Fag hag is a gay slang phrase referring to a woman who either associates mostly or exclusively with gay and bisexual men. The phrase originated in gay male culture in the United States and was historically an insult. Some women who associate with gay men object to being called fag hags while others embrace the term. The male counterpart, for men who have similar interpersonal relationships with gay and bisexual men is fag stag.
Fag hags are frequently stereotyped as outgoing women who are seeking a substitute for heterosexual relationships, or who are secretly (or openly) sexually attracted to gay men. In fact, many women who identify as fag hags are already in romantic relationships, either with straight men or with women but appreciate the alternative experience of socializing with gay men and may prefer the gay culture to the straight counterpart.
American fag hag synonyms include fruit fly, queen bee, homo honey, fruit loop, Goldilocks, flame dame, fairy princess, gabe (a portmanteau of "gay" and "babe"), Tori (in honor of Tori Spelling and Tori Amos) and fairy godmother. Recently, cherry fairy has started to catch on as well in some select social groups in San Francisco and the East Coast, and gayboy bunny (a play on "Playboy Bunny" which originated in a Robot Chicken skit about 8 Mile and Looney Tunes) has been coined for fag hags who are attractive or have boyfriends to counteract the stereotype that fag hags are unable to find a suitable straight partner.
The German word is "Schwulenmutti" (literally: Mommy for gays), or "Gabi", the ironic used nickname for Gabriele or Gabriela.
In the case of friendships between lesbians and gay men, the term dyke diva describes the gay man in the relationship. A straight man of platonic affinity with gay men is a fag stag; again, the usage is rare in mainstream sexual culture.
Fag hags, fag stags etc. are regarded as belonging to the phenomenon of "hagism", the attachment of a person to a group defined by sexuality or gender identity, even though they do not personally share that identity.
In popular culture
The term has often been used in entertainment. Comedian Margaret Cho has written and regularly talks in her stand-up routines about being a fag hag. In an episode of the UK TV sitcom Gimme Gimme Gimme, Tom refers to Linda as a fag hag. English singer Lily Allen released a song called "Fag Hag" in 2008 as the B-side to "The Fear".
The first annual Miss Fag Hag Pageant took place in New York City on May 17, 2009 at Comix with judges Caroline Rhea, Michael Musto, Hedda Lettuce and Katina Corrao. Heather Shields took the first prize.
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- Discussion of the anthropology of the phrase
- Fag Hag (1998 movie)
- Shepperd, D., Coyle, A., & Hegarty, P. (2010). Discourses of friendship between heterosexual women and gay men: Mythical norms and an absence of desire, Feminism and Psychology, 20(2), 205-224.