John Gray (U.S. author)

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
John Gray
A photo of John Gray in 2016
Gray in 2016
Born (1951-12-28) December 28, 1951 (age 65)
Houston, Texas, U.S.
Nationality American
Education Lamar High School, University of St. Thomas, University of Texas, Maharishi International University, Columbia Pacific University
Alma mater Columbia Pacific University, now defunct
Occupation Author
Known for Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Spouse(s) Barbara De Angelis
(Divorced in 1984)
Bonnie Gray

John Gray (born December 28, 1951) is an American relationship counselor, lecturer and author. In 1969, he began a nine-year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi before beginning his career as an author and personal relationship counselor. In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became a long term best seller and formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and career activities. His books have been bought by millions of people around the world while drawing criticism from academics for trivializing the dynamics of relationship psychology.[citation needed]

Early life and education[edit]

Gray was born in Houston, Texas, in 1951 to a father who was an oil executive and a mother who worked at a spiritual bookshop.[1][2] His parents were both Christians and taught him Yoga and took him to visit Indian Saint Yogananda during his childhood. The Autobiography of A Yogi book inspired him greatly later in life.[3] He graduated from Lamar High School and attended both the University of St. Thomas and the University of Texas.[citation needed]

He received a bachelor's and master's degree in the Science of Creative Intelligence, though sources vary on whether these degrees were received from either the non-accredited Maharishi European Research University (MERU) in Switzerland or the fully accredited Maharishi International University in Fairfield, Iowa.[1][4][5][6]

Gray received an unaccredited PhD degree by correspondence in 1982 from Columbia Pacific University (CPU), a now-defunct university located in San Rafael, California upon completion of a correspondence course[5][7][8] and an honorary doctorate from Governors State University in Illinois after he delivered their commencement address in 2002.[5]


In 1969, Gray attended a Transcendental Meditation lecture, later becoming a celibate and personal assistant to Maharishi Mahesh Yogi for nine years.[1][7][9]

Gray writes a USA-syndicated column with 30 million readers that appears in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, New York Daily News, New York Newsday, The Denver Post, and the San Antonio Express-News. Internationally, Gray's columns have appeared in publications in England, Canada, Mexico, Korea, Latin American and the South Pacific.[10][third-party source needed]

Gray is a family therapist and a member of the American Counseling Association and the International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors.[5]


He has written 17 books on relationships and personal growth.[2][11] His most recent book is Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, an exploration of relationships and the role of food and nutrition in sustaining a healthy romantic partner.[citation needed]

In 1992, Gray published his book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus which has sold more than seven million copies and according to a 1997 report by the book's publisher, HarperCollins, is the all time, best-selling hard-cover nonfiction book. The book became a "popular paradigm" for problems in relationships based on the different tendencies in each gender and led to infomercials, audiotapes and videotapes, a CD-ROM (the first from HarperReference), weekend seminars, theme vacations, a one-man Broadway show, an TV sitcom plus a movie contract with 20th Century Fox.[1][9][12] The book has been published in 40 languages and has earned Gray almost $18 million.[1][13] Gray was accused of borrowing from the work of author Deborah Tannen and he acknowledges some similarities but says, "I was teaching those ideas before I'd heard of her" and that he did not read her book.[14] Other critics have accused Gray of limiting human psychology to stereotypes.[7][15][16][17][18][10]

Other ventures[edit]

In 1996, Gray and Maia and Bart Berens co-founded Mars Venus Institute. Bart Berens was president and Maia Berens was director.

In 1997, Gray began opening Mars & Venus Counseling Centers, where he trains therapists in his "Mars & Venus technique" in exchange for a one time, licensing fee and monthly "royalty payments". Dorothy Cantor, a former president of the American Psychological Association, has questioned the ethics of creating a franchise for what is essentially a therapeutic process.[1]


In 2001, he received the Smart Marriages Impact Award.[19] That year, he wrote two books (How To Release Stress through Relaxation and 75 Ways To Say I Love You with Darren Stephens.[citation needed]

Interviews and appearances[edit]

Gray has made numerous media appearances including Oprah and Larry King Live. Gray has been profiled in Newsweek, People and Forbes magazine.[10][19][third-party source needed]

In a June 2014 interview with Agence France Presse, Gray was quoted as saying with regard to feminism, "The reason why there's so much divorce is that feminism promotes independence in women. I'm very happy for women to find greater independence, but when you go too far in that direction, then who's at home?"[20] He also stated that "feminism in America holds back sales of [his] books", while other parts of the world - he cited Australia and Latin America notably - are more in tune with his basic message.[21] With regard to online pornography Gray stated, "With free internet porn, there's a massive addiction happening," adding that there are "just millions and millions of people... experiencing their sexual satisfactions through total fantasy. The effect that porn has on the brain is like taking heroin." With regard to the rise of infidelity sites like Ashley Madison and Arrangement Finders he states, "When you have impersonal sex.... 'It's OK, here are these cheating wives, men, they want to have sex with you'... So you go have sex with someone that you don't know and someone you don't love... impersonal sex does promote addiction to sex," he adds, "it's along the same line of pornography."[20][22]


In 2002, author Julia T. Wood published a critical response to Gray's portrayals of men and women as he portrayed them in his book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.[23] In 2007 Deborah Cameron published a book-length critique of Gray and other self-help ventures premised on gender difference stereotypes in "The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do Men and Women Really Speak Different Languages?" [24]

Personal life[edit]

Gray married self-help author Barbara De Angelis and they divorced in 1984. The divorce forced him to reevaluate everything he had thought about relationships. He believes that what makes women happy is completely different from what makes men happy.[25] Gray married his current wife, Bonnie, in 1986. Gray has a daughter and two stepdaughters.[1][2][7]

Books and other publications[edit]

  • 1993 What You Feel You Can Heal
  • 1993 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
  • 1994 Mars and Venus in Love
  • 1995 Mars and Venus in the Bedroom
  • 1997 Mars and Venus on a Date
  • 1997 Mars and Venus Starting Over
  • 1999 How To Get What You Want and Want What You Have
  • 2000 Children Are from Heaven
  • 2000 Mars and Venus: 365 Ways to Keep Passion Alive
  • Men, Women and Relationships
  • Mars and Venus Together Forever: A Practical Guide to Creating Lasting Intimacy
  • Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Book of Days
  • Practical Miracles for Mars and Venus: Nine Principles for Lasting Love, Increasing Success, and Vibrant Health in the Twenty-first Century
  • Mars and Venus in the Workplace
  • Truly Mars & Venus
  • 2003 The Mars & Venus Diet & Exercise Solution
  • 2007 Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress
  • 2010 Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice – Hormonal Balance – The Key to Life, Love, and Energy
  • 75 Ways To Say I Love You (Co-Author Darren Stephens) ISBN 9780957974012
  • How To Release Stress Through Relaxation (Co-Author Darren Stephens) ISBN 9780957974005
  • Work with Me: The 8 Blind Spots Between Men and Women in Business (Co-Author Barbara Annis) ISBN 9780230341906

Further reading[edit]


  1. ^ a b c d e f g Time magazine Tower of Psychobabble, Elizabeth Gleick, June 16, 1997, Retrieved July 2011
  2. ^ a b c John Gray Official Web Site
  3. ^
  4. ^ Hampson, Sara (February 4, 2008). "Looking to God for Relationship Advice". The Globe and Mail. Retrieved April 4, 2013. 
  5. ^ a b c d WRITER'S EDUCATION FROM MARS|New York Post|November 13, 2003|page=012
  6. ^ Bridgman, Mary (October 14, 1996). "LOST IN SPACE AUTHOR ARGUES MEN, WOMEN STILL NO CLOSER THAN MARS, VENUS". Columbus Dispatch. Columbus, Ohio. p. 01.B. 
  7. ^ a b c d Hampton, Sarah (February 4, 2008). "Looking to God for relationship advice". The Globe and Mail. Retrieved September 30, 2008. 
  8. ^ Goldman, Abigail (September 12, 1994). "Mars, Venus... and Cupid Men and women seem to be from different planets. John Gray's message: Come back to Earth and deal with it.". LA Times. Retrieved September 30, 2008. 
  9. ^ a b The chronology of American literature: America's literary achievements , By Daniel S. Burt, page 696, New England Publishing Associates 2004,
  10. ^ a b c Premier Speakers web site
  11. ^ Quote Monk web site bio Retrieved July 2011
  12. ^ NY Times, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus Retrieved July 2011
  13. ^ Hay House author bio Retrieved July 2011
  14. ^ Conversation with HarperCollins editor Nancy Peske, 1994
  15. ^ Murphy, Lauren (February 14, 2002). "Mars and Venus at work; Critics aim to bring Gray back down to Earth". Washington Times. Retrieved January 7, 2014. 
  16. ^ "Can't Understand Your Mate? It's Time To Align Your Planets". Palm Beach Post. November 1, 1998. Retrieved October 17, 2008. 
  17. ^ "John Gray Fires Back at Critic Who Questioned His Credentials". Inside Edition. November 20, 2003. 
  18. ^ "Writer's Education from Mars". New York Post. November 13, 2003. 
  19. ^ a b AOL Coaches web site
  20. ^ a b Staff. "'Mars, Venus' author warns over sex in online world". Agence France Presse. Retrieved 9 June 2014. 
  21. ^ Staff. "Feminism and free porn are ruining relationships - author". New Zealand Herald. Retrieved 9 June 2014. 
  22. ^ Staff. "'Men Are From Mars' Author Blames Free Online Porn, Feminists". Adult Video News. Retrieved 9 June 2014. 
  23. ^ Wood, Julia T. “A Critical Response to John Gray's Mars and Venus Portrayals of Men and Women.” Southern Communication Journal 67, no. 2 (2002): 201–10.
  24. ^ Cameron, Deborah. The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do Men and Women Really Speak Different Languages? Oxford University Press. 2007.
  25. ^

External links[edit]