Son of the Beach

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Son of the Beach
Son of the Beach.png
GenreSituation comedy
Created byDavid Morgasen
Timothy Stack
James R. Stein
StarringTimothy Stack
Jaime Bergman
Leila Arcieri
Roland Kickinger
Kimberly Oja
Lisa Banes (2000–2001)
Amy Weber (2002)
Composer(s)James Verboort
Country of originUnited States
Original language(s)English
No. of seasons3
No. of episodes42 (list of episodes)
Executive producer(s)David Morgasen
Timothy Stack
James R. Stein
Howard Stern
Producer(s)Tim Andrew
Scott McAboy
Gil Wadsworth
Camera setupFilm; single-camera
Running time22 minutes
Production company(s)The Howard Stern Production Company
Loch Lomond Entertainment
Fox Television Studios
Distributor20th Television
Original networkFX
Audio formatDolby Surround 2.0
Original releaseMarch 14, 2000 (2000-03-14) –
October 1, 2002 (2002-10-01)

Son of the Beach is an American sitcom that aired from 2000 to 2002 on FX. The series is a spoof of Baywatch, with much of the comedy based on sexual double entendres, puns, innuendo and the like. A major running gag portrayed the studly David Hasselhoff character as a balding, middle-aged, pot-bellied and out-of-shape man who is nonetheless seen by all the other characters as highly fit and attractive. Radio talk show host Howard Stern was one of the executive producers.


The show centered on the adventures of Shore Patrol Force 30 (SPF 30, a pun on the term Sun Protection Factor), led by the pasty, out-of-shape, clueless lifeguard Notch Johnson (Timothy Stack). The rest of his patrol consists of B.J. Cummings (the big chested blonde lifeguard), Jamaica St. Croix (the dumb, African-American, big-chested lifeguard), Chip Rommel (the dumb, hunky, muscular male lifeguard who is an obvious parody of Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Kimberlee Clark (the smart but flat-chested female lifeguard and straight man of the series). Many of the plots revolved around silly action genre clichés and movie parodies, with many of the feature roles played by actors and celebrities such as Jason Alexander, Mark Hamill, Alan Thicke, Erik Estrada, Gary Coleman, John Salley, Joey Buttafuoco, Patty Hearst, Adam Carolla, Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf, George Takei, Gilbert Gottfried, Walter Koenig, Pat Morita, Anson Williams, Christopher Darden, Maureen McCormick, Lee Majors, David Arquette, Neil Patrick Harris, Musetta Vander, Angelica Bridges, Ian Ziering, RuPaul, and Dweezil Zappa.

The title is a pun on the phrase "son of a bitch." Likewise, character names are rife with puns and innuendo. Porcelain Bidet, B.J. Cummings, Jamaica St. Croix ("you make a saint cry"), Anita Massengil, and Notch Johnson all refer to some sort of double entendre, while Chip Rommel's name refers to the "Desert Fox", further punctuating the fact that the character is German, his parents being "The Rommels of Paraguay" (South America was a refuge for hunted Nazis at the close of World War II). "Notch" and "B.J." are also parodies of the names of the Baywatch characters played by David Hasselhoff and Pamela AndersonMitch and C. J. Kimberlee Clark's name is a pun on the company Kimberly-Clark, manufacturer of paper products such as Kleenex and Kotex.


Main cast[edit]

  • Timothy Stack as Notchibald "Notch" Johnson – The world's best lifeguard and leader of the Malibu Adjacent SPF 30, who is the best at everything he tries in spite of being old, overweight, and often clueless. He is something of a legend in Malibu Adjacent as several locations are named for him such as the Notch Johnson Home for Orphans and Retards and the Notch Johnson Space Center.
  • Jaime Bergman as B.J. Cummings – Lovely young woman who grew up poor in the rural South. Naïve about sex but endlessly cheerful and nice.
  • Leila Arcieri as Jamaica St. Croix – Tough lifeguard from the inner-city, shaped when she was abandoned by her parents.
  • Kim Oja as Kimberlee Clark – Sweet "girl next door" type assigned to SPF 30 as a spy to bring down Notch Johnson, but ended up a loyal team member who fell in love with him.
  • Lou Rosenthal as Spank – the monkey who serves as sort of a mascot for SPF 30.
  • Roland Kickinger as Chip Rommel – A German bodybuilder.
  • Lisa Banes as Mayor Anita Massengil (2000–2001) – Unpleasant Mayor of Malibu Adjacent with an outrageously gay son named Kody, who wants Notch Johnson out at the SPF 30 because everyone likes him more than her and he is better than her at everything.
  • Amy Weber as Porcelain Bidet (2002) – An unpleasant, attractive dark-haired gold digger attached to the SPF 30 in Season 3.

Recurring characters[edit]

  • Candace Kita as Asian female news reporter (4 episodes) (2001–2002)
  • Robert Ryan as Professor Milosovic (13 episodes) (2000–2002) – A wheelchair-bound genius scientist whose intellect and smutty humor echo Stephen Hawking.
  • Jason Hopkins as Kody Massengil (12 episodes) (2001–2001) – Mayor Massengill's openly gay son, who has a huge crush on Chip Rommel.
  • Lynne Marie Stewart as Ellen (11 episodes) (2000–2002) – The friendly beach lesbian who seems able to turn any straight woman into her latest fling.
  • Vincent Pastore as Vinnie Fellachio (3 episodes) (2000–2002) – Disgusting mobster who is Jamaica's biological father.


Series overview[edit]

SeasonEpisodesOriginally aired
First airedLast aired
113March 14, 2000 (2000-03-14)September 12, 2000 (2000-09-12)
215March 13, 2001 (2001-03-13)July 17, 2001 (2001-07-17)
314June 18, 2002 (2002-06-18)October 1, 2002 (2002-10-01)


Season 1 (2000)[edit]

No. in
Title Directed by Written by Original air date
11"With Sex You Get Eggroll"George VerschoorDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinMarch 14, 2000 (2000-03-14)
The SPF 30 and their fearless leader Notch Johnson are introduced, as new team member (and spy for bitter anti-Notch Mayor Anita Massengill) Kimberlee Clark helps them stop a human-trafficking operation.
22"Silence of the Clams"George VerschoorDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinMarch 21, 2000 (2000-03-21)
Radioactive seafood puts Malibu Adjacent's spring break/battle of the bands plans in jeopardy.
33"In the G-Hetto"George VerschoorDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinMarch 28, 2000 (2000-03-28)
44"Love, Native-American Style"George VerschoorDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinApril 4, 2000 (2000-04-04)
55"Two Thongs Don't Make a Right"Scott McAboyDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinApril 11, 2000 (2000-04-11)
Mayor Massengill bans thong bikinis from Malibu Adjacent.
66"Fanny and the Professor"Scott McAboyDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinApril 18, 2000 (2000-04-18)
77"Eat My Muffin"George VerschoorDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinAugust 1, 2000 (2000-08-01)
B.J. falls into the clutches of an evil cult leader/sex criminal known as "the Divine Rod" (Mark Hamill).
88"Miso Honei"Gloria MuzioPaul A. Abeyta & Peter KaikkoAugust 8, 2000 (2000-08-08)
Notch has to regain his legendary surfing skills, and the memory of his late super-surfer father, to stop criminal Adolf Manson from taking over the beach.
99"South of Her Border"Scott McAboyDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinAugust 15, 2000 (2000-08-15)
1010"Day of the Jackass"George VerschoorFred Fox Jr. & Jim GeoghanAugust 22, 2000 (2000-08-22)
Notch's old commanding officer Captain Tenille arrives in town with plans to assassinate a world leader who's signing a peace treaty in Malibu Adjacent.
1111"A Star Is Boned"Scott McAboyDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinAugust 29, 2000 (2000-08-29)
Notch is assigned to guard beautiful but insane movie star Regina Streep and has to guard against her either falling in love with him or causing his violent death.
1212"Attack of the Cocktopuss"Scott McAboyDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinSeptember 5, 2000 (2000-09-05)
1313"Mario Putzo's 'The Last Dong'"George VershoorDavid Morgasen & Timothy Stack & James R. SteinSeptember 12, 2000 (2000-09-12)
The death of local pizzeria owner Papa Gigio leads to a violent showdown with mobster Vinnie Fellachio (Vincent Pastore).

Season 2 (2001)[edit]

No. in
No. in
Title Directed by Written by Original air date
141"B.J. Blue Hawaii"Tim AndrewJeremiah BosgangMarch 13, 2001 (2001-03-13)
The SPF 30 heads to Hawaii to visit Notch's old friend Pat Morita but have to face off against his evil daughter Rucy Roo.
152"From Russia, with Johnson"Scott McAboyJoe Port & Joe WisemanMarch 20, 2001 (2001-03-20)
An insane Russian submarine commander parks his boat off the coastline and threatens to start World War III.
163"Remember Her Titans"Scott McAboyDavid Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. SteinMarch 27, 2001 (2001-03-27)
Notch returns to the basketball court as "Magic" Johnson to save Jamaica's gambling-addict boyfriend McBeal Ali from evil gangster Jerry Curl.
174"Rod Strikes Back"Scott McAboyTeleplay by: David Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. Stein
Story by: Michael Loprete
April 3, 2001 (2001-04-03)
The Divine Rod is let out of prison and returns to Malibu Adjacent to get revenge on Notch.
185"Queefer Madness"Scott McAboyDavid Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. SteinApril 10, 2001 (2001-04-10)
David Arquette is Johnny Queefer, whose gang of motorcycle punks plans to take over the beach.
196"Light My Firebush"Tim AndrewJoe Port & Joe WisemanApril 17, 2001 (2001-04-17)
207"Chip's a Goy"Scott McAboyDavid Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. SteinApril 23, 2001 (2001-04-23)
The SPF 30 crew travels to Israel, where Notch commiserates with old friend Nocchus Johnstein, Chip finds love and faces possible circumcision, and the group has to foil a terrorist plot.
218"A Tale of Two Johnsons"John PutchJoe Port & Joe WisemanMay 28, 2001 (2001-05-28)
Jerry Springer's criminal organization wants to use a body double of Notch to unleash a biological weapon called "the Ebonic plague".
229"It's a Nude, Nude, Nude, Nude World"Tim AndrewDavid Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. SteinJune 5, 2001 (2001-06-05)
2310"It's Showtime at the Apollo 13!"Scott McAboyJoe Port & Joe WisemanJune 12, 2001 (2001-06-12)
Jamaica's space shuttle flight is threatened by a teenage hacker, so Notch goes undercover at a high school to save her.
2411"The Island of Dr. Merlot"John PutchDavid Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. SteinJune 19, 2001 (2001-06-19)
2512"The Sexorcist"Gene LaufenbergMark AmatoJune 26, 2001 (2001-06-26)
A demon inhabits BJ, and Notch has to face fears stemming from the childhood death of his dear friend Father Chuck.
2613"Grand Prix"Scott McAboyJoe Port & Joe WisemanJuly 3, 2001 (2001-07-03)
2714"Area 69"John PutchTeleplay by: David Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. Stein
Story by: Joe Port & Joe Wiseman
July 10, 2001 (2001-07-10)
Notch's old commanding officer Capt. Tenille returns as the crew tries to find a kidnapped BJ.
2815"Booger Nights"Scott McAboyDavid Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. SteinJuly 17, 2001 (2001-07-17)
Vinny Fellachio returns as a porn king who has imprisoned Chip's beautiful sister Eva.

Season 3 (2002)[edit]

No. in
No. in
Title Directed by Written by Original air date
291"Penetration Island"Tim AndrewDavid Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. SteinJune 18, 2002 (2002-06-18)
302"Saturday Night Queefer"Scott McAboyTeleplay by: David Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. Stein
Story by: David Arquette
June 25, 2002 (2002-06-25)
313"In the Line of Booty"Scott McAboyKenneth BraunJuly 2, 2002 (2002-07-02)
324"Three Days of the Condom"Arthur BormanReid HarrisonJuly 9, 2002 (2002-07-09)
335"Witness for the Prostitution"Tim AndrewMira Handman & Allison GallantJuly 16, 2002 (2002-07-16)
346"The Gay Team"Scott McAboySam O'Neal & Neal BoushellJuly 23, 2002 (2002-07-23)
357"You Only Come Once"Jack MurrayJoe Port & Joe WisemanJuly 30, 2002 (2002-07-30)
368"Hamm Stroker's Suck My Blood"Tim AndrewDavid Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. SteinAugust 6, 2002 (2002-08-06)
379"Godfather Knows Best"Scott McAboyDavid Dipietro & Paul CiancarelliAugust 13, 2002 (2002-08-13)
3810"Empty the Dragon"Tim AndrewMark AmatoAugust 20, 2002 (2002-08-20)
3911"The Long Hot Johnson"Tim AndrewPatrick Stack & Kal ZurnamerAugust 27, 2002 (2002-08-27)
4012"Taco Lips Now: Part 1"Jack MurrayDavid Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. SteinSeptember 17, 2002 (2002-09-17)
4113"Jailhouse Notch: Part 2"Scott McAboyDavid Dipietro & Paul CiancarelliSeptember 24, 2002 (2002-09-24)
4214"Bad News, Mr. Johnson"Tim AndrewTeleplay by: David Morgasen, Timothy Stack & James R. Stein
Story by: David Dipietro & Paul Ciancarelli
October 1, 2002 (2002-10-01)


Reruns of the series began airing on the Viacom-owned Spike cable channel on November 7, 2010, eight years after its cancellation. It marks the first time the series has aired in the United States since.

Home media[edit]

Son of the Beach: Volume 1 was released on April 29, 2003, containing the first 21 episodes of the series (through Season 2 episode "A Tale of Two Johnsons"). The DVD also contains writer/director/cast commentary on select episodes, introductions by Timothy Stack as Notch Johnson, Too Hot for TV montages, behind the scenes featurettes, outtakes, and TV spots.

Son of the Beach: Volume 2 was released on November 11, 2008, and contains the remaining 21 episodes from the series, as well as bonus material such as new menu introductions by Timothy Stack as Notch Johnson, new behind-the-scenes footage, commentaries by the creators of the series, sexy montage highlights, cast audition tapes and a Son of the Beach table read.


  1. ^ Rajagopalan, Shiva (2019-04-01). "Shiva Rajagopalan". doi:10.1287/5fcd64a5-1c4a-4b80-a5a2-34a5b86325c8. Cite journal requires |journal= (help)

External links[edit]