A television programme offers to interview Father Ted Crilly. However Ted goes to extreme lengths to ensure the other members of the clergy on the island don't interrupt his moment in the spotlight. Meanwhile Craggy Island hosts Fun Land, a fun fair to which Dougal is desperate to go. Ted takes the film crew to the fair, leading to a massive mess.
Ted and Dougal are devastated as an unbearably boring, yet inoffensive, priest Father Stone arrives on Craggy Island for his annual visit. Ted prays for Father Stone to be taken away, but is later wracked with guilt when Father Stone is struck by lightning.
Bishop Leonard Brennan arrives at the parochial house on an official visit with news that a blasphemous film, condemned by the pope and banned everywhere, is being shown in Craggy Island. He orders them to make a stand and protest at the cinema. Meanwhile Ted and Dougal also reveal new secrets about the Bishop's past.
With the annual 'All Priests Stars in Their Eyes Lookalike Competition' Father Ted, determined to beat his arch nemesis Father Dick Byrne from Rugged Island, reveals his Elvis costume, only to find that Dougal and Jack have the exact same costume for themselves. Meanwhile, television celebrity Henry Sellers stays at the house.
Father Ted meets novelist Polly Clarke at the book signing for her latest novel Bejewelled with Kisses. Ted then finds out that Polly is renting a cottage across the island as he begins to fall for her, and she invites him for more 'book chat'. Meanwhile Dougal, Mrs Doyle and Father Jack get in the way of Ted's plans causing disruption.
Father Ted is unconcerned when he discovers Jack has drunk a bottle of floor polish, but Sister Monica realises that a lack of pulse and no breathing can only mean one thing, Father Jack is dead. However, Jack has left some money in his will for Ted and Dougal. But will he stay dead enough for them to get it?
Ted is goaded by Father Dick Byrne into attempting to write a song for "Eurosong '96" (spoof of the Eurovision Song Contest). Despite having a song with only one note, Ireland's fear of winning again (and having to fund it) plays into Ted and Dougal's hands. This mirrors the real life belief that Ireland chose the 1994 Eurovision entry, "Rock 'n' Roll Kids", which was thought to differ greatly from the typical winning song, so as to ensure that they did not have to host the contest again.
In a game of one-upmanship with Dick Byrne, Ted decides the three priests must give something up for Lent. Father Jack gives up alcohol, Dougal gives up rollerblading and Ted gives up smoking. The title is taken from that of an Oasis song, "Cigarettes and Alcohol".
Jack's hairy hands get him sent to an old priests' home. Unfortunately his replacement, played by Irish comedian Brendan Grace, is much worse. An avid fan of jungle music, he doesn't take kindly to the other inhabitants of the parochial house. The title is taken from the movie New Jack City.
A flight back from a pilgrimage runs out of fuel and there are only two parachutes. Meanwhile Jack discovers a supply of alcohol in the luggage compartment of the plane. Only one man can save the passengers... Passenger Father Gallagher is played by Graham Linehan.
Ted's quick thinking whilst lost in a department store's lingerie department earns him the coveted Golden Cleric award. So why doesn't he feel happy? Mrs Doyle's attempts to hang up the Christmas decorations become undone around her. She's also none too pleased at her Christmas present. Meanwhile, an "old friend" of Ted decides the time is ripe for a visit. When first shown, this hour-long episode attracted Channel 4's largest ever non-film audience viewing figures.
Ted and Dougal are enlisted to host the annual Comic Relief telethon. Ted is baffled as to why Comic Relief would select two unknown Irish priests for the job. Dougal theorises that God planned the event as an opportunity for Ted to atone for stealing money from a charity. Ted decides God may forgive him if they succeed in raising the target £8 million. This is sometimes included as a tribute or lost episode. No series was made in 1997.
Ted's "Chinaman" impression goes down badly with Craggy Island's newly arrived Chinese community and he is branded a racist. In an attempt to prove he isn't a racist, Ted decides to hold a presentation on multiculturalism in Craggy Island to the Chinese. The title is a play on "Are Ye Right There Michael" a comic song by Percy French about the West Clare Railway.
Ted makes a large bet on the King of the Sheep competition. Unfortunately, Chris, his chosen sheep, has heard rumours about a sheep-eating beast and isn't feeling at all himself. The title is a pun on a 1970s bubblegum pop song, "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep".
When Ted and Dougal expose a philandering milkman, Pat Mustard, he takes revenge on his replacement, Dougal, by putting a bomb on the milk float. If Dougal's speed drops below 4 mph, the bomb will explode, taking Dougal with it...
Ted takes great steps to ensure he wins a bet with Dick Byrne on the outcome of the All-Priests Over-75's Five-a-Side Football Championship. The title is a pun on the football movie Escape to Victory, about a football game played between prisoners of war and their guards in World War II.
The only episode to follow on directly from the previous one. Exposed as a cheat at the end of the previous episode, and with this episode's title as his forfeit, a terrified Ted tries to draw upon his courage to complete the deed.
The visit of a young daytime TV presenter, Eoin McLove, causes excitement for the island's aging females. The title is a pun on the movie Night of the Living Dead. Eoin McLove is a parody of Daniel O'Donnell, an Irish crooner particularly popular among elderly women.
Ted gets the opportunity of a lifetime, but can't bring himself to break it to the others that they're not invited. The title is a pun on the movie Coming to America. Musician and artist Brian Eno appears as "Father Brian Eno" at the "It's Great Being a Priest!" convention. The episode ends with a montage containing one clip from every previous episode, in reverse order.