Talk:Action of 23 August 1967/GA1
- OK, review done. Some small copy-editing points below, but other than those looks good to go. A nicely researched article, enjoyed reading it. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:08, 30 July 2011 (UTC)
(a) the prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct;
Good prose, a few minor queries below:
- "Operation Bolo" - I don't think Bolo should be in italics under the MOS guidance. Same with Rolling Thunder. (NB: but I could be wrong, the MOS is a big document...!)
- "Originally the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff submitted a list of 94 targets to be hit over a period of 16 days, but U.S. President Lyndon Johnson decided to apply pressure gradually, so the list of targets grew to 427." - I had to think about this a bit: it would be worth tweaking the text to explain when applying pressure gradually required the larger number of targets.
- I have rewritten, not sure if it make sense: "Originally the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff submitted a list of 94 targets to be hit over a period of 16 days, but U.S. President Lyndon Johnson decided to include military targets in order to gradually apply pressure on the North Vietnamese, so the list of targets grew to 427."
- "the United States had clearly failed" I'd lose the "clearly": you probably don't need it in the sentence, and it is uncertain if you are saying that it was clear at the time to everyone that it had failed, or whether it was clear in retrospect.
- "For the third phase of Rolling Thunder, which occurred from spring 1967 to early 1968, involved hitting" - is there a missing "operations" before involved?
- "it allowed them to destroy rather than just threatening" - "threaten" rather than "threatening"
- "real war-making potential" - I was unclear what this was.
- "to attack American bomber formations as it was approaching its target" - should be "as they were approaching their"http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Action_of_23_August_1967/GA1&action=edit§ion=1#
- "the bomb-laden aircraft to jettison their load prematurely" - again, if aircraft are plural, should be "loads"
- "Then instead of dueling with U.S. strike aircraft," - missing comma after "Then"
- "F-4 fighters had a greater energy level " - what's an energy level? I'm guessing something to do with more speed, but I'm not certain.
- "radar and missile systems on the F-4 fighters to perform at its maximum level," - "their maximum level"
- I had to look this up, but apparently the MOS would prefer "3.00pm" to be "3:00 pm".
- "Chieu and Coc then dived out from the overcast and swept down on ‘Ford’ flight and the strike formation" - I'm not sure "the overcast" is right; I suspect "an overcast", as it hasn't been mentioned before in the text.
- "since 2 December 1966, when they lost five aircraft" - minor, but if you put "when they had lost" it would prevent any confusion about whether this later part of the sentence was referring to this incident or the 2 Dec.
- "stood down their fighter force, was because" - the comma shouldn't be there
- "$900 million " - could you give a modern equivalent figure? (Measuring Worth will Certainly provide one, there may also be a template on the wiki, but I can't remember where...)
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- Most appear fine. Nguyenvancoc.jpg was transferred from the Vietnamese wiki, and lacks info on source etc.; I can't read sufficient Vietnamese to check from the original file, so I'm accepting it here in good faith. Hchc2009 (talk) 16:51, 27 July 2011 (UTC)
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