Wikipedia:The first rule of Wikipedia

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There is no Cabal
Decree.png This is an official decree by the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW). It is irrefutably obligatory and is to be considered equivalent to a religious belief that all users are to follow.

When editing this page, please ensure that your revision reflects the supreme wishes of the Supreme Cabal. When in doubt, discuss first on the talk page.

Shortcuts:
Nut marking SAE Grade 2.png This essay in a nutshell:
What happens on Wikipedia, stays on Wikipedia.
Wikipedia policies
Article standards
Neutral point of view
Include only verifiable information
No original research
Citing sources
What Wikipedia is not
Working with others
Assume good faith
Civility and etiquette
No personal attacks
Resolving disputes
No climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man


  1. The first rule of Wikipedia is: You do not talk about Wikipedia.
  2. The second rule of Wikipedia is: You do not talk about Wikipedia.
  3. The third rule of Wikipedia is: Don't go talkin' 'bout Wikipedia.[1]


While it is fine to recruit sane, reasonable people to become Wikipedians, one must remember that Wikipedia is intensely addictive and talking about all the fun disputes you've been having, people you've been oppressing, and general mayhem that you've enjoyed as a Wikipedian may cause them to spontaneously attempt to join in.

Unfortunately, new users, including those with a numeric moniker, diving in to join in the fun other people are having tend to stick out like sore thumbs and will promptly be labeled as your evil sock minions and end up not having any fun at all. This is especially true when they play with the revert button, take up arms on your side, and attack your enemies. While this may seem very pleasant from one point of view, it reflects badly on you, and is detrimental to the long-term health of these well-intentioned newbies.

As a result, the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW) has decreed that new users should be treated in the following fashion:

(A) Pleasantly invited to join.
(B) Given tea and scones.
(C) Provided with copies of the 5 Pillars and other introductory readings.
(D) Vigorously inducted into the Cabal using arcane incantations like RESCIVN-PATHOR or ATTANIFRTHOARB.
(...)
(Ω) Promoted to Rouge Admin after a suitable period of time.

Only by following this complicated and necessary task can new users be properly certified by the cabal and made in to productive abusers of the Five Pillars of Evil.

Addendum[edit]

It has come to the attention of the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW) that some nefarious users have been recruiting new users solely in order for them to fight on their behalf. This is strongly discouraged, as the raising of armies on Wikipedia is only permitted when there is a primogeniture dispute between admins,[2] due to the immense collateral damage that modern warfare causes.

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. ^ This rule is best spoken while imitating Samuel L. Jackson, preferably from his role in Pulp Fiction.
  2. ^ See Wikipedia:Primogeniture