Wikipedia:Peer review/Bhimsen Thapa/archive1

Bhimsen Thapa[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I have been working on this article for a few months, and I have reached a point where I need to step back and have someone not involved take a look. I ultimately wish to nominate the article for GA. I understand that there are still a few biographical details I need to add (such as his administration), however I would like to have someone's opinion on:

Adherence to the requirements of neutral point of view
Adherence to the requirements of formal tone
Grammar and other aspects of correct use of language.

Thanks, (Manoguru (talk) 06:08, 23 November 2014 (UTC))[reply]

Quick comments from Nikkimaria (not covering the whole article)

Given the length of the article, the lead should be at least 3 paragraphs
This topic is likely to be unfamiliar to many readers, so it would be worthwhile to go through to make sure all your terminology is adequately explained and sufficient background/context is included
Only the first word of headings should be capitalized, unless there are proper nouns
"Rana Bahadur's youth had been spent in pampered luxury which had made him incapable of running either his own life or the country" could be more neutral in tone; same with "it signaled how treacherous his reign was going to be", "discontented of his wanton and capricious behavior", "elaborate intrigue was set in motion"
"inevitable death" is unneeded - "death" would be sufficient
Dissidenting is not a word in English - suggest either "dissident" or "dissenting". Nikkimaria (talk) 14:17, 10 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments. I will try to keep these in mind while making the revision. Manoguru (talk) 12:42, 11 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]