Wikipedia:Peer review/Shea Weber/archive1

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Shea Weber[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'm hoping to get this article to FA before the start of the upcoming NHL season and would appreciate any comments on how to improve the prose if it is needed, or if I have missed anything glaring. I believe the only thing this article is missing on its path to becoming an FA is a fresh pair of eyes to read over and enhance the prose.

Thanks, – Nurmsook! talk... 22:54, 25 June 2011 (UTC)

Review by ResMar: per your comments I've concentrated more on copy-editing then on review, but here are a few points:

Early life
  • Weber first played organized ice hockey at the age of six. What do you mean by "organized"?
Junior career
  • Weber went unselected in his Western Hockey League (WHL) Bantam Draft year, but was placed by the Kelowna Rockets on their protected players list during his second season of bantam. What does being on the protected players list entitle?
  • You say the season was 43–5–1–1, so 43 wins, 5 ties, 1 loss, and 1...what is that?
  • In addition to his championship run with the Eagles, Weber played in five games for the Kelowna Rockets during their 2001–02 WHL season. Reference, please.
  • Heading into the draft, he was ranked 42nd among North American skaters by the NHL Central Scouting Bureau, and 54th overall by International Scouting Services. Overall is misleading; what does it mean?
  • This guy is a defense-man, correct? You lean towards his goal numbers, though, isn't there another statistic for blocks or something similar? Or is this lean justified (I'm not an expert in hockey so I wouldn't know ;) )
Nashville Predators
  • He received a single fifth-place vote to tie for 17th with seven other players in James Norris Memorial Trophy voting as the league's best defenceman. This sentence is confusing, I'm not sure what it means.
  • Regarding his signing on and off of being a free agent, doesn't July 1 come before June? I think you switched the dates here.
  • At the game, Weber recorded four assists and was a +6... What does being "+6" mean?
International play
  • However, Weber's experience in this tournament was interrupted by an incident for which he was suspended three games. What incident...?
Personal life
  • Imo, Personal life is too short, you should look into expanding it.
General
  • Lastly, remember you only need to cite a reference once to cover an unbroken series of sentences; there are several places where you over-reference, for instance in "Personal life", where one reference was cited 3 times in a paragraph where it was the only source.

If you liked this review, be sure to go to Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog/items (which is where I found this article) and review some other waiting editor's backlogged article! ResMar 19:18, 30 June 2011 (UTC)

Just a note, I won't be on Wikipedia for the next two weeks. ResMar 02:38, 2 July 2011 (UTC)