Jumbo Breakfast Roll

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"Jumbo Breakfast Roll"
Single by Pat Shortt
Released 17 February 2006
Format CD single
Recorded 2006
Genre Novelty
Length 03:37
Label Sony BMG
Writer(s) Pat Shortt
Producer(s) Dave Keary

"Jumbo Breakfast Roll" is a 2006 single by Irish comedian Pat Shortt, under the guise of Showband singer 'Dicksie Walsh'. The subject of the song is the ubiquitous (in Ireland) breakfast roll.

The song was a number one hit in the Republic of Ireland for six weeks.[citation needed] It was the best selling song of 2006 in Ireland,[1] outselling Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" by 500 copies.

According to figures compiled by GfK Chart-Track Jumbo Breakfast Roll came in at number 11 on the list of top selling songs of the decade. Pat Howe, music manager for HMV Ireland described it as a "guilty pleasure" and noted the Irish have a thing for novelty songs.[2]

Lyrics[edit]

"Good suggestions about what you could do
For breakfast. What I could do for breakfast"
Is to wake up, in the morning, and I jump straight outa bed
I grab a hould of luminous jacket and shake off me ould porter head
I haven't time for the fancy breakfast or put muesli in the bowl
I just head to the Statoil garage, for the jumbo breakfast roll

Two eggs, two sausages, two rashers, two bacon, two pudding, one black, one white
All stacked like a tower on top of each other and rolled up good n' tight
If yer havin some tae the milk's over there, you'll find sugar in the bowl
Say's she do ya want some sauce on that? Say's I, I do in my . . . roll

Now whether you're a chippy or a plumber or a brickie or a team just down the road
Or a shower of lads coming back from the raz in the crowd or on your own
If you working up a ladder or peeling a pigs bladder or find yourself digging in a hole
There's no sight better, than melting butter, on jumbo breakfast roll

(repeats the chorus)

Now just the other day, after me roll and tae in me gut I got an awful ache
Well I went to me doctor say's he that's an artery blocker you're a having every morning for break
So to change me lifestyle he has me walking five mile and seeing a dietitian called Noel
But hanging from me head to see two runny eggs and a jumbo breakfast roll

(repeats the chorus)

SAD VERSE
Now the years have moved on, and my life has changed
And now I'm a different man, I'm after losing three stone
Doing a line with a girl called Joan, and we're both veg-it-tare-i-an
Now my blood sugar levels are good to go, and my cholesterol is low
But in the morning I'd sell my soul
Just to sit outside Annie Mac's on Emo, Statoil, Shell forecourt
And ate a jumbo breakfast roll

(repeats the chorus)

Original Version[edit]

Well I wake up, in the morning, and I jump straight outa bed
I grab a hould of luminous jacket and shake off me ould porter head
I haven't time for the fancy breakfast or put muesli in the bowl
I just head to the Statoil garage for the jumbo breakfast roll

Two eggs, two sausages, two rashers, two bacon, two pudding, one black, one white
All stacked like a tower on top of each other and rolled up good n' tight
If yer havin some tae the milk's over there, you'll find sugar in the bowl
Say's she do ya want some sauce on that? Say's I, I do in my . . . roll

Now whether you're a chippy or a plumber or a brickie or a team just down the road
Or a shower of lads coming back from the raz in the crowd or on your own
If you working up a ladder or peeling a pigs bladder or find yourself digging in a hole
There's no sight better, than melting butter, on jumbo breakfast roll

(repeats the chorus)

Now just the other day, after me roll and tae in me gut I got an awful ache
Well I went to me doctor say's he that's an artery blocker you're a having every morning for break
So to change me lifestyle he has me walking five mile and seeing a dietitian called Noel
But hanging from me head to see two runny eggs and a jumbo breakfast roll

(repeats the chorus)

SAD VERSE
Now the years have moved on, and my life has changed
And now I'm a different man, I'm after losing three stone
Doing a line with a girl called Joan, and we're both veg-it-tare-i-an
Now my blood stream levels are good to go, and my cholesterol is low
But in the morning I'd sell my soul
Just to sit outside any Maxol, Emo, Statoil, Shell forecourt
And ate a jumbo breakfast roll

(repeats the chorus)

Reprise[edit]

A reprise, called "Where Did My Money Go", deals with running out of money.

References[edit]

  1. ^ "best of 2006". IRMA. Archived from the original on 19 January 2015. Retrieved 14 December 2015. 
  2. ^ Jan Battles (2010-01-10). "Six makes hit of the decade". The Sunday Times. News International. Retrieved 2010-01-10. 

External links[edit]

Preceded by
"That's My Goal" by Shayne Ward
Irish Singles Chart number-one single
23 February 2006 – 30 March 2006
Succeeded by
"Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley