Wikipedia:Peer review/Hypotonia/archive1

Hypotonia

This is an article for a little-known disorder that until the Internet came along, it was difficult to even find information about. I'm concerned about proper referencing and linking to sources, and the overrall organizational layout of the article. I've tried to cover all areas thoroughly, and to check spelling and grammar, but would appreciate a review of the writing in general. MamaGeek Joy 19:27, 17 January 2006 (UTC)

• Articles should be change to References. I think the External links (if you used them) should be merged into the references also if used. AndyZ 01:30, 18 January 2006 (UTC)
  • done MamaGeek Joy 13:17, 18 January 2006 (UTC)
• Just looking at it quickly, I would love to see the list of "Underlying Causes of Hypotonia" to be divided into to type: Bacterial infections, viral infections, congenital diseases, neurological disorders, etc. Also, all the subheds should be in sentence case (Swift Brown Fox >> Swift brown fox). Good luck! jengod 04:07, 20 January 2006 (UTC)
• I find the writing to be very good. I, a non-expert, was able to understand it. Some specific comments:
  • To take the referencing to the next level incorporate footnotes into the article using this system: m:Cite/Cite.php (see Chetwynd, British Columbia as an example of how this system works.
  • The footnotes should remove the external links used in the article body.
  • In the headings only capitalize the first word (for example "Developmental Delay" → "Developmental delay".
  • Why the quote in "Diagnosis"? cannot this be said in our (Wikipedia's) own words (of with a footnote)? --maclean25 09:20, 22 January 2006 (UTC)

I agree with you that the article needs lots of help. At first glance, it reads like it was written by people not very clear about the difference between a disease and a clinical manifestation or presenting complaint, nor easily able to distinguish hypotonia itself from other frequently associated neurological problems. There are a few glaring problems:

1. In several paragraphs, beginning with the paragraph below the TOC, it looks like hypertonic is mistakenly used for hypotonic. I gave up editing in this paragraph because I got less and less confident that I understood the intended points, and it began to seem in need of more than just honing the precision of the words.
2. There is a section in which it is claimed that strength and tone should be clearly distinguished, though in other parts of the article it is implied that especially in infantile hypotonia the two aspects of function are often indistinguishable or lumped together for clinical purposes as "hypotonia". To the extent that "the floppy baby" is a common vivid synonym for unsolved infantile hypotonia, it contradicts the claims of the other paragraphs.
3. The irritating misuse of symptom for objective manifestation occurs throughout the article.
4. Still plenty of typos and basic spelling and usage errors.

You might post a request for content help among the editors who would consider this an ordinary and well-known topic with an extensive knowledge base and research literature going back a century (rather than a "little-known disorder until the internet"-- this surprised me-- whole books on the topic were written before the internet was imagined). I tried to clear up some confusions in the early paragraphs but we have a number of editors with real neurological expertise at Wikipedia_talk:WikiProject_Clinical_medicine. alteripse 19:14, 22 January 2006 (UTC)

I tidied up the lead a bit. Scott Ritchie 03:07, 26 January 2006 (UTC)