(He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River

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"(He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River"
Single by TISM
from the album Machiavelli and the Four Seasons
  • "Abscess Makes the Heart Grow Fonder"
  • "Dicktatorship"
Released6 June 1995
FormatCD single
RecordedPlatinum Studios, September 1994
"Abscess" recorded at Metropolis Audio, September 1993
GenreDance-rock, alternative rock
LabelShock/genre b.goode
Producer(s)Lawrence Maddy
TISM singles chronology
"Let's Form a Company"
"(He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River"
"Greg! The Stop Sign!!"
Original Artwork
River tombstone.jpg

"(He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River" was the first single to be released off Machiavelli and the Four Seasons (1995) by Australian alternative rock band TISM. It is often referred to as "I'm On the Drug That Killed River Phoenix".

It reached #9 in Triple J's 1995 Hottest 100, one number ahead of Greg! The Stop Sign!!. It is also the only TISM song to reach the singles chart in Australia, peaking at number 23.[1]

On 27 April 1995, the band appeared on the RMITV show Under Melbourne Tonight and performed the song[2][3][4]

In 2002, the band performed the song on John Safran's Music Jamboree with traditional Greek instruments and slightly different lyrics.


The song opens with the refrain I'm on the drug that killed River Phoenix and, as the song continues, talking about a wide variety of celebrities who died due to some sort of excess. As the song progresses, it becomes clear that the addiction is not about actually doing these things himself; rather, his addiction is vicariously following celebrities and their excesses and premature deaths. As with a number of TISM songs, it is a comment on the fairly vapid state of popular culture.

Example verse:

I drank the slab that Bon Scott drunk;
Injected some of Hendrix' junk;
I booked a seat on Lynyrd Skynyrd's plane;
Mama Cass's sandwich? I ate the same!

And ending in ...

Now I'm bored and there's no stoppin'
I need another celeb to fill a coffin
Where'll I get my next drug action?
Odds on it'll be Michael Jackson

However, in the 2002 Music Jamboree performance, the ending verse was changed to reference Philip Ruddock.[5]

The song is performed in drop D tuning.


Not unique for TISM, controversy surrounded the release of this track. The main lyric I'm on the drug that killed River Phoenix enraged a number of people, with Red Hot Chili Peppers Australian-born bassist Michael "Flea" Balzary (a close friend of Phoenix) reportedly left "wanting to kill" TISM.

TISM addressed this controversy in 2004:[6]

"By the same token, Hitler-Barassi says, "I'm on the drug that killed River Phoenix", the line that famously enraged Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea, "wasn't about River Phoenix at all. That song was about fame, and the people listed in it weren't even real celebrities."

But did he get the opportunity to explain that to Flea?

"I had him on the ground and I was just about to break his nose with my forehead and I said, 'You do know, Flea, that satire is a legitimate art form stretching back to ancient Greek drama?' And he said, 'Oh, that's OK then, Ron'. He's a good guy, Flea. He's a mate of ours," he adds unconvincingly.

The single was issued with a second "pills" cover after a version depicting a mockup of Phoenix's tombstone was withdrawn.


  • Damian Cowell - lead vocals (choruses)
  • Peter Minack - lead vocals (verses)
  • Jack Holt - bass
  • James Paull - electric guitar
  • Eugene Cester - keyboards

Track list[edit]

  1. "(He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River"
  2. "Abscess Makes the Heart Grow Fonder"
  3. "Dicktatorship"

See also[edit]


  1. ^ "Archived copy". Archived from the original on 2012-10-23. Retrieved 2012-06-02.CS1 maint: Archived copy as title (link) Retrieved 2012-06-02.
  2. ^ http://www.discogs.com/TISM-Unauthorised-Unofficial-Unendorsed-Underpants/release/3268607
  3. ^ TISM on Under Melbourne Tonight (Channel 31, 27/04/95) - YouTube
  4. ^ Free Music Videos, Video Interviews, Music Video News, Live Sessions and Clips - NME.COM | - NME.COM
  5. ^ - (He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River on traditional Greek instruments
  6. ^ Dwyer, Michael. (2004-07-02) The phantom menace. (article). The Age. Retrieved 2007-12-11.

External links[edit]