Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors/Copy Edit of the Month/April 2013

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The following event has concluded. Please do not modify this page. Comments should be made on the talk page.

The GOCE April Copy Edit of the Month is a two-stage event. Submissions for the contest will run from 00:00 on 1 April 2013 (UTC) until 23:59 on 30 April 2013 (UTC). All submissions must be from copy edits during the month of April. Voting on submissions will run from 00:00 on 1 May 2013 (UTC) until 23:59 on 31 May 2013 (UTC).

  • The voting period is now closed.
  • The submission period is now closed.

Submissions[edit]

GabeMc (talk|contribs)[edit]

Support[edit]

Discussion[edit]

czar · ·[edit]

Support[edit]

Discussion[edit]

  • Some of the work here is good, and I would suggest that, instead of adding lots of technical statement tags, you should find a way to rewrite them into an easier-to-read state, which is after all one of the goals of copy editing. —Torchiest talkedits 21:51, 31 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Is some of the work not good? (If so, what?) As I understand it, inline tags are for calling attention to individual problems I can't easily resolve on my own. I tagged the jargon sentences because I'd be pulling clarification out of my ass to explain them myself. As such, I thought that would fall outside the domain of a copy edit. czar · · 22:29, 31 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
A few minor things I noticed:
  1. Using pronouns at the beginnings of sections, where I think using the name initially is preferred.
  2. Changing active voice ("The character has received a generally good reception...") to passive ("His critical reception has been positive..."). The originally phrasing wasn't great, but I'd favor preserving the active voice when possible. In other places you changed it in the opposite direction.
  3. A few awkward turns of phrase, e.g. "He is first seen as a hologram on Mars when Shepard is retrieving data to stop the concurrent Reaper invasion of Earth." The concurrent part seems redundant.
  4. On the technical parts, you're of course not obligated to do work outside of what would be simply done, but doing so would've been an additional improvement and perhaps pushed this to the best of the month.
Generally good work though. Cheers. —Torchiest talkedits 03:17, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Northamerica1000(talk)[edit]

Support[edit]

Discussion[edit]

Wilhelmina Will (talk)[edit]

Support[edit]

  1. I like it. —Torchiest talkedits 21:51, 31 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Discussion[edit]

Jonesey95 (talk)[edit]

Support[edit]

  1. Nice work! GabeMc (talk|contribs) 22:05, 31 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Discussion[edit]

Definitely fixed up the article, and in addition to technically correcting the awkward sentences, you could also mix up the language a little bit to make it a more interesting read. —Torchiest talkedits 21:51, 31 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The event above is closed. Please do not modify it. Comments should be made on the talk page.
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