Your Horoscope for Today

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"Your Horoscope for Today"
Song by "Weird Al" Yankovic from the album Running With Scissors
Released June 29, 1999
Recorded October 16, 1998
Genre Comedy, third wave ska
Length 3:59
Label Volcano
Writer "Weird Al" Yankovic
Producer "Weird Al" Yankovic
Running with Scissors track listing
  1. "The Saga Begins"
  2. "My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder"
  3. "Pretty Fly for a Rabbi"
  4. "The Weird Al Show Theme"
  5. "Jerry Springer"
  6. "Germs"
  7. "Polka Power!"
  8. "Your Horoscope for Today"
  9. "It's All About The Pentiums"
  10. "Truck Drivin' Song"
  11. "Grapefruit Diet"
  12. "Albuquerque"

"Your Horoscope for Today" is a song by "Weird Al" Yankovic, originally featured on the album Running With Scissors (1999). It is a style parody of the third wave ska movement, more specifically the bands Reel Big Fish, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and The Toasters. The song features Tavis Werts on trumpet, and Dan Regan on trombone (both were members of the third-wave ska band Reel Big Fish). The song is an elaborate parody of horoscope pages, using the twelve astrological symbols.

On 14 January 2011, in response to popular press headlines concerning the sign of Ophiuchus following its mention on NBC on 12 January,[1] Weird Al posted an additional lyric for Ophiuchus on his Twitter page: "You’ll become the center of attention when you replace every square inch of your skin with plexiglass [sic] #NewHoroscope".[2]


After "Virgo" and before "Libra", the following "assurance" is put in about Weird Al's predictions:

"Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true. Where was I?"