North (1994 film)
Theatrical release poster by John Alvin
|Directed by||Rob Reiner|
|Produced by||Rob Reiner
|Screenplay by||Alan Zweibel
|Based on||North: The Tale of a 9-Year-Old Boy Who Becomes a Free Agent and Travels the World in Search of the Perfect Parents
by Alan Zweibel
|Narrated by||Bruce Willis|
|Music by||Marc Shaiman|
|Edited by||Robert Leighton|
|Distributed by||Columbia Pictures (US)
Rank Film Distributors (UK)
|Box office||$7.1 million|
North is a 1994 American comedy film directed by Rob Reiner and starring an ensemble cast including Elijah Wood, Jon Lovitz, Jason Alexander, Alan Arkin, Dan Aykroyd, Kathy Bates, Faith Ford, Graham Greene, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Reba McEntire, John Ritter, and Abe Vigoda, with cameos by Bruce Willis and a 9 year old Scarlett Johansson (in her film debut). It was shot in Hawaii, Alaska, California, South Dakota, New Jersey, and New York. The story is based on the novel North: The Tale of a 9-Year-Old Boy Who Becomes a Free Agent and Travels the World in Search of the Perfect Parents by Alan Zweibel, who wrote the screenplay and has a minor role in the film.
North is a child prodigy, skilled in academics, sports, and drama, and admired by many for his good work and obedient attitude, but ignored by his own parents. One day, while finding solace in a living room display at a mall, North confides to a benevolent man in an Easter Bunny suit that his parents do not appreciate his obvious talents. The Easter Bunny suggests that North simply tell his parents how he feels; but North retorts that they do not deserve him. With the help and encouragement of his friend Winchell, he hires the ambulance-chasing lawyer Arthur Belt to divorce him from his parents. The divorce filing takes North’s parents completely by surprise, and renders them comatose. As such, they cannot object when Judge Buckle gives North one summer to find new parents.
North's first stop is Texas, where his new parents attempt to fatten him up like their own late son, Buck, who died in a stampede. They then stage a musical number about the other horrible plans they have for him. Gabby, a benevolent sharpshooting cowboy, presents North with a souvenir from his act—a silver dollar with a bullet hole through its center—and advises him to move on.
His next stop is Hawaii, where Governor and Mrs. Ho, who cannot have children of their own, are eager to adopt him. North is overjoyed; but the Governor unveils a new billboard, part of the state’s campaign to encourage mainlanders to move to Hawaii, featuring North in a mortifying pose. On the beach, a benevolent tourist with a metal detector explains that parents should not rely on children for their own personal gain.
In Alaska, North settles into an Inuit village, where his potential parents send their elderly grandfather out to sea on an ice floe, as a form of euthanasia. Meanwhile, his real parents, still comatose, are put on display in a museum. The publicity generated by North’s quest has inspired children around the world to hire Belt and Winchell, who are rapidly becoming rich and powerful.
North’s next parental candidates are Amish, but he is quickly discouraged by the size of their family (and the lack of electricity). Visits to Zaire, China and Paris are equally fruitless. At last, back in America, he finds the Nelsons, who give North the attention and appreciation he craves; but he still is not happy. "The Nelsons are good folks,” says a benevolent sleigh driver. “They're just not your folks."
In despair, North finds himself in New York City, where Winchell and Belt, fearing the demise of their lucrative business, plot to assassinate him. On the run, North receives a videotape from his revived parents begging him to forgive them and return home. Benevolent standup comedian Joey Fingers encourages him to go: "A bird in the hand is always greener than the grass under the other guy's bushes." Assassins are watching the airport, so North ships himself home in a FedEx box. As he runs toward his parents, a hit man takes aim. As he squeezes the trigger, North awakens in the mall, now empty. The benevolent Easter Bunny takes him home, where he is greeted warmly by his parents. It has all been a dream—but in his pocket, North discovers Gabby’s silver dollar with the hole through the middle.
- Elijah Wood as North
- Bruce Willis as narrator and benevolent advisors (Easter Bunny, Gabby, tourist, sleigh driver, Joey Fingers, FedEx driver)
- Jon Lovitz as Arthur Belt
- Matthew McCurley as Winchell
- Jason Alexander as North's father
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus as North's mother
- Alan Arkin as Judge Buckle
- Dan Aykroyd as Texas father
- Reba McEntire as Texas mother
- Alexander Godunov as Amish father
- Kelly McGillis as Amish mother
- Graham Greene as Alaskan father
- Kathy Bates as Alaskan mother
- Abe Vigoda as Alaskan grandfather
- Faith Ford as Donna Nelson
- John Ritter as Ward Nelson
- Scarlett Johansson as Laura Nelson
- Jesse Ziegler as Bud Nelson
- Keone Young as Governor Ho
- Lauren Tom as Mrs. Ho
- Ben Stein as museum curator
- Taylor Fry as Zoe
- Alana Austin as Hannah
- Jussie Smollett as Adam
- Robert Costanzo as Al
- Rosalind Chao as Chinese mother
- Alan Rachins as defense attorney
- Richard Belzer as barker
- Marc Shaiman as piano player
- Alan Zweibel as baseball coach
North has been called one of the worst films ever made, earning $7,182,747 for a budget of $40 million. Kenneth Turan, in his review, stated "The problem overall is not so much that the humor, especially in the parent-tryout situations, is forced, but that it simply is not there at all. So little is going on in this mildest of fantasies that it is hard to even guess what kinds of emotional effects were aimed at in the first place." Turan also asked "How could director Rob Reiner, whose touch for what pleases a mass audience is usually unfailing, have strayed this far?"
Siskel & Ebert's review
Film critic Roger Ebert seemed especially baffled by North, noting that Wood and especially Reiner had both previously made much better films. He suggested that the film was so poorly written that even the best child actor would look bad in it, and viewed it as "some sort of lapse" on Reiner's part. Ebert awarded North a rare zero-star rating, and even 20 years later it remained on his list of most hated films.
Comedian Richard Belzer, who appeared in North, goaded Reiner into reading aloud some of the review at Reiner's roast; Reiner jokingly insisted that "if you read between the lines, [the review] isn't really that bad." An abridged version of the remark quoted above became the title of a 2000 book by Ebert, I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie, a compilation of reviews of films most disliked by Ebert.
Ebert and his co-host on Siskel and Ebert, Gene Siskel, both pronounced it the worst film of 1994 — a decision they each came to independently. In their original review, Ebert called it "one of the most thoroughly hateful movies in recent years. A movie that makes me cringe even when I'm sitting here thinking about it." He later added, "I hated this movie as much as any movie [he and Siskel] have ever reviewed during the 19 years we've been doing this show. I hated it because of the premise, which seems shockingly cold-hearted, and because this premise is being suggested to kids as children's entertainment, because everybody in this movie was vulgar and stupid, and because the jokes weren't funny and because most of the characters were obnoxious and because of the phony attempt to add a little pseudo-philosophy with the Bruce Willis character." Siskel continued by saying "I think you gotta hold Rob Reiner's feet to the fire here. I mean, he's the guy in charge, he's saying this is entertainment, it's deplorable. There isn't a gag that works. You couldn't write worse jokes if I told you to write worse jokes. The ethnic stereotyping is appalling, it's embarrassing, you feel unclean as you're sitting there. It's junk. First class junk!" and concluded the review by saying "Any subject could be done well, this is just trash, Roger." Ebert's future co-host on Ebert and Roeper, Richard Roeper, would later go on to list North as one of the 40 worst movies he's ever seen, stating, "Of all the films on this list, North may be the most difficult to watch from start to finish. I've tried twice and failed. Do yourself a favor and don't even bother. Life is too short."
Awards and nominations
|Razzie Award||Worst Actor||Bruce Willis||Nominated|
|Worst Supporting Actor||Dan Aykroyd||Nominated|
|Worst Supporting Actress||Kathy Bates||Nominated|
|Worst Screenplay||Andrew Scheinman||Nominated|
- "NORTH (PG)". British Board of Film Classification. 1994-05-05. Retrieved 2013-06-14.
- "North (1994)". Box Office Mojo. Retrieved 15 August 2011.
- rottentomatoes.com, "North", accessed July 2, 2015.
- Turan, Kenneth (July 22, 1994). "Movie Review: North". Los Angeles Times. Retrieved August 20, 2014.
- Roger Ebert (1994-07-22). "Ebert reviews North". Chicago Sun-Times. Retrieved 2008-12-30.
- I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie, Amazon.com; accessed August 23, 2015.
- DuPree, Don (director). "The Worst Films of 1994" (January 6, 1995). Television: Siskel & Ebert. Burbank: Buena Vista Television. 
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAAEFRVQU14. Missing or empty
- Richard Roeper, 10 Sure Signs a Movie Character is Doomed and Other Surprising Movie Lists, New York: Hyperion Books, 2003, pp. 66-67.
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