Erotic humiliation

This article is about consensual erotic humiliation. For the form of sexual abuse, see Sexual bullying.

Humiliation of a man being forced to kneel and hold a dominatrix's purse with his mouth while being caned at Folsom Street Fair in the United States

Erotic humiliation, or sexual humiliation, is the act of performing consensual psychological humiliation in order to produce erotic excitement or sexual arousal. This may involve the person being humiliated, the person humiliating them, or both. It is sometimes performed before spectators, including through pornography or webcam modeling. It may also be part of BDSM and other forms of sexual roleplay, and can be accompanied by sexual stimulation of the genitals or other erogenous zones of one or both participants.

Humiliation is highly subjective and dependent on context. Although it is carried out for erotic purposes, erotic humiliation is not necessarily sexual in nature. As with many other sexual activities, the emotional or psychological feelings derived from the experience may be the primary source of arousal rather than the activity itself. Humiliation is psychological in character and often involves feelings of submission for the recipient and dominance for the person administering it.

Erotic humiliation may be verbal, physical, or both, and can occur in either private or public settings. Some individuals assume an active role as the degrader, while others prefer to be degraded, sometimes referred to as the degradee. A common technique used to help a submissive—also referred to as, but not to be confused with, a bottom—enter a state of complete submission is humiliation combined with sexual stimulation. Some participants also use this form of humiliation as a means of emotional release or catharsis. Humiliation may become ritualized and, unlike some sexual practices, can also be conducted over long distances, such as online.

Although fantasy and fascination with erotic humiliation are prevalent within BDSM and other sexual roleplay practices, relatively little has been written about it. However, humiliation play can become emotionally or psychologically distressing, particularly when it involves public humiliation. Erotic humiliation may also become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay, which some practitioners believe should involve advance negotiation and the use of a safeword.

Terminology and overview

A nude female submissive cleans her male dominant's shoe by licking it on a public road in the United States, 2012.

The most common term for the individual being humiliated is the bottom, while the person humiliating the bottom is often referred to as the top. However, these are general terms used in broader dominant/submissive roleplay and are not specific to humiliation-based practices.

• A female top may sometimes be referred to as a humiliatrix. Other common terms include Master/Dom for a male top and Mistress/Domme for a female top.
• Common terms for the bottom, regardless of gender, include slave and sub/submissive.

Although elements of erotic humiliation may appear in many domination and submission-based activities, humiliation is not synonymous with submission. The recipient does not necessarily seek to be controlled or ordered about. Humiliation becomes erotically significant when the recipient specifically desires the humiliating aspect itself. For example, being spanked may be valued primarily because of the associated feelings of belittlement.

Erotic humiliation encompasses a range of paraphilias and related interests, including foot fetish, breast fetish, shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, cum shots, peotomy, bondage, and many forms of BDSM. It may involve relatively simple acts, such as kissing or massaging feet before sex, or more elaborate practices involving roleplay and public displays of subservience. These activities may occur during a temporary "scene" or as an ongoing aspect of a relationship.

The humiliation itself is not considered intrinsic to any particular act or object. Rather, it is semiotically constructed through the shared attitudes and interpretations of the participants, who assign humiliating significance to specific acts, objects, or body parts.

Methods

Cock and ball torture (left) and breast torture (right) showcased on nude submissives at the Folsom Street Fair, US

Many scenarios may give rise to sexual humiliation. Some scenarios may be based on verbal abuse and others on physical aspects.

Verbal

• Animal play, referring to the recipient as a pet (dog, bitch, et al.); making the humiliated one eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
• Objectification, referring to the recipient as it, or as an object, a thing or a hole.
• Verbal belittlement, with such words as boy, girl, missy, and pet.
• Insults and verbal abuse, such as loser, fat, ugly, pig, stupid, sick, disgusting, and worthless.
• Degrading names, such as slut, shit, bitch, cunt, and whore.
• Disparaging or cruel references about breasts, facial appearance, genitalia (including small penis size, erection difficulties, circumcision status, or clitoris and labia size), buttocks, or about behaviors such as walking, responsiveness, and hygiene.
• Requirement to ask permission for everyday activities, such as going to the toilet, spending money, and eating.
• In feederism, the dominant partner may humiliate the other by pointing out their weight or calling them names like piggy or fatty. The feedee may also be required to consume food on camera.
• Forced repetition, such as the humiliated person being obliged to repeat commands and confirm them.
• Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision made by the dominant is wise, correct, or justified.
• Mockery, derision, and ridicule.
• Scolding of the type commonly reserved for children.

Physical

The erotic humiliation of a woman is performed at Wave-Gotik-Treffen music festival, Germany, 2014. She is stripped naked, hung upside down and whipped while a master roleplays a devil.

A woman with clothespins attached to her labia

• Ejaculating, spitting, squirting, or urinating on the submissive's body, especially on the face.
• Anal penetration with dildos, anal plugs, and similar objects.
• Servitude.
• Sexual acts intended to reinforce submission, including cunnilingus, analingus, and fellatio.
• Detailed accountability and control (micro-management) regarding time spent and activities performed.
• Specific rituals and affectations, including displays of subservience such as kneeling, speaking only when spoken to, or maintaining eye-contact rules.
  • Body worship, including activities such as kissing or licking the dominant's feet, boots, buttocks, anus, or vulva.
• Discipline (BDSM), including erotic spanking, slapping, whipping, restraint, and other BDSM practices such as cock and ball torture.
• Dresscode (BDSM), including prescribed or prohibited clothing in private or public settings.
  • Forced feminization or cross-dressing.
  • Wearing a chastity device.
  • Nudity except for symbolic items such as collars or cuffs.
  • Required hairstyles or shaving.
• Erotic sexual denial, including orgasm control and chastity practices.
• Wearing signs of "ownership", such as collars.
• Public humiliation, in which others are aware of or witness the treatment.
• Erotic objectification, in which the submissive is used as human furniture.
• Embarrassment
• Facesitting
• Cuckolding, a fetish in which a person derives arousal from their partner having sex with someone else. A related fetish is cuckqueaning, in which a woman observes or participates in her partner's sexual activity with another woman.
• Requiring the submissive to ask permission to orgasm.
• The use of restraints or gags.
• Forced masturbation in a humiliating manner.
• Enemas, which some participants associate with humiliation and submission.
• Candaulism.

Some forms of sexual humiliation involve physical pain, but many focus primarily on ridicule, embarrassment, degradation, or symbolic submission.

Sexual roleplaying can involve humiliation. For example, one person may roleplay as an animal while another emphasizes the submissive status associated with that role. In other cases, the roleplay may occur without humiliation and instead function as playful expression.

Wet and messy play can also involve humiliation.

Psychology

A woman urinating into the mouth of a man is an example of the practice of urolagnia. The man is degraded by being treated as a human toilet.

A woman wearing a strap-on dildo about to engage in doggy style anal sex with a man. Such acts may be associated with humiliation or submission in some BDSM contexts.

Humiliation in general stimulates some of the same brain regions associated with physical pain, suggesting that social rewards and punishments can have strong psychological effects. As with other BDSM-related activities, consent, communication, and clearly established boundaries are emphasized to distinguish consensual roleplay from abuse.

Humiliation play is associated with sexual fetishism, in which non-sexual acts or symbols may become eroticized through association with arousal. It may also overlap with exhibitionism, particularly where participants derive arousal from being observed or exposed in a degrading context.

For some individuals, humiliation-related practices may function as a form of ego reduction or as a way of overcoming sexual inhibitions. Certain communities may reclaim or eroticize insults historically used against them, including terms associated with homophobia.

As with many sexual interests, some people engage with humiliation only through sexual fantasy, while others participate in consensual roleplay or BDSM relationships. Practices such as pup play and age play may incorporate elements of humiliation, although participants may instead view them primarily as expressions of trust, caregiving, or emotional intimacy.

Humiliation fantasies may involve themes of vulnerability, exposure, or loss of control. Common examples include fantasies about being discovered during sexual activity or engaging in socially taboo situations. For many individuals, these remain fantasies rather than activities they wish to enact in real life.

Because disclosure of unusual fetishes can carry social stigma, some individuals fear ridicule or rejection from partners. As a result, some participants prefer anonymous or online roleplay environments, including chat rooms, forums, or other Internet-based interactions, where humiliation dynamics can occur with greater privacy and emotional distance.

Online

Online humiliation occurs when an individual is seen in a sexually embarrassing context on the Internet. This practice allows the submissive to seek fetish partners from across the world. As the Internet has grown and continues to grow, so does online humiliation. Anecdotal reports indicate that the proportion of men being dominated by women on the Internet, through some type of personal service provided for a fee by the woman, vastly exceeds the instances of a woman being dominated online by a man, or another woman.

• Embarrassing photographic or video assignments for submissives, who must publicly post pictures or videos of their humiliation. The dominant may require public acts or exposure. Sometimes humiliating words are written on the submissive's body before photographing.
• Requiring the submissive to publicly post their name, address, phone number, employer, or other personal information.
• The requirement for submissives to keep online journals detailing personal information, such as masturbation frequency, thoughts or fantasies, technique or aid(s) used, and disposal of semen (if the submissive is allowed to masturbate).
• The requirement for the submissive to place themselves in chastity, and to publicly post a picture showing their status.
• Verbal abuse.
• Publicly bidding for items that reveal their fetishes.
• Money slavery, in which the submissive must buy the dominant gifts and pay the dominant's bills and taxes, or give the dominant direct access to their bank accounts and credit cards.
• Homework slavery, in which the submissive must do the dominant's homework or occupational work.
• Repetitive assignments, such as copying the phone book.
• Humiliating the submissive by changing information on social sites.
• Controlling the submissive's computer remotely, through remote desktop software the submissive is required to install.

These practices can be conducted through chat, webcam, e-mail, BDSM contact websites, and proprietary virtual spaces such as Second Life or FetLife.

See also

• Dominance and submission
• Erotic sexual denial
• Master/slave (BDSM)
• Petticoating

References

Notes

• Brame, Gloria; Brame, William D.; Jacobs, Jon (1993). Different loving – The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission. Villard Books. ISBN 978-0-6797-6956-9.