Star Wars: Storm in the Glass
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|Star Wars: Storm in the Glass|
|Written by||Dmitry "Goblin" Puchkov|
Star Wars: Storm in the Glass (Russian: Звёздные войны: Буря в стакане, refers to operation of Persian Gulf War "Desert Storm"), sometimes translated as Star Wars: Tempest in a Teapot, is a humorous 2004 English-to-Russian movie spoof of the 1999 science fantasy film Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace by popular Russian movie translator Dmitry "Goblin" Puchkov. In dubbing the film into Russian, Puchkov altered the plotline, character names, music, and certain visual effects to provide a different (and funny) experience to Russian-speaking audiences.
The operational conditions on the boundless open spaces of the Far-Northern Galaxy have rapidly become complicated. On secret planets, persons of unknown nationality (a reference to many Georgian-Armenian and Moldovan illegal immigrants in Russia) have set up manufacture of illegal alcohol on a galactic scale and are preparing an act of aggression against the peaceful planet Marabu.
To carry out a series of covert search missions the command sends two jedi - experienced workers of the Special Hare Krishna sect. As their first step in solving the problem, the jedi land on a space-station of the alcohol pirates to investigate, but they are ambushed and forced to battle their way out through various silly robots and kolobkis (Kolobok is a fictional Russian children's story character). By the time the heroes escape from the space-station and reach the capital with the help of a local Chukchi rapper, the angry bourgeois occupy the peaceful planet.
The jedi rescue the queen Zadolbala and escape on a stolen pepelats (an homage to a Russian film Kin-dza-dza!). During their escape, the spacecraft is damaged and heroically fixed in-flight by Vedroid ("Bucket Droid") model E2-E4, and are forced to make a landing on the planet Babooine (which carries many references to Iraq and the Second Gulf War). While visiting the store of a local Jewish Mossad trader, the jedi and the rapper meet a local boy, Anykey Skovorodker ("Skillet man") whose father was also rumored to be a jedi. To aid his father's coworkers, Anykey takes part in the Crazy Taxi Races, (a reference to a driving manner of many Russian share taxi drivers), during which he is nearly beaten by Grytsko Schumacher. On Babooin, the jedi also fight Javded (a strange man with red skin and small horns, who attacked the jedi after not being satisfied by them not wearing any hats).
After failing to sway the politicians of the galactic Duma (Russian Senate), the queen of Marabu develops a plan for operation "Storm in a Glass" (a play on "Operation Storm in the Desert"; also the Russian idiomatic equivalent to "Tempest in a Teapot"). Two divisions of underwater deer-herders, hidden in a fighter Anykey - everything sets up against the provisional government of bourgeois and their army of electronic dummies. During one of the fights, the jedi once again meet with the "red unmannered man" who attacks them once again (supposedly) for not wearing any hats. He is behalved and his lower half of the body (lower abdomen and legs) are identified, while it is a mystery to whom the other half belongs. Only in the "God's Spark" version of the film does it become clear who is Anykey's real father - it is Pogon, who admits to have "known" (commonly understood as "have/d sex with") Anykey's mother, and later openly explains that Anykey is his only son.
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- Pogon (Russian for "rank insignia") - one of two jedi sent to Marabu. Original: Qui-Gon Jinn
- Pavian iz Nairobi (Russian for "baboon from Nairobi") - padavan-jedi sent to Marabu. Original: Obi-Wan Kenobi
- Djaga-Djaga Bzdinks (refers to the chorus of Katya Lel's top chart song Moy Marmeladny) - Chukchi rapper exiled from the underwater sovkhoz, whose other inhabitants can't stand hip-hop. Likes to call himself "Wise Scarecrow". Original: Jar-Jar Binks
- "Slimy Swamp Toad" (nicknamed so by surface-dwellers) - chairman of the "Underwater Deer" sovkhoz, likes scuba diving and hates hip-hop. Original: Boss Nass
- Queen Zadolbala (Russian slang meaning "sick of [her]") - rightful ruler of planet Marabu. Rumored to be a blow-up doll. Original: Handmaiden Sabé
- Maid Padla (Russian slang meaning "bastard") - servant girl of Queen Zadolbala, a former Playboy Playmate. Original: Padmé Amidala
- Poruchik Rzhevsky (a cavalry (hussar) officer, subject of many Russian jokes) - head of the queen's guard. Original: Captain Panaka
- E2-E4 (common opening move in chess) - repair bucketdroid (AKA bucket with eyes), good at fixing oil leaks. Original: R2-D2
- Robot Chatterbird (refers to the talking bird in The Mystery of the Third Planet) - robot specialises in poor film translations, capable of understanding E2-E4. His voice is a gag on Leonid Volodarskiy Original: C-3PO
- Anykey Skovorodker (first name refers to "press any key..."; last name comes from "skovorodka" - Russian for "frying pan") - young boy, works in a mechanical shop. His father is rumored to be a jedi. Original: Anakin Skywalker
- Boris Abramovich (refers to Boris Abramovich Berezovsky, a Russian billionaire) - Jewish trader of mechanical parts, Anykey's boss; has connections to the Mossad. Original: Watto
- Valeria Ilyinichna Novodvorskaya (obese Russian famous democrate female politician, anti-communist, сall herself a liberal, has pro-Western views) - pro-democratic political activist invited to start off the Crazy Taxi Races. Original: Jabba the Hutt
- Grytsko Schumacher ("Grytsko" is a common Ukrainian name; Michael Schumacher was a famous Formula One racer) - cheating racer at the Crazy Taxi Races, likes eating uncooked chicken. Original: Sebulba
- Darth bin Laden (refers to Osama bin Laden) - shadowy figure behind the illegal alcohol manufacture and invasion of Marabu. Original: Darth Sidious
- Javdeth (refers to never appeared character of the extremely popular soviet movie White Sun of the Desert - a coward and the mortal enemy of Sayid) - loyal follower of Darth bin Laden, experienced sword fighter. Hates women after his ex-wife cheated on him (reference to his horns). Original: Darth Maul
- Boris Nikolayevich (refers to Boris Nikolayevich Yeltsin - former president of Russia) - speaker of the Galactic Duma, impeached for heavy drinking at Queen Zadolbala's request. Original: Finis Valorum
- Cheburan Vissarionovich (refers to Cheburashka - a popular Russian fairy tale creature; could also refer to the "Buran" spacecraft; the second name is a reference to Joseph Stalin) - old miser in charge of the Krishna operative school. Original: Yoda
- Marabu (reference to the marabou stork) - planet in the Far-Northern Galaxy, contains a city populated by surface-dwellers and an underwater sovkhoz populated by the Chukchi people. Original: Naboo
- Planet of the State Duma - capital planet of the Republic, featuring the planet-wide city of Washingtonsk. Features flying trains, the waving Statue of Liberty, and an eye-like projector on top of the Jedi tower. Original: Coruscant
- Babooine - desert world populated by slave-traders, maniacs, prostitutes, Mujahideen of Ahmad Shah Massoud, and other fine citizens of the galaxy. Occasional American helicopters can be seen blowing up cattle for no apparent reason. Original: Tatooine
- Mars - an arid world populated by American robots.
- The Crimson Jihad (from the film True Lies) is the organization sponsoring the invasion. Their signature music is the Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time soundtrack ("Prelude Fight") overlaid with a Muezzin call. Original: The Trade Federation
- The Jihad is controlled by the Rubber Faces (refers to the "man in a rubber suit" concept of earlier sci-fi films). Original: Neimoidians
- This is the first Goblin's humorous translation that contains added/modified graphics. The most common addition is a bottle of vodka on almost every table. Also, Neo can be seen flying by during the Crazy Taxi Races.
- The translation makes numerous references to the Russian science-fiction film Kin-dza-dza!
- The parade scene at the end features a Yoda-like George W. Bush standing near Yoda. Goblin himself can be seen standing behind Mace Windu in the same scene.
- Hardware Wars - a spoof of Star Wars.
- Spaceballs - a spoof of Star Wars and several other science fiction films
- Storm in a teacup
- Troops - a 1997 Internet mockumentary parody of COPS set in the Star Wars universe.
- See generally Goblin's Russian website
- Storm in the container - Russian to English translation of this site by babelfish on December 27, 2006.