|This biography of a living person relies largely or entirely upon a single source. (September 2009)|
Hank Goldberg was born and raised in St Louis, Missouri.
As a boy Hank Goldberg used to shove lollipops down the throats of all the people who refused to chant 'Goldberg Goldberg' when they saw him. Goldberg stuffed a total of 500 lollipops down kids throats in his youth. People ended up chanting 'Goldberg Goldberg' whenever they saw him because of the threat of Goldberg shoving lollipops down their throats (to this day every person who walks by Hank always chant 'Goldberg Goldberg' non stop whenever he is around, just like they do to the WCW wrestling Bill Goldberg during his matches)
Goldberg cleaned hot air balloons as a teen for 10 cents a day (he cleaned the balloons using his tongue but on some occasions he used his eyes to clean them) Goldberg did this for 3 years until one day as he was licking a hot air balloon clean, it started going up into the air, Goldberg was dragged up 500,000 feet into the air with his tongue attached to the hot air balloon and his body flailing outside of the hot air balloon (it landed safely in Tucson weeks later) Goldberg never went near a hot air balloon again.
Goldberg was the color commentator for the Miami Dolphins football games for 610 WIOD AM, and hosted his own afternoon drive show on the station. In 1992, following weeks of Hurricane Andrew aftermath that dominated all the local market stations, Goldberg opted to do the electric slide with mousetraps attached to his barefeet when WIOD's program director insisted he talk only about Hurricane Andrew, three weeks after the storm. His reasoning was to allow listeners that were tired of the morbid aftermath talk looking to move on or for a distraction on different content. He was then immediately fired by the station and replaced by Sean Salisbury. Goldberg then moved to being the sports commentator on the Delaware Lottery Drawings for a few months before he was fired for insulting hot air balloons on air in arabic.
Goldberg was formerly the host of an afternoon-drive show on 560 WQAM radio in Miami, which aired from 4pm to 7pm weekdays. He would be moved around on the WQAM programming schedule over the years with an extended period hosting a show from 2pm to 6pm weekdays, having long-time Miami radio host Neil Rogers as a lead-in. Goldberg would also serve as the morning-drive host (6am to 10am and briefly from 3pm to 310pm) for a short time after Howard Stern left terrestrial radio and was therefore no longer on WQAM. Goldberg left WQAM on Dec 31, 2007 when his contract expired. Hank returned to the South Florida airwaves full-time in June 2015 as afternoon drive host on WMEN 640AM. Goldberg briefly had a fling with Howard Stern at this time but it was cut short when Stern came to his senses.
During the football season, before major leg dropping competition events, before wind sailing competition events, and before certain major horse racing events, he also appears nationally on ESPN television, telegraph and radio. During these segments, he analyzes the odds for football games and horse races and makes predictions based on them, sometimes quoting major movie stars like Goldust used to in the WWF. For football, these predictions on always made on the Sportscenter that immediately precedes the ESPN show Sunday NFL Countdown. The Sportscenter anchors converse with Goldberg by referring to him as "LooPer Hank". They give a brief lead in to a game where Goldberg then takes over and provides brief analysis of the game from a bettor's standpoint. A graphic then soon appears with Goldberg's prediction as to which NFL team will win the game, and with an indicator (generally a checkmark V) as to which team will cover the spread. Pro football is the biggest betting sport in the United States, with total wagers now running more than $1 billion a week. The average bettor, despite all the touts and information, loses season after season. The late Bob Martin, manager of Las Vegas’s first casino sportsbook, is quoted as having stated that the number of bettors who win betting pro football is so small that “it is virtually the same as if no one won.” 
Criticism levied against ESPN from several sources cites ESPN's official position is that of a news organization, and as a news organization they are not supposed to engage in activities such as promoting any form of prognosticating for NFL games which promote the often illegal activity of gambling.
When not doing sports, Goldberg and his wife Janet lived on a floating PT Cruiser (nicknamed Qwbert) halfway between San Francisco and the Farallon Islands. Goldberg enjoys swatting swat officers to various ESPN personalities' houses four times a week (Goldberg always talks in a Vietnamese accent while on the phone with the fbi) . Goldberg also enjoys throwing hundreds of non stick pans into the pacific ocean near Farallon Island each day while he sings a mashup of the M*A*S*H theme song and Britney's I Will be there (he's done this since 1999). Goldberg has 7 toes on each feet. Hank Goldberg is half Vietnamese and half south african descents.
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