Proper Condom Use
|"Proper Condom Use"|
|South Park episode|
|Episode no.||Season 5
|Directed by||Trey Parker|
|Written by||Trey Parker|
|Original air date||August 1, 2001|
"Proper Condom Use" is the seventh episode of the fifth season of the animated television series South Park, and the 72nd episode of the series overall. "Proper Condom Use" originally aired in the United States on August 1, 2001 on Comedy Central.
Stan and Kyle are playing with their Jennifer Lopez play set (and by playing, they are using a magnifying glass to melt it while Kyle does Lopez' screams of pain) when Cartman excitedly tells them to come with him to Kenny's house. Playing "red rocket", and repeating the word, he stimulates Kenny's dog to the point of ejaculation, or, as he says, "milks the dog".
Stan, thinking that what Cartman did was cool, demonstrates the technique on his own dog Sparky in front of his parents and their friends (the Stotches, the Blacks, the Tweaks and the Tuckers) during a book club meeting, for which he is grounded for ten months. Stan cannot understand why he is being punished, as his parents are too embarrassed to explain sexual stimulation to him, and decide that the school should be responsible for teaching sex education.
Mr. Mackey tries to teach the fourth grade boys about a male anatomy and female anatomy and the mechanics of sexual intercourse. Not having had sex since he was 19, 21 years earlier, Mr. Mackey cannot teach the boys anything of use. Ms. Choksondik, intending to scare the girls into safe sex, spends her lesson teaching the girls about all the different types of STDs that they might catch if the boys are not wearing condoms, but leaves out the most important detail, that in order to catch these diseases, they would first need to have sex (presumably because she feels it seems so obvious). The boys try talking to Chef, the only person who actually has sexual experience, but he (who was opposed to the sex ed class and wanted the children to keep their naivety) doesn't tell them anything. The girls, who were just curious at first, become so terrified of the boys that, upon being approached by them at lunch to swap notes, they back away in terror, and scream in fright when they learn the boys aren't wearing condoms. Scared they will catch a disease, the boys then go to the pharmacy where the male pharmacist at first refuses to sell them condoms, stating that they are too young and that teaching sex education in elementary schools is wrong. The female pharmacist sells them the condoms because she wants them to be safe if they are having sex.
Hearing from the pharmacist that condoms were purchased, the school believes this is due to the students being sexually active. As a result, Ms. Choksondik says they should start teaching kindergarten students about sex education, although Chef is appalled at this decision and objects. Therefore, Mr. Garrison is tasked with teaching proper condom use to the kindergarten children, and his preferred method of applying a condom using only his mouth shocks his students.
Now more motivated than ever to scare the girls into getting boys to wear condoms, Ms. Choksondik teaches the girls about pregnancy, which scares them even more than before when she shows them a detailed video of a woman giving birth. The boys then buy the condoms and wear them at all times. Not understanding how they work, they even urinate in them, but after Cartman tries to put a fresh one on during class, Mr. Mackey tells them they only have to wear them when they are having sex. Angry that the girls misled them, and thinking that the girls are the ones carrying diseases, they come to believe that they must get rid of the girls. The girls, terrified by Ms. Choksondik's traumatizing lessons, build a massive fort to keep the boys out. The boys find where the girls are hiding and tell them to leave town in a siege reminiscent of Mad Max 2. The girls refuse and open fire (killing Kenny in the fusillade) and the boys attack.
While preparing the lesson plan, Ms. Choksondik and Mr. Mackey become aroused by the sexual nature of their conversation, and admit to having sexual fantasies about each other. The two undress, and engage in unprotected sexual intercourse.
Meanwhile, the battle between the girls and boys leads to several casualties with Molotov Cocktails and rapid-fire nail-guns, thus drawing the attention of the adults and the parents, who get angry at the children for the conflict. Ms. Choksondik takes full responsibility for the conflict and apologizes to the girls, for not telling them you must have intercourse in order to catch an STD.
Chef, however, states that the parents are to blame since they were so quick to let the schools handle sex education rather than teach it to their kids themselves, as sex itself is an emotional topic and that, while he acknowledges that it is difficult for parents to tell their children about sex, it is better than letting the children get taught by people with no experience of sex (Mr. Mackey), a bad view of it (Miss Choksondik) or even a complete pervert (Mr. Garrison, who takes offense for being described this way). When asked when children are ready to have sex, he responds with an unconditional, "17 — you're ready" (which happens to be the age of consent in the state of Colorado). The children are relieved they do not have to worry about disease for at least eight years, especially Stan and Wendy, and the episode ends with Cartman playing "red rocket" with another dog as everyone looks on without any objection like Stan's parents did with Stan during a book club meeting.
Over the closing credits, Garrison can be heard still teaching kindergarteners different sexual techniques.
Ratings and censorship
In Australia, this episode received an MA rating, due to its strong sexual content throughout, and graphic violence near the end of the episode. Because of its content, this episode also aired at 9:00 at night instead of the programme's usual 8:30 timeslot. The British satellite channel Sky One banned this episode for its strong sexual and violent content, even though it aired a TV trailer with scenes from the episode. The UK terrestrial channel Channel 4 and the UK cable channels Paramount Comedy 1 and MTV UK aired the episode with no edits made. Also, this episode is not aired on television syndication in the United States and has only been shown on Comedy Central.
According to the DVD commentary, Comedy Central asked Parker and Stone to drastically shorten the part where Garrison demonstrates how to put on a condom by using his mouth with a condom around the lips and deep-throating the model penis used in the lesson. They retained the scene for when the show originally aired, but repeat episodes cut Garrison putting his lips on the dildo to the children staring in shock at what Garrison is doing off-screen.
In the episode Mr. Mackey states he has not had sex in "about 21 years" despite the fact that in the episode "Ike's Wee Wee" Mackey got briefly married and went on a honey moon in India. Similarly, Mackey tells Choksondik that, while growing up, his head "just sorta seemed to get bigger while the rest of [his] body stayed the same", contradicting the explanation for Mackey's large head provided in "Ike's Wee Wee" in which Mackey's head shrunk back to a regular size when he removed his tie. 
"Proper Condom Use", along with the fourteen other episodes from South Park: the Complete Fifth Season, was released on a three-disc DVD set in the United States on February 22, 2005. The sets included brief audio commentaries by Parker and Stone for each episode.
- Codding, Jamey (February 26, 2009). "South Park: The Complete Fifth Season DVD Review". Bullz-Eye. Retrieved April 25, 2017.
- "South Park - Insults to Injuries [VHS]". Amazon.com. Retrieved January 15, 2012.
- "South Park - Insults To Injuries DVD Information". TVShowsOnDVD.com. Retrieved January 15, 2012.
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