Wikipedia:Peer review/Irresistible (Jessica Simpson song)/archive3

Irresistible (Jessica Simpson song)

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to know if I can improve this article more to make it an FA. The article has been copyedited and I feel with this PR, it can be nominated again for FA. Thanks, Novice7 (talk) 12:48, 19 May 2011 (UTC)

Nikkimaria's comments on prose

• The song features multiple acoustic pianos?
• "A music video for the So So Def remix was also filmed featuring appearances" - reword, probably with a comma after "filmed". Overall comma use needs some attention - try reading the article out loud and looking for places where you would naturally pause
• According to the article you link to, the correct capitalization is "Disney Channel Original Series"
• "over-usage of digital sound manipulators" -> "over-use" or "excessive use/usage"
• Why the dashes around the blockquote?

Removed. Novice7 (talk) 06:47, 30 May 2011 (UTC)

• "The song is mostly of the dance-pop genre[9][10] with elements of pop rock,[11] funk music,[12] and Latin rhythms" - this reads somewhat awkwardly. Again, reading the article out loud helps resolve this and similar issues
• "to a key" doesn't make since from a grammatical or musical perspective
• Repetitive phrasing in the discussion of the song's range, check for others
• "following a musical setting that is beat-oriented" - what does this mean?

I believe it means that the music is developed around the beat. Novice7 (talk) 06:47, 30 May 2011 (UTC)

• "the song carries some effeminate viewpoints that Sheyne had managed to incoporate through her contribution" - phrasing is awkward, and "feminine" would make more sense than "effeminate"
• "close at hand" is too informal a phrasing for this context
• "the song demanded for "total fulfillment""; "The version featured on Lizzie McGuire soundtrack" - grammar
• "also includes disco influenced string arrangement" - grammar, need a hyphen in "disco-influenced"
• "Both the remixes" -> "Both of the remixes" or "Both remixes"
• Wikilink pressing, Wallonia?
• "Similarly, Chuck Taylor of Billboard also" - having both similarly and also is redundant, check for other redundancies
• "Taylor complimented the uptempo, contemporary appeal of the track and felt that "Irresistible" would be a staple airplay song at radio" - this passage is difficult to follow

I modified it a bit. Novice7 (talk) 08:08, 4 June 2011 (UTC)

• "street edge" should either be quoted or reworded, look for other informal phrasings
• "something unheard from Simpson's previous material" - either replace "from" with "in", or reword to "something not previously heard from Simpson"
• I realize you're trying to use synonyms to avoid repetition, but "annotated" is taking that too far
• Chart performance needs editing for prepositions and conjunctions, particularly the first paragraph
• "reaching its peak position of number sixteen, the fourth week on the chart" - replace comma with a connecting word
• "Netherlands" -> "the Netherlands"
• "critics gave the music video received mixed reviews" - grammar
• US or UK English? For example, you use both "criticized" and "criticised"
• Check footnote placement - footnotes should come immediately after punctuation when it is present, and unspaced after the word when it is not
• Where is Wango Tango? Nikkimaria (talk) 14:03, 24 May 2011 (UTC)

Thank you so much for your comments Nikki. I'll start fixing the issues soon. Novice7 (talk) 14:13, 24 May 2011 (UTC)

Almost done. I'll fix the rest too. Novice7 (talk) 06:47, 30 May 2011 (UTC)

I haven't finished the comma issue. I'll fix it soon. Thanks again. Novice7 (talk) 08:08, 4 June 2011 (UTC)