Wikipedia:Peer review/Irreplaceable/archive1

Irreplaceable

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR _t 02:13, 21 February 2008 (UTC)

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article because a thorough peer review would be great before passing to FAC. Any comments are appreciated.

Thanks, --Efe (talk) 01:19, 20 February 2008 (UTC)

Dihydrogen Monoxide

As promised, here are some comments. I haven't read the article in full (sorry) so this is more general stuff. dihydrogen monoxide (H₂0) 07:47, 20 February 2008 (UTC)

• As I said to you in the past, the quotes need borders around them. Also, the second quote, "I wanted to make a record that women could relate to.", doesn't really stand out that much and could just go in the body passage.

 Done

• In the Background and inspiration section, the first 2 paras only really use 2 sources, so it :{Question}} I cant find. There are some images of her, which are quite good, but uncaptioned which I dont know what song is she singing. (In Flickr)

I'm not sure if it matters too much. I took a look too, and there were photos from a 2007 tour (on which you had commented, I believe). Saying something like "performing at a 2007 tour" in a caption wouldn't be bad at all. Kakofonous (talk) 14:20, 20 February 2008 (UTC)

But we are not really sure if she is singing "Irreplaceable". Yah, that was me "BritandBeyonce". Could you help me find one or two? Thanks. --Efe (talk) 00:47, 21 February 2008 (UTC)

• ""Irreplaceable" entered many charts around the world. The following table lists the various charts and peak positions." - That's fairly self evident

 Done Removed.

• The concession boxes at the bottom look a bit like overkill...so many!

 Question: Do I have to cut it down?

I made a few edits myself...I hope this helps a bit. Cheers, dihydrogen monoxide (H₂0) 07:47, 20 February 2008 (UTC)

Thanks.--Efe (talk) 10:10, 20 February 2008 (UTC)

• From the instructions: "Please do not include any images, such as done/not done templates with tick/cross graphics" Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:09, 21 February 2008 (UTC)

Still waiting for the review guys! --Efe (talk) 06:12, 25 February 2008 (UTC)

M3tal H3ad

Sorry about the late review. I'm skipping the lead section for now

• If you go for FA you will need to cite all quotes -""they might not have gone in the direction they did on the song." I know it's referenced further down but it's the way it is
• He then considered making R&B-country
• Beyoncé was working on materials - should that be material?
• after filming Dreamgirls, which her role inspired her - the last part is confusing
• Beyoncé asked for some twists on the track, add drums and sang - "twists" is vague, second part doesn't flow
• sang it much higher - how did she sing it higher?

HIgher than the demo? I think the notes? No information stated; so I stick to it.

I just add "in higher note"

Skipping to music video:

• who co-directed the video of "Get Me Bodied"
• A video edit was produced for the "Irreemplazable" - remove 'the' it's like saying, was produced for the "Irreplaceable"
• the video follows a simple story - simple according to whom? it is an opinion and should be attributed or removed
• She is preparing herself to welcome her new man - not very encyclopedic
• Stargate Management - capital M?
• A lot of references have the publisher listed twice "FOX News, FOX News Network," "IGN. IGN Entertainment, Inc" i don't see the point in this
• All Music Guide should not be in italics, it's a website and not a publication

Its in the "work" entry, so normally its italicized.

• ref 11,12 needs italics

Brief review, i will be back later. M3tal H3ad (talk) 08:19, 28 February 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the partial. I would be expecting a lot of comments here. I'll be addressing them as soon as I have a longer time to edit. Thanks again. --Efe (talk) 12:33, 28 February 2008 (UTC)

I've copyedited it partially. --Efe (talk) 11:46, 6 March 2008 (UTC)

LuciferMorgan

• Comments'
• "The tune was not associated to Beyoncé's voice and Ne-Yo wrote the song based from a male's perspective." The first part of this sentence sounds awkward, and needs rephrasing. LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
• "Ne-Yo considered making R&B-country western music song.[2]" - Needs the word "a" after "making". LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
• "When the team wrote the song with Ne-Yo, they recorded it with a male on vocals; but they thought of it as having more on a female vocal part.[1]" The last part of the sentence concerning the "female vocal part" sounds awkward, and needs rephrasing. LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
• "Beyoncé asked for some changes on the track, including addition of drums, while singing the song higher than the demo presented to her.[1]" - "Addition of drums"? Do you mean "additional drums", or "the addition of drums"?
• "Ne-Yo revealed that he wanted to make anthems for people that can relate to and that "Irreplaceable" was the product.[6]" - Another awkward sentence. Perhaps you mean "... anthems which people can relate to, and that "Irreplaceable" was the result." LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
• "The tune of the song is a somber reminiscent of her former group Destiny's Child's 2005 single "Girl".[13]" - Drawing correlations between songs is arriving at a conclusion, so therefore needs to be attributed to an opinion. Also, there is no need for "a". LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
• ""Irreplaceable" is about putting out a boyfriend after he cheats." - Putting out? Not sure what phrase to use here, but I wouldn't use "putting out". LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
• "The female empowerment theme of "Irreplaceable" drew comparisons to the central concept of Terry McMillan's novel Waiting to Exhale.[15]" - Drew comparisons from whom? What's the name of the critic, and what's the name of the publication he or she writes for?
• The last paragraph of "Musical style and lyrics" needs sourcing. LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
• "A 12" single was released in the same country on the following week.[17]" "On"? Do you not mean "during", or perhaps you should merely remove "on"?
• "In the United States, "Irreplaceable" served as B'Day's third single, following the poor chart performance of "Ring the Alarm".[1] " - Whether a single has a "poor chart performance" is actually an opinion, so therefore differs according to the judgment of that specific person. If the chart performance of "Ring the Alarm" is relevant, then state it's achieved position and who felt it's performance was "poor". LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
• "At the 2007 American Music Awards, Beyoncé rendered a surprise performance of the country version of song.[23]" - "Of song"? And, why was it a surprise? Was it unannounced she would perform it in that way? If it was previously announced, then it's not actually a surprise. LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)

I quoted it and the word "surprise" is actually the title of the news. --Efe (talk) 12:59, 14 March 2008 (UTC)

• ""Irreplaceable" was the closing act during her 2007 The Beyoncé Experience world tour." - In the musical field, an "act" is a group and not a song. LuciferMorgan (talk) 12:11, 14 March 2008 (UTC)

Thank you very much LuciferMorgan. You're well-versed when it comes to this type of work. --Efe (talk) 12:59, 14 March 2008 (UTC)