section. My way of thinking with the libraries/research part is that these are entities more so than 'brick & mortar.' While they are housed in buildings, the buildings and physical aspect of them isn't the aim of the entry. It's more about the scope (and the work done within.) Perhaps that heading should be relabeled simply "research facilities." The Campus section seems to me that it should plainly entail the physical design of the campus (architecture, area, physical relationship, etc) whereas actual description of what goes on inside the specific buildings belongs elsewhere (mostly.) Do you agree?--Elred 00:49, 29 July 2007 (UTC)
I feel: libraries/ research laboratories should go onto research i guess isn't a major section according to wikiproject university. parts of that paragraph could be merged into a research paragraph that goes under a a subsection of academics. part of it should go onto a brand new campus section with is another major section on wikiproject universities Oldag07 04:14, 29 July 2007 (UTC)
Gotcha.--Elred 20:18, 30 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Academics needs a major expansion.
  • Another big picture thing that i have seen. Well I can't exactly find where the guideline is, but i believe for either GA status or FA, most lists should be converted to prose (academics and facilities). bqzip01 probably could tell you more about that.
  • the school songs probably could move to another page. Much like the a&m fight song: http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Aggie_War_Hymn
  • Not really a guideline, but i put athletics well below academics. I argued that athletics should be placed in a location reflective of its order of importance. The student life aspect of the school in my humble opinion is more important than its sports section. Traditions at a&m make sense to be above athletics. at another school, i can see the argument being the opposite.
  • so far so good. i have seen the a&m article in far worse condition. keep up the good work. i guess this is good enough for a peer review, but Id like to make a more detailed one. but keep up the good work. Oldag07 00:19, 29 July 2007 (UTC)
Great. Thanks mate.--Elred 00:27, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Refs[edit]

I notice that a bunch of the references are just URIs. You need to redo these using the cite web template. Look at the article World Community Grid for an example of how to appropriately cite web pages. —Remember the dot (talk) 01:47, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

BQ's review[edit]

I am WAY too busy to do a full review, but at the request of Wordbuilder, I shall acquiesce. In addition, (start sarcasm) if there has to be another Big XII school that is a featured article (end sarcasm here), I'd prefer this one or Baylor. Your school (sadly) seems the most reasonable when it comes to matters of professionalism off of the playing fields (my sister-in-law and her fiance both went there). As Wordbuilder and the guys that submitted the OU page for FA status will tell you I can be a nasty SOB when it comes to editing.

That said, I'll give you a quick overview of the problems I see and I'll give you a full overview sometime in the near future.

  1. The lead is WAY too short. For an article of this length, you would expect 2-3 paragraphs. In addition, I am not a fan of citations in the lead. Everything in the lead should be addressed and expanded upon in the body of the article. Read WP:LEAD for more info. I think the last sentence is more speculation than fact and should not be mentioned in the lead. "Doctoral" is redundant since all universities grant doctorate degrees.
  2. Lots of passive voice throughout. Be more assertive and specific. Example: Though plans for opening a college in West Texas had been in the legislature since before 1900, it had long been thought that any such institution should be a branch of Texas A&M. In 1923, however, the legislature decided to create a new university system to best serve the needs of the region. How about: The Texas legislature discussed plans for opening a college in West Texas as early as (insert actual date here, not ~1900)[citation needed], but the planned Texas A&M branch did not materialize as envisioned. Instead, in (insert the FULL date of the measure) 1923, the government of Texas (note variety in word choice) decided to create a completely new university system "to best serve the needs of the region." (get an actual quote here, it adds credibility)[citation needed]
  3. Work on reducing lists to prose. It should be compelling, not a list. Example:
  4. Serious problems with commas and apostrophes Example: Texas Tech University offers 150 Bachelor's, 104 Master's and 59 Doctoral degree programs. Apostophes not needed
  5. Do a double check on the spelling. I didn't see anything jump out, but it is always good to do a double check for sanity. I recommend getting Firefox. It does a spell check as you type.
  6. I recommend putting the songs and traditions in another article and expand other sections.
  7. Get sources for ALL of your claims Examples: "1839-acre campus", the entire athletic section, etc.
  8. Wikify all dates IAW WP:DATE

I promise a much more expanded review later.BQZip01 talk 01:50, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Awesome. Thanks.--Elred 02:05, 29 July 2007 (UTC)
RE: Spelling. I ran it through Word a couple of days ago and everything looked good. I think we should continue to be vigilant in this area as material is added. Thanks for weighing in, BQ. →Wordbuilder 04:08, 29 July 2007 (UTC) (Unfortunately, after posting this comment, I edited the article, successfully MAKING a typo/spelling error. →Wordbuilder 00:04, 30 July 2007 (UTC))
There is a tceh spelling joke somewhere in there :-)
I set myself up for that... →Wordbuilder 13:44, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
RE: Apostrophe usage. They are called bachelor's degrees, master's degree, etc. So, aren't the apostrophes appropriate and shouldn't they be put back in? →Wordbuilder 00:04, 30 July 2007 (UTC)
The people who wrote the main articles on that seem to think so. For some reason I have it in my head that they aren't supposed to have an apostrophe. I believe older "Driver's Licenses" used to simply say "Drivers License" and I would assume a similar syntax was in use. But TX DL's now say "Driver License." It would appear that the wiki consensus prefers the apostrophes though. I'll stick em back in since I pulled em.--Elred 00:34, 30 July 2007 (UTC)
Whoops on that one. I guess it technically could go either way. My bad. BQZip01 talk 04:38, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

Well, ****. Karancs beat me to most of my comments. I second her inputs and others, but that is a really good start. Keep up the good work! BQZip01 talk 06:20, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 13:41, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Review by karanacs[edit]

I'm an Aggie like BQ and OlAg but I promise to be fair :) We got a lot of feedback when we brought Texas A&M University to FA and are just trying to share the knowledge. Some of my comments might mirror theirs; sorry for the duplication.

  • The lead is too short. It should contain one or two more paragraphs, and should mention more of the school's history and campus information.
    • Also, it isn't necessary to put major in quotes. The way that sentence is written it makes it sound like Tech competes in another division in minor sports. As I don't think that is the case, you might want to reword.
  • When Tech opened, was it coed or all-male?
  • make sure that all full dates are wikilinked
  • "In the 1960s, it was decided that " -> who decided or proposed the name changes?
  • Should board of directors be capitalized (Board of Directors)?
  • Need a citation directly after all quotations. This includes the sentence from the letter to the University Daily and the quote from Ed Whitacre.
  • "there is talk " of making Tech a flagship university. Who is talking? If this is the legislature, that should be noted.
  • The Organization section should be fleshed out more. If you choose to keep the list of colleges, you need to at least lead into it more (yes, you mention that there are 10, but then there are intervening sentences about locations). I prefer to see the list became prose, possibly containing the numbers or percentage of students who are enrolled in each college.
    • Although you mention in the lead that Tech has the 5th largest student body in the state, this is not mentioned anywhere in the body of the article. The Organization section would be a good place to add this. If it isn't in the body, then it should be removed from the lead.
    • The last paragraph, about the 1839 acre campus, should not be in organization, but instead in Campus. This fact is also listed in history -- does it need to be in both places?
  • All measurements should have both standard and metric versions. I use {{convert}}
  • Do not include external links (such as Museum of Texas Tech University) in the body of the article
  • The research facilities section reads like a list. It needs better transitions, or, at least, try to vary the beginnings of the sentences.
  • Is there anything else noteworthy about the campus?
  • Do you need to specify that the United Spirit Arena is in Lubbock?
  • First paragraph of athletics needs to vary the way the sentences start -- they all begin with Tech Tech or the university
  • Athletics section needs citations.
  • I would retitle the section Sports Traditions to Mascots.
  • You should mention in the athletics section that the team used to be called the Matadors (as is mentioned in traditions).
  • We got slammed in our FA for having a lot of citations reference various A&M websites, and percentage-wise we had a lot fewer that you. If at all possible, try to find non-university references for your facts. The Lubbock or school newspaper would be good places to look first.
  • Reformat your citations, and make sure to use named refs, as I see several of these are duplicated (10 and 11, 12 and 13, 24 and 25)
  • You need more citations -- everything should be able to be easily verified, and it's not from the article.
  • If the citation issues were fixed, I think this would have a good shot at GA. For FA, though, the prose is going to need major work. There are a lot of short and choppy sentences that don't flow well together. You would do well to go through each section and see if you can rewrite them into more cohesive, "compelling" prose.

Good luck! Karanacs 17:27, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Thanks. Great feedback.--Elred 00:03, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Images[edit]

I have an issue with some of the images. Image:TTUamin1923.jpg lists http://www.kensharpe.com/ as the source but I can't find the image anywhere on the site. Also, you state the image was released under the CC Attr 2.5 license. Did the photographer state that? Is there an OTRS ticket number? There is no proof the photographer credited released the image under the given license. Same issue for Image:MRstatue.jpg and Image:Techsubwide.jpg (which appears to be an HDR image which I'm not a fan of as far as being encyclopedic) which list http://dallasphotoworks.com/ as the source. I can't find either pictures on the site and there is no verfication the photographer released the photos under the given licenses. Please clarify the image issues.↔NMajdantalk 17:10, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks. I've corresponded via email directly with the photographer's grandson (and copyright holder) and received permission to use the 1925 photo. As for the HDR aspect, if these are HDR they are very subtle examples (i'm an amateur photographer at best). I believe, however, that the majority of the dramatic effects are due to the time of day both of these shots were taken (dusk.) Apparently they were both shot in the short period of time where the campus lights are on and it's still a bit light outside. Other than that, I don't believe they've been manipulated dramatically, and certainly not to the extent that they create a false impression of the subject matter. --Elred 01:46, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
Elred, what do you have in the way of licensing/permission on the other ones that NMajdan mentioned? →Wordbuilder 02:22, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
All the photos on the page came from four sources: 1. I took them myself 2. Are the property of David Kozlowski (whom I corresponded with personally and received permission) 3. Are the property of Ken Sharpe (whom I corresponded with personally and received permission) 4. are in wikicommons (the mastodon). If there is a problem with the manner by which they are authorized I'm sure they will be willing to help. They both showed interest in the article and endeavor.--Elred 02:51, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for the feedback. I'll leave most of the issues to Elred since he uploaded the photos. I do have one quesiton. Is the use of HDR images—if that's what it is, I'm not sure either way—forbidden or discouraged? Thanks! →Wordbuilder 19:41, 2 August 2007 (UTC)
This is just my opinion (although, knowing Wikipedia, there may be some buried policy/guideline on it) it comes down to a matter of encyclopedic content. That image isn't blatantly HDR (look at the shades of blue around the tree and building compared to the rest of the sky - its the biggest HDR give-a-away in this image) so it could be a lot worse (like this one). I would probably say this photo is OK since its not heavily altered but generally photos in an encyclopedia should have only the minimal post-processing and nothing artistic (which is what HDR is). The only post-processing for images should be things to clean an image such as remove dirt, brighten or darken an image, etc.↔NMajdantalk 21:56, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

Bruno Maddox[edit]

Hello. I figured I would see if anyone had any useful initial reactions to this new article. Here are my concerns in list form:

  • Is the Themes section working out? Are Science and Satire actual themes or really topics? I took the Themes section idea from an earlier version of the Joss Whedon article.
  • Is this article the place for a plot summary of Maddox's first novel? I want to make this an FA that has depth enough to make it interesting but not enough that the article weights in at 60k or more.
  • Does the article need a copy edit?

Any comments you may have would be appreciated. Best, BillDeanCarter 22:47, 13 August 2007 (UTC)

Postelsia[edit]

I started an article a while back, Postelsia, and I'd like some tips on how I could improve it. This is the first article I've started all by myself, and it's kind of hard to judge your own work. I would really like to improve it enough to be a good article, and maybe even that most coveted of prizes, featured article status. Any tips? Comments? Things I did absolutely wrong? Werothegreat 12:10, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

  • Well, the first "thing you did absolutely wrong" was adding this to the North Omaha review, instead of to the main Peer Review page. :-) Try going to Wikipedia:Peer review and following the instructions at the top of the page. --AnonEMouse (squeak) 15:01, 28 February 2007 (UTC)
  • But OK. While it's here, I'll write here. When you do it right, you can move my comments to the right place. Don't forget to do the other stuff in the instructions, like marking on its talk page that it's on peer review, etc.
    • First issue I see is a lack of inline citations. Not that this seems to be a particularly controversial issue, of course, so you don't need to cite every sentence, but writing where you got what fact would be useful.
    • Nice photos, well done.
    • How big are they? Either give citable measurements, or display a photo including a person or their hand or something.
    • "Postelsia was first described by Franz Joseph Ruprecht near Bodega Bay in California" - who was FJR? A botanist, a random passerby, a '49er looking for gold? When was it first described? Where - in a diary, in a scientific journal, in a newspaper article, on a website?
    • "and has been used by several textbooks as an example of multicellular protists, as well as an example of the class Phaeophyceae." - what textbooks? Give at least some examples, or a citation saying that, or strike the sentence.
    • link or explain first mention of important and/or uncommon terms: intertidal zone, thallus, photosynthesis, , gametophytes, holdfast ... there are others, but I got tired of listing them. Some are linked in their second mention and not in their first. Was Habitat originally a lower section, then moved up? California is also linked in second mention, but not in first.
    • "an algae" but "The Brown Alga" - which is the correct singular?
    • WP:$
    • The animation is cute, but distracting, and limited - typically you either display the whole cycle statically, or animate the whole cycle, this one seems to display most, and animate part.
    • Edible - cite or give an example of recipes using it
    • " illegal to harvest Postelsia for recreational use" - cite the law. "actually", "however" - is there a dispute about companies being able to harvest, but not individuals? If so, refer to or cite the actual debate. If not, we shouldn't express astonishment.
    • Where do harvesters get it? Do they maintain farms of their own, just trawl public coastlines, what?

--AnonEMouse (squeak) 15:20, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

      • Thank you very much. Currently implenting your suggestions into the article. And next time I went put a request into another article. Werothegreat 21:00, 28 February 2007 (UTC)


I would like to have the article reviewed a second time, as it has just recently been granted good article status, and I would like to know what improvements could be made so that it might warrant featured article status. Werothegreat 01:37, 17 July 2007 (UTC)

My Musical[edit]

I've been working on this article, heading towards GA, and possibly in the future FA, status. I'm looking for overall anything and everything that could or should be done to the article. Thanks so much! --Gpollock 06:33, 19 July 2007 (UTC)

I think this article is good enough to pass GA, but there are some ways you can improve it.
  • For example, some of the paragraphs are very short, consisting of only one sentence at times. It would be better to merge some paragraphs.
  • You make references to earlier episodes made in the show. For example, in, "The Rant Song", you say, "Janitor's section in this song ("It all started with a penny in the door") refers to an incident in Scrubs' pilot, "My First Day."" As someone who does not watch, Scrubs, it is a bit confusing. In this case, I would advice using the cite episode reference template. See Wikipedia:Citation templates.
    • Attempted to make that reference clearer, and changed other ones to footnote citations. --Gpollock
  • The image "My Musical.jpg" does not have a fair use rational. One needs to be added.
ISD 07:01, 23 July 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for the help. --Gpollock 21:33, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

Muse (band)[edit]

Hi there, I'm interested in improving the article on Muse. I'd like some help identifying the areas that are most in need of editing/cleanup/expansion and how I should go about it.

Thanks :) -- M2Ys4U (talk) 02:15, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Someone has clearly put a lot of work into this and respect is due for that. The main deficiency at the moment is that there are quite a few places where references to sources are needed (I think this has already been flagged). Also, I suggest that the section titled "The Future" might be better as a sub-section in history.Circusandmagicfan 15:07, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Consider removing links that add little to the article or that have been repeated in close proximity to other links to the same article, as per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and WP:CONTEXT.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: didn't, couldn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:38, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Make sure every reference to any album is italicised. In the lead, Black Holes and Revelations needs doing, and there might be further instances. Plus, that really isn't a lot of references, and they don't all look to have {{citeweb}} templates going on. Seegoon 22:23, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

Youngstown, Ohio[edit]

I wanted to peer review this article again. Since February (the last peer review), many changes have been made and I am contemplating nominating this article for FA status again. Please provide your thoughts on the overall structure, what it is missing and what I can do to get to FA. Thanks, --Daysleeper47 22:02, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

4u1e's comments
  • Embarrassingly trivial, but I'd recommend cutting "as noted above" from the first para of History. I know it's already covered in the lead, but that's in the nature of the beast, and the phrase doesn't really add any meaning.
  • In the second para of 'History', I'm a little unclear on where the majority of the first settlers of the township came from. It says "While some of the area's early settlers were natives of Connecticut, Youngstown differed from most settlements of the Western Reserve, which drew a vast majority of their residents from New England. Youngstown attracted a significant number of Scots-Irish settlers from neighboring Pennsylvania as well". To me that says that the majority of the settlers were not from Connecticut or from New England and while there were 'significant numbers' of Scots-Irish, it seems these were not the majority either. What am I missing?
  • In the third para of 'History', am I right in thinking that the county seat of Trumbull County moved from Warren to Canfield to Youngstown? If so, is it necessary to mention that it was at Warren first? This doesn't really have anything to do with Youngstown and could be confusing.
  • I find the phrase "the discovery of coal in the community" confusing. I know what is meant by it ("the community discovered coal under their land"), but something about it reads wrong and sounds like they perhaps found it in the lumber room, or under the kitchen table. :) Perhaps "the discovery of coal by the community"?
  • Being really picky, the final sentence of 'History' (i.e. just before 'Peopling of the valley') says that the railroad came to the city in 1856. A couple of paras earlier it says that the village of Youngstown didn't become a city until 1867 - could this be reworded so as not to cause confusion?
  • I can't remember what the MoS says on the subject, but some style guides recommend that if there are sub-headings to a section all the text in the section should appear under a subheading. At present half the text of 'History' is under a sub-heading ('Peopling of the Valley'), while the other half comes directly under the main section heading. Suggest that the first bit could be called 'Origins' or 'Foundation'.
  • No reference for the statement that "ethnic diversity came to be regarded as one of Youngstown's defining characteristics"
  • Is the closure of Youngstown Sheet and Tube really a Swan song? I understand that term to mean some kind of final, magnificent performance before death. This seems just to have been the 'death', with no final performance. Suggest the term is removed.
  • Perhaps link Downtown at its first occurrence, or even explain its meaning. That wouldn't be necessary for US readers of course, but those of us across the pond aren't that familiar with what it actually means.
  • "has tended to overshadow that the city has a long entrepreneurial tradition" (At the start of 'Legacy of innovation') should be "has tended to overshadow the city's long entrepreneurial tradition".
  • Should the various organisations described in 'Legacy of innovation' be described in chronological order?
  • The second para of 'Legacy of innovation' seems to be more about 'Youngstown in popular culture'. I agree that the Springsteen song needs to be mentioned, but I'm not sure this is the place to do it.
  • Suggest replace "The school district is currently engaged in..." with "As of 2007? the school district was engaged in....". Similar for "This roster is expected to change in the next few years..."
  • Picky again, but under 'Theater', the word 'Interestingly' is not needed (comment also applies elsewhere) In the same paragraph, why say 'Meanwhile' when describing the Stambaugh auditorium? And again for the Oakland center for the Arts? In fact, I note quite a few appearances of meanwhile - probably a good idea to check whether meanwhile is really what is meant in each case.
  • The para on the Grandes Venues project should be cut down significantly, now that the project has failed.
  • The second para under 'Museums' contains an external jump link, which probably shouldn't be there.
  • "The downtown area boasted no less than two department stores" (under 'Former attractions') sounds odd and somewhat peacock-y. There are only two numbers less than two you can have! Suggest "There were formerly two department stores in the downtown area".
  • Movie theaters in the downtown area are mentioned at least twice: in 'Former attractions' and 'Theater' (I've a feeling it may be more than that, actually). It's not that notable, it need only be mentioned once. Similarly, the Chevrolet center appears twice - again, once only needed.
  • Section title 'Challenging old verities': Suggest use 'truths' instead, clearer for many readers.
  • Suggest that there is probably a more encyclopedic term than 'gangland slayings', although I'll admit I don't know what it is off the top of my head!
  • Overall a clear and certainly comprehensive article. It does feel like the balance of the piece isn't quite there yet, though: I'd like to see more on the history and development of the city, and perhaps less on the current buildings and amenities, which may not all be notable. Anyway - hope that's helpful 4u1e 12:35, 14 August 2007 (UTC)


The only major ting I noticed is that the geography and media sections don't have references. I personally don't think they're necessary in the geography section, and not too necessary in media, but I'm sure the people at FAC would disagree, so I'll point it out. Wizardman 17:15, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

Manzanar[edit]

Greetings...Manzanar recently passed GA review. Although there has been what may appear to be a mini-edit war since then, I think we've settled our differences and agreed upon terminology that should be used.

As such...what do you all think needs to be done for this article to reach FA status? Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Gmatsuda 08:14, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

From DrKiernan[edit]

  • There's no need to include "Manzanar" in the sub-headings; and the additional reading section should be after the references and above the external links. DrKiernan 10:46, 25 July 2007 (UTC) Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 18:17, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 6 km, use 6 km, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 6&nbsp;km.[?]Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 18:21, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?] Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 18:03, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
I didn't see any references/footnotes that didn't follow this. Then again, perhaps I missed something. Gmatsuda 18:03, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

Thanks, DrKiernan 10:48, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

Thank you for taking a look at the article. Gmatsuda 18:03, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

OK...more peer reviewers, please!! :-) Gmatsuda 06:27, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

From SandyGeorgia[edit]

  • The article has jumps to external websites; Wiki is not a blog, a webhost, or MySpace. External content belongs either in External links, as a reference, or in a Wikified article if the subject is notable.
The article has just two jumps to external web sites, one to the official web site of the Manzanar National Historic Site and the other to the Manzanar Committee web site. I think the article text shows why these jumps are pertinent to the article and appropriate for inclusion. Could you elaborate on your objection to including them? Thanks. Gmatsuda 05:11, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
I didn't say they shouldn't be included; there shouldn't be external jumps in the article. If you need those sites, they would either be as references or External links. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:19, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
OK...so they just shouldn't be in the prose. I get it. :-) Gmatsuda 05:36, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
  • The article has a massive External link farm that should be radically reduced according to WP:EL, WP:RS and WP:NOT.
I removed a few of them that weren't as important as the rest, but the remaining links offer important information, about all of the "eras" of Manzanar's history, not just the wartime period, and in trying to offer resources covering that entire spectrum, including material that isn't covered in the article, I hesitate to remove more of them. Can the article be promoted without paring the EL list down further? Gmatsuda 22:41, 2 August 2007 (UTC)
If links include information because it's needed yet not included in the article, then the article fails 1b, comprehensive. A well-written article covers all important aspects of the topic, minimizing the need for External links. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:19, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
Reading up on what the phrase link farm actually means, I don't see this as meeting the criteria. A link farm is a group of web sites that all hyperlink to every other page in the group. --Epeefleche 05:19, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
From WP:EL...the ELs in this article are those that actually do provide a unique resource beyond what the article would contain if it became a Featured article. In fact, the ELs appear to meet the requirements spelled out in WP:EL. In any case, if they MUST be pared down for the article to be promoted, I guess we can do that. Gmatsuda 05:44, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
  • References/footnotes are not fully and correctly formatted (see WP:CITE/ES). All sources should have a publisher, all websources need a last access date, author and publication date should be listed when available, and book sources need page nos. I identified the PDFs. Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 02:41, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
  • See WP:DASH and fix throughout; I did a sample edit. Spaced emdashes aren't used on Wiki (or just about any other manual of style) and endashes are used to separate date and page ranges. Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 02:42, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
  • See WP:UNITS, all units need conversion. The {{convert}} template is handy once you get used to it. Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 03:29, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I found a date written as 7/3/42; check throughout and correct. Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 03:29, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Every image is on the right; some can be left-aligned. Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 04:58, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Commons links belongs in External links, not See also Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 22:41, 2 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Eliminate (date not available) in the footnotes; more important is to identify publishers so it can be determined if reliable sources are used. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:18, 2 August 2007 (UTC) Yes check.svg Done Gmatsuda 03:29, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
FYI: during GA review, a reviewer specified that for citations where dates were not available, we needed to indicate that, so now I'm getting conficting information. Gmatsuda 04:59, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
Well, that's why it's GA and not FA :-) Anyone can promote a GA; FA undergoes scrutiny by a large number of experienced editors. Did this "GA person" give you any Wiki guidelines page for that info? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:19, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
I just checked your GAReviews and didn't see that anywhere. By the way, those green marks really clutter a review. Of course,you're free to ignore any of the items I mentioned. Best regards, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:32, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
For the record, it was here...User:IvoShandor/Manzanar_GA_review. But no matter now...it's fixed. :-) Gmatsuda 06:20, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
Yes, I read that, and I didn't see IvoShandor anywhere saying to add "date not available"; s/he said, "The references (footnotes) need tighter formatting, it is pretty inconsistent. Many lack publication dates that should be readily available." SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:55, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
Well, adding (date not available) made him happy so...*shrug* Like I said, it's fixed now. :-) Gmatsuda 20:17, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

Have a look at WP:MOS#Images; there are over-sized images. Thumbs should not have sizes set; user preferences determine size. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:55, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

I removed the size setting for all the images, but added the setting back for the first image (flag) because I thought the blank space in that portion of the article looked far worse than having a photo take up some of that space. Can the article be promoted with this one photo still having a size setting?
In reading WP:MOS#Images, it states that "...the image subject or image properties may call for a specific image width to enhance the readability or layout of an article." I think this might be the case here, given all that white space I'm referring to. What are your thoughts about this? Gmatsuda 08:56, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

Please see WP:MOSLINK and WP:CONTEXT regarding overlinking of common terms in the article; I suggest an independent copyedit before approaching FAC. Perhaps the WP:LoCE will help. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:56, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

Removed a good number of unnecessary wikilinks. You might want to check it out now. Gmatsuda 08:50, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

Thank you for taking the time to review the article and to provide suggestions for improvement. Gmatsuda 04:59, 3 August 2007 (UTC)

Good luck. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:19, 3 August 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for taking another pass through the article. i think I've addressed your latest comments. Let me know if you think there's more we can do to improve the article. Gmatsuda 09:22, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

More reviewers please![edit]

For anyone interested, we could use more peer reviews of this article. Thanks in advance for your time! Gmatsuda 06:23, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Machinae Supremacy[edit]

I've been working on this article for a while now, and appart from a few more sources and details in the history I'm unsure how to go about improving it further. Any feedback how how I might get the aricle up to GA status would be most welcome.Rehevkor 14:46, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

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  • Yes check.svg Done. Removed dates and I believe any other links are already in context. Rehevkor
  • Yes check.svg Done. Trimed down as much as I could. Rehevkor
    • While additive terms like “also”, “in addition”, “additionally”, “moreover”, and “furthermore” may sometimes be useful, overusing them when they aren't necessary can instead detract from the brilliancy of the article. This article has 11 additive terms, a bit too much.
  • Yes check.svg Done. Got rid of most.. I think. Rehevkor

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Parapsychology[edit]

previous PR

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  • There may be an applicable infobox for this article. For example, see Template:Infobox Biography, Template:Infobox School, or Template:Infobox City.[?] (Note that there might not be an applicable infobox; remember that these suggestions are not generated manually)
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use th; for example, instead of using January 30th was a great day, use January 30 was a great day.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • apparently
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
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  • The script has spotted the following contractions: doesn't, couldn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

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I've made the relevant changes per these suggestions. I would appreciate if someone could overlook the article some more to make sure they have all been made and point out any other problems they see with it so that they can quickly be changed. Thanks. Wikidudeman (talk) 03:36, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

2007 Fiesta Bowl[edit]

Looking to get this article up to GA quality. Any tips would be appreciated.↔NMajdantalk 19:29, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

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  • The lead of this article may be too long, or may contain too many paragraphs. Please follow guidelines at WP:LEAD; be aware that the lead should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Please reorder/rename the last few sections to follow guidelines at Wikipedia:Guide to layout.[?]
  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • it has been
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: wouldn't, couldn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
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Wafulz[edit]

  • The article is full of weasel words, and the writing does not hold the appropriate tone. For example: "Oklahoma was the designated home team and was favored by 7½ points, but in a classic battle, the Broncos won in overtime, 43-42" should be "Oklahoma was the designated home team and was favored by 7½ points, but the Broncos won in overtime, 43-42"
  • The majority of the third sentence is not needed. Just tell us relevant facts- we don't need to know everything about the Fiesta Bowl to find out who is playing. We have Fiesta Bowl for that.
  • The lead is too short. See WP:LEAD.
  • Avoid phrases like "many felt" and "some say". These are weasel words again.
  • Try to write it more like an encyclopedia article and less like a news feature.
  • Does the new stadium needs its own section?
  • "Game legacy" should be replaced with "Game summary." It should really be shorted- it's not supposed to be a full play-by-play
  • Rename the section "OT" to "Overtime". Non-sports fans may not understand what's going on.
  • Get rid of personal commentary like "She seemed surprised, but enthusiastically accepted". Just say she accepted.
  • Remove most of the "Instant classic" section. This is speculation and opinion, which is not allowed
  • "Final game facts" is not necessary. Redundant material should be removed, and other material should be merged into the rest of the article.
  • The "Reaction" section has too many quotes. Try and summarize opinions.
  • Image:TFB Logo Brand tag2.gif needs a fair use rationale.

This article has a ways to go before being a good article. Be sure to read the good article criteria.-Wafulz 22:30, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

James W. Holsinger[edit]

The editors of this page have worked tirelessly to shorten, remove POV, remove OR, and fix references. I would like to have the page peer reviewed to move it from a B-Class to a GA-Class or A-Class article.--Maryrebecca 21:47, 22 July 2007 (UTC)

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All dates and years are properly linked per the Manual of Style -- full dates linked, years without context, not linked. We linked "As of 2007" per "Wikipedia:As of".--Maryrebecca 18:33, 23 July 2007 (UTC)

Review by User:Brad[edit]

Nice work! Some problems:

  • "Holsinger's nomination became controversial due to, according to his critics, anti-gay bias in his work in the United Methodist Church." This would be better positioned immediately after the sentence about his nomination, rather than having a summary of his career in between.
  • "Nomination controversy" would be better named "Committee hearing" or similar; nominees for high-level positions rarely sail through hearings unscathed and losing "controversy" would invite editors to write a more balanced account of the hearings.
  • The subsections of "Public health stances" might work better as a single section. "Readiness of Public Health Service Commissioned Corps", "Sex education" and "Morning after pill" are just one sentence each. Again, combining them would encourage expansion.
  • The language overall is unvaried ("Holsinger this", "Holsinger that"), and I think that's just down to the primary article editors (from the edit history it looks like you and User:Therefore have been the most prolific editors of the article) settling on their own language and it needing some fresh eyes to brush up good work to great work; consider listing the article at the league of copyeditors for extra help. Brad 11:01, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Invasive species[edit]

Does this article meet the scientific understanding of invasive species? It seems to be extensively cited with plenty of examples. Cheers! Wassupwestcoast 05:23, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

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  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.[?]
  • There may be an applicable infobox for this article. For example, see Template:Infobox Biography, Template:Infobox School, or Template:Infobox City.[?] (Note that there might not be an applicable infobox; remember that these suggestions are not generated manually)
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 50 miles, use 50 miles, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 50&nbsp;miles.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
  • This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, than an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

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Comments on work done[edit]

2nd Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.[?]
  • There may be an applicable infobox for this article. For example, see Template:Infobox Biography, Template:Infobox School, or Template:Infobox City.[?] (Note that there might not be an applicable infobox; remember that these suggestions are not generated manually)
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
  • This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, than an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.[?]
  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • it has been
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

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Craigflower Manor and Schoolhouse[edit]

I recently created this article, and on the advice of a friend, I have decided to take it to Peer Review with an eye to eventually making it a good article. I'm generally looking for comments about what you think the strengths, and weaknesses of this article are, and what might be some serious stumbling blocks in any good-article nomination. --Haemo 07:00, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

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Thanks, well, I struck the length one, since I'm not going for featured article status on this one, but it is as comprehensive as I think is reasonable. I also checked the infoboxes, and it doesn't looks like there are any. I also copyedited it, but could always use more eyes. --Haemo 00:25, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

2nd Automated Peer Review[edit]

Let's see if the Peer Review tool has picked anything else up...

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 12:01, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Yep, it looks like the first APR was pretty accurate. There isn't an infobox, though, AFAIK. --Haemo 02:33, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Waitoreke[edit]

I would like to see this page become a FA. However, it is short and I would like to see comments made about what part of this article needs expansion and how this article could be approved Zalgt 18:35, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

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Jeffree Star[edit]

I would like to see what other users think of the effort of several users have made in improving this article over the past few months. It would be nice to see this as a good article someday, and progressed into a featured article. This has been on AFD and deletion review several times due to Jeffree Star not being notable yet, but it seems now that he has a fanbase and notability outside of MySpace and Buzznet.--milk the cows (Talk) 17:34, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

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Shanda Sharer murder case[edit]

Hello, what would be needed to get this article up to featured status? Would one reference source be sufficent?; I realize that the sentencing section should be expanded. ۝ ۞ ░ 07:08, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

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User:Midnightdreary[edit]

This isn't a full peer review, but might help get things started.

  1. Sources (!!) - First, sources are a definite problem here. There is only one full reference and it's in the middle of the list. Maybe list that separately under "References," then add a separate subsection for "Footnotes." There are also no citations at all for the "Sentencing" section. More important, though, this article desperately needs multiple sources. For the length of the article and the number of citations, I'd recommend at least 6 different independent, credible sources (books, articles, web sites, etc). See WP:CITE for ideas.
  2. Introduction - The introduction should literally introduce the entirety of the article, summarizing all the content that is to come. It should be 10 times as long as it is right now, at least.
  3. Tone- The article, I think, also occasionally falls into an inappropriate tone. Look at the "Investigation" part for example. "All morning" is not encyclopedic, and "hysterical" may not be objective. It seems a little too conversational, but that might be just me.
  4. "Aftermath?" - I also wonder about the "Aftermath" section. I was expecting some kind of impact on the persons involved or something, not a brief mention of a couple books (with no critical comparison to the true events they relate). A better section heading, perhaps?
  5. Long Sentences - As a final suggestion, re-read the whole article for sentences that are a bit too long (reading aloud usually helps identify them).

I hope this gives a place to start! --Midnightdreary 22:49, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

Buffalo, New York[edit]

This should be an easy one. Compare to the following FA articles of comparable US cities:

Feedback please.--SallyForth123 05:25, 31 July 2007 (UTC)


Automated Peer Review[edit]

  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • Please reorder/rename the last few sections to follow guidelines at Wikipedia:Guide to layout.[?]
    • Note: This is because of the section that starts with the name "City", which the tool confuses with a "Citations" (better known as References) section. See User:AndyZ/peerreviewer.js --SallyForth123 05:47, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
  • This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, than an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • While additive terms like “also”, “in addition”, “additionally”, “moreover”, and “furthermore” may sometimes be useful, overusing them when they aren't necessary can instead detract from the brilliancy of the article. This article has 40 additive terms, a bit too much.
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
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Review by Shalom[edit]

I read and edited about half of the article. You can isolate my edits by checking the overall diff in the article history. I added several "citation needed" tags and some hidden messages in the source code to advise certain changes. In particular, I am concerned about the list of films set in Buffalo because it might be a WP:TRIVIA section. Shalom Hello 19:48, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi[edit]

Final film in the series that needs to be brought up to FA status. Just looking for any improvements that people can see it needs from it's current state? The Filmaker 21:23, 11 May 2007 (UTC)

  • Refrence are few and far between, there are NONE in "Plot"; it'll never get to GA with that, let alone FA. Dalejenkins 05:55, 12 May 2007 (UTC)
    • You don't seem to understand how references are put down. The plot section does not require references because the reference is the work itself. To my knowledge, everything in the article is cited. Also, it is already a GA. The Filmaker 14:21, 12 May 2007 (UTC)

I think the critical reception needs expanding: Pauline Kael gave a negative review, but we need the primary source rather than my Empire magazine quoting her. Alientraveller 14:42, 12 May 2007 (UTC)

  • Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR t 23:58, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

2006 Oklahoma Sooners football team[edit]

First PR

This thing was reviewed before it was selected as a GA. Now I'm curious what needs to be done to get it FA. Any advice would be appreciated.↔NMajdantalk 22:14, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

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You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 11:53, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Cold Feet (series 5)[edit]

This is the first article on an individual series/season I've written and I'm just keen to see what the general mood is of it before I create articles for the other four series. I've compared it with similarly-structured articles and basically cannibalised the official companion and documentaries on the series to get production information. I dispensed with Template: Episode list as it didn't look good with only four episodes in the list (plus the longer summaries due to longer running time made the "short summary" field moot). Brad 11:17, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 6ft, use 6 ft, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 6&nbsp;ft.[?]
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: doesn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 12:07, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

I've fixed the contractions, though I can't see any units of measurement that need a nbsp (unless % counts). The article is currently under 15,000 characters so the one-paragraph lead should be OK for now. Brad 15:45, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

The Slave Community[edit]

This is an article about an influential history book on slavery in the United States that I've been working on for about a week and a half. Any suggestions to prepare this article for FAC are welcome. Dmoon1 09:03, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

  • No complaints after a light copy-edit. Excellent work as always; you're easily one of our most valuable contributors. — Deckiller 21:58, 11 August 2007 (UTC)
    • Thanks! As far as I can tell, your copy-edit look good and I addressed your editor's notes. Dmoon1 01:58, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Joey Barton[edit]

The article has undergone a major overhaul recently, with a lot of text and references being added. As far as I can see, it goes by the Manual of Style, at least more than it did before. I have been told it could have now reached A class on the quality scale and with this in mind I would hope to see it peer reviewed with a view to achieving featured article candidacy.

Any comments would be gratefully appreciated. Sir-Nobby 21:59, 14 July 2007 (UTC)

Mattythewhite[edit]

Excellent from what I've read so far. Just a few things:

  • At the start of the "Senior career" section, it starts straight away with him making his first appearence for the club. It jumps straight from him being a schoolboy to being a professional footballer in the Premier League - theres no explanation for his becoming a footballer. Did he come through the youth ranks, was he spotted by a scout etc?
Info added on Everton academy, YTS contract at Man City, his wage and commute.
  • References should be placed after punctuation.
Done.
  • Endashes (see WP:DASH) should be used for seasons and scorelines.
Done.
  • Perhaps cutting down in the "External links" section. See WP:EL.
I think 5 is a good amount and they are all necessary.

Thats all really. From what I can tell, this article can go all the way. Mattythewhite 20:22, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments Matty. I'll start making those improvements now. Sir-Nobby 13:33, 17 July 2007 (UTC)

Just another thing. There appears to be some proseline in the text, e.g. sentences starting with "On January 1, 1900" for example. Best to incorporate the date elsewhere. Mattythewhite 21:10, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

OK thanks. Do you think you could help with that if you get a chance? Sir-Nobby 21:36, 24 July 2007 (UTC)
Done. Mattythewhite 21:28, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

As has been stated in the article, Barton has played for the England under-21's. There is nothing of this in the infobox, but I think I've got his stats for them on playerhistory. Seems as if he's made 2 appearances with 0 goals for them.

Whilst looking for his U21 stats on theFA website I found a link that said he had scored in a match v Portugal, so 2 (0) can't be his stats. Thanks for looking anyway. It might be a case of having to read through reports on U21 matches that are on the FA's website since Barton was called up, and counting which ones he took part in and how many he scored. Sir-Nobby 11:02, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

And would this be sufficient as a reference for the 2003-04 Young player of the year award, or is it just an unofficial internet poll? Mattythewhite 22:01, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

There's nothing that suggests it is unofficial and I know that SWP won the POTY that season as well so it gives the right information. A lot of club's settle these awards by letting people vote online and the website looks reliable, so I think it can be used as a reference. Good find, Matty. Sir-Nobby 11:02, 26 July 2007 (UTC)
For an unofficial site its pretty reliable, but as I have an official club source I'll replace it with that. The MCFC player of the year awards are decided by a byzantine system in which supporters club branches have the largest say. Oldelpaso 09:01, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

By the look of it, Image:Joey Barton freekick.JPG can't be used as the copyright given on flickr does't allow it to be used freely. See this. Mattythewhite 22:51, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

Bole2[edit]

Haven't read the whole article yet but so far I have only found a few minor things.

  • No controversy section?
Controversial incidents that were in some way related to his football career (Tandy, training ground, Dabo fights) are in the Career section, controversies with no relation to football (breaking pedestrian's leg, fight with taxi driver) are in Outside of Football section.
Yes I wasn't saying that they weren't mention. I'm say that they should be in a controversy section. Buc 06:03, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
I know you weren't saying they weren't worth a mention. I explained why they are in the sections they are in.
  • "Outside of football" section would be better named "Off the pitch activity"
I have decided to stay with "Outside of football" as this is what Gilberto Silva's section that gives the same info has been named.
It's possible the Gilberto Silva section does in fact talk about him "Outside of football" (wouldn't know, haven't read it), but this "Outside of football" section clearly doesn't. Buc 06:03, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
I think it does. Everything mentioned in this section is Barton's involvement with non-footballing events. It includes the same info as Gilberto Silva's section - participation in charities, social life etc. That can be described as outside of football.
  • Ref #44, 49, 50, 53, 57, 60, 65 and 68 not dated.
Done
  • Odd that such a young player has a "Senior career" section and no "Early career" section
Not sure where exactly to seperate his early career with senior career. If anything he is probably still in his early career, maybe just moving in to senior...
  • More about his playing career in the lead.
I think the most significant moments in his playing career have been mentioned.
  • Added some citation tag where I think they are needed
Citations added/wording changed where needed.
  • Very sudden start to the "Senior career" section. What team is he playing for?
Made clear what team he is playing for. More info on his time in the academy/reserves would be useful if any can be found, although I don't think any more is desperately needed.
  • A few POV issues such as "rash tackle", "impressive form" and "altercation effectively ended Barton's time", there could be more.
Changed 'rash tackle' to 'hacking' - as described by the BBC in the reference. His form led to an England call-up so I think it's safe to refer to it as impressive - it impressed enough for him to get called-up. The Dabo incident did effectively end his Man City career - he was suspended from playing for the rest of the season and then made available for transfer a few weeks after the incident.
  • "Barton has since been bailed until July." is written in the present tence.
Changed to "Barton has been bailed until August", as it was extended. Reference added.
Still present tence. Buc 06:03, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
Because he is still on bail. I will change it when the bail finishes.
  • No Honours section, but then again I don't think he's won anything.
No, not yet atleast.

This looks like a very impressive article (as much as I hate the subject). But it might be a idea to wait for a bit before nominating it comdidering he's just changed clubs. Or at the very least nominate for GA status first. Buc 15:01, 22 July 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments Buc. Sir-Nobby 21:46, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

The Rambling Man[edit]

Hi, late once again to the party, but some comments, hopefully some of them useful...

  • Do we really need to qualify that he's a football (soccer) player? First time I've seen this - I've always just piped that with footballer so at least the wikilink is right and it reads nicely.
Agreed that it reads better as 'footballer', but the Gilberto Silva lead describes him as a 'football (soccer) player' so I would guess that's what was decided as the best description, probably because 'footballer' could refer to many different sports. Sir-Nobby 11:38, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
I believe "soccer" is used in the Gilberto Silva article because he is Brazilian and therefore may be referred to as a "soccer" player. I think you would be fine pipe linking on an article on Barton. Dave101talk  14:58, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Not keen on "Man City", would stick with either City or the whole thing.
Done. The club is now consistently referred to as 'City' throughout the article (apart from when it's necessary to refer to them by their full name). Sir-Nobby 11:36, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • "...his time in the first team expanding over a period of five years..." - not sure what this is really getting at, is it that he became more of a regular in the team over that time? It's not clear.
Changed to "...his time in the first team gradually increased in regularity over a period of five years..." Is this clearer? Sir-Nobby 11:36, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Update the "correct as of" in the infobox.
Updated. Sir-Nobby 11:36, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • A tiny bit lineprose in the Early life section, avoid the one-sentence paragraphs.
Moved sentences to the one-sentence paragraph. Sir-Nobby 11:36, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Move ref [1] next to Huyton to end of sentence to comply with WP:CITE.
Done. Sir-Nobby 11:40, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • "He use to travel ..." used to?
Changed to "used to travel". Sir-Nobby 11:40, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • "Euro qualifiers" - expand and/or wikilink to assist the non-expert understand this.
Expanded to 2004 European Championship qualifiers with link added. Sir-Nobby 11:45, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • "rash tackle" - a bit POV, either find a decent citation which you can quote or tone it more neutrally.
Changed to "Barton sparked a ten-man brawl in a friendly match against Doncaster Rovers on 25 July 2004 after "hacking" an oppostion player." Hacking is how the BBC described it in the citation. Sir-Nobby 11:53, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Not mandated (or at least I don't believe it is) but I prefer citations in numerical order so [18][9] could be [9][18].
Done. You're right, it does look tidier. Sir-Nobby 11:58, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
Done. Sir-Nobby 12:04, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • "Such as a typical box-to-box player..." - difficult reading.
Agreed, that bit does need re-wording but I'm not sure how. Any suggestions? Sir-Nobby 12:53, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
Done. Sir-Nobby 12:04, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
  • "Outside of football" section is lineprose - it needs to be flowed better, and move refs [68] and [19] in that section per WP:CITE.
Moved refs. I think I'm going to need help with the prose in this article. Sir-Nobby 12:08, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

Good level of citation, the prose needs some work before I'd consider FA, but this is most definitely GA + quality. Good work. The Rambling Man 07:00, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the input RM. I think the main thing that needs attention now is the prose. It would be good if someone could help with that. Sir-Nobby 15:44, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

Oldelpaso[edit]

I'll go through more thoroughly when I get the opportunity, but a few things I noticed from a quick scan:

  • There are one or two references which do not appear to be from reliable sources, such as the refernces to "footballers are idiots" blog and soccerfiesta.net. References to red-tops such as the Sun and the People should be used sparingly.
I have replaced the blog with a more reliable source (Sky Sports), but the only other sources that support the claim he has dated Amanda Harrington are in Spanish. Can these still be used? Sir-Nobby 16:35, 1 August 2007 (UTC)
Depends on the nature of the source. If its from something like Marca that's fine, but if its the Spanish equivalent of Popbitch then no. While sources in English are preferred, there's no issue with using another language if that information is unavailable in English. Oldelpaso 10:36, 5 August 2007 (UTC)
I've found this, which looks like a bit more of reliable source to me. What do you think? Sir-Nobby 12:27, 5 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Not keen on the blockquotes, but that's probably personal preference.
I think it is just down to preference. They contain useful information so I think they should be kept. The first one gives the reader a pretty good idea about what it was like growing up in Huyton, the second one was a public appeal for his brother to come forward to the police Sir-Nobby 16:35, 1 August 2007 (UTC)
  • There's a big difference between 10 GCSEs A-C and 10 GCSEs A-G. If, as is likely, it cannot be determined which is the case here, it might be better to remove it.
Fair point (that there is a difference), but it's better to have at least some mention of his qualifications than none at all. If any info on what his GCSE grades were can be found it would be helpful, but if not then I don't see the point in removing it all together. Sir-Nobby 16:35, 1 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Parts of his on-field career could be fleshed out some more. I'll see what I can get from my MCFC books & programmes.
Thanks Sir-Nobby 16:35, 1 August 2007 (UTC)
  • The Style of play section describes a more attacking Joey Barton than the one I know - he started as an out and out defensive midfielder; goals are a more recent addition to his game. His passing is not generally regarded as one of his strengths - the reference given is not a glowing assessment of his passing ability, I'd read the context as "there's more to his game than tackling". His goalscoring could do with some explanation - while he was top scorer for City last season, it was in a season where the club broke records for low scoring. It is also worth mentioning that in the past couple of seasons he took penalties and set-pieces for Manchester City. Again, I'll look at my reference material and see what I can find. Oldelpaso 19:22, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
Thanks. Admittedly I haven't seen him play much, so I was just really going by information given in the references. I think it might still be worth mentioning that he has finished top scorer before, even if City's scoring rates were particularly low that season. Sir-Nobby 16:35, 1 August 2007 (UTC)
The thing to be vigilant about when writing a section like this is to avoid weasel words. Its easy to slip into phrasing like "some say", "many fans" and the like. Oldelpaso 10:36, 5 August 2007 (UTC)
Thanks. I'm not entirely sure if there are any weasel words in this article. Could you help? Sir-Nobby 12:27, 5 August 2007 (UTC)
  • After taking another look, the main issue I see beyond those already mentioned is one of prose standard (1a on the featured article criteria). Take the sentence He became a first player for City and his time in the first team gradually increased in regularity over a period of five years, which saw him make over 150 appearances for the club in total. from the lead: aside from the obvious omitted "team" at the start, we have
    • "his time in the first team gradually increased in regularity over a period of five years" - I know what this is trying to say - an attempt to state that the rate at which he made first team appearances increased - but it comes across as rather clunky, and needs rephrasing.
    • "which saw him make" is somewhat passive, simply stating "making over 150 appearances" is clearer and simpler.
    • the words "in total" are redundant, the meaning of the sentence is the same without them.

I know that copyediting your own prose can be difficult, often the most challenging part of getting an article to FA. You might find Tony1's advice useful in this regard. If you need any help in this area, don't hesitate to ask. Oldelpaso 10:36, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

Yes it looks like the prose is the main thing that needs to be improved. I think I'll leave it to others as it probably goes beyond my writing skills. Thanks for the help, it's much appreciated. Sir-Nobby 12:27, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

Presbyterian Ladies' College, Sydney[edit]

I requested that this page be peer reviewed in June and received some great suggestions. I've taken these on board and made changes and was hoping that someone could have a look and see if it is worthy of GA status yet and/or make any further suggestions. Thanks in advance! Loopla 16:27, 20 July 2007 (UTC)

Wikipedia:Peer review/Presbyterian Ladies' College, Sydney/archive1

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:21, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Comments of Twenty Years[edit]

  • First off, fix the infobox. May i recommend Template:Aust school private.
  • The principals degrees need not be listed in the infobox, this is about the school, not the principals life achievements. Remove all "qualifications" (except Dr. etc) from the chairman and chaplain sections aswell.
  • References should not be used in the lead, unless there are extra-ordinary claims made. As such - 7&8 can go.
  • The lead need not contain the information about the principal. Concise - remember.
  • (from History - para 1) 7th of January, 1888 should be wikilinked and changed to January 7, 1888.
  • The quote of the student is possibly a bit too far, and takes up WAY too much room
  • The school prayer could be a copyvio?
  • College Motto section should be deleted, or at best - merged with another section.
  • College Crest is prob a bit too far, who really cares about the crest, if its so important, chuck it into the history of the article
  • School hymn is prob a copy vio and also unencyclopedic.
  • College tartan should be merged with uniform.
  • School badge should be merged with uniform
  • Too much info in the House System. See Aquinas College, Perth it deals with that section well.
  • Facilities....BORING. Does an encyclopedia really care about the Transition House at PLC Sydney? NO! So delete it.
  • The list of sports/bands/ensembles is completely useless, and no-one cares about it. Scotch College, Perth handles it well.
  • Im bored of this, and this will remain incomplete. Someone read WP:AQC and re-do the article. I am onto it.
  • It has been a pleasure. Twenty Years 12:18, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Impalement arts[edit]

The article has developed over five months and has now reached a stage where it seems quite stable. I've pretty much exhausted sources that are easily available to me so I'm not likely to be adding a lot of extra content unless friends give me significant new material. I feel the history section is a bit thin: sadly that reflects difficulty in finding high quality historical source material about this aspect of circus arts. The main reason for seeking peer review is that I've done the great majority of the work on this piece and I feel I need for independent opinions to ensure I take a balanced approach to any further development. Also, it has no classification at the moment and I would ideally like to have it properly classified.Circusandmagicfan 17:56, 23 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

Have added links where it seems appropriate. Will re-check but am wary of over linking.
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
Images have been a big problem. Those that I have available seem to have failed Wiki's license criteria. I'm seeking new images from people who work in the field.
Hopefully now addressed thanks to a performer who supplied me with one of his publicity images and agreed that it be released on free licence.Circusandmagicfan (talk) 10:47, 23 May 2008 (UTC)Circusandmagicfan
No applicable infobox.
Last few sections conform to guidelines (ie. "See also", "Notes and references", "Further reading", "External links").
  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • it has been
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please this comment).[?]
All instances of such words should hopefully be covered.
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:36, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Responses noted.Circusandmagicfan 18:27, 31 July 2007 (UTC)Circusandmagicfan

Water supply and sanitation in Indonesia[edit]

Any peer review comments on the article are welcome. The article is already relatively comprehensive and I am looking for comments so that the article could be further improved to be considered a good article by Wikipedia standards.--Mschiffler 04:45, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

  • Retrieval dates for web sources will be required if you want to make FA.--Rmky87 14:31, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Ferrari P4/5[edit]

I want to get it to featured but it seems a bit short (only 9.6kb). Specific things I would like feedback on are: is the wording too POV? I wrote it but I think it sounds a bit too much like an advertisement in some bits, is there anything missing and is it too short? All comments are welcome, really attack the article, it can only help me improve it. James086Talk | Email 10:16, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 11:59, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

4u1e's comments
  • Symbol keep vote.svg Suggest that Glickenhaus be introduced at his first appearance in the lead (i.e. film director and stock exchange magnate James Glickenhaus (according to his article, anyway!)), and again at first appearance in main text.
  • Symbol keep vote.svg I know it can be difficult in a short article, but there shouldn't really be material in the lead that doesn't appear in the main body of the article. At present the cost of the project, its debut at Pebble Beach and Glickenhaus's quote on value for money only appear in the lead.
  • Symbol keep vote.svg Would be good to have a fuller description of the origins of the project. The current wording of the article suggests Glickenhaus approached Pininfarina, but a couple of the referenced articles say it was Pininfarina who approached Glickenhaus (see the first Q&A here and about halfway down the first page here). More background could be given on the reported reasons for this - CarandDriver.com suggests that Pininfarina needed to show that they could still 'do' Ferraris after the 612.
  • Perhaps a little more background on what the original P series Ferraris were, to help explain Glickenhaus' fondness for them?
  • Symbol keep vote.svg The first para of development mentions "the 1967 Ferrari 330 P4 which he also delivered to Pininfarina." I couldn't find any mention of Glickenhaus having sent his P4 to Pininfarina in either of the refs given (1 & 6). Are you sure about this? (Update - it does appear in ref 7 though).
  • Symbol keep vote.svg The first para of development doesn't really expand on the evolution of the project. Judging by this page a little more could be said about the project's evolution from a purely retro P4-alike (Glickenhaus' original vision) to Pinifarina's 'moving away from the past' vision.
  • Symbol keep vote.svg In the same section, would Ken Okuyama's comment be better expressed as a direct quote?
  • Symbol keep vote.svg "The car shares the same Vehicle Identification Number as the Enzo it was derived from" Shouldn't this be "The car retains its original Vehicle Identification Number"? You can't share a VIN, that's the whole point!
  • Symbol keep vote.svg Reference 5 (www.ferrarip45.com) seems to have gone down. If so can you find an archived version at the Wayback machine, or find another reference?
  • Symbol keep vote.svg The 'Interior' section says that "the seats' fabric and colour was designed by his daughter", information which was drawn from ref 5 (see previous point). The Autoblog Q&A says only that his daughter chose the red leather for the seats. Is this a case of the true story getting embellished? Suggest try to find other corroborating sources.
  • Symbol keep vote.svg Niggling point from an engineer: The body is described as Carbon Fibre. I know this is common usage, but I'd far prefer to see it correctly identified as Carbon Fibre Composite. A body made of carbon fibre would be rather floppy!
  • Symbol keep vote.svg The article says the car "shares its shape with the Ferrari 330 P4". Is that overstating it a bit? Obviously very strongly influenced by, but not actually a clone of.
  • Symbol keep vote.svg The Engine section describes a "a Dino F140 mounted at 65°". I would expect to see this as "a 65° Dino F140" - since the current wording could be confused with the angle of the engine relative to the chassis, which I assume is not what is meant. (see Brabham BT55 for a car whose engine was mounted at an angle within the chassis). The engine section could also specify that the engine is in a V configuration.
  • The chassis section is a bit weak: It's mostly about the transmission, which I would normally group with the engine, rather than the chassis. I'm not that familiar with the Enzo, but I assume from this project that it has a composite tub with composite panels mounted on the exterior to form the outer body shape? If so, this could be described. What is the suspension layout? Shouldn't we say that the car is mid-engined in the text as well as in the infobox? Is there material from the Ferrari Enzo article that can be cannibalised here?
  • Would it be possible, or useful :), to have a section on 'critical reception' or similar? The press look to have been generally very positive about the project - have there been any negative pieces on the car?
  • Why not include a picture of a suitable original P series Ferrari (and maybe an Enzo?) for comparison with this car?
  • This page suggests that Pininfarina see this line of business as something they want to expand. Perhaps that could be written up as part of the significance (or potential significance, I suppose) of the car.
  • Would it be worthwhile including some mention of other cars that have been based on the Enzo, included Pininfarina's other project, the Maserati Birdcage 75th? That might give some wider context as well.
  • If you're ultimately looking to FA status, can you find any hardcopy references? There won't be any books yet I guess, but what about magazine articles?

Hope this is useful. I'll keep an eye on this page for a bit, but feel free to contact me if any of this is cryptic, or plain wrong! Cheers. 4u1e 11:55, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

Murray William James Bourchier[edit]

The article has been substantially rewritten expanded since initially assessed as Start class. Suggestions for improvement would be appreciated. Dbromage 05:46, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Review by Canadian Paul[edit]

Here are my suggestions:

  • The lead should be expanded per WP:LEAD. Specifically, it should mention what exactly was notable about him. At the very least, it should include something along the lines of "Bourchier was the Deputy Premier of Victoria from 1935 – 1936" so that it at least differentiates him from any old politician.
  • The early life section needs to be directly referenced and could use a lot more information. What was his home life like? What were his parents like? What were his siblings like? How did his early life influence his later career choices/actions? What were his financial circumstances? What were his parent's education levels (this makes a difference - if he was educated was this what was expected of him or did he go out on his own?) What kind of work did he do at Woodland Park and how did it effect his future life? Perhaps the answers to all of these specific questions are not available, but those are the type of questions I would ask if I wanted to know about Bourchier.
  • As a side note, red links in the Infobox should be de-linked. They can be red linked somewhere in the article if you believe that there is a possibility of an article.
  • The World War I section is interesting, but the big block quotes break up the information and make it difficult to connect from one idea to the other. I'm not sure exactly what you might want to do about that, but it's just my observation.
  • Anything that can be expanded upon in the post-war section would be great. What did he do on the farm while was there? (Farming, I'm assuming, but you can do lots of different jobs on a farm too). Any details about interesting things that happened during his military posts and why he was promoted through the ranks would be useful too (again, subject to the constraint of available information). This section should also have in-line citations.
  • The Political Career section should be expanded to include his political actions and decisions and should be fully cited and referenced.
  • You may want to merge the Personal Life and Early Life sections together to create one large "Personal Life" section. Also, citations and references will be needed.
  • The trivia section should be incorporated into the Early/Personal Life section and the In Popular Culture section should be have a mention in the Political Career section after mention of his death. For both of these, citations and references will be required.

Hope this helps! Cheers, CP 18:58, 24 August 2007 (UTC)

Automated review[edit]

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2007 Canadian Grand Prix[edit]

Might make this a FAC once this PR is over. Buc 08:22, 22 July 2007 (UTC)

NOTE: The user never listed it on the main PR page, so I am doing it now. Davnel03 16:25, 11 August 2007 (UTC)

Hurst-Euless-Bedford Independent School District[edit]

This article is about a public school district in Texas, USA. The article achieved GA on July 11, 2007 but didn't elicit any suggestions for continued improvement in the process. It appears to be the first school district to become GA or higher, so it may serve as an example for future improvement of other school district articles. I'm aiming for FA status (who isn't!) and would especially appreciate any constructive criticism towards that goal. Thanks! --Hebisddave 15:27, 19 July 2007 (UTC)

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In the same order as above:
  1. ("Consider adding more links...") More wikilinks added, focusing on words that seemed likely to be less familiar to readers not fluent in English or familiar with local/national culture.
  2. ("If there is not a free use image in the top right corner...") Currently the image is a logo posted with a fair use rational. I've contemplated trying to replace it with a photograph, but I'm not sure what it should depict. In the central administration building, there is a large wood cutout of the logo—would a photograph of that (with the photographer releasing the image as creative commons/PD) be any better than the current logo? That is, would the image still require the fair use rational?
  3. ("...years with full dates should be linked...") Got it.
  4. ("...avoid using special characters (ex: &+{}[]) in headings.") Got it.
  5. ("Please reorder/rename the last few sections...") In the linked document, there is the statement: "It is okay to change the sequence of these appendices, but the Notes and References sections should be next to each other." Unless someone can clarify that the MoS page is incorrect and the bot is correct, I'd prefer the current order.
  6. ("...this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long...") I downgraded a few section headings to bolded text. I'm reluctant to do this to more headings because shortening the ToC will cause the infobox to push an image down the page. (I would gladly follow a second opinion to continue shortening the ToC).
  7. ("...a thorough copyediting...") I did more copy-editing and found several redundant and ambiguous wordings. I'd like to do more of this before actually putting in a FAC and may appeal to the League of Copy Editors for some extra pairs of eyes if no one responds to this Peer Review.
Thanks for running and posting the automatic check! :) --Hebisddave 16:27, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Archimedes[edit]

Archimedes is currently rated as a good article, but could become a featured article. Please leave any comments here.--Ianmacm 08:56, 20 June 2007 (UTC)

  • Most of the references are in the form of a link. Could these be replaced by citation templates so they are in proper reference format? (C.f. Wikipedia:Citation templates.) Otherwise that'll be raised as an objection during your FAC. Thanks. — RJH (talk) 15:21, 23 July 2007 (UTC)
OK, I'll look into this. --Ianmacm 15:43, 23 July 2007 (UTC)
Done. --Ianmacm 21:30, 24 July 2007 (UTC)
Thank you. — RJH (talk) 20:26, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 100 feet, use 100 feet, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 100&nbsp;feet.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:30, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Zits (comic strip)[edit]

My ultimate goal for this article is to eventually get it to FA status. For now, I'm concerned with just getting it to GA status. I'm open to any suggestions. I would just like to note, however, that there are not many websites dedicated to this subject and, short of interviewing the creators, I'm limited in my sources of information. In fact, most citations come directly from the strip itself. I appreciate any help. Thank you. -- VegitaU 19:07, 22 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 800 miles, use 800 miles, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 800&nbsp;miles.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • is considered
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: doesn't, doesn't, wasn't, Don't, Don't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:29, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Nominator response: The lead is what I'm most concerned about here. I'm not exactly sure how to expand it and still keep it within the guideline standards. The article is not overly long or complex, so the lead has not become overly long or complex. As for weasel words, I've reviewed the article, but I haven't found anything unreferenced that could be considered a weasel word; though I'm leaving the recommendation open if another editor does find something. Contractions have been taken care of. As for references, I have typically posted footnotes at the end of the sentence, but I have also cited several within a phrase to identify the exact article I want to reference. -- VegitaU 21:59, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
I would recommend considering a slightly different approach in the intro, because while ... say 80% of the strip is about Jeremy as you cite in the 2nd lead, I would also consider that there's a good deal of "generation gap" humor that it's not so much Jeremy in the troubled position, but instead it's his parents that don't understand their son (eg, the one with Walt trying to figure out how to respond to "respect knuckles" with Jeremy after changing the lightbulb).
Other notes beyond what the automated script gave:
  • I think it may be better just to use the book references directly instead of Amazon links (just don't include page numbers) in the "Related books". Also, I think you can rename this section to just "Books" (see FoxTrot) and possibly make this into a table to include type and publication dates. (Maybe include just ONE image of a book to support this section, but do not use an image for each book, as that's discouraged due to fair use issues).
  • Speaking of fair use, can you find a single image of the main cast instead of separate pictures? I don't think you're bordering on any significant problem here, but having several non-free images is becoming more discouraged if a single image is possible. I don't know if this can be done, however, I don't ever recall of such.
  • Consider replacing the infobox image with one that includes the Sunday/book cover logo; as this image in the infobox is for quick identification, I'm not sure if the current picture is best.
  • You may want to include a "style" section, if you can find such references to support it. eg comment on lack of aging, that there's continuity, etc. Again, this may be hard to produce viable information for.
  • Consider the article as a whole and what would happen if the character lists were moved to another article -- I'm not suggesting that you do this move, but right now as the page stands, if this was done, there's not a lot to talk about. That's why I think a "style" section would do wonders. Best I can tell, no other comic strips have achieved a GA status, but looking through ones such as FoxTrot, Pearls Before Swine, Garfield, and Get Fuzzy basically suggest that this would be a useful addition.
--Masem 21:22, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Héctor Lavoe[edit]

This article has been my main focus as an editor for the last month, with some hard work the article reached Good Article status some days ago. However I want this page to be at the level the person featured in it was, and that is the top, so I bring this page to the consideration of the comunity so you can judge the page and offer suggestions to get it to Featured Article level. I will attend the suggestion presented here in my time available and I'm sure other members of WikiProject Puerto Rico will be more than happy to attend them in case I was absent, thanks for your time. - 01:48, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • The lead of this article may be too long, or may contain too many paragraphs. Please follow guidelines at WP:LEAD; be aware that the lead should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
  • If this article is about a person, please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use th; for example, instead of using January 30th was a great day, use January 30 was a great day.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Please make the spelling of English words consistent with either American or British spelling, depending upon the subject of the article. Examples include: honor (A) (British: honour), meter (A) (British: metre), isation (B) (American: ization), traveled (A) (British: travelled), any more (B) (American: anymore).
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: didn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:36, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

  • I don't think the mayority of the automated points fit this article, I have been working with the language and sourcing on it.

- 00:46, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

2006 Duke University lacrosse case[edit]

Now that the case is closed and the dust has settled, it may be time to get some peer review on this year-long scandal. It got tons of coverage and now the initial district attorney in the case has been disbarred. Makes for interesting reading. Extensive references. Some peer review should get it to Good Article status in a jiffy. --SallyForth123 23:31, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

Come on, folks. This is at least as important as the Virginia Tech massacre because it has to do with the proper execution of law. Feedback please.--SallyForth123 23:12, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

Comments by Jude[edit]

Intro: The introduction should be longer for an article of this size, and should be "a concise overview of the article, establishing context, summarizing the most important points, and explaining why the subject is interesting or notable".(see WP:LEAD)
Timeline of Events:
  • I would suggest that the information be organized into main sections the events at the house, and the events afterwards, with subheadings as needed.
  • Why is it relevant that Mangum was "a single mother"?
  • In the sentance ".... and had already engaged in sexual intercourse..." get rid of the word "already"; it's unnecessary.
  • At the House section begins with "The house had recently been purchased by Duke University". Which house? The article doesn't explain what house, or why the players were there, or given any background information, except on Mangum.
  • "They contacted Allure and requested two white strippers..." Now is probably when you should mention the womens' races, rather than in the previous paragraph.
  • "Evans... was worried that the police would show up and cite him for another noise violation, and he told other players to leave his house." Cite him for another noise violation? The article never mentions a first one. Also, replace the first "and" with "to", and the second "and" with "so".
  • Minute-by-minute list of events: Not sure that it's really necessary; IMO it should be summarized in the article, not listed out.
DNA tests and Arrests and indictments:
  • might be better if they went under an "Investigation" section.
Credibility of the accuser:
  • The entire section is more or less an attack on Mangum's credibility. It violates WP:NPOV. Obviously, you have a point of view; otherwise you wouldn't be working on this article. But the article itself has to be neutral.
Whoa, I wrote none of that section. I just leave that stuff in to avoid fights. Call me a wimp.--SallyForth123 03:54, 30 July 2007 (UTC)
Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed that. If you plan to nominate the article for GA status, though, that section will have to be changed. --Jude. 14:53, 30 July 2007 (UTC)
I don't have time to review the rest of the article in-depth right now. But general suggestions:
  • The response to the case definitely needs a lot more coverage. The focus should be on the effects of the case, and the signficance of it, not just on the events themselves.
The media coverage was factored out to its own article. See the "Reactions to the scandal".
The "Reactions to the scandal" article should be summarized in that section of the Duke Lacrosse Case.
  • The group of 88 is only mentioned in passing. Needs more coverage.
  • The response to the case by civil rights leaders is not mentioned at all.
  • Why is the "Developments in the case" section after "Aftermath".
  • See also: Presumption of Innocence is a POV push.
It's clear that a lot of work has been put into this article, but it still needs a lot of work on comprehensivity and neutral point of view. If you want me to review the rest of it in depth, I'll do that. Cheers, Jude. 00:39, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Other notes: The information about Mangum's history at the escort service, and her consumption of alcohol, drugs, etc. should probably be later in the article. It's relevant to the evidence from the rape kit, and to the fact that the guard at the supermarket thought she might be under the influence. When it starts the section, it's out of context, and shows bias.--Jude. 15:26, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated review[edit]

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Calendar of saints (Anglican Church of Southern Africa)[edit]

I had e-mailed the office of the Anglican Church of Southern Africa regarding possibly getting some information to create an article like this. They went one step further than I had thought (or even dreamed) they would do and created the article themselves. I'm guessing that this article is probably already as complete as possible, considering who it was who wrote the article in the first place. Having said that, I would be very gratified if anyone could give me some feedback regarding what additional steps would need to be taken to possibly get this article up to GA or FA standards. Thank you. John Carter 15:39, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

  • There isn't nearly enough prose for a FA, and having everything based on a single source isn't a good idea. Featured list perhaps? —Angr 17:44, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
    • Question: Even if, as seems to be the case here, that source is, as it were, the organization who created the document which the article refers to? I'm not trying to be snide or anything like that, I honestly don't know. And, as that wasn't a possibility that occurred to me, if anyone has any suggetions of how to bring this page up to featured list status, those suggestions would be more than welcome as well. And thank you to Angr for the response. John Carter 17:56, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
  • This calendar is an 'in-house' document ... so nothing regarding further sources I'm afraid. A significant portion of it is common across the Anglican Communion. Following on from the inital e-mail received and then in discovering the List page, I had assumed that the calendar for each province was merely being sought, and that a general introductory article about liturgical calenders would exist separately from the provincial calendars themselves - hence the lack of prose. I took a peek at the (few) existing calendars and kept to a similar format. Dunnock 14:01, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Put the info in tables like we have over at List of Archbishops of Canterbury. That would make it look more featured list. -- SECisek 19:03, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

  • It seems to me an encyclopedia article should contain more information than would be found simply by looking in the South African Prayer Book itself. Otherwise, we have merely duplicated what the prayer book already says. An encyclopedia article should have some background (How did this list come into being? Were there arguments about what to include or leave out? How has it changed over the years? Was it affected by the politics of Apartheid before 1994, and has it been affected by the end of Apartheid since then?), some comparison (How does Southern Africa's calendar of saints differ from that of the Church of England, from which it is presumably derived, and why?), that sort of thing. And that will require more sources than the prayer book itself. —Angr 07:33, 29 July 2007 (UTC)
  • The Great Festival section is a direct copy ... I will conflate that. The remainder is a bringing together and an organising of the calendar rules. The two acknowledged quotes are direct from the preface, the remainder is a re-writing (and some reorganising). I looked at the Canterbury list, and that seems cumbersome ... I followed the format of the other calendars for consistency. I will follow up with the Liturgical Committee as to the rationale/inclusion of the Southern African commemorations ... although it is the bishops who would have debated and decided - and there is a 30 year moratorium on their minutes! I appreciate the interest and the suggestions, this is all rather new to me! Dunnock 14:01, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

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Sveriges Television[edit]

I've given this article some work, but I don't think it reaches GA quality yet. I know there are some thin sections and typos, but I'd like to know if there is anything else that should be added or if there are any general thoughts. Väsk 15:57, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

As you said yourself, the article consist of thin sections which almost make it feel "listy". Images are not too good, I could probably take a shot of their new fancy waterfront building in Gothenburg and add it to the article. Few footnotes, todays wikistandards almost require +50 notes to make it a GA. --Krm500 18:30, 29 July 2007 (UTC)
I've looked at the BBC article (which is similar and has GA status) and it also gives a "listy" impression. My problem is that I have trouble finding out how I should approach this listyness and what subjects may need more explaining. As for the number of notes, it would be helpful if someone could point out what needs references. I agree that some images are of low quality. It may also be slightly overcrowded with images in some areas. Väsk 19:44, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • When writing standard abbreviations, the abbreviations should not have a 's' to demark plurality (for example, change kms to km and lbs to lb).
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • There are a few sections that are too short and that should be either expanded or merged.
  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • is considered
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • While additive terms like “also”, “in addition”, “additionally”, “moreover”, and “furthermore” may sometimes be useful, overusing them when they aren't necessary can instead detract from the brilliancy of the article. This article has 14 additive terms, a bit too much.
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: aren't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 20:43, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

List of Sydney FC players[edit]

I've been working on this and I am hoping to get it to FL status. Thoughy I'd best bring it up for peer review to see what else needs doing. Needs more references for Notable players and more context but more ideas greatly appreciated! Mattythewhite 13:22, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Three comments that I see:
  • You use "The Roar" in the lead without explaining what it is (though I can find out through wikilinks) - I'd recommended just noting what that is in the lead. I didn't see anything else like that on a readthrough, but just doublecheck that.
  • Yes check.svg Done Replaced the Roar with Sydney - the Roar refers to Queensland Roar (wrong team!), which was there as I have based this off their list and never realised about changing it. Mattythewhite 16:54, 30 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Any possible way of getting an image of the whole team from one of the seasons in this? Since it's a "list of players" and not focusing on one, I think it would make more sense than to have a single image, though trying to get a not-non-free one might be a bit more difficult.
  • X mark.svg Not done I'll see what I can do - but most featured lists have no pictures at all, and some, such as Manchester United's have a pic of only one. But I shall keep a look out for a squad pic. Mattythewhite 16:54, 30 July 2007 (UTC)
  • The "Notable players" section stands out as being the weakest part; I don't know if it's necessary to list them out as you do with a bulleted list. Consider: can this be made into a prose line, dropping the records and just standing each player's name (wikilinked and a reference next to it), and leaving it be like that? If those records along with the players are that notable, maybe it might be worthwhile to make a table, with the name, record information, and then a very very brief blurb about that person (ideally from your sources) as to why he's notable.
Looks good otherwise. --Masem 15:50, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

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Abortion[edit]

Specifically, I believe the first paragraph, of the definition of the article needs to be address by a wider audience. The previous consensus reached was between a relatively limited number of users for such a controversial topic.

The central issue that surrounds the revived debate is that the word "death" has an unnecessary emotional undertone which is not needed to define the procedure, while also unduly slanting the article from a purely objective point of view. While several other side issues have also come to light, such as removal of the word "Mother" or "Child" from the article, I am requesting this peer review specifically to address the concern of the wording for the definition of what abortion is. The apparent points of view surfacing in the revived debate are thus:

  1. A consensus was already reached, leave the definition alone.
  2. A consensus was reached between a small group of editors, and because of the smaller size reflected a disproportionately large representation of one group over another.

This can be seen in the initial straw poll that was taken: [7]

In the poll a 3 to 1 majority of options reflected the use of the word "death" as opposed to "terminated" even though it was a central theme of the discussion. Note: 2 of the options (8 & 9) in the poll were not included, and 1 option was lumped in with referring to death because it uses "preventing a live birth" which directly infers death.

The discussion is taking place on an archive page here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Abortion/First_paragraph#Neutrality_of_the_first_paragraph

Toastysoul 22:17, 12 July 2007 (UTC)

  • Malformed: This peer review is malformed, and is not linked on the article talk page. I attempted to link it to the talk page, but was unable to find the secret code; it needs to be moved/renamed to the standard. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:32, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Age of Mythology[edit]

User:Giggy asked for this to go through the featured article process again, but he enlisted me for help. Anyways, from looking at the article, I believe it is nicely done and well cited. However, I do not work on gaming articles much, so I don't know what either I or Giggy needs to do in order to make this FA material. Thanks in advance. User:Zscout370 (Return Fire) 08:20, 27 July 2007 (UTC)


Spebi's review


Great article, whoever has worked on it has obviously put in a great deal of time to perfect it.

In no particular order:

  • Soundtrack: I recommend sourcing the track listing, as I can see that it might become a target for random text or false soundtrack titles. Also in that section, there are a couple of unsourced quotes that need to be sourced: try googling the quote, wrapped in quotation marks, and you should receive really good sources.
  • Gameplay: Try adding more information to the image captions. Instead of just "The Age of Mythology scenario editor.", use "The Age of Mythology scenario editor: visible are (list advanced features not included in Age of Empires), (some other statement that tells readers that the scenario editor is much more complex than the one in AOE).", or similar.
  • Reception: Section is very well sourced, however, I see a few issues here and there: "Website users rated the game 8.2 out of 10", with ref 34 attached to it, seems a bit, ugh. Who are these "website users"? What else did they say about the game other than just a rating of 8.2 out of 10? It also seems a bit odd, just hanging on the end of the paragraph... just noticed, it is included again earlier in the same paragraph, with the same ref 34 added on the end. Also, alot of the refs are either before the full-stop, or between two full-stops (how does that work out?), and some of the statements have no full-stop at all. I recommend fixing up some of the prose in that section, mainly, joining sentences that could sound better joined, and not separate.
  • Buildings: try and join up these paragraphs (which are actually just 1 or 2 sentences, then a line break), to make that section look a bit more presentable.
  • If you are interested in citing some of those other detailed areas in the game that can't be cited using online material, you may want to purchase the official AOM guide released by Microsoft (I'm sure there is one), or that book that comes with AOM when you buy it, or another reliable game-guide that isn't online.
    Would a walkthrough I wrote for the game count? I vaguely recall seeing such things in other articles, but this could be a COI issue... Giggy UCP 08:57, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
    Uh, well since you wrote it, it doesn't really pass as verifiable, as it is a self-published source. You'd have to check up on this with someone else, I'm afraid. Sebi [talk] 09:50, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
    I found the official track list and added a citation for it. User:Zscout370 (Return Fire) 04:20, 29 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Ref 22 is cited 3 times, yet it is completely blank.
    Oops, fixed. Giggy UCP 08:57, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
  • "Four months after its release, Age of Mythology went platinum, selling over 1,000,000 units." – pretty big claim, and yet I see no ref tag next to it. I'm pretty sure that it is correct, I've seen it either in the article already (sourced) or somewhere online, but it needs to have that [#] tag next to it.

Sebi [talk] 08:46, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

Mathias Rüegg[edit]

This is my first request for a peer review. I think the article has grown beyond the bot "stub" rating, and would like suggestions on where to go from here. It is the first musician bio I have written, and I would like to see it reach GA status if possible. Rob C. alias Alarob 23:07, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Maybe a picture and some references/sources? DrKiernan 06:52, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
I'd echo the need for sources, and I'd also suggest that you try and gather some critical sources that talk about his style of music and/or his cultural impact on music in his field. CaveatLectorTalk 07:07, 27 July 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for the suggestions. I've tracked down two Downbeat articles with more biograhical info, and some articles in German and French jazz magazines. (Could use some help with the French.) Can't find a non-copyright photo. Do WP editors ever approach the article subject for a pic? -- Rob C. alias Alarob 16:35, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Serpin[edit]

Have pretty much added everything that I think is generally important in regards to serpins.

I have responded to everything that has been requested so far.

I'm keen to get some feedback on current quality, some ideas for additional sections that could be added and hopefully move this article towards FA status.

Cheers

Jcwhizz 06:07, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • There may be an applicable infobox for this article. For example, see Template:Infobox Biography, Template:Infobox School, or Template:Infobox City.[?] (Note that there might not be an applicable infobox; remember that these suggestions are not generated manually)
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
  • This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, than an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.[?]
  • Please make the spelling of English words consistent with either American or British spelling, depending upon the subject of the article. Examples include: behavior (A) (British: behaviour), behaviour (B) (American: behavior), recognise (B) (American: recognize), ization (A) (British: isation), isation (B) (American: ization), catalyze (A) (British: catalyse), hydrolyse (B) (American: hydrolyze), modeling (A) (British: modelling), modelling (B) (American: modeling), signalling (B) (American: signaling), mold (A) (British: mould).
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 13:35, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Iowa Hawkeyes football from 1889 to 1899[edit]

I have been working on this article for a couple weeks now in hopes of potentially getting it up to good article status. For the most part, it has been solely edited by me, so anything you can do to improve it would be much appreciated. I have tried my best to keep it as unbiased as possible so hopefully that will not be a problem. Thanks in advance! DanThaMan17 00:10, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 13:36, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

I don't think you need the schedule sub-header sections. The sections are so small anyways, just use a table description with "|+ Schedule" at the top of the table (if you can) and it will produce the same result. Labeling the table might not even be needed either. MECUtalk 18:12, 29 July 2007 (UTC)
How exactly do I do that? Also, do you think it needs more sources? DanThaMan17 20:31, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Legoland Windsor[edit]

Having just spent a lot of time and having put huge amounts of effort into this article, I'd really appreciate any feedback, especially relating to getting the article a GA or even FA assessment. Is it worth either of those? If not, how could I get it to GA, or better yet FA status? Cheers! TheIslander 23:07, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

It does need some work, here are some suggestions. I'm looking at other articles like Disneyland and Cedar Point as examples of other articles that involve theme parks:
  • I think the first section should be "History", which should include some of the present ownership information that you currently have in the header. Note that this should be prose, and you probably can reduce it down to more notable events (eg the Queen visiting); I think most of what you have there now falls under more mundane details. Note how the Cedar Point article has a section for Retired Attractions, which may be what you want to do here and move those you have stricken through to this section.
  • Don't need to duplicate the area list at the top as you are going to go through it.
  • I would put the eateries within each area instead of dedicating a separate section
  • The notation for "busiest attractions" is easy to miss, and who is defining the "busiest"? (I assume its the guide book). You may make more sense to say, as a lead into describing the park, that "X, Y, and Z are noted as the busiest attractions by the park guide." and not use your bolded approach.
  • Again, the stricken entries, I'd moved to a "Retired" section.
  • You shouldn't put a reference in a section header, move it into the first sentence if you need to call it out.
  • Try to be consistent in your descriptions of each attraction. I would move anything "This opened in 200x" to after the ride/attraction description where you have them, possibly with what attraction they replaced.
  • I would not be afraid to re-use your guidebook references more to support a lot of the park description and events.
  • Make sure that your references are following appropriate Citation guidelines.
You're not too far away from a GA candidate. I think the hardest part is the history section, I think you've got the details, but you want to make that more prose. The rest is mostly in organization. --Masem 13:51, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
Thank you very much for your time ;). There are certainly some points you've made that I agree with: I know the references at the moment are not quite formatted correctly, need to work on them; the 'retired rides' section is an interesting idea; suggesting that the history section should be first is an interesting point. Thanks for your help! TheIslander 14:25, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
In general the article seems very listy. Meaning that all sections are more or less lists and should be converted to prose. The lead section also needs to be expanded per WP:LEAD. Also I believe there is a mistake in the lead. Legoland is actually 100% owned by Merlin entertainments. Merlin however is 70% owned by Blackstone and 30% by Lego. --Peter Andersen 21:44, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
Hmm. To be honest, I disagree that it's too 'listy'. It includes all the relevant information, and it really isn't an article that lends itself to prose. Still, I take on your comments. Also, for your information, Merlin isn't 30% owned by Lego - it's correct in the article, in that Legoland is 70% Merlin / 30% Lego, and Merlin is 100% Blackstone. After ll, Lego don't own the Tussaud's attractions at all, but Merlin do. Thanks for your input - much appreciated. TheIslander 21:48, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
The history section should at least be converted to prose. Regarding the ownership issue. I still believe that my statement is closer to the truth than yours. In the press release following the Legoland acquisition it says: "Blackstone and management will take a 70% share in the new Merlin Entertainments Group, while the LEGO Group will hold 30%." (I added the italic) And in the press release following the Tussaud acquisition it says: "DIC will receive £1,028 million cash and retain a 20% stake in the combined company, investing alongside majority owner Blackstone and LEGO Holding/KIRKBI Groups." (I added the italic) --Peter Andersen 10:15, 29 July 2007 (UTC)
I'm still not 100% sure, but I'm certainly going to look into it more closely now. Thanks ;). TheIslander 14:08, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 16 metres, use 16 metres, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 16&nbsp;metres.[?]
  • As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use th; for example, instead of using January 30th was a great day, use January 30 was a great day.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 13:40, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Thank you very much Davnel03 - some interesting points there. TheIslander 14:08, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Toyota Aurion[edit]

Please tell me what problems this article has, other than the citations.SenatorsTalk | Contribs 23:02, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space - &nbsp; between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 383Nm, use 383 Nm, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 383&nbsp;Nm.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • it has been
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • While additive terms like “also”, “in addition”, “additionally”, “moreover”, and “furthermore” may sometimes be useful, overusing them when they aren't necessary can instead detract from the brilliancy of the article. This article has 11 additive terms, a bit too much.
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: Can't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 13:26, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Highway 6 (Ontario)[edit]

Over the past few weeks, I have been working on this article, expanding it to its current state. Please review this article with the "Good Article" criteria, and based on the improvements that this article have made during the course of this several weeks.

Follow this link to compare the two versions (July 7 VS June 9) of Highway 6:

[8]

Any comments, please reply here below, or notify me via User talk:Smcafirst/Requests. Thanks a lot!

 Smcafirst | Chat  at 13:21, 10 July 2007 (UTC)

The map is wrong, as Highway 6 goes much closer to Hamilton, Ontario. -- Earl Andrew - talk 04:01, 11 July 2007 (UTC)
The map is based on the MapArt Road Atlas for Southern Ontario, and with its new alignment (Highway 6 By-Pass), it does not go close to Hamilton anymore, instead, it travels by the southern boundary of the Hamilton/John C. Munro International Airport, and through Ancaster, eventually meeting up with Highway 403.
Please do give more comments.
 Smcafirst | Chat  at 15:00, 12 July 2007 (UTC)
That's still closer to Hamilton than your map indicates. -- Earl Andrew - talk 21:00, 15 July 2007 (UTC)
  • [9] is not a reliable source; you'll need to use maps, newspaper articles, highway department records, or other reliable sources for the history. The history may also be able to be expanded: is there any pre-provincial highway history, like turnpike roads (if those existed in Ontario)? Was there actually an "official opening" in 1920? In the case of most numbered highways, the numbers were simply applied to an existing road. Is there a reason the article is at "Highway 6 (Ontario)" but the bolded text reads "Ontario provincial highway 6" and the infobox reads "Ontario Highway 6"? The prose could also use a little work, with one-line paragraphs, sentence fragments ("High travel speeds in the five-lane section, and typical flow varies between 100 km/h (65 mph) and 120 km/h (75 mph)."), awkward wording ("In Guelph, the road travels full length on Hanlon Parkway, a 4-lane, divided highway."), and statements that cannot be referenced to maps and thus need independent references ("There is an election promise to upgrade this 13 km to a 400-series Highway and rename it Highway 410."). The neologism "multiplex" should be avoided, in favor of whatever the MTO uses (if they do use something), or "overlap" or "concurrency" if they don't. --NE2 22:30, 17 July 2007 (UTC)
  • I've changed your wording that "Eventually, it arrives in Espanola (Baldwin)". Baldwin is a separate municipality north of Espanola; they aren't the same thing, and Espanola is not the highway's terminus. The map should also be corrected in one of two ways: either add a very short stub of red line north of Espanola leading to a new dot labelled as "McKerrow", or just relabel the Espanola dot as McKerrow. If you do the former, then move the Espanola dot down a bit; as you have it right now, the dot is straddling the line that actually defines the northern