List of The Colbert Report episodes (2012)

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List of The Colbert Report episodes (2012)
Country of originUnited States
No. of episodes157
Release
Original networkComedy Central
Season chronology
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List of The Colbert Report episodes

This is a list of episodes for The Colbert Report in 2012.

2012[edit]

January[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
974TBABernie SandersN/AJanuary 38036
Stephen tries to guess the outcome of the Iowa caucuses and mourns the death of his archenemy, Kim Jong-il.
975TBAJohn HeilemannN/AJanuary 48037
The "Santorum surge", Pat Robertson's messages from god about the Republican nominee and the end of the world.
976"Catch 2012"Steve CaseA drunk woman rubbed her butt and tried to pee on a $30m expressionist painting. Come on! My five-year old could do that.January 58038
.
977TBAMelissa Harris-PerryAxe body spray has a new product for women. I'm guessing it's mace.January 98039
Stephen covers the build-up to the New Hampshire primary, suggesting the candidates adopt positions based on Magna Carta and other historical documents and whether or not Rick Santorum said black people shouldn't receive welfare.
978TBABill MoyersTBAJanuary 108040
.
979TBAGeorge StephanopoulosCongratulations on your new baby, Beyoncé. One word of advice: "If you feed it, then you'd better put a bib on it".January 118041
Stephen mulls over the "inevitability" of Mitt Romney, announces that he is considering jumping into the South Carolina Republican primary following polling that put him ahead of Jon Huntsman, Jr. and reports on the failure of the Russian probe Fobos-Grunt.
980TBAMichael AllenTBAJanuary 128042
Stephen makes Jon Stewart the new head of his Super Pac, which is renamed "The definitely not coordinating with Stephen Colbert Super PAC", announces that he is forming an exploratory committee to run for President of the "United States of South Carolina" and talks to Mike D about a crossword clue provided by Will Shortz.
981"Raise Cain"Scott DouglasHappy Martin Luther King Day! I don't see race, but I do see holidays when I should not be working.January 168044
Stephen claims his formation of an exploratory committee has forced Jon Huntsman, Jr. out of the race, talks about social conservative leaders' endorsement of Rick Santorum and negative advertising in South Carolina.
982TBAJennifer GranholmRomney and Gingrich are polling ahead of Rick Perry in his home state. It is official - you can mess with Texas.January 178045
A controversial Colbert Super PAC ad surfaces, Pastor Ed Young leads a sexperimental crusade, and Jennifer Granholm confesses secrets from her past.
983TBADavid FrumPresident Obama is going to speak at Disney World tomorrow. He is cutting all funding to Space Mountain.January 188046
Mitt Romney faces questions about his tax rate, Stephen announces his South Carolina rally, and David Frum shares his hopes for the Republican Party.
984TBACarrie Rebora BarrattTBAJanuary 198047
Rick Perry drops out of the GOP race, Newt Gingrich's ex-wife exposes his controversial marital request, and Carrie Rebora Barratt discusses historical American art.
985TBABruce Bueno de MesquitaCongratulations Giants and Patriots! Way to stick it to those dwarves and traitors.January 238048
Newt Gingrich wins South Carolina, Stephen recalls the South Cain-olina Primary Rally with Herman Cain, and Bruce Bueno de Mesquita explores the applications of game theory.
986TBAAndrew SullivanA dentist used paper clips in a root canal. So that's what MacGyver's been doing.January 248049
Rick Santorum panders to the elderly, Maurice Sendak discusses his literary work, and Andrew Sullivan praises Barack Obama's greatest accomplishments.
987TBATerry GrossTBAJanuary 258050
Barack Obama delivers his State of the Union address, Maurice Sendak gives Stephen a storybook ending, and Terry Gross provides a fresh perspective on in-depth interviews.
988TBADrew BarrymoreTBAJanuary 268051
Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney woo Florida; John Harwood, Katrina vanden Heuvel and David Cassidy answer hard-hitting questions; and Drew Barrymore considers an "E.T." prequel.
989TBALaurence H. TribeTBAJanuary 308052
Stephen repossesses the Colbert Super PAC, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney compete for the Hispanic vote in Florida, and Laurence Tribe explores constitutional law.
990"American History X'd"BjörkA Dutch zoo put contact lenses on an elephant. He looks so much younger without the glasses!January 318053
Sarah Palin spitefully endorses Newt Gingrich, Tennessee Tea Partiers strive to remove slavery from school textbooks, and Björk explores new methods for creating music.

February[edit]

Taping of February 15 and 16 were cancelled due to illness of Colbert's Mother.

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
991TBAAmeena MatthewsThis is shaping up to be second warmest winter in U.S. history. Finally, I can wear my down tankini.February 18054
Mitt Romney beats Newt Gingrich in Florida, Stephen announces Americone Dream's 2012 election edition packaging, and Ameena Matthews strives to end gang violence.
992TBAChristiane AmanpourSunday is the big game, and did you know there's a version of the Puppy Bowl, but with people?February 28055
Stephen unveils GOP super PACs' biggest donors, Newt Gingrich faces a copyright infringement lawsuit, and Christiane Amanpour examines Iran's political environment.
993TBABill McKibbenA college student found cocaine in a book she ordered off of Amazon. Customers who purchased this book also bought 20 dollar bills, hand mirrors, and tape recorders for all their brilliant ideas.February 138056
The New York Knicks' Jeremy Lin seduces America, Stephen writes a love letter to Jimmy Fallon, and Bill McKibben fights the Keystone XL pipeline.
994TBAWilliam J. BroadArizona turns 100 today, finally catching up with most of its residents.February 148057
Catholics oppose the Obama administration's birth control mandate, a Seattle woman marries a building, and William Broad considers the effects of yoga on the mind and body.
995TBAAnn PatchettTBAFebruary 208058
Mitt Romney deploys Donald Trump in Michigan, Rick Santorum attacks environmentalists, and Ann Patchett fights to revive bookstores.
996TBARobert KaganIt's Fat Tuesday or, as Americans call it, Tuesday.February 218059
Prince Pierre Casiraghi of Monaco sustains a beating, Nancy Pelosi slams Colbert Super PAC, and Robert Kagan examines Iran's potential nuclear threat.
997"Surrender To A Buyer Power"Nancy PelosiNevada has legalized driverless cars, proving there's nothing they won't gamble on.February 228060
Stephen gives up something he truly enjoys for Lent, Target knows when customers miss their periods, and Nancy Pelosi objects to super PACs.
998TBAPlácido DomingoTBAFebruary 238061
Mitt Romney wins the Arizona GOP debate, Elie Wiesel protests the Mormon conversion of dead Jews, and Plácido Domingo discusses his operatic performances.
999TBAKing PeggyTBAFebruary 278062
The Oscars' liberal clusterfarce unfolds, Rick Santorum criticizes Barack Obama's promotion of higher learning, and Peggielene Bartels talks about her kingship.
1–000TBARoss EisenbreyMcDonald's is launching the McBaguette in France. Wait 'til those people try French fries.February 288063
The Colbert Report airs its 1000th episode, rising oil prices threaten Barack Obama's approval rating, and Ross Eisenbrey examines the problem of unpaid labor.
1–001"Change We Can Believe In"William ShatnerNorth Korea agrees to suspend its nuclear program. Kim Jong-il must be rolling over in his shoebox.February 298064
Mitt Romney takes Michigan, researchers develop a male birth control pill, and William Shatner revels in his own beauty.

March[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–002TBAClaire DanesTBAMarch 18065
Republicans eye Jeb Bush as a potential GOP candidate, researchers discover a 3500-year-old "Yo Mama" joke, and Claire Danes discusses mental health.
1–003TBAAudra McDonaldTBAMarch 58066
Stephen yields to the inevitability of Mitt Romney, Rush Limbaugh apologizes to Sandra Fluke, and Stephen performs "Summertime" with Audra McDonald.
1–004"Due or Die"Jonathan Safran FoerTBAMarch 68067
Stephen prepares a Super Tuesday tailgating party, Attorney General Holder redefines due process, candy bars shrink, and Jonathan Safran Foer talks Passover traditions.
1–005TBAWillem DafoeHappy hundredth birthday Oreos. To celebrate, I'll be eating a hundred Oreos today. Same as every day.March 78068
Stephen prepares for Super Tuesday results, CNN visits a virtual Republican National Convention, Iran poses a new threat, and Willem Dafoe goes Martian for "John Carter."
1–006TBADon Fleming, Elvis Costello, & Emmylou HarrisTBAMarch 88069
Stephen prank calls Eric Bolling, is inspired by Herman Cain's avant-garde ad, and talks folk music with Elvis Costello, Emmylou Harris and Don Fleming.
1–007TBAKatherine BooTBAMarch 128070
The Republican Southern primary leads to blue collar pandering, Dave "Mudcat" Saunders talks Southern strategy, and Katherine Boo discusses poverty and Mumbai's slums.
1–008TBAAndrew BirdTBAMarch 138071
Seattle's Pop Conference overlooks Stephen's dissertation; Pat Robertson and Muslim-American reality shows pose threats; and Andrew Bird performs "Eyeoneye."
1–009TBAMark McKinnonTBAMarch 148072
Greg Smith is a "Banker-dict Arnold," Rick Santorum condemns teleprompters, Kermit the Frog weighs in on the GOP primaries, and Mark McKinnon talks about reforming Congress.
1–010TBADexter FilkinsTBAMarch 158073
Stephen is suspicious of geriatric jihadists, Rick Santorum speaks from his heart, and Dexter Filkins tells Stephen why we need other countries.
1–011"Dressed to Kill"David PageA Canadian court has legalized brothels. But by the time all those layers of wool come off, the hour's up.March 268074
Geraldo Rivera blames the Trayvon Martin shooting on hoodies, Mitt Romney boosts Etch A Sketch sales, and biomedical researcher Dr. David Page defends the Y chromosome.
1–012TBACharles MurrayThe U.S. soccer team failed to make the Olympics. Now if only soccer would fail to make the Olympics.March 278075
The Barack Obama-gun control conspiracy continues, a new drug cures prejudice, taco delivery meets technology, and Charles Murray discusses the state of white America.
1–013TBAMark RuffaloTBAMarch 288076
The Supreme Court weighs in on Obamacare, a new magazine targets conservative teens, and Mark Ruffalo discusses the dangers of fracking.
1–014TBAPeter BeinartAtlantic City has a new slogan: "Do AC". Meanwhile, Anderson Cooper has a new slogan: "What are you doing? Get off me".March 298077
Stephen involves college students with Colbert Super PAC, Mitt Romney tries comedy, and Peter Beinart discusses Israel.

April[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–015TBAGary JohnsonThe Himalayas will stop growing in 20 million years, but until then we still have to buy them new sneakers every six months.April 28078
College students order up Colbert Super PAC's Super Fun Pack, beef state governors defend pink slime, and Governor Gary Johnson runs as the 2012 Libertarian candidate.
1–016TBANikki HaleyN/AApril 38079
Colbert Super PAC Super Fun Pack adds not-legal advice, Colbert Super PAC SHH! faces scrutiny, Rick Santorum speaks from his heart, and Governor Nikki Haley challenges Stephen.
1–017TBARobert BallardThe NFL debuted more aerodynamic uniforms, now there will be less drag when players are carted off the field.April 48080
Colbert Super PAC segments earn a Peabody award, Mitt Romney must appeal to Latino voters, Quaker Oats gets a facelift, and deep sea explorer Robert Ballard talks Titanic.
1–018TBAAnne RiceN/AApril 58081
Unemployment drops, Colbert's Very Wanted tracks a mailbox mutilator, a biker brightens Stephen's commute, and Anne Rice deals with werewolf psychology in "The Wolf Gift."
1–019TBABob LutzN/AApril 98082
The Easter Bunny gets competition down under, Mitt Romney seeks a potential running mate, Germany's elderly gymnast depresses Stephen, and Bob Lutz talks car business.
1–020TBARichard Hersh30% of online traffic is porn, according to the New England Journal of Underestimating Things.April 108083
Rick Santorum drops his presidential campaign, the EPA sets coal industry regulations, Stephen honors male "Lady Heroes," and Richard Hersh examines higher education.
1–021"Whuh-How?"Michelle ObamaN/AApril 118084
Troops and their families face unique economic challenges, Stephen trains a Marine to be a pundit, and Michelle Obama voices support for military families.
1–022TBAJames CameronThe Newt Gingrich campaign bounced a $500 check. It was returned for insufficient grip on reality.April 128085
Mitt Romney flips the "War on Women" script with the help of Hilary Rosen, survivalist singles embrace online dating, and director James Cameron talks "Titanic 3D."
1–023TBABonnie RaittN/AApril 168086
The Secret Service commits a sex scandal, Newt Gingrich endorses global gun rights, and blues performer Bonnie Raitt sings from her album "Slipstream."
1–024TBAJonah LehrerA Connecticut 5-year old brought 50 bags of heroin to his class for show and tell. Well, at least he brought enough for everyone.April 178087
Mitt Romney reveals his prankster side, insects add food color, chickens take drugs, to Starbucks drinks, GSA spending spurs outrage, and Jonah Lehrer explores creativity.
1–025"Gateway Hug"Arianna HuffingtonOnly 100 days until the London Olympics. I can't wait to see the Queen in the Hammer throw.April 188088
Mitt Romney seeks a bland running mate, Tennessee outlaws "gateway sexual activity" education, survivalists plan for the unthinkable, and Arianna Huffington talks journalism.
1–026TBATavis Smiley & Cornel WestTed Nugent met with the secret service today. No word no how much he charged them for the Wango Tango.April 198089
Cory Booker saves one of his constituents, bologna smuggling is on the rise, Time Magazine honors Stephen, and guests Tavis Smiley and Cornel West talk poverty in America.
1–027TBADon McLeroyNeil Diamond has married someone 29 years his junior, don't worry, she'll be a woman... soon.April 238090
Steve Doocy reports on Barack Obama's subtext, Arizona redefines pregnancy, Mitt Romney insults a Pittsburgh bakery, and Don McLeroy discusses textbook standards.
1–028TBAMagnus CarlsenN/AApril 248091
Super Tuesday II goes live, Stephen plugs his children's book, Julie Andrews discusses fairy tales, Canada creates a bioluminescent coin, and Magnus Carlsen talks chess.
1–029"United We Can't Stand Them"Michael SandelI like to think outside the box. Then, when I'm tired of thinking, I get back in my box.April 258092
NASA shuts down Spacebook, CAPS blames immigrants for global warming, feeding tube diets and male birth control gain popularity, and Michael Sandel considers market ethics.
1–030TBAJack WhiteJames Carville says Mitt Romney stole one of his famous lines. I don't remember Romney saying "Hello children, I live in your nightmares."April 268093
Republicans attack Barack Obama's slow jam, Stephen releases the first Super Fun Pack treasure hunt clue, and Jack White discusses his first solo album, "Blunderbuss."
1–031""Don't ask, don't show & tell""Diane KeatonThe New York Yankees have their own cologne, it's made from the most expensive ingredients of all the competing colognes.April 308094
Chen Guangcheng escapes house arrest, Missouri wants to outlaw sexuality dialogue in schools, companies offer "concealed carry" clothing, and Diane Keaton promotes her memoir.

May[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–032TBACarne RossThe TSA says explosives may be hidden in fake breasts, be on the look out for Mula Achmed Mu-Hmna Hmna Hmna Hmna.May 18095
Barack Obama makes an Osama bin Laden ad, Paul Ryan plans cuts to poor people, Rev. Thomas Reese contests Paul Ryan's budget, and Carne Ross recommends leaderless democracy.
1–033"Debt Panels"Jonathan HaidtA California treasure hunter says he found Bin laden's body, he has a very loose definition of the word treasure.May 28096
Designers craft a Richard Branson ice mold, debt collectors infiltrate hospitals, Germany censures Kermit the Frog, and Jonathan Haidt discusses conflict and politics.
1–034TBALena DunhamN/AMay 38097
Newt Gingrich suspends his campaign and backs Mitt Romney, Stephen tracks a Super PAC rival, Buzz Aldrin presents a space award, and writer Lena Dunham talks "Girls."
1–035TBAAndy CohenAccording to a new study, dinosaur farts may have caused prehistoric Global Warming. You know what they say, he who stinked it, is extinct.May 78098
L.A. teens drink Purell, Joe Biden supports same-sex marriage, Eric McCormack plays a straight man, bears hijack broadcasting, and TV host Andy Cohen talks entertainment.
1–036TBAMichelle AlexanderN/AMay 88099
Billionaires need donor anonymity, Claire McCaskill opposes secret money, Stephen honors the late Maurice Sendak, and Michelle Alexander examines racial inequality.
1–037TBAAnna WintourN/AMay 98100
An ex-Playmate jolts Mexico's debate, North Carolina snubs gay marriage as Barack Obama backs it, Jon McNaughton paints socialist America, and Anna Wintour talks fashion.
1–038TBADr. Francis CollinsNearly 40% of New York's 911 calls are butt dials. Which begs the question, who is attacking New York's butts?May 108101
Stephen salutes Mother's Day, Barack Obama rejects Jesus, gay strokes and monkeys threaten America, Republicans forge identities, and Francis Collins examines obesity.
1–039TBACharlize TheronRomney wins the Texas primary. Congratulations Mitt Romney, you've gone from presumptive nominee to zumptive nominee.May 298102
The Peabody Awards and Maxim honor Stephen, Donald Trump supports Mitt Romney, Egyptians protest both presidential candidates, and Charlize Theron explores dark fables.
1–040TBAAlan AldaFacebook stock continues to plummet, people started selling once they found out their mom bought it too.May 308103
A Mexican cartel burns down PepsiCo, gay bars target bachelorettes, Mitt Romney breaks into iPhone apps, Robert Mugabe heads global tourism, and Alan Alda talks science.
1–041"Two Birds With One Drone"Jack HittN/AMay 318104
"I Am A Pole (And So Can You!)" gains Best Seller status, the Obama administration redefines "combatants," Michael Bloomberg confronts soda, and Jack Hitt talks amateurism.

June[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–042"Sink or Swim"John LewisN/AJune 48105
America's leaders talk like teens, North Carolina bans climate change models, Represent-O-Map 6000 fuels BKAD bookings, and John Lewis describes the civil rights movement.
1–043TBAJill BidenCeline Dion says she is sick of the theme from Titanic. So now it's unanimous.June 58106
The CDC denies the zombie apocalypse, America exports the most sperm, a North Dakota woman marries herself, and Dr. Jill Biden reflects on teaching and troops.
1–044TBANeil Patrick HarrisN/AJune 68107
The private sector plans Mars reality TV, Scott Walker prevails in Wisconsin, an Arkansas town bans bingo, Neil Patrick Harris talks theater, and Stephen honors Ray Bradbury.
1–045TBARegina SpektorScientists say dinosaurs were skinnier than we think, well the ones in the museum certainly nothing but bone.June 78108
Pakistan's "Sesame Street" faces corruption, Mitt Romney's house meets critique, a pig divides America, and singer Regina Spektor talks about music and Russia.
1–046TBAMartin SheenN/AJune 118109
Neil deGrasse Tyson wrecks movies, the Church scorns a nun's sex book, Simone Campbell explores service, the Banana Bunker prevents bruising, and Martin Sheen talks acting.
1–047TBAWill AllenThe LA Kings won the Stanley Cup, or Stanley King won the LA Cup. I don't follow hockey.June 128110
Mitt Romney owns a competition horse, the U.S. leaks anti-terror info, Barack Obama blunders, Stephen seeks Sweden's Twitter, and Will Allen talks urban farms.
1–048"Free Lunch"Gregg AllmanN/AJune 138111
Niagara Falls welcomes a stuntman, cafeteria workers demand expired food, orangutans operate iPads, and Gregg Allman recalls his rock 'n' roll past.
1–049TBASteve CollN/AJune 148112
Marijuana initiatives enter the election, Super PACs raise more money than ad space, Xiaflex treatment corrects curved penises, and Steve Coll examines ExxonMobil.
1–050TBAPaul KrugmanMike Tyson's one man show is coming to Broadway. Finally a show as dangerous as Spider-man.June 188113
Barack Obama changes immigration policy, Neil Munro interrupts the president, Sweden confronts Stephen's Twitter-control crusade, and Paul Krugman talks economic strategy.
1–051TBAOlivia WildeN/AJune 198114
John Kerry plays Mitt Romney in practice debates, Stephen invents a dressage tradition, PooPrints tracks suburban dog waste, and Olivia Wilde talks Maxim and politics.
1–052TBADaniel KlaidmanA beverage company has developed a beer for dogs. Great, now I need a new designated driver.June 208115
Asians outnumber Mexican immigrants, the "Fast and Furious" scandal proves complex, a gun control ad causes controversy, and Daniel Klaidman examines the war on terror.
1–053TBALawrence KraussN/AJune 218116
Officials delay Egypt's presidential election, penguins engage in erotic sex, Stephen sings to Sweden's Twitter executives, and Lawrence Krauss discusses the universe.
1–054"Silver Maligning"Frank DefordA Swedish woman had to sit next to a corpse on a ten-hour flight. Well, at least she got both armrests.June 258117
The Supreme Court postpones Obamacare rulings, Mitt Romney asks Florida to limit good jobs news, recession, teens abuse drugs to study better, and Frank Deford explores sports writing.
1–055TBARichard FordThere's going to be a Spice Girls musical! I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. Not that.June 268118
The Supreme Court overturns Arizona's immigration law, Pixar flaunts its gay agenda, Dish Network's AutoHop eliminates TV ads, and novelist Richard Ford talks "Canada."
1–056TBAMelinda GatesTBAJune 278119
Democrats fall behind in fundraising, Mike Turzai spurs voter ID controversy, Oreo cookies come out of the closet, and Melinda Gates talks global health and family planning.
1–057TBAAaron SorkinTBAJune 288120
Obamacare passes as constitutional, Republicans slam John Roberts, Emily Bazelon explains the Obamacare tax, and Aaron Sorkin romanticizes TV journalism in "The Newsroom."

July[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–058TBAAnne-Marie SlaughterSarah Palin hasn't been invited to the GOP Convention, but that's okay, she can see it from her front porch.July 168121
Katie Holmes divorces Tom Cruise, Mitt Romney retroactively retires from Bain Capital, Starbucks hits funeral homes, and Anne-Marie Slaughter talks career choice and family.
1–059"On The Straight & Narrow-Minded"NasTBAJuly 178122
Nevada's presidential ballot threatens Mitt Romney, Texas Republicans reject critical thinking education, the Rosenbach Museum honors Stephen, and Nas talks hip-hop.
1–060TBAMayor Annise D. ParkerThe man with the world's largest penis was patted down by the TSA. Come on! You're supposed to put that thing in a separate tray.July 188123
Mitt Romney spotlights struggling waiters, tablet computers go Christian, Def Leppard forges its songs, and Houston Mayor Annise Parker talks gay marriage.
1–061TBALisa JacksonN/AJuly 198124
Police bust Fred Willard for lewd conduct, Dave Leonhardt explores the Libor scandal, Canadians out-earn Americans, and Lisa Jackson talks green standards.
1–062TBAVikram GandhiIt's National Vanilla Ice Cream Day, and, if Romney is elected, it'll go on for four more years.July 238125
Mike Tyson bails on The Report, liberal shills love Shepard Smith, pundits speculate James Holmes' political ties, and filmmaker Vikram Gandhi explores made-up philosophy.
1–063TBAJames FallowsA London newspaper says the Olympics will open with thirty Mary Poppins' fighting a forty foot Voldemort... again?July 248126
Late night television triggers depression, America faces a disastrous drought, NASA schedules vegan meals, and James Fallows talks about China's aircraft and airlines.
1–064"1 Man Show"Dan GrossN/AJuly 258127
Mitt Romney values his Anglo-Saxon heritage, Barack Obama discusses entrepreneurship, "Fifty Shades of Grey" reaches hotels, and Dan Gross shares his gun control campaign.
1–065TBAPeter WestmacottNorth Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un has married. The couple is registered at Bed, Bath, and Enriched Uranium.July 268128
Engineers enhance Olympic sounds, Mitt Romney offends England, Chick-Fil-A opposes gay marriage, and Peter Westmacott discusses the 2012 London Summer Olympics.
1–066TBAJoan RiversTBAJuly 308129
Danny Boyle directs the 2012 Olympics opening ceremony, Mitt Romney lacks dressage expertise, Tony Robbins' fire stunt burns participants, and Joan Rivers shares her memoir.
1–067TBAJeff KoonsIndia is crippled by power failures. Have they tried unplugging the country and plugging it back in?July 318130
Mitt Romney's press secretary lashes out, Rafalca delays Mitt's VP announcement, Colbert Nation plans for StePhest Colbchella '012, and Jeff Koons explores arts education.

August[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–068TBAJohn GrunsfeldN/AAugust 18131
Obamacare mandates birth control coverage, Democrats pass a Democratic tax bill, U.S. women's gymnastics wins Olympic gold, and John Grunsfeld shares NASA's plan for Mars.
1–069TBAChris HayesN/AAugust 28132
Rafalca finishes one round of Olympic dressage, Russ Carnahan touts Missouri's redistricted district, plants talk to each other, and Chris Hayes describes U.S. elitism.
1–070TBAPete SeegerPorn star Jenna Jameson has endorsed Mitt Romney for President. Well, she is a job creator.August 68133
NASA's Curiosity rover arrives on Mars, Mike Huckabee's "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day" boosts sales, and activist Pete Seeger discusses his music career and upbringing.
1–071TBAMark ShriverN/AAugust 78134
Alisyn Camerota criticizes U.S. patriotism, Wikipedia writers sway elections, Steve King defends dogfighting, and Mark Shriver highlights his father's civic influence.
1–072TBALiza MundyJuly was the hottest month in US history. I blame Magic Mike.August 88135
Obamacare increases Papa John's pizza rates, digital pills hold seniors accountable, General Mills backs same-sex marriage, and Liza Mundy examines women in the workforce.
1–073TBAWoody HarrelsonN/AAugust 98136
Michele Bachmann dabbles in McCarthyism, Representative Keith Ellison turns down Mitt Romney, scientists analyze truthiness, and Woody Harrelson talks theater.
1–074TBAfun.N/AAugust 138137
StePhest Colbchella '012 gets underway, Mitt Romney picks Paul Ryan as his running mate, and fun. reviews their history and hygiene.
1–075TBAGrizzly BearN/AAugust 148138
Colbchella '012 launches into night two, Mitt Romney's foreign experience comes into question, celebrities simulate soldiers, and Grizzly Bear describes their indie style.
1–076TBASantigoldN/AAugust 158139
StePhest Colbchella '012 embarks on night three, U.S. gymnastics' Fierce Five stops by The Report, Stephen visits the USS Intrepid, and Santigold discusses her music.
1–077TBAThe Flaming LipsN/AAugust 168140
Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan connect over policy, GOP Senate candidates challenge the 17th Amendment, and The Flaming Lips' Wayne Coyne shares his latest album.
1–078TBAAndrew SullivanEpisode MMXII

AMERICA STRIKES BACK

It is a dark time for America, but not on a racist way. Democratic minions have driven universal health care through Congress, and now threaten to do the unthinkable: be re-elected.

Hungry for power, DARK LORD OBAMA - again, not "racist" dark, just evil - has summoned a hurricane to scatter the Patriotic Alliance.

But all is not lost. A group of freedom fighters led by Mitt Romney and his billionaire mentor Obi-Wan REDACTED, have established a new secret base in the remote, humid city of Tampa...
August 288141
Hurricane Isaac hits the 2012 GOP convention, Stephen hosts Colbert Super PAC's Convention, Rep. Todd Akin blunders on rape pregnancy, and Andrew Sullivan talks U.S. politics.
1–079TBAJennifer BurnsEpisode II

RETURN OF THE AMERICA STRIKES BACK, AGAIN

Desperate to maintain their grip on power, the EVIL DEM-PIRE has dispatched countless attack ads into the far reaches of the Swing States.

Also, Solyndra.

Meanwhile on the swamp planet of Tampa, PRINCESS ANN ROMNEIA and CHRISTIE THE HUTT rally the Republican troops with news of the Rebel leader MITT ROMNEY's detailed plans to save America - which he will probably reveal right after the Election...
August 298142
The "Mitt Romney story" storms the GOP convention, Ann Romney tries to reach women voters, Paul Ryan breaks from Ayn Rand, and Jennifer Burns explores Ayn Rand's objectivism.
1–080TBAJon HuntsmanEpisode III

The PHANTOM MONEY

The EVIL EMPEROR OBAMA-TINE continues to run up the Empire's debt with entitlement programs Tatooine can't afford, like Ewokcare and tuition block grants for inner-city Jawas.

But a new hero from the Republican Alliance emerges: JAR JAR RYAN.

After years on the ice planet Wisconsin, training with his mentor AYN-BIN-WAN RAND-OBI, he is ready to slash all non-Death Star spending and unleash the invisible Force of the Free market...
August 308143
Mitt Romney struggles to attract African American voters, Paul Ryan lies in his GOP convention speech, and Jon Huntsman examines campaign finance and the Republican Party.
1–081TBAJames CarvilleEpisode IV

A NEW-ISH HOPE

After plunging the Dem-pire into $15 trillion of Astro debt, GRAND MOFF OBAMA threatens to "slow the rise of the oceans and heal the planet."

But the Republican Alliance has a secret weapon: the brave droid R2-MITT-2, who has assembled a crack team of freedom fighters: QUI-GON RYAN, HAN RUBIO, and CLINT CALRISSIAN with his faithful companion CHAIRBACCA.

R2-MITT-2 vows to end Obama's reign of environmental terror, making the galaxy safe for the Jedi Knights (The Top 1%, The Force Creators)...
August 318144
Mitt Romney wraps up the GOP convention, Clint Eastwood's empty chair joins Stephen, Neil Armstrong passes away, and James Carville talks about the middle class.

September[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–082TBAReihan SalamN/ASeptember 48145
The DNC convention begins, Congresswoman Yvette Clarke praises Brooklyn's diversity, Paul Ryan lies about marathon times, and Reihan Salam explores election politics.
1–083TBAMichael GrunwaldN/ASeptember 58146
Brit Hume critiques the DNC convention noise level, Michelle Obama rakes in record tweet numbers, and Michael Grunwald explores the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act.
1–084TBABill RichardsonN/ASeptember 68147
Storms disrupt the Democratic National Convention, Bill Clinton delivers a charming speech, Democrats reinstate "God" language, and Bill Richardson talks Hispanic outreach.
1–085TBAEd RendellTBASeptember 78148
Destroyed morals attract the youth, Barack Obama accepts the Democratic nomination, Stephen compares the conventions, and Ed Rendell blasts government leadership.
1–086TBADrew FaustIt's the one year anniversary of Occupy Wall Street. Remember, one IS the pepper spray Anniversary.September 178149
Rick Santorum blunders at a conservative summit, Mitt Romney comments on the Middle East riots, Ira Glass calls the Atone Phone, and Drew Faust reviews Civil War history.
1–087TBAJeffrey ToobinWalmart is turning 50 years old. It's finally old enough to be a greeter at itself.September 188150
USA Today redesigns its logo, Mitt Romney responds to secret fundraiser footage, Apple wins a patent lawsuit, and Jeffrey Toobin details Supreme Court cases.
1–088"Ask Not"Itzhak PerlmanSwedish doctors have performed the world's first uterus transplant. Unfortunately, the guy went in for a new heart.September 198151
Fox News slams Barack Obama's secret video, Mitt Romney explains what he won't do in office, a papyrus scrap mentions Jesus' wife, and violinist Itzhak Perlman performs live.
1–089TBAErrol MorrisN/ASeptember 208152
Vladimir Putin hang-glides with cranes, Mitt Romney tries to sway Hispanics, an amateur art restorer defaces Jesus, and Errol Morris talks Jeffrey MacDonald and filmmaking.
1–090TBAClaressa ShieldsI have got an iPhone 5... and Apple Maps says I'm in Norway.September 258153
Barack Obama leads Mitt Romney in the polls, Peggy Noonan gives Mitt advice, the NFL lockout bumps up ratings, and boxer Claressa Shields describes a satisfying punch.
1–091TBAJim HoltThe University of Tennessee frat members were caught butt-chugging wine. That sounds like some drunk assholes.September 268154
The world faces an unavoidable bacon shortage, President Obama restores the Ottoman Empire, churchgoers pray for Mitt Romney, and Jim Holt ponders the universe.
1–092TBAVince GilliganN/ASeptember 278155
Stephen promotes "America Again," Mitt Romney ignores discouraging polls, Fox News doubts the election forecast, and Vince Gilligan explores his series "Breaking Bad."

October[edit]

Taping of October 29 and 30 were cancelled due to Hurricane Sandy.

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–093"Supply Chained"Ben Folds FiveN/AOctober 19001
Paul Ryan tiptoes around tax plan costs, U.S. prison labor threatens small business, Iran's presidential aides visit Costco, and Ben Folds Five explains their album title.
1–094TBAJorge RamosThe lead singer of Creed says he won't endorse President Obama. Well that settles it, Obama will not win the 1998 Presidential Election.October 29002
Stephen releases "America Again," Skyline Church pastor endorses politicians on Pulpit Freedom Sunday, the Romney camp praises Obama's rhetoric, and Jorge Ramos talks immigration policy.
1–095TBAKenny RogersAmateur pornographers were found filming in the Cornell University library. Clearly, they could not get into the Harvard library.October 39003
America meets Mitt Romney for the first time, George Will points out Obama's racial advantage, doctors treat low testosterone, and Kenny Rogers recounts his music career.
1–096TBADr. George ChurchN/AOctober 49004
Mitt Romney pledges to defund PBS, Chris Matthews berates Barack Obama, Pennsylvania rules against voter ID laws, and Harvard geneticist George Church explores DNA.
1–097"It's Not Easy Having Green"Mark KellyIt's Columbus Day. Don't forget to infect an Indian.October 89005
Lower unemployment rates prompt GOP conspiracy theories, rich Americans want Obama's respect, World of Warcraft shapes a state campaign, and Mark Kelly talks mice in space.
1–098TBAMorrisseyNASA's Curiosity Rover has found a small shiney object on Mars. It's either the top of a giant metal city buried beneath the sands, or a screw.October 99006
Barack Obama seeks "obsessive" supporters, the Russian Church blesses the North Pole, Mitt Romney vaguely bullies four countries, and Morrissey slams the British Royal Family.
1–099"Meducation"Naomi WolfThe New York Aquarium has a new baby walrus. Great, another Brooklyn hipster with a ridiculous moustache.October 109007
7-Eleven and Pizza Hut participate in politics, doctors prescribe Adderall for bad test scores, bears invade America's malls, and Naomi Wolf sheds light on female anatomy.
1–100TBAChrystia FreelandScientists have found a turtle that pees from its mouth, or has a penis that looks like a face.October 119008
Joe Biden debates Paul Ryan, Martian Obama rumors surface, Stephen argues with Stephen over Mitt Romney's conservative credentials, and Chrystia Freeland talks "Plutocrats."
1–101TBAEvan ThomasThe inventor of the cardboard bicycle says it will change the world, provided that "change" includes never raining again.October 159009
Red Bull sponsors a record sky dive, the European Union receives the Nobel Peace Prize, Florida deals with a marauding monkey, and Evan Thomas details Eisenhower's views on war.
1–102TBACory BookerN/AOctober 169010
CNN enhances debate viewing, Emily Bazelon talks affirmative action, Paul Ryan pretends to volunteer, and Mayor Cory Booker explores party platforms and social media.
1–103TBATyler PerryN/AOctober 179011
Mitt Romney's Benghazi accusations backfire, two-parent households fix gun problems, Congressman Scott DesJarlais flip-flops on abortion, and Tyler Perry talks "Madea."
1–104TBAThe KillersN/AOctober 189012
A squirrel votes for Mitt Romney, a farmer puts candy in cow feed, Stephen reports on the world's only Corn Palace, and The Killers discuss their clean-cut reputation.
1–105TBADonald SadowayN/AOctober 229013
Colin Small trashes voter registrations, CEOs threaten personnel over the election, Andrew Cuomo seeks to decriminalize pot, and Donald Sadoway shares his battery brainchild.
1–106TBAJohn GrishamN/AOctober 239014
Mitt Romney's presidential smile wins out, undecided voters skip the debates, Lance Armstrong's doping taints LIVESTRONG, and John Grisham writes about crookedlawyers.
1–107TBAAnthony EverittOnly seven days until Halloween, but I tell my kids it's ten. I get a great deal on costumes.October 249015
Donald Trump wants Barack Obama's passport papers, Fox News rehashes the Benghazi attacks, Richard Mourdock justifies rape pregnancies, and Anthony Everitt talks Rome.
1–108TBAMitch DanielsAnonymous sources say, Mitt Romney uses spray tan. Those anonymous sources? Anyone with eyes.October 259016
Ovulation cycles sway female voting, Tom Hanks concocts neutral Halloween costumes, and Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels talks about his book, "Keeping The Republic."
1–109TBALilly LedbetterN/AOctober 319017
Hurricane Sandy wreaks havoc on New Jersey, Mitt Romney hosts a relief rally, Donald Trump cuts Obama some slack, and Lilly Ledbetter explores gender pay discrimination.

November[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–110TBADavid Byrne & St. VincentA new report says that Paul Ryan likes to shoot deer with hand guns. And when he finds out who leaked that to the media, that deer is gonna get it.November 19018
Michael Bloomberg issues post-Sandy travel mandates, Mitt Romney sways Billy Graham on Mormonism, and music marvel David Byrne teams up with St. Vincent.
1–111TBANate SilverN/ANovember 59019
Colbert Super PAC inspires Mitt Romney, Sasha Issenberg talks data-driven politics, Joe Scarborough doubts liberal math models, and Nate Silver reviews election statistics.
1–112TBAAndrew SullivanN/ANovember 69020
America snubs the nice Romney boy and picks Obama, Andrew Sullivan sheds light on the election, and Joe Donnelly beats Richard Mourdock in Indiana.
1–113TBADoris Kearns Goodwin**No dialogue. Stephen wore a robe and backwards hat while sulking.**November 79021
Liberals and conservatives taint the election, Bill O'Reilly blames Romney's loss on non-whites, wind turbines affect mental health, and Doris Kearns Goodwin recites history.
1–114TBARachel MaddowA nine-year-old boy spent his parents life savings on candy. He shouldn't have paid full price on that hundred thousand dollar bar.November 89022
New York experiences a nor'easter, an Albany strip club claims to sell art, platonic friends learn the scientific truth, and Rachel Maddow talks election night.
1–115TBAKen BurnsN/ANovember 129023
CIA Director David Petraeus steps down after an affair, Karl Rove faces angry benefactors, Jon Stewart assists Colbert Super PAC, and Ken Burns shares "The Central Park Five."
1–116TBANewt GingrichDuke University has developed a working invisibility cloak. Now the Bluedevils quidditch team will be unstoppable.November 139024
The media weighs presidential nominees for 2016, Sonia Sotomayor crushes girlish pipe dreams, and Newt Gingrich admits he guessed wrong about the election.
1–117TBATony KushnerAn oil painting of Bob Barker is on eBay for 3.5 million dollars. I bid, $1.November 149025
"America Again" offends Canadians, Wall Street chucks its weakest link, Christopher Steiner reviews computer trading, and screenwriter Tony Kushner talks "Lincoln."
1–118"Stars and Gripes"Chris StringerThe President is about to pardon a turkey. What did the turkey know about Benghazi?November 159026
Campbell's promotes soups for millennials, the Petraeus scandal escalates, meth protects against influenza, and Chris Stringer talks primitive humans.
1–119TBAJake TapperI'm back and I am better than sometimes.November 269027
Shoppers break Black Friday records, the Supreme Court deliberates copyright law, Pope Benedict XVI modifies the nativity, and Jake Tapper discusses the Afghanistan War.
1–120TBADolly PartonN/ANovember 279028
Police bust a Canadian for lying about Santa, congressional Republicans abandon Grover Norquist, Reihan Salam describes Reagan's tax plan, and Dolly Parton promotes literacy.
1–121"Sisters Are Doing It To Themselves"Frank OzGM & Apple are teaming up to bring Siri to cars. Or as Siri understood it, M&M and Snapple are teaming up to bring cherries to Mars.November 289029
Powerball sales skyrocket, Fox News explains why women can't get married, Harry Reid tries to curb filibusters, and Frank Oz talks Muppets.
1–122TBASean CarrollNASA claims they found ice on Mercury. Well I'll believe that when the closest planet to the sun freezes over.November 299030
America foregoes a nuclear Moon missile, Boeing blocks pension benefits to gay couples, Stephen pushes "America Again," and Sean Carroll explains the Higgs field.

December[edit]

No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
1–123"Base Instincts"Ian McKellenN/ADecember 39031
The Report hosts Hobbit Week, safer streets weaken a Republican wedge issue, medical grade pods replace nursing homes, and Sir Ian McKellen prefers Gandalf The Grey.
1–124TBAMartin FreemanN/ADecember 49032
Hobbit Week continues with Bilbo Baggins, testosterone gels trigger family hair growth, morning sickness socks Kate Middleton, and Martin Freeman talks TV roles and Tolkien.
1–125"Hire Learning"Andy SerkisN/ADecember 59033
Hobbit Week honors Denny's, the Senate votes down universal disability rights, and Andy Serkis compares "The Lord of the Rings" Gollum to "The Hobbit" Gollum.
1–126TBAPeter JacksonN/ADecember 69034
Hobbit Week ends, Stephen gets the Madame Tussauds treatment, and Peter Jackson receives clarification on Tolkien lore.
1–127TBADiana KrallN/ADecember 109035
Fans lobby for Stephen's Senate appointment, David Petraeus declines a presidential proposal from Roger Ailes, and Diana Krall resists jazz standards.
1–128TBAMalcolm GladwellIt is now legal to carry a concealed weapon in all fifty states. So if you are in one of them, be careful.December 119036
Budget deal talks hit a wall, North Korea unearths a unicorn lair, California's ban on ex-gay therapy meets resistance, and Malcolm Gladwell chats about man's best friend.
1–129TBAMandy PatinkinN/ADecember 129037
"America Again" defeats Papa Bear's bestseller, Jeff Bingaman gives Stephen a Senate how-to, Fox News attacks the "9/11 site mosque", and Mandy Patinkin talks national security.
1–130TBASimone CampbellN/ADecember 139038
Rockers raise money for Hurricane Sandy victims, Vince Gilligan leaks "Breaking Bad" footage, Colbert Super PAC money finds a home, and Simone Campbell talks social justice.

References[edit]

External links[edit]