Son of the Beach

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Son of the Beach
Son of the Beach.png
Genre Situation comedy
Created by David Morgasen
Timothy Stack
James R. Stein
Starring Timothy Stack
Jaime Bergman
Leila Arcieri
Roland Kickinger
Kimberly Oja
Lisa Banes
Composer(s) James Verboort
Country of origin United States
Original language(s) English
No. of seasons 3
No. of episodes 42
Executive producer(s) David Morgasen
Timothy Stack
James R. Stein
Howard Stern
Producer(s) Tim Andrew
Scott McAboy
Gil Wadsworth
Camera setup Film; single-camera
Running time 22 minutes
Production company(s) The Howard Stern Production Company
Loch Lomond Entertainment
Fox Television Studios
Distributor 20th Television
Original network FX
Audio format Dolby Surround 2.0
Original release March 14, 2000 (2000-03-14) – October 1, 2002 (2002-10-01)

Son of the Beach is an American sitcom that aired from 2000 to 2002 on FX. The series is a spoof of Baywatch, with much of the comedy based on sexual double entendres, puns, innuendo and the like. A major running gag portrayed the studly David Hasselhoff character as a balding, middle-aged, pot-bellied and out-of-shape man who is nonetheless seen by all the other characters as highly fit and attractive. Radio talk show host Howard Stern was one of the executive producers.


The show centered on the adventures of Shore Patrol Force 30 (SPF 30, a pun on the term Sun Protection Factor), led by the pasty, out-of-shape, clueless lifeguard Notch Johnson (Timothy Stack). The rest of his patrol consists of B.J. Cummings (the dumb, Caucasian, big-chested lifeguard), Jamaica St. Croix (the dumb, African-American, big-chested lifeguard), Chip Rommel (the dumb, hunky, muscular male lifeguard who is an obvious parody of Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Kimberlee Clark (the smart but flat-chested female lifeguard and straight man of the series). Many of the plots revolved around silly action genre clichés and movie parodies, with many of the feature roles played by actors and celebrities such as Jason Alexander, Mark Hamill, Alan Thicke, Erik Estrada, Gary Coleman, John Salley, Joey Buttafuoco, Patty Hearst, Adam Carolla, Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf, George Takei, Gilbert Gottfried, Walter Koenig, Pat Morita, Anson Williams, Christopher Darden, Maureen McCormick, Lee Majors, David Arquette, Neil Patrick Harris, Musetta Vander, Angelica Bridges, Ian Ziering, RuPaul, and Dweezil Zappa.

The title is a pun on the phrase "son of a bitch." Likewise, character names are rife with puns and innuendo. Porcelain Bidet, B.J. Cummings, Jamaica St. Croix ("you make a saint cry"), Anita Massengil, and Notch Johnson all refer to some sort of double entendre, while Chip Rommel's name refers to the "Desert Fox", further punctuating the fact that the character is German, his parents being "The Rommels of Paraguay" (South America was a refuge for hunted Nazis at the close of WWII). "Notch" and "B.J." are also parodies of the names of the Baywatch characters played by David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson - Mitch and C. J. Kimberlee Clark's name is a pun on the company Kimberly-Clark, manufacturer of paper products such as Kleenex and Kotex.


Main cast[edit]

  • Timothy Stack - Notchibald "Notch" Johnson--The world's best lifeguard and leader of the Malibu Adjacent SPF 30, who is the best at everything he tries in spite of being old, overweight, and often clueless. He is something of a legend in Malibu Adjacent as several locations are named for him such as the Notch Johnson Home for Orphans and Retards and the Notch Johnson Space Center.
  • Jaime Bergman - B.J. Cummings--Lovely young blonde woman who grew up poor in the rural South. Naïve about sex but endlessly cheerful and nice.
  • Amy Weber - Porcelain Bidet (2002)--An unpleasant, attractive dark-haired gold digger attached to the SPF 30 in Season 3.
  • Roland Kickinger - Chip Rommel--Lovable German bodybuilder who has no prejudice in him, but constantly indicates he has no idea what his Nazi family really did during WWII.
  • Leila Arcieri - Jamaica St. Croix--Tough lifeguard from the inner-city, shaped when she was abandoned by her parents.
  • Kimberly Oja - Kimberlee Clark (as Kim Oja)--Sweet "girl next door" type assigned to SPF 30 as a spy to bring down Notch Johnson, but ended up a loyal team member who fell in love with him.
  • Lisa Banes - Mayor Anita Massengil (2000-2001)--Unpleasant Mayor of Malibu Adjacent with an outrageously gay son named Kody, who wants Notch Johnson out at the SPF 30 because everyone likes him more than her and he is better at her at everything.
  • “Michael Berensen” - Lt. Steve Andrews / Steve the Dog (portrayed by a bulldog)
  • “Lou Rosenthal” - Spank the Monkey (portrayed by a chimpanzee)

Recurring characters[edit]

  • Candace Kita - Asian female news reporter (4 episodes) (2001-2002)
  • Robert Ryan - Professor Milosovic (13 episodes) (2000-2002)--A wheelchair-bound genius scientist who intellect and smutty humor echo Stephen Hawking.
  • Jason Hopkins - Kody Massengil (12 episodes) (2001-2001)--Mayor Massengill's openly gay son, who has a huge crush on Chip Rommel.
  • Lynne Marie Stewart - Ellen (11 episodes) (2000-2002)--The friendly beach lesbian who seems able to turn any straight woman into her latest fling.
  • Vincent Pastore - Vinnie Fellachio (3 episodes) (2000-2002)--Disgusting mobster who is Jamaica's biological father.

Episode list[edit]

Season 1[edit]

March 14, 2000 - September 12, 2000

  • With Sex You Get Eggroll (3/14/00)--The SPF 30 and their fearless leader Notch Johnson are introduced, as new team member (and spy for bitter anti-Notch Mayor Anita Massengill) Kimberlee Clark helps them stop a human-trafficking operation.
  • Silence of the Clams (3/21/00)--Radioactive seafood puts Malibu Adjacent's spring break/battle of the bands plans in jeopardy.
  • In the G-Hetto (3/28/00)--Jamaica needs help when her former friends from the 'hood force her to help them bring drugs to the beach.
  • Love, Native-American Style (4/4/00)
  • Two Thongs Don't Make a Right (4/11/00)--Mayor Massengill bans thong bikinis from Malibu Adjacent.
  • Fanny and the Professor (4/18/00)
  • Eat My Muffin (8/1/00)--B.J. falls into the clutches of an evil cult leader/sex criminal known as "the Divine Rod".
  • Miso Honei (8/8/00)--Notch has to regain his legendary surfing skills, and the memory of his late super-surfer father, to stop criminal Adolf Manson from taking over the beach.
  • South of Her Border (8/15/00)
  • Day of the Jackass (8/22/00)--Notch's old commanding officer Captain Tenille arrives in town with plans to assassinate a world leader who's signing a peace treaty in Malibu Adjacent.
  • A Star Is Boned (8/29/00)--Notch is assigned to guard beautiful but insane movie star Regina Streep and has to guard against her either falling in love with him or causing his violent death.
  • Attack of the Cocktopuss (9/5/00)
  • Mario Putzo's 'The Last Dong' (9/12/00)--The death of local pizzeria owner Papa Gigio leads to a violent showdown with mobster Vinnie Fellachio.

Season 2[edit]

March 13, 2001 - July 17, 2001

  • B.J. Blue Hawaii (3/13/01)--The SPF 30 heads to Hawaii to visit Notch's old friend Pat Morita but have to face off against his evil daughter Rucy Roo.
  • From Russia, with Johnson (3/20/01)--An insane Russian submarine commander parks his boat off the coastline and threatens to start WWIII.
  • Remember Her Titans (3/27/01)--Notch returns to the basketball court as "Magic" Johnson to save Jamaica's gambling-addict boyfriend McBeal Ali from evil gangster Jerry Curl.
  • Rod Strikes Back (4/3/01)--The Divine Rod is let out of prison and returns to Malibu Adjacent to get revenge on Notch.
  • Queefer Madness (4/10/01)--David Arquette is Johnny Queefer, whose gang of motorcycle punks plans to take over the beach.
  • Light My Firebush (4/17/01)
  • Chip's a Goy (4/23/01)--The SPF 30 crew travels to Israel, where Notch commiserates with old friend Nocchus Johnstein, Chip finds love and faces possible circumcision, and the group has to foil a terrorist plot.
  • A Tale of Two Johnsons (5/28/01)--Jerry Springer's criminal organization wants to use a body double of Notch to unleash a biological weapon called "the Ebonic plague".
  • It's a Nude, Nude, Nude, Nude World (6/5/01)
  • It's Showtime at the Apollo 13! (6/12/01)--Jamaica's space shuttle flight is threatened by a teenage hacker, so Notch goes undercover at a high school to save her.
  • The Island of Dr. Merlot (6/19/01)
  • The Sexorcist (6/26/01)--A demon inhabits BJ, and Notch has to face fears stemming from the childhood death of his dear friend Father Chuck.
  • Grand Prix (7/3/01)
  • Area 69 (7/10/01)--Notch's old commanding officer Capt. Tenille returns as the crew tries to find a kidnapped BJ.
  • Booger Nights (7/17/01)--Vinny Fellachio returns as a porn king who has imprisoned Chip's beautiful sister Eva.

Season 3[edit]

June 18, 2002 - October 1, 2002

  • Penetration Island (6/18/02)
  • Saturday Night Queefer (6/25/02)
  • In the Line of Booty (7/2/02)
  • Three Days of the Condom (7/9/02)
  • Witness for the Prostitution (7/16/02)
  • The Gay Team (7/23/02)
  • You Only Come Once (7/30/02)
  • Hamm Stroker's Suck My Blood (8/6/02)
  • Godfather Knows Best (8/13/02)
  • Empty the Dragon (8/20/02)
  • The Long Hot Johnson (8/27/02)
  • Taco Lips Now: Part 1 (9/17/02)
  • Jailhouse Notch: Part 2 (9/24/02)
  • Bad News, Mr. Johnson (10/1/02)


Reruns of the series began airing on the Viacom-owned Spike cable channel on November 7, 2010, eight years after its cancellation. It marks the first time the series has aired in the United States since.

DVD release[edit]

Son of the Beach: Volume 1 was released on April 29, 2003, containing the first 21 episodes of the series (through Season 2 episode "A Tale of Two Johnsons"). The DVD also contains writer/director/cast commentary on select episodes, introductions by Timothy Stack as Notch Johnson, Too Hot for TV montages, behind the scenes featurettes, outtakes, and TV spots.

Son of the Beach: Volume 2 was released on November 11, 2008 and contains the remaining 21 episodes from the series, as well as bonus material such as new menu introductions by Timothy Stack as Notch Johnson, new behind-the-scenes footage, commentaries by the creators of the series, sexy montage highlights, cast audition tapes and a Son of the Beach table read.

External links[edit]